This Time Around
by chainofcommand
Summary: Will not finished.
1. Pregnancy and Memories

_So, this began as a strictly Esme and Carlisle fanfic but then I wondered what impact it would have on the rest of the characters in _Twilight_, so here is a fanfic for all the couples. Beware - may get a bit long!_

_Canon couples._

_Al owned by Stephenie Meyer - I'm just manipulating them for my own amusement._

_Hope you enjoy!_

_R&R plz - it makes me feel good! __J_

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**Chapter One: Pregnancy and Memories.**

For the third time in her life, Esme Evenson was pregnant. And for the third time in her life, Esme Evenson asked herself if she could bring a child into her life.

The answer, of course, was yes. She could not bring herself to have an abortion. Even if she could face the possibility, her husband, Charles, watched every penny. He would know if $300 suddenly disappeared from their bank account. Then he would beat an answer out of her. If she confessed that she had killed their baby rather than condemn it to such an existence then there would be hell to pay, such violence that Esme's gentle soul could not even comprehend.

No, she would have this baby, just like she had the last two times, and she would love and care for it as well as she was able.

_Don't worry baby, _she thought, clasping her hands over her still flat stomach. _I'll protect you. And one day, well, we may even get out of here. You and me and Edward and Nessie will all go somewhere where he can't find us._

Thinking of her other two children, Esme decided to check on them. It was ten o'clock on a Friday night and the house was quiet; Esme had put her babies to bed nearly three hours ago and it would be at least another three before Charles came home, roaring drunk and shouting.

With every child, he promised to change, to never drink or hit her again.

He never did.

The first time she got pregnant she had been just twenty. Married straight out of high school, she was naïve and young, thinking everyone man was as kind a gentleman as her father, Anthony Platt. Charles Evenson had shown her different. The first time he had hit her they had been married a year and her father had just died. Her mother had died after complications arose during Esme's birth so it had only ever been the two of them. Esme could not stop crying. At first Charles was understanding, but his natural selfishness and brutality had quickly risen to the surface. Unable to see through her tears, Esme had stumbled putting food on the table and hot gravy had spilled into Charles lap. Furious, he had stood up and looked down on his much smaller wife - Esme had never been so scared.

Then he had backhanded her, knocking her to the floor. When she did not get up, too shocked to move, Charles had grabbed her by her caramel-coloured hair and yanked her to her feet. He had roughly pushed her towards the kitchen, telling her to grab a cloth to clean up and to "stop being so bloody clumsy."

She had often wondered why she had stayed after that first blow, but then Esme was nothing if not forgiving. Charles was human. Humans made mistakes. Yes, he had overreacted but she had just spilt gravy in his lap! Things would not be so bad if she just was not so clumsy - Charles hated any kind of disorder or mess. She knew all of this rationalisation was merely a front so she would not have to confront the truth - she was afraid of her husband and what he would do to her if she tried to leave.

Despite all her efforts, however, Charles continued to beat her. Then she told him she was pregnant. Unable to stay with him, for fear of what he could do to her baby, she had moved to her second cousin's house in Milwaukee and become a teacher. She was well into her maternity leave, over seven months pregnant when Charles, angry as the devil, turned up on her doorstep to drag her home. The fear and stress of the resulting argument had caused Esme to go into premature labour. She was rushed to hospital and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

The first few days had been harrowing, with no one being able to tell her for sure if her baby would survive. Esme had been close to suicidal.

But then, thanks to a gifted Dr Cullen, her child had survived. She could still remember the conversation they had had when Dr Cullen had taken her son out of his incubator and Esme had been able to hold him for the first time.

'_Here,' said Dr Cullen, passing her a gently moving bundle. 'He'll be okay - he's a strong one. There is no signs that there is any permanent damage. He's just a little underweight, but we'll fix that before we let the two of you go.' _

'_Thank you,' tears made Esme's beautiful blue eyes glisten. 'I cant' believe he is going to be okay. And it's all because of you. I wanted to name the baby after you, but my husband . . . Well, he -'_

_Carlisle saved her an explanation. 'Yes, I heard the conversation.' Most of the maternity ward had heard the conversation. And what that brute had called his wife . 'Carlisle is not a name for everyone. Rather old-fashioned.'_

_A blush stained Esme's cheeks at the humiliation of having had people hear Charles' rant about naming his son after another, unrelated, man. Even the man who had saved his precious son's life. But at his words, Esme gave a small laugh. Carlisle smiled softly at the sight of this woman and child and wondered for the thousandth time since meeting her how such a wonderfully kind, intelligent woman had ended up with a man like Charles Evenson. If Esme had been his wife, Carlisle would treat her like a queen. Like she deserved._

'_Well,' Esme caught her lip between her teeth and frowned, thinking, 'you DID save my baby's life. My father taught me good deeds should not go unrewarded. Could you, I mean, would, that is if you would like to, I don't wish to presume that -'_

'_Esme,' Carlisle asked gently, smiling once more and putting his hand on her shoulder. 'What is it you wish me to do.'_

_His touch seemed to reassure her and she raised her head to look him in the eye. 'Would you name the baby?' She still said it in a rush as though she was terrified she would lose the nerve, but she had at least been brave enough to ask him. _

'_I . . . I would be honoured,' and truly, he was. Carlisle thought for a few seconds. He had a few baby names floating around his head - his wife was eight months pregnant and they had only decided recently to find out the sex of the baby. It had to be something nice, elegant - a consideration her husband would never have thought of. 'What about Edward? Esme and Edward Evenson - works nicely.'_

_Esme graced him with a smile and gazed adoringly down at the sleeping baby in her arms. An unruly tuft of bronze hair poked out from under the soft, fleecy blanket. She tried to pat it down but it struck straight up again. _Well, _she thought, _there has to be something about him that is not completely perfect, or he would not be human.

'_Edward Anthony Evenson. I love it. What do you think, huh?' she held the baby up. 'What do you think, Edward Anthony Evenson?' The baby opened his still-blue eyes, looked at his mother as if to say, whatever you want, ducky, just let me sleep. He closed his eyes again and let out a little yawn that melted Esme's heart all over again. 'I think Edward Anthony Evenson sounds great,' she looked up at the kind doctor to thank him but instead noticed for the first time how handsome he was. She was mildly surprised she had not noticed before. But then again, her son had been on the brink of death. _

Edward Anthony Cullen sounds better, _Carlisle thought. He was shocked by this. Firstly, Esme was a __patient! __Secondly, he was __married, __though at admittedly, life with Elizabeth was no as happy as he had hoped it would be. Elizabeth Masen-Cullen seemed impossible to please. Thirdly, and most importantly, he was a __father already.__ Emmett was coming up to a year old and Elizabeth was pregnant at this moment! In less than a month Carlisle would be the proud father of a beautiful baby girl. Elizabeth wanted to call the baby Nadine but Carlisle was determined the baby would be called Alice._

_END OF FLASHBACK._

Esme had returned home with Charles after he swore he would never lay so much as a finger on her again. This turned out to be slightly inaccurate since by the time Edward was two and a half, he had been joined by a sister, Vanessa 'Nessie' Carlie Evenson.

Esme reached her son's room first. The room did not seem to belong to an eight year old boy. Everything was in its proper place with no mess on the floor. Toy soldiers formed ranks, clothes were in a hamper tucked out of sight in the closet and the schoolbooks were all neatly piled on the desk. Esme knew Edward had a meticulous nature, but this unnatural neatness was mostly Edward's way of preventing his father getting angry. If there's no untidiness, Daddy won't shout.

Esme did not have the heart to tell her lovely, loving little boy it did not work that way.

The nightlight splashed light in the shapes of wolves, bats and moons across her son's pale skin. That tuft of hair still stuck up, defying both gravity and mother's attention. Lavender eyes hid a pair of eyes that had turned a striking green. So piercing it felt like her little angel could read her mind sometimes. She prayed he could not. She wanted him to be happy.

Esme listened to the peaceful sound of her son's even breathing as he slept soundly, before kissing his forehead, stroking that hair and, finally, tucking him in again.

She left the room, closing the door silently. Crossing the landing, Esme opened Nessie's door. Here, like in Edward's room, unnatural neatness prevailed. Looking at her sleeping daughter, Esme chuckled quietly. Unlike Edward, who was a very still sleeper, Nessie was a fidget. She slept soundly, she just did not sleep still. When Esme had put her to bed, Nessie had been in a ankle length, long-sleeved nightgown, tucked up under the covers, head on the pillows, Love the teddy bear safely under on arm. Now, Love was on the pillow, the wrong way up so his head was towards the foot of the bed. The duvet had been folded over so that is covered Nessie's body and head, leaving her limbs sticking out like a starfish, She had wiggled down the bed so that her bronze hair, the exact colour of her brother's, was spread over the pillow like a halo. This wiggling had caused Nessie's nightgown to bunch up around her knees so her pale legs stuck out, unencumbered. From under the duvet pulled over her head, Esme could hear her daughter's soft, steady breaths.

Esme crossed the room and began sorting her daughter out. Sheets and covers were straightened, limbs were placed back into bed before the child was pulled six inches upwards so her head was on the pillow again. Love was once more placed in the crook of her arm.

Esme went to her own bedroom and got ready for bed. Lying there alone, Esme desperately wished that time would stop and she would spent forever with only the three of them, here, home, safe and happy.

Four of us, she corrected herself as she felt a fluttering in her belly. She laid a hand over the non-existence bump and fell asleep.

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_Okay, so yeah. Edward and Nessie are brother and sister, their mother is Esme and their father is Esme's husband Charles. If you don't know who he is well - you call yourself a twilight fan! I sneer at you sat here at my computer at 20 past one in the morning! _

_Carlisle has Emmett and Alice with Elizabeth Masen - confusing I know, but oh, well, it's my fic and I could not be bothered to come up with a name - check out future chapters for more nods to characters!_

_BTW - Nessie's full name is Vanessa Carlie Evenson (at the point). Taken from Breaking Dawn when Bella says that Nessie would be an alright nickname for Vanessa. I could not call her Renesmee obliviously, coz she's not Bella's kid named after her two grandmothers, she's Esme kid, named by her bastard father. _

_You all probably figured that out - I just wanted to make it explicit to get the basics down before we move on - don't worry, Rosalie and Jasper Hale will be entering the fan fiction - at the correct point. All you Jasper lovers, hold your horses and give me time!_

_Love to all for reading - love back by reviewing!_


	2. Friday Night's Alright For Fighting

_Thank you to _edwardplusbella620 _and _chibi-akuma-no-kage _for reviewing and _Twilighter109_ for favouriting! This next chapter is for you._

_Just to let you know, Carlisle doesn't arrive until chapter four - but don't worry, they are not long chapters!_

**Chapter Two: Friday Night's Alright For Fighting.**

In her dreams, Esme dreamt she lived in a big, white house, filled with light. Children ran around, their laughter permeating the air. As she watched the children play - her two bronze-haired children, a blonde boy and a dark-haired girl - a pair of strong arms came around her to rest on the now-visible baby bump. She was not afraid, these were not Charles' arms.

'Happy?' a pleasantly deep voice asked in her ear. She leant against a muscular chest, her hands over his and replied, 'blissful.' The man gave a chuckle that vibrated from his chest into Esme's back. Esme turned to look at her dream man and saw . . . Carlisle Cullen.

That explained the other two children - even in her dreams Esme could not part Carlisle from the children he had told her about during one of their many conversations that took place in the six weeks Esme and Edward were in hospital - the six weeks that Esme fell in love with Carlisle, thus making her marriage even more unhappy. Two weeks before she had left, Carlisle, full of new-baby daddy pride, had shown her a picture of a blonde boy kneeling next to a beautiful brunette, trying to get a closer look at the baby girl in the woman's arms. The boy's arm was outstretched, the baby's tiny hand curled firmly around one of his own small fingers. Carlisle was there too, his hands wrapped firmly around his son's torso so that Emmett would not slip off the sofa in his enthusiasm over his new sibling. Love had radiated from Carlisle as he talked about his growing family.

For the first time in her life, Esme had felt jealousy - she was jealous of Elizabeth Masen-Cullen. Carlisle would never hit Elizabeth. Carlisle would never make his children fear him. Carlisle would never watch every penny, berate her for every dollar spent and then go out and blow hundreds getting drunk. Carlisle would nurture and provide for, and love his family. Esme hoped his wife appreciated him.

There was a pounding on the door. Still dreaming, Esme turned to watch as the front door of the white house burst open. Charles strode in, livid and reeking of booze. The children screamed and Carlisle yelled at them to run upstairs before pulling Esme after them. Charles caught her arm and suddenly they were having a tug-of-war and Esme was the rope. Carlisle was stronger so, in a last ditch attempt to cause damage, Charles slammed his fist into her abdomen. Pain ripped through her and Esme looked down to see blood running down the inside of her leg, pooling at her bare feet, staining them red. Children screamed and someone was yelling her name over and over as she blacked out.

But the yelling did not stop. It was real.

Charles was home.

Rushing out of her room, she saw Edward opening the door to his sister's room. He spun to look at his mother, his eyes wide and fearful. Esme nodded at him and he nodded back before running into the room. Esme could hear the sound of something heavy being moved across the floor as Edward dragged the chest of drawers across the door to stop his father getting in, should Esme not be able to calm him down this time.

Esme waited until the dragging sound had stopped and Edward tapped on the door three times - the signal that he had barricaded the door. Esme knocked back thrice, then went downstairs.

'ESME! ESME! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU STUPID WOMAN?' Charles Evenson was stood swaying in the kitchen, bleary-eyed in the sudden harsh light of the overhead light he had just turned on. Esme walked into the kitchen, trying not to show how afraid she was - it would only make things worse.

Charles face broke into an intoxicated grin when he saw her. He reached for her, sounding like a bad Dracula in a romance movie, 'Esme! I've been waiting for you! Come to me, darling. and let's make love.'

Ten seconds ago he called her stupid, now he wanted sex? Fine, she thought, steeling herself for what she was about to do. If it kept him quiet and away from her kids, she'd screw him into unconsciousness.

She took his hand and led him upstairs. In their room, Esme removed both their clothing and lay on the bed. He was drunk so it took a while but eventually he groaned and rolled off her. He fell asleep immediately, his heavy drunken snores filling the room with booze-breath.

Esme watched his smell of her skin, then put her nightgown on, spending enough time to make that he was well and truly asleep and would not follow her into the kids room like he had before. When Charles had found out that Edward went into Nessie's room to look after the little girl while Esme dealt with him, he had been terrifying, accusing Esme of scaring the kids and poisoning them against him. The beating that followed meant that Esme could not go out for a week.

She crossed to Nessie's room and once more knocked three times on the door - it is safe, he is asleep. There were three light taps and the heavy dragging sound, then the door opened and Edward rushed into her arms, burying his face in her stomach. She hugged him tightly, then knelt down in front of her son. Unshed tears wetted the emerald tears but they did not fall - Edward never cried, he had been too toughened by many, less successful repeats of tonight's events. Esme's heart broke for her son and she pulled him in close again.

Behind him, in the darkened room, on the bed nothing stirred. Esme thanked god that Nessie had slept through it this time.

Esme walked Edward to bed and tucked him in. 'Mummy,' the voice, soft and quiet, did not come until she was nearly at the door.

'Yes, darling?'

'It won't be like this forever, will it?'

'No, baby, it won't be like this forever.' Esme wanted to elaborate but she could not lie to her son. Edward did not believe her anymore, anyway. It was just like another part of the routine they went through on night's like this. It was merely the epilogue to eight years old barricaded themselves in rooms with their siblings so their alcoholic fathers will not get in, to a woman being used either as a whore or a punch bag, depend on her husband's mood.

'I love you, Mummy.'

'I love you, too, my brave little man.'

Edward said nothing else and Esme shut the door, heading to her bed and the one person in the world she could honestly say she despised.

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_Short chapter, folks. This was going to be the end of chapter one but I thought it would work better on it's own - shows the juxtaposition between Esme's feelings for Carlisle, her dream man, at the beginning and Charles, her abusive husband, at the end much better. _

_Don't worry - their life does get better!_

_R&R, now, plz._


	3. The Next Time and the Last Time

Chapter Three: The Next Time and the Last Time.

The next time Charles got drunk, they were not so lucky. Two weeks had passed and Esme was now 10 weeks pregnant. This time, Charles wanted to fight, not screw. Esme protected her belly as best she could but could not stop all her moans and stifled screams.

She cleaned herself up as best she could before going to Nessie's room. Nessie had woken up this time; Edward had pulled the covers over their heads and crooned all the lullabies he knew softly in her ear as she sobbed quietly into his chest. When Edward opened the door, Nessie's tears had dried but the tracks they had left behind were still evident on her cheeks. Her blue eyes - the exact same shape and shade as her mother's - raked over the cuts on Esme's cheekbones, eyebrow and lip, and the two black eyes. The seven year old gently stroked them. Her mother could tell her baby girl was trying to comfort her the same way she comforted them when they got a bruise or a cut. She wished her baby did not know how to comfort. She was too young to be trying to make other people's lives better. She should not even know that lives could be anything other than wonderful. Hers would have been, if it were not for Charles.

Esme moved gingerly as she tucked all three of them into Nessie's tiny bed. It was not comfortable, but it was better than being alone. Nessie was sandwiched between them, Edward clinging on to his mother's nightgown where he could reach her, Esme's arms curved around her children, shielding them should Charles come looking for them. He rarely did, he did not bother with them at all that much - just told them to stay tidy and stay out of his way. They were happy to comply. Esme wished she had the same options.

Eventually, when she began to show, Esme told Charles she was pregnant with their third child. He was thrilled and held her and bought her presents and made plans and promises he would not keep, just like the other times she had told him she was pregnant. She was tiring of the whole song and dance. She was wanted to be able to take care of her kids, alone, without Charles casting a constant, terrifying shadow.

When she was six months pregnant, Charles made the mistake that did it for Esme. He hit Edward.

He had come home from the office at lunchtime on Saturday, something he had never done before. Esme was making lunch with Edward, proudly wearing the apron like a professional, helping her stir the soup. Nessie sat at the table, watching the two of them and colouring.

When Charles walked in, already in a bad mood at having to leave the office, Edward was so surprised and nervous that he knocked the wooden spoon, sending tomato soup flying everywhere, including all over Charles' white shirt.

'Can't you do anything right?! Charles thundered at his son, walking towards him as Edward shrank back against the cabinets.

'Don't yell at him, he's just a child.' Esme tried to step between them but Charles shoved her away. Esme hit her head on the edge of the counter and fell to the floor, slightly dazed but still conscious.

'Don't hit her!' Edward had sprung forward and tried to push Charles away from his beloved mother. Charles cuffed Edward round the ear, knocking him to the floor next to his mother, who pulled him close, tucking his head into her neck.

'Eddie!' Nessie slipped from her seat and ran to her brother who, for the first time since he was three, let the tears fall; they trickled down his face. She took the long way round the table to there, thus avoiding passing her father, an action that did not go unnoticed by him. When she got to them, both her brother and her mother pulled her close.

Charles looked down at all three of them, cowering but each valiantly trying to shield someone else - Nessie had thrown her arms over her mother's swollen belly - and walked out the door, slamming it close behind him.

When they were sure he was not coming back, Esme took Edward's face in her hands and wiped away his tears. 'Where does it hurt, baby?'

'My ear. It throbs.' It was certainly red and swollen.

'Alright, my loves, this is what we are going to do. We are leaving, so get packed. Not everything, just what we need - your clothes and a couple of toys.'

The kids ran off and Esme headed to her own room. She grabbed suitcases from the wardrobe and opened them on the bed. In went all her clothes - even the ones she could not fit into right now, because it was not like she was ever coming back for them - and toiletries. Then she did the same with the kids clothes - nothing fancy, just the everyday stuff they could live and travel in. Together, she and Edward got those three big suitcases into the car. Then each child had a bag for on the road - change of clothes, toothbrush, pajamas, standard colouring book and pencils. Edward tucked a pack of cards into his pocket so he could entertain his sister while his mother drove them on the trip to anywhere.

Esme drove for three hours before stopping. They had eaten the sandwiches they had quickly made after grabbing packets of cookies, crackers and cartons of juice and some fruit. They had left the soup for Charles to clean up - it was the least he deserved.

By the time they stopped it was half three. She had to fill up the tank and the kids needed to stretch their legs - they had never been in the car for so long and were getting restless. Esme saw the ATM. On impulse, she grabbed a rucksack that had been in the trunk since forever, and walked up to the ATM. She inserted the card and entered the pin.

ACCOUNT BALANCE: $50,527.59

Trembling and hardly believing she had the nerve to do it, Esme entered

WITHDRAW: $1,500.00

She did this over and over until the screen read

ACCOUNT BALANCE: $27.59

There was no point being greedy - Charles could use the remaining $27.59 to get a takeout - it was not like she would be cooking for the bastard anymore.

Esme maxed out all her credit cards and by the time she walked away, back to the car, the rucksack held nearly $150,000. Thank god for a miserly, abusive lawyer husband who saved everything for a rainy day - while living in Texas.

She wanted to leave Texas - it was a big enough state that he would never find them if they kept moving but she did not want that. She was sick of the never-ending sunshine. She wanted something more like Wisconsin where she grew up, where Edward and Nessie had been born, before they had started to move around for Charles' career. She wanted someplace nice where she could stay and raise her kids. Or maybe she just wanted to get away.

Once again, on impulse, Esme decided to sell the car. They stayed in a motel Saturday night, drove all Sunday and found a used car dealer on Monday. He offered her six grand for the car. She accepted. He was getting a bargain, but to get rid of a car that Charles owned, one he could trace, Esme would have given it away.

The car dealer seemed to know what was going on - a heavily pregnant woman with a large bruised cut on her forehead, two kids and a bunch of suitcases? It was not difficult to figure out she was running, and what she was running from. The dealer phoned for a cab and paid the fare to the nearest airport.

Esme was truly touched, 'I don't know how to thank you.'

'Just get away from here. And stay away.' Esme promised they would.

At the airport, they wheeled their luggage to the destination board. The next flight departing was to Chicago, leaving in half an hour. Esme bought three tickets. They checked in and were on their way.

The flight was uneventful, unless you count Edward hitting the passenger in front on the head with Love the bear because he was singing loudly, off-key. Esme told him to ask politely next time while the rest of the cabin applauded. Nessie checked over Love until she was confident that the passenger's skull had not done any damage. The same could not be said for the passenger.

When they got to Chicago, it took them a few days to find a suitable apartment. The owner took a shine to Nessie and was eager to get the place inhabited so gave Esme a good deal. Esme gave the landlady a down payment and two months rent up front and was given the key. By this time the summer holiday was only a week away. Esme let the kids stay off school to get the place together - it came furnished but there was still so much to do. Normally, she could not condone skipping school, but this was not a normal situation.


	4. Carlisle Cullen

_Here you are! Carlisle is finally here in the flesh! Sort of._

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Chapter Four: Carlisle Cullen

It took Charles' private detective nearly a month to track them down. Charles turned up and the events nearly nine years ago were repeated. Plus two terrified children.

Once again, an argument erupted causing Esme to go into premature labour when she was barely seven months pregnant.

This time, the baby did not survive.

When Esme woke up, it was to find a very familiar, but very unexpected face smiling down at her.

'Hello, Esme. Welcome back.'

'Carlisle - Dr Cullen. It was definitely him. Eight years had passed. Carlisle Cullen was an experienced doctor now, but he looked exactly the same. A few more laughter lines may be, and more confidence - both in him as a person and as a doctor - but the kind eyes and soft smile of the handsome face were still there. He looked thrilled that she remembered him.

She had never forgotten him. First loves are not forgotten, even if they were unknown, unrequited and completely unfulfilled.

'What - what happened? Where are my kids?' Esme frowned, confused. She tried to shift through what she remembered, but it was not a lot, and it was not helpful. Her voice cracked as she spoke - she was suddenly aware of how thirsty she was.

Carlisle poured her a cup of water and she drank it while she explained. 'Your kids are safe. They are staying with me and my two children right now - the four of them get on superbly by the way.' Esme nodded, she was glad, both that her kids were safe and that they appeared to be happy. 'Your husband arrived at your house five days ago. You argued and he became violent. I'm sorry, Esme, but your child did not survive. A blow to the abdomen ruptured the umbilical cord. The child died even before the ambulance had arrived.'

Esme processed this slowly, pain growing by the second. 'How did - how did the ambulance know to come? Charles would not have called them.'

'Your son did. Edward called the police saying a man was in the house attacking you and that you were pregnant. The police arrested your husband and the ambulance brought you here.'

'Don't call him that.'

'Who?'

'Charles. Don't call him my husband. He is not my husband. He killed my baby.' Tears began to fall quickly down her face.

Carlisle looked down. 'Esme, I am sorry, but there is more. You yourself received extensive internal damage. To save your life we had to perform an emergency hysterectomy. You were hemorrhaging badly and -'

Carlisle broke off when Esme raised a hand. 'You don't have to explain. You saved my life. I know you did all you could have done. Thank you.' Please, stop talking, I can't take anymore.

Carlisle nodded, moved by her unwavering compassion. 'Can I do anything? It's the end of my shift but they told me you were waking up and I wanted to see if you needed anything.' I wanted to see you.

'Thank you, no. I just want to sleep before I see my kids.'

'Very well, this will help you sleep peacefully.' Carlisle injected something into her IV drip and Esme began to feel drowsy. 'Sleep well, Esme.' Dr Cullen had taken her hand in his.

'Mmmm,' was all Esme could manage. Just before she lost consciousness again, Esme noticed that Carlisle was not wearing his wedding ring.

Carlisle watched the woman sleeping. Five days had not been enough to make the bruises around her lips or eyes fade. He knew there were more bruises hidden by the hospital nightgown. Her belly was a mass of cuts and bruises. The largest was the cut he had made himself to remove her dead baby and then her womb. All the wounds large enough had been sutured first before her entire midriff was bandaged.

Once again, Carlisle wondered how anyone could stand to hurt a person like Esme. This time, he vowed, Charles was not going to drag her home; it had gone against Carlisle's every instinct to let that man bag Esme and baby Edward into a car and take them away, but there had been nothing Carlisle could do. This time however, Charles was going to go to prison. Even if Esme did not testify against him, Charles had committed irreparable damage and had killed Esme's baby. With Edward, there had been no lasting damage, he had not been starved of oxygen, and he bore no visible injuries because Charles had not hit Esme's stomach. This time though, Carlisle had more than a bad feeling to go to the police with. And this time, his superiors would not get in the way, being reluctant to get involved because Carlisle was the superior, not the naïve medical student armed with only good intentions and unbelievable compassion.

He stroked the caramel-coloured locks, moving them away from her face. He was over-stepping his boundaries, both professional and personal, but he could not help it. He did not want t help it. After eight years of remembering she was finally here again and he wanted to make sure that he was not dreaming.

It was definitely time to go home.

It was half past six by the time he had picked up the kids and got all four of them home.

'Carlisle?' It was Edward, his young voice full of concern. He and Nessie had started by calling Carlisle 'Dr Cullen' but Carlisle had been quick to get them to call him by his first name. 'When can we see our mom?' He had asked this question every time he had seen Carlisle since the moment his mom had been admitted.

'Tomorrow if you like. She woke up briefly today, so she'll be able to talk to you whenever you want.' Edward sighed, relieved, in the backseat - it had been a very long wait for him.

'So can we come to work with you tomorrow and see her?'

'Yes, you can. But you must be careful not to wear her out, she is still quiet weak.' Edward nodded fervently and nudged Nessie, who smiled broadly. Nessie, Carlisle was quickly finding, was definitely a thinker more than a talker - she could go through the entire day without saying a word, but every word or action by others was filed away somewhere in her brain, to be pondered over later.

'Can we come too, Dad, me and Alice?' Emmett was eager not to lose his playmate and really wanted to meet Edward's mom, having spent the better part of a week hearing about her. Carlisle frowned, not angrily, just pensive, 'I don't know, Emmett. All four of you are probably too much for her right now.' And she just lost a child, so having to look after someone else's would be like getting kicked while you were down. With steel-toes army boots.

'You said yes to Edward!' Emmett said, indignant.

'She's his mother!'

'So?!' The volume in the car started to rise and Nessie squirmed, her brow furrowed and clutching Love. Edward put his hand on his sister's and tried to comfort her. Nessie hated any kind of raised voices - they brought back to many memories of her father. Carlisle moved to remedy the situation quickly, before she could become anymore distressed.

'You can come to drop Nessie and Edward off and say hello, but that is it.' Carlisle held his hand out. He was rewarded when Nessie put her tiny hand in his much bigger one; he gave it a quick, comforting squeeze before put his hand back on the wheel and watching the road again.

'Deal.' Emmett held out his hand and they shook on it. Then Carlisle left the kids in front of the TV so he could make dinner.

The next day, Carlisle kept his word and brought all four kids to see Esme. Her face lit up when her son and daughter catapulted themselves across the room towards her. They were careful not to jostle her as Carlisle had told them their mother would be quite sore for a while.

'Are you okay, Mommy?' Nessie asked, tucked into her mother's side. Edward was sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed, eyeing the noticeably smaller mound of his mother's belly. He looked around the room as though he was trying to find something.

'Mom, where's the baby?' Edward remembered enough of Nessie's arrival to know that Mom got really big, taken somewhere, then came home smaller, with the baby in her arms. He did not know exactly how the baby got from the inside to the outside, or indeed how the baby got to the inside in the first place, but he supposed that is what doctors were for.

Carlisle took Alice and Emmett to get drinks for everyone while Esme explained what had happened to the baby. Carlisle had come in before in the morning to take Esme to see the baby in the morgue.

He had been beautiful, perfectly formed just like Edward had been. But Edward had not been deathly pale and ice-cold - Edward had not suffered from a severed umbilical cord and suffocated in the womb. Carlisle had never liked violence, in fact he abhorred it. But had Charles Evenson been in that morgue with then, Carlisle would have happily beaten him to oblivion. Instead, he had held Esme up when her knees gave out and comforted her as best she could as she cried, loud, heart-wrenching sobs - Carlisle had not known one could witness such depth of despair. He could barely stand to think what he must be like to feel.

Carlisle had picked up the children at lunch, visibly pale. They had been surprised when Carlisle had met them by sweeping them all into his arms and hugging them fiercely. Even Emmett had not been able to breathe in the face of such bone-breaking love.

They had spent the last five days being looked after by the nanny during the day and Carlisle at night. Edward and Emmett had hit it off straight away, Edward being thrilled that mess was allowed, indeed actively encouraged, in this house. Alice spent all her time doing different things to Nessie's long, bronze tresses. Nessie sat there patiently nodding and shaking her head as Alice's excited babble required, not letting Edward out of her sight. The one time Edward and Emmett had disappeared round the corner of the house, Nessie had let out such an ear-splitting shriek that Alice had jumped and fallen in the pond they were sitting next to. The nanny, a 67 year old Chicago native called Mrs. Phelps, had sprinted across the large garden to find a still screaming Nessie and a sopping wet, rather irate, Alice who was just climbing out of the pond. Carlisle had arrived home just in time to see the boys come running, Emmett accidentally ploughing into Mrs. Phelps, knocking them both to the ground. Edward had reached his sister and gently placed his hand on her cheek. The screams had ceased immediately and Nessie had thrown her herself at Edward. This had the unfortunate effect of knocking Edward backwards into Alice who ended up in the pond once more. Carlisle had had to fish her out and hold on to her so that his daughter did not launch herself at Nessie once she saw the state of her (no longer) white dress. Alice did not talk to Nessie for two days until she was promised she could pick Nessie's clothes and hairstyle for the next week. Nessie ended up looking like a china doll, but took it with good grace since Alice was talking to her again.

One the whole, Carlisle was rather glad Nessie did not talk more often.

Still, that was their first day all living together and it had got much better since then. Carlisle was thankful - Mrs. Phelps was three rugby tackles away from quitting again; Emmett was rather large and solid for his age. Nessie was once again Alice's favourite toy, though Carlisle noticed his daughter gave any body of water a wide berth when the younger girl was present. Bath-time became a slight issue.

Carlisle bought himself out of his reverie and brought a coffee for himself, a hot chocolate for Esme and juice for the children. Emmett was eyeing the soda, but the last thing Carlisle needed was his exuberant young son hyped up on sugar.

Emmett and Alice had a juice box in each hand while Carlisle negotiated the hot drinks. He used the short walk from the vending machine to Esme's room to plan what he would say to Esme. No one had wanted to put the kids into Care while Esme was in hospital in case Charles took them for leverage, so Carlisle had taken them home. Now he did not want them to leave.

Things had not been easy the last few years; Elizabeth's departure had left them all shell-shocked. He had not been able to understand how someone could leave their children. But then, Carlisle had never really understood Elizabeth. Elizabeth had been the type of person who needed to be needed. Carlisle had needed her, but not more than he needed his kids. When it was just the two of them it had been fine - Elizabeth had been his every waking thought. But then, after Emmett was born, Carlisle found his love for his wife second to his love for his son. In an attempt to fix their marriage, they had had Alice very soon afterwards - less than a year after Emmett's birth. This only made things worse - Emmett and Alice were now joint first in his heart and Elizabeth was still second. She could be second to the prized firstborn son, but not to a daughter. Elizabeth could never have a man need another woman more than he needed her.

What Elizabeth wanted was a man who would lay down his life for her. Carlisle was not that man anymore; he was determined to live, to look after his children, not die the way his own parents had - his mother at his birth and his father a few years later.

So Elizabeth had met an aspiring writer. Someone to whom she meant the world. Someone who did not want kids so would never want anyone more than he wanted her.

She had left a note on the kitchen table and walked away. At half three, Carlisle had got a call from the kindergarten saying Mrs. Cullen had not been to pick the kids up. Carlisle had raced home - something bad must have happened for Elizabeth not to pick up them up. When he got there, he found nothing - no Elizabeth, unconscious in a pool of blood, no signs of struggle, and no clothes belonging to his wife. Instead he had found a note: -

Carlisle

I have left with Laurent. The marriage was not working for me.

You can keep the kids - a book tour is no place for them. I will have my

Lawyers send the paperwork.

Elizabeth.

Lying next to the note had been her wedding and engagement rings. Emmett had been five, Alice four. Carlisle had wondered how he was supposed to explain to children that age that their mother did not want them - that she had probably never wanted them. He could not do it, so he had not. He had told them that Mommy and Daddy did not love each other anymore, but they loved their children very much, and that Mommy had thought it best that they stay with Daddy. It had taken months for his children to stop crying themselves to sleep, for all three of them to stop looking like zombies - pale and tired and barely holding it together.

But that was four years ago - they were doing better now. They had not seen Elizabeth since. Carlisle never thought he would be grateful for selfishness, or self-absorbance, nor abandonment, but he was - if Elizabeth had taken the kids, Carlisle did not know how he would have survived. Those two were his world.

Now his world had been expanded; Edward and Nessie had fitted in so perfectly it felt like they were meant to be there. Emmett had a boy to play with and Alice no longer had to blackmail someone into having a makeover - not that his little pixie was above a spot of blackmail when necessary.

They knocked on the door - Emmett thumped. Edward's voice sounded, 'come in', when they opened the door, Esme was lying against the pillows, a child tucked under each arm. Things were tense inside the room - sorrow hung in the air.

Completely oblivious to the atmosphere, Emmett came bounding into the room like the Tasmanian devil. 'Hey, Eddie, we have juice!' Emmett threw a juice box. Before Carlisle could berate his son for throwing sticky liquids across a hospital room, Edward had sat up and caught the carton neatly. He passed it to his sister before catching the one chucked by Alice.

Carlisle put Esme's hot chocolate on her bedside table, throwing his children a look that clearly said 'that is how we pass drinks.' He turned to Esme, 'I could not get tea and coffee would be too hard on your system. It would not be a good idea with all the sedatives you have been on either.'

'You're the doctor,' Esme said, with a tired smile.

'The kids really wanted to see you but if you need to rest, I can take them home.' His words were greeted with a loud chorus of denials.

'It's alright with me. I want to see them, too.' Esme smiled at the children, all of whom were looking at her. 'You guys won't be too much, will you?' They all shook their heads. 'You will be good and keep me entertained, yes?' There was a round of enthusiastic nods. Esme looked at Carlisle, 'I think we will be just fine.'

'If you're sure,' he looked wryly at Emmett, who had never sat still for more than five minutes in his life, always finding something to discover and explore.

'I am sure. You go; your lunch break must be over by now.'

Carlisle looked at his watch; his break had finished ten minutes ago. 'You're right. But you are also a patient so this counts as an examination - ensuring you are not stressed.'

The next ten minutes were filled with Carlisle updating Esme's chart, checking her vitals, asking whether she or her children wanted to see the grief counsellor. Esme said it would not be necessary. Something in the way she said it suggested there may be more to it, but Carlisle decided to leave it for another time - the children were listening very closely.

True to their word, however, they were behaving impeccably, occupying themselves with a pack of cards at the table. When Carlisle announced she was fine, Edward stopped looking over to check on his mother and concentrated on the game - Emmett's winning strike came to a spectacular finish.

'We will keep you in for observations but you are healing nicely. A few more days and you can be discharged.'

'Then we can all go home!' piped up Alice. The eight year old had already figured it all out in her head. All her other friends had a father and a mother; since she and Emmett only had a father, and Edward and Nessie only had a mother, it made sense to combine forces and share parents.

Esme looked slightly startled at the announcement that she would be going home with her doctor, but she listened patiently to Alice as the spiky-haired child outlined her plan. Carlisle shook his head at his daughter's single-minded determination to have order and excused himself from the room, taking the time to remind everyone not to wear Esme out.

Carlisle tried to focus on his work but he found it difficult. Every so often his mind would wander to the room his family occupied - smiling when he realised he had already seemed to encompass Edward, Nessie and their beautiful mother into that category. Carlisle had to admit that, on the surface, Alice's plan was perfect. If you discarded Esme's abusive husband, his experiences with his ex-wife, the complete impropriety given that Carlisle was her doctor and the complexities of an adult relationship.

Perhaps, Alice's plan was not as simple as it first appeared.

Finally, his shift was over. He opened the door to Esme' hospital room. Before he could open his mouth, however, Alice hissed, 'shhh!' - he was interrupting a Snap tournament of epic proportions. From the looks of the tournament table filled with Esme's elegant script, it had begun not long after Carlisle had left them and had lasted all afternoon.

'It's the final,' Esme mouthed at him.

'I see,' Carlisle mouthed back. Esme smiles at him and Carlisle was struck dumb for a moment. She was simply . . . radiant. He recovered quickly and moved to sit on the foot of the bed. Emmett and Edward's eyes never moved from the pile of cards in the centre of the table - the one that usually held Esme's food at mealtimes and had been appropriated to become The International Playing Surface. They cut to see who would go first this time and Emmett won. Esme dealt the cards and the final began.

It was interesting to watch. A silence descended that rivalled those Carlisle usually experienced in open heart surgery. When one won the pile, his sister would give out a loud 'whoop!' When Edward finally won the pack, Nessie cheered, nearly falling backwards off the bed. Esme and Carlisle both lunged at her, Carlisle catching her before she could topple off. Esme put a hand to her side, clearly in pain.

Carlisle ordered the kids off the bed and pushed the table away. Emmett laid a restraining hand on Edward's shoulder, something Edward did not seem to altogether appreciate. Alice held Nessie's hand while Carlisle eased Esme's hospital gown up her body. His body blocked Esme from the children's view - something that irritated Edward no end - so they could not see the myriad of cuts and bruises on her torso. He eased the gown up to reveal a particularly nasty cut on Esme's side, just below her ribcage - a very sensitive area of skin.

She winced as his fingers gently probed the sore skin around the wound. She drew in a breathe between clenched teeth as Carlisle's fingers got closer to the ruptured skin. At the sound, Edward pounced, planting himself between Carlisle and his mother. He look was so fierce that Carlisle instinctively backed up a couple of paces to give Edward space.

The boy was a natural fighter. Without any kind of training, at the age of eight, he had taken a fighting stance. On the balls of his feet, legs slightly bent into a crouch, hands in front of him ready to push Carlisle away from Esme. Even his teeth were bared.

'Edward,' Carlisle crouched down so he was eye to eye with the boy, his palms raised so Edward could see his hands. 'I am not going to hurt your mother. I had to do that to make sure she hadn't pulled out any of her stitches. You understand?'

Edward gave him a long, hard look before nodding. He eased out of his crouch slowly, not taking his eyes off Carlisle, then swung himself onto the bed next to Esme.

Carlisle stood up himself and continued to check Esme's stitches. Edward watched him, eagle eyes not missing a single movement. Esme reached out and stroked Edward's messy auburn hair. Edward lent into her hand and Carlisle would not have been surprised if he had started to purr.

From mountain lion to kitten with a single touch. He was impressed by the obvious affection and loyalty Edward showed his mother. But still, he was only eight years old. He should not have to see his mother like this - covered in bruises and clearly in pain.

He seemed to read Carlisle's mind. When Carlisle looked up, Edward was already looking at him. 'It's bad.' Carlisle nodded. 'But not a bad as it had been. Apart from the baby.' He looked away sadly - he had accepted the baby's fate, appeared to understand the situation but felt he should have done more. His father was the one person he was too afraid of to fight. He seemed so much older than eight - the burden of his childhood, Carlisle supposed, he had to grow up fast.

Carlisle eased the nightgown back down and announced that everything was fine. 'No fast movements though,' he told Esme.

Edward slid of the bed and walked over to the other three. Emmett still looked faintly awed by Edward's actions. But then, Emmett was a born brawler.

The lion and the bear, Carlisle mused. However will Mrs. Phelps survive? He grinned and Esme asked him what he was thinking. He inclined his head towards their four youngsters, 'just wondering how many nannies this lot will get through.'

Esme shrugged, 'I'm sure Mrs. Phelps can last a week. Then I'll be there.'

Carlisle nodded, wondering how many times Mrs. Phelps would quit before Esme arrived to save her.

At least three a day. She was always quitting, Always quitting but never leaving.

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_Phew, longest chapter so far! I will try and make them a little bit shorter for you._


	5. Mrs Phelps' Guardian Angel

_So, four youngsters altogether, no parents and only an aging nanny – what could possibly go wrong?_

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Chapter Five: Mrs. Phelps's Guardian Angel

A week later, Esme was discharged. She was told to take it easy but refused to spend any more time in hospital - her kids needed her. So did their nanny. The day before Esme was discharged; she had threatened to quit five times - a new record. The last straw had apparently involved Edward and Emmett's experimentation with gravity.

The nanny had called Esme, who was now taking her phone calls so Carlisle could have an uninterrupted shift, in hysterics because the boys had hung Alice and Nessie out of an upstairs window. When put on the phone, Edward and Emmett had insisted there had been no real danger because they had tied Alice's hands to Nessie's ankles and then Alice's ankles to the table legs. It had worked. Until the table was dragged towards the window. Mrs. Phelps, unhelpfully nicknamed 'Nanny P' and told to 'chill out' at this point by Emmett, had come running into the room to find Edward and Emmett lying on the table, trying to weigh the table down. When they had refused to get off the table, Mrs. Phelps called Esme. When she noticed no Alice and Nessie and a taught sheet hanging out of the window, Mrs. Phelps had given a shriek and hung up. She had dashed to the window to see Alice and Nessie swaying gently in the breeze, Alice looking rather green. Esme had spent a frantic ten minutes being unable to get hold of her since no one was answering the phone. When Mrs. Phelps finally did pick up, it was not much more informative - Esme could not understand her through the hyperventilating.

It was the icing on top of the cake of disaster. After hauling the girls to safety, Mrs. Phelps had sent them all to bed and finally called Esme, who was on the verge of paging Carlisle.

After Mrs. Phelps had calmed down and explained the situation, Esme wished she had not. She had become almost hysterical herself and nearly pulled out her stitches trying not to laugh. She knew it was not funny, but the relief was intoxicating.

'And how are we today?' Carlisle walked in, the smile on his face admittedly less professional than the smile he reserved for other patients.

'In trouble. Mrs. Phelps called,' Esme calmed down enough to look rather sheepish.

'Again?' Carlisle asked, incredulous. 'That's the fifth time today!'

'Is there any way of being discharged today? One more incident and I think Mrs. Phelps may be joining me in here. Or going to prison for quadruple homicide.'

'And what did our little angels do this time?' A part of Carlisle did not want to know - ignorance is bliss took on a whole new meaning for Carlisle Cullen after becoming a father to Emmett.

'The boys hung the girls out of the upstairs window.'

Carlisle squeezed his eyes shut; he was afraid that making eye contact might make them both hysterical. 'It could have been worse I suppose. I don't know how exactly, but at least Emmett didn't't cut anyone's hair again.' Alice had had waist-length hair before Emmett's little prank. 'Actually, you will be pleased to know that that is why I came to see you.'

'It certainly is a rare surprise,' Esme teased - Carlisle spent every spare moment with her he could. Carlisle grinned and passed her the discharge papers. She signed them with a flourish, ecstatic to finally be going home. Carlisle performed a final examination and then waited outside for her to change out of her pyjamas.

The nurses smiled at the sight of the handsome Dr Cullen and Esme walking down the corridor, Carlisle carrying Esme's bag. There was clearly something between them; the staff just hoped the two of them could get beyond their individual pasts. They made a lovely couple.

'Goodnight, Dr Cullen. Goodbye, Esme.' The night nurses had gathered around the ward reception to see Esme off - her gentle nature and kind manners had made her an instant hit with the harried hospital staff. The two of them looked up, as though surprised to find anyone else around. They made their goodbyes and the nurses smiled knowingly at one another as the pair walked away.

It was eight o'clock by the time Carlisle and Esme arrived home. Since this was Carlisle's normal arrival time, the children were sat on the stairs waiting for them. Mrs. Phelps was lying on the couch, a damp cloth over her eyes and a large whiskey in one hand.

They had barely got through the door before Edward and Nessie had flung themselves at their mother. She hugged them both tightly and peppered kisses all over their faces. When they let go, Esme saw Emmett and Alice stood behind them, for once unsure of what to do. Esme held out her arms and Alice and Emmett hugged her as well, Alice clinging on, Emmett patting her back. She kissed each of them on the cheek before letting them go. Emmett put up a token protest but did not really mind. It was the first really maternal gesture they had ever experienced - Elizabeth had never really been the nurturing type - and it was not until Carlisle saw their reactions that he realised how much his kids had been missing. They were glowing.

Mrs. Phelps stirred, groaning. 'I'd better take her home.' Carlisle said, not relishing a twenty minute drive with a woman, possibly drunk, who now thought his children were the spawn of Satan. Esme patted his arm sympathetically and he felt as if he had been electrocuted. 'I'll make some dinner. I don't suppose you lot have eaten?'

The children shook their heads. 'We usually eat at half six, but Mrs. Phelps started drinking at five and she forgot,' Emmett volunteered. Esme and Carlisle looked at each other. Mrs. Phelps and Esme had hung up at five. She must have gone straight to the liquor cabinet and been drinking for the last three hours.

'You really are little hell raisers, aren't you?' Carlisle tried to frown, but could not hide the affection in his voice.

Alice shrugged, 'we try.'

'You succeed,' Esme said, dryly.

A week later, Esme had her stitches removed at the hospital. She brought flowers and homemade cookies for the nurses that had taken such good care of her. Carlisle would not let her go back to the apartment to get the rest of their stuff - Charles did not know where Carlisle lived and they did not want him following anyone there. Finally, after hearing the two of them argue about it, Penny, a young nurse who had just finished her shift offered to go get it all.

Esme had not unpacked any of it as she wanted to just be able to get up and got - not that that had really worked out - so it was easy enough for Penny to grab. She was back at the hospital less than an hour later, Esme unable to convey her thanks enough. She told Carlisle she would pick him up after work - they only had the one car so it had to be left with Esme so she would have it during the day, meaning Carlisle had to be picked up every night. Without thinking, Esme kissed Carlisle on the cheek and walked out. Carlisle caught Penny's eye and blushed, making Penny laugh. 'Nice to see you happy finally, Dr Cullen.'

'What? Oh, no, we're not . . . that is to say I'm not . . . she's married! Technically. It would not be professional for me to . . .' Penny let Carlisle stutter himself into silence before saying, 'uh huh,' and leaving for home, leaving Carlisle to once again deal with patients while his mind was full of a certain caramel-haired woman.

Two days after that Esme told Mrs. Phelps they would no longer need her services as a nanny. Mrs. Phelps called her an angel and ran out of the house before Esme could change her mind.

A month later, Esme was completely healed, having only the scar of the hysterectomy as proof of the ordeal. She had spent the time pushing rapid divorce through the courts. Due to Charles' no show and Esme's medical history of many hospital admissions, as well as Carlisle professional testimony and Edward's account of his father, Esme had no difficulty gaining the divorce and sole custody of Edward and Nessie. The court also gave an order that Charles could not see his children until they were eighteen and had decided to see him.

They had gone out to celebrate but when the topic of Esme, Edward and Nessie moving into their own place came up, Carlisle and Esme were faced with such hostility that they had to give up on the conversation.

So they all lived, in the house that felt more like home that the apartment or the house in Texas with Charles ever had, in a strange limbo where Carlisle and Esme were neither together, nor could they live apart.

Until Carlisle got offered a job in Denali, Alaska.

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_OH! (Dramatic cry), how will it all be resolved? Will Carlisle and Esme get together? Will the children get to stay together? Will Mrs Phelps press charges?_

_All will be revealed. Not long, and not my best, but I hope it's okay for you all._


	6. Little Neon Signs

_Okay, reviews or no chapters – hee hee hee._

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Chapter Six: Little Neon Signs

Carlisle always thought that life-altering moments really should accompanied by some kind if fanfare so that you knew this was a Big Thing. Nothing like a chorus of angels or anything, just a nice little neon sign saying, 'Pay Attention. This is the Crossroads, so don't be a Pussy.'

Or maybe something else with four under tens in the house.

Instead, he got a very nice letter from a hospital in Denali, Alaska, offering him a job. It was better pay, better hours, considering the recent family developments they had all undergone. The only problem was . . . Esme. How do you ask a woman you are insanely in love with, who is emotionally and physically damaged by her ex-husband, who has just gone through incredible upheaval already and just wanted to create a stable life for her two kids, who were technically not yours, to move across the country because the thought of leaving them behind made him feel sick?

Carlisle pondered on it for a couple of weeks. Given everything, Carlisle was about to write back and say thanks, but no thanks, chuck the letter in the bin and never mention it. But then Esme, while tidying the house, came across the letter and asked him about it.

Esme knocked on the study door and walked in. It was ten o'clock and the kids were asleep. Carlisle had come home and shut himself up in the study, like he had for the last couple of weeks after the kids were put to bed. Esme thought he was avoiding her, not wanting to be around her but being unable to get rid of her because their children were so stubborn. When she found the letter she understood that he was just trying to distance himself so that when he took Emmett and Alice to Denali it would be easier for them.

And it would be. She had fallen in love Carlisle over years ago and then lived with a man she did not love and who hit her. She had lost people before and survived. Barely. It was just harder now that she knew Carlisle. Usually, meeting someone after dreaming about them for years is disappointing - they don't live up to the flawless illusion you create, but Carlisle - Carlisle was better. He was warmer, more caring, and more intelligent than she had let herself dream. He loved his kids and he had come to love hers so much more than she had ever hoped. When they had left Charles, Edward and Nessie had been relieved, even happy, that he was no longer a part of their lives. When Carlisle left, they would be heartbroken. He was more of a father to them than Charles had ever been. And they would lose Alice and Emmett, too, those two funny little kids who did what no one else could do and made her children forget what had gone before and just be themselves, silly and young, crazy and more than a little mischievous.

But, still, they had to talk, to sort this all out. So she had knocked on the door and gone in before she could lose her nerves, or he could come up with a reason to not talk to her. He had been sat at his desk, his feet on the table, hands running through his hair. She had never seen him looked so dishevelled. He still looked gorgeous.

'Carlisle?' Her soft voice carried across the room and Carlisle jumped to his feet as though electrocuted.

'Yes? What is it? What's wrong?' Concern coloured his voice - Esme had never been to see him in his study before.

'Nothing's wrong. It's just I found this while I was tidying up in the kitchen. I did not mean to read, I didn't want to pry, but I saw the title of the hospital and thought there might be something wrong. I completely forgot that they might want to talk to you for a different reason.' In fact, when she had seen the hospital name, her heart had stopped and her mind went into overdrive, imagining all the horrible things that it could mean. When her eyes had skimmed the words she had found it was worse than she had imagined, worse than death. It was living death - separation.

Carlisle had shot up when he heard Esme's voice. In the soft lamp light her caramel curls glowed like a halo around her angelic features. She was turning a piece of paper over and over in her hands. He wondered was it was - a letter from Charles' attorney? From Charles himself? Or maybe it was something else entirely.

It turned out to be something else entirely.

She spoke hesitantly, careful to make him understand it was an accident, that she had not meant to upset or anger him. Carlisle realised she was doing damage control - habits formed in ten long, hard years are not easily set aside. It took him a while to realise what on earth she was on about.

It was not until she laid the piece of paper on the table facing him that he understood that she had found and read the letter from St Augustine's Hospital in Denali. His heart plummeted. He had never planned what to say if she found out about the job offer. He had spent all his spare time in the last couple of weeks shut up in his study so the subject of her leaving would not come up. Before they had just been coasting along, content not to tip the boat. But them moving out seemed like a much more real possibility since the letter had arrived.

'. . . So when you three leave . . . Do you want us out by then? Or do you want to take Alice and Emmett up and I could stay to sell the house? This might be better for everyone since that way you can focus on the move and the kids and the new job without worrying - houses can take a while to sell. And that gives me more time to find a new place for me and my kids, which I wouldn't mind, to be honest with you.' Esme was speaking quickly; the way you do when you are nervous and speak becomes a stream of consciousness. Carlisle just stood there, gawping formlessly at her. There was a pause before Carlisle realised she had asked him a question, several, technically, and was now waiting for an answer.

'Um, well, to be honest, I wasn't going to take the job,' he was so confused by her rapid talking that he did not think of a way to get out of the situation. She would hardly have believed that the letter was addressed to a different Dr C. Cullen at 1456 Smithson Street, anyway.

'Why not? It's a fantastic career opportunity and would be great for Alice and Emmett - they would get to see more of you than they do now,' Esme was mentally kicking herself. Here she was, desperately in love with him, wanting him to stay, and she was practically packing his bags for him! It was no wonder the poor bloke looked like a deer trapped in the headlights of an oncoming monster truck!

'So, you . . . You want me to take the job in Alaska?' Carlisle felt crushed, as though in plummeting to the floor, his heart had been pulverised. Clearly, all the emotion was on his side; he felt so stupid. All the smiles and gestures and touches were just Esme being Esme, her extraordinary ability to love leading her to try and make life as perfect for the people around her as she could. She needed people to be happy before she could be happy herself.

'If you want it, then I want it for you,' she hedged, unable to look him in the eye less he see how much it was costing her to say. She did want him to be happy, but she needed him to be happy with her. Part of her wanted him to go . . . if it made him happy. But the other part, the selfish part that she was ashamed to say was nearly as big as the unselfish part when it came to Carlisle, wanted to yell at him not to go, to throw her arms around him and hold him tight, telling him that she lover, had for years, and that he could not go. He could not leave her incomplete again. Part of her told her to take what she wanted; the other part told her _he _might not want _her_.

'It is a good opportunity, for me as a doctor as well as a father.' But I cannot leave without you. I adore you. But it is not what you need, he thought bitterly. Another man dragging you around the country for his _career_.

'You said, before, that you were going to turn the job down. Can I ask why?' Esme began clutching straws - if she could make him focus on the negatives of the move, maybe he would not go. The selfish part of her cheered and Esme felt sick at herself. She was acting just like Charles - putting herself first, only she would be stopping a career change, not pushing for one.

'It's just . . . with our situation here . . . It didn't seem right. You only just got back on your feet and the kids have really got close.' I don't want to leave, to separate our . . . Family.

'You think we're holding you back?' Esme's eyes burned with tears. She had thought it, but it hurt so much more badly to have him say as much. She closed her eyes tightly, begging the tears not to fall.

There was movement and suddenly hands had a tight hold on the tops of her arms. Her eyes flew open and she was mesmerised by Carlisle's gaze, more intent and intense than she had ever seen. It felt like he was seeing right through to her soul.

'How can you think that?' he gave her a little shake, trying, _willing _her to understanding. 'How can you think you are holding me back? You have given me everything worth having! You have given my children a mother, made them feel safe and loved! And you gave me two more kids I adore! That's why I cannot leave, why I was going to say no. Because we have become a family, but I can't drag you across the country because are not a proper family. It's not enough that I - 'Carlisle broke off and broke away. He let go of her shoulders and walked away to brace himself on the desk.

Esme started at his back, trying to sort through everything he had just said to her. 'Because it's not enough that you - what?' Her footsteps were nearly silent as she approached to put her hand on his shoulder.

'Because it's not enough that I love you,' it was easier to say when he could not see her reaction - a rejection would kill him - but her touch burning into his skin let him know that she was there, that she could hear him. It was the most difficult thing he had ever had to do, to make himself s completely vulnerable to her, but now he had he felt free. He had been carrying his love for her around for so long, held down by the weight of not knowing if she would accept or reject him. Now all he could do was wait.

She removed her hand and his stomach plummeted. This was worse than not knowing, for now he was drowning in his unrequited love, unable to be saved.

'Carlisle?' Her voice was soft, but he flinched as though she had yelled. He closed his eyes, unable to look at her angel face. He felt her hands on his face, trying to turn him to face her. He resisted until he hears her wonderful voice saying, 'Carlisle, please.' Slowly, he opened his eyes and turned to look at her. He could not keep the anguish out of his blue eyes. He was shocked to see she was smiling broadly. She had never looked as radiant as she did, standing there in an old pair of sweats and no make-up, a think white scar permanently slicing the dip at the centre of her lower lip.

When he was finally facing her fully, she threw her arms around his neck and crushed her lips to his. His mouth fell open in surprise and the tongue swept inside. He finally got past his shock and locked his arms around her, pulling her closer so he could deepen the kiss.

Finally, when they could not go without oxygen any longer, their lips parted. He rested his forehead on hers and they listened to the sound of their ragged breathing.

'So, this means . . . ?' Carlisle was pretty damn certain what it meant, but he needed her to say it all the same.

'That I love you, too,' Esme gave that brilliant smile once more. Carlisle had no choice but to kiss her again.

Things progressed nicely until Carlisle laid Esme down on his desk and there was a rustling sound. Esme reached around awkwardly and pulled the crumpled letter from beneath her shoulder. 'What do we do about Denali?'

'Well, we've established that we are in fact together and therefore all moving so . . . Why don't we just go the whole nine yards and get married?' He was surprised he was proposing to a woman he had only re-met two months ago, but now he said it, it just felt right. It made sense.

'Get married? Are you sure we're ready? We've only known each other really for two months!'

'I've loved you for nine years. We live together. We've got kids. It's like we're married already!'

'We sleep in separate rooms!'

'Okay, so it's like we've been married for thirty years.'

Esme had to laugh at that one. 'It's crazy! It's too soon. Everyone with think - '

'What? What will they think? That we're nuts? We are! Who cares? I love you, you love me, we love our kids and the kids love each other. What does it matter what anyone else thinks? We'll be gone soon anyway!' He was smiling, his eyes bright. He looked carefree, younger than Esme had ever seen him look. 'So?' he gazed down at her - they were stilled lying on his desk, the letter held loosely in Esme's hand. 'Will you marry me?'

Esme stroked his face, unable to keep the joy out of her eyes. She nodded, emotion keeping her from speaking. Carlisle smiled even wider and a tear rolled out of the corner of Esme's eye into her hair - finally, she was going to marry the man she loved. She was going to do it right this time.

He pulled her off the desk so he could hold her properly. And not a moment too soon. He had barely got his arms around his future wife before the study door opened and Alice's voice floated into the room. 'Dad? Esme? We can't sleep - there's a monster until Edward's bed.'

The pair broke apart and turned to look at the little girl's solemn expression.

'Well,' Esme said, trying to smooth her hair surreptitiously. 'We best go deal with that, huh?' She looked at Carlisle.

'We certainly should,' Carlisle nodded, still unable to stop smiling. They walked to the door and Carlisle picked Alice up. She put her arms around him but still looked scared. Esme rubbed her back and kissed her forehead, trying to soothe her. As the three of them climbed the stairs to the nursery - a name Emmett had taken very badly - the clock chimed one o'clock on the Saturday morning.

When they got to the nursery, they found Edward and Nessie trembling in the corner of the room. Emmett was with them, scared at their behaviour, but still valiantly trying to do his best to comfort them. Nessie gave a small shriek as the opened and Edward tightened his already white-knuckled hold around her. Their eyes were tightly shut and Nessie's face was buried in her brother's neck.

This was not just a monster under the bed, Esme thought as they ran across the room, all joy leaking away at the sight in front of them. Her babies were truly terrified of something.

'Edward, baby, what is it?' Esme was having difficulty loosening his grip on his younger sister. When she finally succeeded, Edward let out such a moan of pain that she thought she had hurt him. 'What, sweetheart, what?' She was frantic, pulling the two of them onto her lap as Carlisle pulled Emmett into his side. Esme checked the two of them over, rougher in her fright than she would have normally been, but she could not find any marks, anything that would have caused Edward to cry out like that.

'Where is he?' Edward choked.

'Who, baby?' Esme stroked his hair and rocked them both.

'Him! Charles,' Edward whispered. At the sound of the name, Nessie clapped her hands over her ears and moaned; it was a sound very similar to the one Edward had made not so long ago.

Esme pulled them closer, closing her eyes as she understood their fear. Looking at Carlisle, she asked, 'what time is it?'

'The clock just chimed one.'

'And it's Saturday morning, yes?'

'Just barely,' Carlisle nodded. He was frowning, clearly confused.

'This is the time Charles would normally get home, drunk as a sailor and shouting.' Carlisle's eyes widen in sudden comprehension. 'What do you think started this off? I mean, it's been three months since you let him.'

'Everything's been crazy since then though. We've barely known _what _the day is, just trying to survive to the next one. And this is the first Friday night since Edward saw his father.

Of course, it all clicked in Carlisle's mind. Last Saturday, they had been at the family courts. Charles had made it to that one and had sat there while Edward had talked about life with his father. It had been clear to everyone in the courtroom that the boy was deathly afraid of his father. The judge had barely hears the whole case before granting Esme sole custody and preventing Charles seeing them until they turned eighteen.

'Oh, Edward, Carlisle knelt down in front of Esme, Edward and Nessie, Alice and Emmett on either side of him. He held out his arms to Edward, who scooted from his mother's lap to Carlisle's. Strong arms wrapped around him and for the first time in his life, Edward was embraced by a father. Carlisle was much stronger than Esme, but just a comforting. 'I promise, Edward, your father will never get to you again. He will never hurt you, or your mom, or your sister again.'

'How do you know?' Edward had never sounded so young - he always tried to be brave for his mom and his little sister, but right now the fear was overwhelming. The last time he had seen his father, Charles had been dragged away from the courtroom, yelling at Esme that he would never let them go.

'Because I won't let him. And neither will Emmett.' Edward twisted to see Emmett nod fiercely. 'And neither will you.' Edward looked into Carlisle ice blue eyes and saw nothing but the truth.

'Neither will I, Edward,' Alice vowed.

'Nor me,' his mother promised.

'Nor me, either, Edward,' Nessie looked over at her big brother. She stretched out her hand and her brother took it. Completely on impulse, Alice put her hand on top of theirs. Emmett followed suit, then Esme and finally Carlisle. They sat there for a moment before Esme decided that if they were going to be making promises, they might as well all know of the promise that she and Carlisle had made about half an hour ago.

'Besides, Charles won't be your dad much longer. Carlisle will.' Esme looked up at Carlisle who gave a small nod. Everyone else looked at her, Alice smiling smugly as her plan came to fruition. 'Carlisle and I are getting married and he's going to adopt you so he will legally be your father.'

'If you'd like,' Carlisle tagged on quickly. He loved Edward and Nessie, but after their experiences with Charles, Carlisle was not sure how open they would be to the idea of another father. Nessie thought it was splendid. She threw herself at Carlisle, who only just managed to get one arm free to catch her.

'Yay! A real daddy! Will you read to us?'

'Uh,' Carlisle was trying to return air to his squashed lungs. 'I will, yes.'

'And play with us?'

'Whatever you want.'

'And you won't come home angry and shout, will you?' the other questions had been asked with great enthusiasm, but this one was asked with the utmost solemnity.

'I promise, I will never shout or hit any of you.'

'Then I think this will work well.' Nessie gave her judgment, Carlisle a peck on the cheek and tucked herself back onto her mother's lap.

'And what about us? Emmett said. He did not look entirely impressed with the plan as it stood.

'Esme's going to adopt you, so she will be your mother.' Carlisle ruffled his son's short hair.

'Well,' Emmett turned with all due seriousness to Esme, 'you're better at it than _she _was.' Emmett was a happy-go-lucky kid. As long as his family was okay, not much bothered him, but his mother's disregard for him and his sister when she had been around, and her casual abandonment of them had cut him deep. He looked intently for a moment at Esme, who noticed he had inherited his father's eyes, a glacial blue colour, at odds with the warmth they held. Then the nine year old, 'Okay, cool.'

'Now, what do you say we all go to bed?' Esme suggested, looking around at them all. Carlisle especially looked enamoured of the idea.

'Can we come in with you?' Nessie did not really want to sleep in here with her parents - she was not entirely convinced the Charles-monster had been vanquished from beneath the bed.

Carlisle rolled his eyes theatrically. 'Oh, alright,' he said. 'If you must.'

Duvets, pillows and stuffed animals were collected and dragged to Carlisle's bedroom across the hall and heaved on to the bed. The four children set about nesting on the bed, each carving out their own little space that still managed to overlap at least two others. Since there was no more room there, Carlisle and Esme curled up together on the sofa adjacent.

'Not how I thought we'd spent the night, I have to admit,' Carlisle muttered in her ear.

'I know. I kind of had a different use for the bed,' Esme whispered back. They laughed quietly together.

'Stop talking, please, we're sleeping,' Alice's muffled voice crossed to them through the darkness. She could be a right little Miss Bossy Boots when she wanted to be.

Carlisle and Emmett smiled. Carlisle pulled the duvet he had managed to snag off his bed, before it had been invaded, tighter around the two of them and they fell asleep.


	7. New Beginnings

Chapter Seven: New Beginnings

The hospital staff was sad to see Dr Cullen leave, but they still got into the swing of things at the party. The party itself was technically a wedding reception, but since Carlisle would not be returning to work before they left for Denali, Carlisle's fellow hospital employees took the opportunity to say goodbye and good luck.

The wedding had been a small affair, just the Cullen family, which had doubled in size in a single afternoon. Esme and Carlisle had been married at City Hall. Edward and Emmett had been co-best men, while Alice and Nessie acted as Esme's bridesmaids. They had had the adoptions pushed through - a matter made a lot simpler by the fact that the four children were being adopted by a person who had just become their step-parent - before the wedding took place. After the wedding the entire family had taken a visit to Public Records and Esme, Edward and Nessie had all had their last name changed to Cullen. Edward had been especially jubilant at casting of the name of Evenson.

'Edward Anthony Cullen sounds better, don't you think?' Edward asked his new father. Carlisle grinned and agreed, remembering the time he had given Edward his name and thought the exact same thing. They were all once again in Carlisle's (and now Esme's too) bedroom, the parents trying to make the children presentable. Nessie was in the corner of the room, repeating her new name over and over to her reflections with as many different expressions as she could. Emmett was trying to squirm away from Esme, who was just as stubborn in her efforts to straighten his tie. Finally, after being given the look he had christened 'the Hairy Eyeball,' Emmett gave up and let Esme fix his appearance. Alice was sat on the bed preening - she had helped Esme pick out all the wedding outfits and found she had quite the talent for fashion.

The doorbell rang and Esme jumped to her feet. Behind her, Emmett began to pull at his tie, at once. 'Oh! They're early.'

'No, love,' Carlisle smiled over at her, indicating the clock with his thumb, 'we're late.'

Edward ran downstairs, Emmett close on his heels, to open the front door. Alice fixed Nessie with a look that dared her to run in her bridesmaids dress and the two of them followed the boys down at a far more sedate pace. Carlisle took the opportunity to grab a kiss.

'So, Mrs. Cullen, I don't think I told you how beautiful you look today.' His arms snaked round her waist.

She giggled, 'why, Doctor, you charmer. You look rather dashing yourself.' They laughed at the completely romance novel language they were using before Alice barged in and demanded their presence downstairs.

'She could run the next presidential election,' Carlisle muttered.

'She's winning. It's not a good idea to bet against Alice.' They walked down the stairs, arms around each other's waists. Coming to the bottom, they sure their children were already hard at work. Emmett and Edward had organised the children into two teams for a game of football in the back garden, Alice had organised the adults into an orderly queue to speak to the bride and groom, and Nessie was trying to be invisible in a corner with Love but kept getting cooed at because of her gorgeous curls.

The party lasted well into the night. Mrs. Phelps had graced them with her present, along with Mr. Phelps, but had left shortly after being hit in the head with an oyster. Emmett, Edward and Alice all took credit for the seafood in the hair, but only Nessie had been in range. She attempted to look doe-eyed before scurrying off to seek the protection of one of the many older nurses whom she had long since wrapped around her little finger.

A few days later, the Cullens were aboard the flight to Alaska, their stuff supposedly arriving shortly after they did. The flight was largely uneventful due to the fact there were no off-key singers and Carlisle and Esme had deliberately chosen a late night flight so the kids would sleep through it.

When they arrived in Denali, it was early morning. It was past lunch by the time they had found the house. Since their stuff had not arrived yet, the Cullens decided to get lunch. Carlisle went for supplies at the local supermarket while Esme kept the children entertained on the front lawn and waited for the truck. While they were waiting, the family next door wandered back from the car.

Grace Taylor had three girls; Tanya, the same age as Edward and Alice, Irina, who at five years old was two years younger than Nessie, and Kate, who was only two. She looked over the white picket fence at Esme who was romping around with her kids in a rough and tumble game of tag.

'They all yours?' Grace asked looking kind of surprised since all four of them looked to be quite similar in age.

'Yep, all my darlings.' Esme beamed at her.

'These are mine. Tanya,' Grace indicated a strawberry blonde girl on the tops step. 'She's eight. Irina, next to the tree, is five and this little one,' she bounced the toddler in her arms, making the little one gurgle, 'is Kate. She's only two.'

'Oh, well this is Emmett, he's nine.' Esme had her arms over Emmett's shoulders, who waved politely before running off to catch Edward. 'Edward and Alice, the one with spiky black hair, are both eight and Nessie, here,' Esme managed to grab the aforementioned child as she rushed by, 'is seven.'

'Four in three years and you look like that?' Grace was still carrying a little baby weight, whereas as Esme had a rather svelte figure.

Esme figured she might as well get the truth out there now, before anyone pried. 'Well, Alice and Emmett are from my husband's first marriage, and Nessie and Edward are both from my own.'

'How long ago were you and your husband married?' Grace liked the slender woman a lot better now that she knew not only had Esme had children several years ago, she had, in fact, only carried two, not the three that Grace had, and still kind of was.

'Just a month and a half ago.'

Grace was admittedly surprised, 'wow, the kids are getting along great.' She just finished speaking when Emmett rushed over with a bleeding finger because Alice had tripped him onto a stone. After making a general fuss of his and whipping a band aid out of her pocket like a magician, Esme cleaned the finger up, put the band aid on and watched as Emmett went off to seek revenge.

'They seem taken with you, too. Are your kids like this with -'

'Carlisle,' Esme supplied. She should have felt that Grace was intruding, but the woman was so welcoming and unassuming that Esme did not want to end the conversation. 'And, yes, they are. Neither Carlisle, nor myself had what you would call charmed first marriages. They were actually big mistakes. At least they would have been, if we had not got those four out of them.' Esme looked back at her kids, now running around the oak tree. Grace saw the look of love the heart-faced woman had; it would have been obvious to a blind man that she adored all four. 'Still, we got it right, this time around.'

A cab rolled up and Grace saw a very attractive blonde man climb out of the back, laden down with grocery bags.

'That your husband?'

'Yep, that's my Carlisle.' A complete different smile came across the other woman's face. The man walked up to her and kissed her on the lips. So absolutely besotted by his wife, it was a minute before Carlisle noticed his new neighbour at all. When he did, he immediately started to make amends. He laid the bags on the ground, which were immediately pounced upon by the four children as though they had not eaten in days.

'Carlisle Cullen, sorry about that.'

'Grace Taylor, don't apologise. Bit of love's no bad thing,'

'Would you care to join us?' Carlisle gestured towards Grace and Kate and then at the food.

'Oh, no. I've got two more. I think -'

'Please, I bought more than enough. You would be doing us a favour. It would be lovely to get to know our new neighbours better.'

'Do you mind? Of course, you are invited around to dinner this evening. My husband was in the Marines. We moved around a lot so I remember how difficult dinner the first night can be. With four kids and a house to sort out, the last thing you guys want to be doing is trying to cook, too.'

'That's wonderful of you! If you're sure you and your husband wouldn't mind - there are rather a lot of us.' Esme smiled at Grace.

'Oh, my husband passed away. It's just me and to be honest, I'm dying for a little adult conversation.'

Esme looked stricken. 'Oh, I am so sorry. I just assumed that -'

'No, no, it's fine. It was nearly three years ago now. I was still pregnant with this one when it happened.' Esme and Carlisle looked like they did not know how to proceed. 'So, if I just round up my girls, we'll certainly help you put this lot away.'

Esme and Carlisle smiled gently and turned to get the food and their own children organised. The short picnic lunch lasted the entire afternoon. The Taylor girls and the Cullen offspring set about discovering everything they could in the new house. The three parents sat on the front lawn, idly chatting the time away, one ear open for any sound of mishap. Carlisle had his head in Esme's lap and his eyes closed, listening to the two women talk. Esme was brushing her fingers through his hair as she found out more about Grace Taylor.

She and her husband had met in college. They had been together for three years, before marrying the week after graduation. He had joined the Marines six months later. A year later she had had Tanya. Irina had followed three years later. She was five months pregnant with Kate when Kyle, her husband, had been killed while on a tour of duty in Afghanistan. She had named the baby Kate because that was the name Kyle wanted, after his favourite Shakespeare character, Kate in _Taming of the Shrew_. Grace had not been sure about naming the baby after a shrew, but after Kyle had been killed it was the only name that seemed right.

In turn, Esme had shared her experiences with Charles, though not about the baby she had lost - she was not ready for that to be common knowledge yet. Carlisle had spoken briefly about Elizabeth. Grace had read one of Laurent's books. She assured them it was not very good. Carlisle and Esme had to laugh at their new friend's fervency.

'Do they ever see their kids?' Grace had lumped Charles and Elizabeth together.

'No, Charles is not allowed to. Not until Edward and Nessie are both over eighteen and they want to see him.'

'Do you think that will happen?'

'I don't know. They weren't very close with Charles anyway - he was either working or drinking - and he left them both so damaged. I don't know, maybe one day they will want answers.' Esme let her gaze wonder over the lawn to where all seven children were sitting in the shade of the house. 'I just don't want him to hurt them anymore,' she said, more to herself than to the others. Carlisle took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips.

'Don't worry,' Grace said. 'If he comes by, I got a shotgun handy.'

Carlisle laughed while Esme smiled a sweet, slightly sad smile, 'thank you but no. I'm through with violence. I don't wish it on anyone, not even Charles. He'll be old one day and they will be grown. And they won't want anything to do with him. I think that's punishment enough.'

'What about your ex?' Grace enquired of Carlisle. 'Do I need to keep the shotgun out for her?'

'I don't think so. Elizabeth was never interested in being a mother so it wasn't hard for her to walk away because she never really was one. She had always left the kids with the nanny while I worked. She went back to work herself a month after Emmett was born. She did not go on maternity leave until two weeks before Alice's birth. To her, it seemed to be a necessary, but unpleasant task. She thought it would make her mean more to me - the mother of my children rather than just my wife. She resented the children when I loved them more than I did her. She never wanted custody.

It's been four years since she left, nearly five. In all that time, there has never been a phone call, a letter, not even on their birthdays or Christmas. I had to listen to my kids cry themselves to sleep for months. I couldn't explain why she had left because I didn't understand. They used to be terrified that I would leave them too. For a while, they were like statutes, barely moving at all. I didn't hear them laugh for so long. They are happier now than they have ever been. I don't think they want her to come back like they used to. Good, because she's not coming back. I don't ever want her to come back.' Carlisle felt better after saying this. It was everything he had ever wanted to say about Elizabeth but had never been able to, either because the only people around where his two young children, or because he did not want to have to explain his business to the people he worked with. Esme continued to stroke his hair, willing him to let go of the anger towards the woman that had hurt his children. He took a breath and relaxed his muscles, which had become tense and rigid during his speech about Elizabeth.

'You guys have certain been through the mill, haven't you?'

'You know what they say, what doesn't kill you cripples you until you get over it. I think we are finally getting over it.' Carlisle broke off as Emmett landed on his chest. 'Oof, hello Emmett.'

'Dad, when's the stuff getting here? We're _bored_.'

Before Carlisle could answer however, a moving truck pulled up. A man in overalls jumped out of the front, 'sorry, buddy, we got lost on the way over; would have been here on time if the Missus could read a map.'

A woman climbed out the other side and glared at her husband. 'The Missus can read a map. It's the hubby that can't follow directions given.'

Before it could escalate, Carlisle thanked them both and they set about making a chain so that the boxes could be passed from one person to the next and put in the foyer. Grace gave Kate to Irina since both of them were too little to help. The other children formed pairs because they might not be able to carry the boxes on their own, except for Emmett, who worked alone stacking the boxes in the front hall. Soon enough, the lorry had been empty and drove off. The boxes were taken to the appropriate rooms and the Great Unpacking began. At this stage, the Taylors left to start dinner, telling the Cullens to take their time - Grace would send Tanya over when they were ready for them. Tanya didn't look overly impressed with her new status as messenger but decided not to make a fuss. Grace told Carlisle in an undertone that she thought her eldest had taken a shine to Edward. Carlisle looked over at the pair. Sure enough, Tanya was shadowing Edward's every move. Edward was completely oblivious. Carlisle hoped it stayed that way until Edward was at least sixteen.

The Taylors were of great help to the Cullens and they quickly formed lasting friendships, although the Taylor girls were mildly apprehensive of Emmett, who became mammoth over the seven years they lived next door to each other. By the time the family moved away from Denali, Emmett was six foot four, every inch of him covered in a thick layer of muscle. Edward was only a couple of inches shorter than his brother, but where his musculature was lean whipcord he looked a lot smaller next to his brawny brother.

In the seven years that the children spent growing up in Denali, they all found their own personality. Emmett was still enthusiastic, but less reckless when it came to his family as he grew up. Edward was more intense than his brother. He was of the opinion that life was too short to waste doing anything half-hearted. If something was worth doing at all, it was worth doing to the best of his ability. He was beloved of all the football coaches he had ever played for. But unlike some, Emmett did not let it go to his head. He admitted he was a natural athlete - to pretend otherwise would be stupid - but his easy going, accepting nature prevented him from being egotistical, which had the bizarre effect of making him even more popular, being he hung out with everyone, refusing to be drawn into the clique system. While girls found Emmett slightly intimidating because of his size, they seemed drawn to the brooding nature of the younger Cullen. Edward rarely dated, finding most people to be shallow and superficial, and it was common knowledge at school that Tanya Taylor had designs on him, but it did not stop girls dreaming about the bronze-haired musician. He was the type of person that was great to know, the only challenge came in _getting _to know him. He was the classic tortured artist that girls throughout history seem to fall for - aloof, slightly oblivious and distasteful of the more sluttish womanly wiles, preferring to write music than to go out and get wasted. He would have been a perfect target for the loutish, intimidated boys of his school had he not had an edge to him that suggested he could take care of himself, proved by the time one such football star tried to hit him because his girlfriend was clearly trying to chat Edward up, and Edward gave him a concussion.

Alice was still just as chirpy and organising. Life and soul of the party, she just dared people to be miserable around her. She was the one that got Edward to stop his 'Byronic moping' as Alice called it, and made him smile, long after everyone else had given up. She was a dancer, ballet being most suitable to her natural elegant grace, and only truly when comfortable when she was moving, preferably in front of an audience. Alice had no problem being centre-stage and had an unfortunate habit for trying to force Nessie into the spotlight; she was also the only one that made Nessie feel truly comfortable around a lot of people. This became a battle of wills as the two girls were equally, and incredibly, stubborn. Like her brother, Nessie was a musician, though she preferred playing the guitar in her room to the piano where anyone might hear her, and she also sang. While Edward held himself with quiet confidence and grace in any circumstance, and Alice's and Emmett's natures meaning they were welcome in any social situation, Nessie hated crowds. She was shy, preferring to observe rather than be observed. She liked being alone, outside, rather than cooped up indoors and never felt lonely. She also had a wicked temper, at great odds with her nature the rest of the time. It took a lot to get her riled and show the fiery spirit that usually hid behind her shyness, but when she did she could, and had, made grown men cry. People were always surprised when they found out her real interests lay in classic rock, classic cars and mechanics. If Nessie could not be found, the chances were she was in the garage, fiddling with some sort of machine. The girl could not stand to be idle and was a natural fixer of everything, a great benefit and companion to her mother, who found a passion in renovating old houses.

In the seven years, Carlisle and Esme had barely changed. They had a few more laughter lines and were much happier now, but were basically still the same good people they had always been. After seven years together they were still as in love as ever. They watched their children grow, supporting most ideas and pursuits, while gently discouraging them for those that may get them killed. Every summer they would take the children to Italy, to visit Carlisle's family in their hometown of Volterra. The Volturri family had founded the city nearly a thousand years ago and was still there taking care of the small part of Italy they called their own.

Esme could well remember the first time she, Edward and Nessie had gone to Volterra.

'_So, remind me again, how are you related to them?' she asked Carlisle, nervously patting her clothing - she wanted to make the right first impression._

_Carlisle sighed patiently, reaching over to take Esme's hand before she could stroke the caramel curls right off her scalp. 'They are my mother's family. There are three patriarchs - Aro, Marcus and Caius. Aro is my grandfather. His daughter, my mother, fell in love with an English painter, Matthew Cullen the only son of an Anglican preacher in England. He came to Italy to study art and they met while he was visiting the family's galleries. Everyone, on both sides was against the marriage - Roman Catholics and Protestants rarely play well together. So, my mother and father ran away to America, where they married and had me. My mother died giving birth to me and my father died when I was six, so I was sent to live with my grandfather. I grew up in Volterra. It was my home until I was eighteen and I went to medical school. After graduating I moved back to America to see the place where I spent the first six years of my life. Then I met Elizabeth and we had Emmett and Alice.'_

'_Did you take Elizabeth to see them?' Esme wanted to know the family's reaction to his first wife - if they had adored her, how would they react to Esme and two children that were not biologically Carlisle's?_

_A muscle in Carlisle's jaw twitched. 'Just once. Elizabeth did not get on well with my family. She complained the entire time - she hated that I had a large, loving, extremely interfering' - Carlisle smiled fondly at this point - 'family, that she was not the whole family I had. Elizabeth always wanted to be the star, never part of an ensemble and that did not really work with my family. She refused to go back - said there was not any point now that they had met her. I couldn't take Emmett and Alice to meet their grandfather until after Elizabeth had left - I wanted to, but Elizabeth did not want to go and I guess pride prevented me from visiting my family without my wife.' Carlisle shook his head. 'I did not want to admit that may be I had been taken in, that my marriage was in trouble, even from the word go. It took me two years after Elizabeth left to return to the place where I spent most of my childhood. I was ashamed I had failed at marriage - the Volturri do not fail at marriage, they endure. But my family was exactly what they should have been: sympathetic, welcoming. They loved Emmett and Alice and did not fail to mention several times a day how much better off we were without her, how much they had not liked her. Everything you want your family to say when you've just got through a divorce.'_

'_What if they don't like me?' Esme had not meant to turn the conversation back to herself so quickly after Carlisle's heartache, but she was terrified of the prospect of them not liking her, or her children._

'_They will love you, particularly my grandmother, Sulpicia. You are exactly the person she said I was meant to be with.' Carlisle kissed her cheek and Esme felt a little better._

'_But what about Edward and Nessie?' she asked quickly._

'_Is that what you are worried about? That my family won't like them?' Carlisle laughed._

'_Well,' Esme shifted nervously, 'they are from my first marriage, so they are not biologically yours. What if they aren't accepted because they are not blood relatives?'_

'_They will be loved for exactly who they are. Besides, not of the family is not technically blood to either Aro or Marcus or Caius. They seem to have a knack for collecting people and incorporating them into the family. Most of the people that stay that are called family are really just old friends. No one bothers to differentiate because they are far too many of us.'_

'_You're sure?'_

'_I am sure. As sure as I am that they will love you, just as I do.'_

_Esme nodded and finally managed to stop fidgeting. At that point the plan had landed and they were taken by private plane to Volterra, then by limo to Castle Volturri. _

'_Spared no expense, did they?' Esme muttered, stroking the leather of the seats._

'_Ignore it - they just like to show off initially. They really are wonderful people. If you look out of the window, you might be able to see Castle Volturri.'_

_Esme whipped around to face Carlisle, sliding a little on the seat. '_Castle _Volturri?'_

'_I didn't mention it was a castle, did I?' Carlisle had the good grace to look sheepish._

'_No, Carlisle Cullen you did not!' Esme started to feel undeniably nervous again._

'_I believe I did say it was an ancestral home.'_

'_Yes, but not an entire castle!'_

'_Esme, it doesn't matter.'_

'_No, it only makes you practically royalty.'_

'_Well, we can trace our family back further than the Italian Royal Family can.' Carlisle joked. From the expression on Esme's face, the attempt at__ humour__ had not gone down well. He grabbed Esme before she could do something stupid like bolt out of the moving car and clamped her to his side. Taking her chin in his hand, he forced Esme to meet his gaze. 'You can do this.'_

_She tried to shake her head. 'They are never going to believe I am good enough for you. I'm not.'_

'_Yes you are,' Carlisle sounded rather angry at Esme's notion. 'I don't deserve someone as good and loving as you, but I have you. They are going to love you, too. Just be yourself.' _

'_You know that never really works don't you?'_

_Carlisle laughed again and kissed the top of her head. 'You will be fine.'_

_To her surprise, they had been. Aro had welcomed them with open arms, conversing in rapid Italian with Carlisle, Alice and Emmett, who answered equally fluently, until he noticed Esme, Edward and Nessie had no idea what was being said, at which point the switched to English, gently berating Carlisle for not teaching his new family his native language. Carlisle pointed out that his native language was English, since he was born in America. Aro dismissed him with a wave of his hand, 'the language of your blood, Carlisle, your blood! Not of that country that you were born into,' he said, barely hiding the good-natured disgust in his voice. 'Not that America is all bad,' he hastened to add, taking Esme's hand and kissing it like a turn of the century gentleman. 'Many lovely things have come out of America. You, for instance my dear, and your children.' He introduced himself to Edward and Nessie, insisting they call him '_nonno_' (the Italian for grandfather) as Emmett and Alice did. Then he ushered them through the foyer, which resembled a small cathedral, and out into the gardens, which included several acres of cultivated garden, followed by several miles of wild Italian countryside and a mountain. _

'_You are the last to arrive, my dear _nipotino,'_ Aro said. 'Everyone else has arrived!' It looked to Esme as though the population of a small country had arrived. Over the next month, they meant everyone. As promised, Esme, Edward and Nessie were greatly received. Here, Edward found a passion for music and Aro had an old friend, a world famous pianist, teach Edward in the music room. Nessie also discovered her love for cars here, having gotten lost trying to find her way to breakfast one day and ending up in the cavernous garage. There, Marcus, who owned a Grand Prix team, had been bent over a car, muttering to himself about the intake. The ever inquisitive Nessie had asked him what the intake was. After getting over the surprise of not being alone after all, and the bump resulting from smacking his head on the hood, Marcus explained all about cars and mechanics to a fascinated Nessie. Three hours later, after frantically searching everywhere, Esme and Carlisle found Nessie, streaked with oil, surrounded by a dismantled engine. With Marcus' help she was putting the engine back together. At dinner, Marcus gushed to everyone who would listen about Nessie obvious aptitude for cars. _

_And so the new Cullens had found their places in the family. Aro enjoyed being read to, now partly so he did not have to admit that he needed reading glasses, so Esme volunteered to read to him for an hour a day in the library. Carlisle often sat with them, listening to his wife's soft voice, initially somewhat hesitant, as she read to the old man in Italian. Esme proved to be just as capable with language as her children were with music and cars._

But then seven years after they moved to Denali, the Cullens had found a reason to move.

That reason was called James.


	8. James

Chapter Eight: James

He had been a boy at school. He had asked out her the first day of high school – they had both been freshmen – and she had accepted. The relationship had not alarmed anyone at first; he had been polite and thoughtful and the family thought he suited Nessie personality. But it became apparent fairly quickly that the James he presented to everyone else was Dr Jekyll, while the James Nessie saw was Mr Hyde.

It had begun innocently enough, he did not like it when other boys looked at Nessie, he wanted her to spend more time with him, normal behaviour for a slightly insecure boy. But then the behaviour had gotten worse; he did not like her spending time with her brothers and Alice and became moody and sulky when she went home with them after school instead of going to his, he became physically threatening to those boys that did look at Nessie, putting one boy into hospital when he had wolf-whistled at Nessie. This she had shared with her family because she thought it stemmed from his unstable home life and she wanted to help him. But as time progressed, James became more paranoid and abusive; he accused Nessie of having other boyfriends when she could barely speak to anyone outside of her family for fear of his reaction; he tried to changed the way she dressed, calling her a slut if she went out in a skirt. He hit her when he thought she had been talking to other boys. His only reason for all this was that she was his girl, and he did not like it when other people looked at his girl. Nessie felt sick to her stomach every time, remembering the household she had grown up in before they had moved to Chicago and found Carlisle.

He slowly wore down her self-confidence, making her miserable and unsure of herself. Finally, after seven months of being pushed around, Nessie went to her parents. They talked to the school explaining the situation and the school promised to help; they moved Nessie out of the classes she shared with James and she changed homerooms. She was always surrounded by her siblings. She broke up with James and he threatened to kill himself. The rumours ran rife and Nessie found herself in the last place she wanted to be – in the centre of attention.

Nessie broke up with James on Monday. By Tuesday, he was shadowing her ever movement, following her wherever she went. When she was at home, she could see him out of her bedroom window, just outside of the Cullen land, so the police could not do anything.

For two weeks this went on. Then suddenly, on the first Monday of Spring Break, James disappeared. The 'something' Nessie was waiting for happened on Friday. She felt anxious and afraid, the hairs stood up on the back of her neck and she knew in her bones something was going to happen.

Nessie was walking home alone – Emmett was at football practice and Nessie had convinced Edward and Alice that it was okay for them to go to the Dairy Queen without her – when a car drew up next to her on a deserted stretched of road. James had jumped out and pushed her into the car – Nessie had tried to fight back, dropping her bag in the struggle and getting knocked out on the door frame when James shoved her into the car. When she woke up, she was in a tiny room with only a camp bed and a few blankets. Light filtered in from a window, but it was dim and there did not seem to be any other sources of light – no lamps, torches, or even candles. Nessie was hyperventilating when James came in, carrying clothes, a First Aid kit and some food. Nessie shrank back into the corner but James boxed her in and began cleaning the cut on her forehead with gentle care.

"You shouldn't have made me do that you know." He rubbed an antiseptic wipe on her wound and Nessie winced at the sting. "Hurts, doesn't it? If you have just come with me, it would never have happened." His voice was soft, gentle and it sent shivers of fear down her spine. "I would never hurt you unless I had to. If you just do as I ask then we can be happy, okay?" Nessie nodded, biting her lip to stop herself from crying. "Good. I brought you clothes and some food – it's dinner time already, can you believe it?" James kept up a steady stream of polite conversation as Nessie's nerves broke. She shook violently and shied away when he tried to touch her.

She was a wreck by the time he said, "we should go to bed." He pulled a satin nightgown out of his bundle and handed it to Nessie.

"I don't want to wear that. Please, James, just let me go _home."_ Her voice broke on the last word and she began to sob. James' hand stung as he slapped her.

"Stop crying. This is why you're here Nessie. Because we belong together, but you won't accept it. This is why I had to take you away from your family when they tried to spilt us up. We can't go back to school because they won't understand either. It's you and me, Nessie, just how it was always meant to be. Now, be a good girl, and get ready for bed. You don't want to see me angry, do you?" Nessie shook her head and took the nightgown, her cheek on fire from his blow.

"Can . . . can you leave, please? I don't want you to see . . ." she trailed off, certain he was about to become furious. Instead, he gave a small laugh and kissed her on the cheek he had not hit. "Sweet Nessie. You're so innocent; it's why I love you." So he left, and she put on the nightgown before sitting back against the wall, her legs curled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs.

When he came back, he had also changed into nightclothes. He pulled Nessie down onto the camp bed on the floor and wrapped his body around hers, ignoring the way she flinched when he spooned her. "Good night, Nessie. I love you." He kissed her temple, buried his face in her hair and went to sleep. Nessie waited until she was sure he was asleep, before crawling out of bed and out of the room. She found she was in a downstairs room of an abandoned house. She felt her way towards the front of the house. She had her hand on the front door handle when something heavy collided with her skull and she crumpled, unconscious, to the floor.

When Nessie woke up, she found she had a splitting head again couldn't really move her limbs. She opened her eyes and the sunlight streaming in blinded her and caused her headache to go up a notch. Nausea tightened her throat and Nessie had to take several deep, calming breathes before she opened her eyes again.

The room was unfamiliar – Nessie looked around confused at the unmade up walls and cluttered floor before the events of yesterday afternoon and the following, horrid evening came crashing down on her. Hyperventilating, Nessie tried to move but her arms and legs had been tied at the wrists and ankles to the frame of the bed she was laying on. It was not the camp bed she had gone woken up on before. This bed was different, a proper bed, old-fashioned with a sturdy iron frame and a soft mattress. She writhed this way and that which only served to make the rope bite into her skin until blood trickled down her arms and stained the sheets under her feet.

Softly, Nessie began to cry. It was too much, she was too afraid to deal with this. She had only wanted a boyfriend – a nice guy that she could go out with, kiss, cuddle and laugh with. Instead she had gotten a psycho who viewed everyone, even the men in her family, as competitors for her attention. She had spent months being put down, made to feel insecure, even hit when he got angry enough. She had wanted what her mother had with Carlisle, but instead she had got Charles.

James came in the room. She stopped moving at the sound of his footsteps and tried to move as far from him as she could. She got all of two inches closer to the walls before the ropes hindered her. James sat on the bed next to her and brushed the hair off her face. Her heart began to pound and Nessie broke out in a cold sweat. James looked at her cut, bleeding wrists and ankles and sighed.

"Sweetheart, you've hurt yourself, again." Just like all the other times you made me hit you. He walked out of the room for a moment and when he came back in his was carrying the first aid kit – this was beginning to look like a tradition; wake up, patch up, punch up. Was that how it was going to be? Waking in fear, getting yesterday's cuts and bruises seen to before her gave her fresh ones?

"James, what are we doing here?" Nessie's voice trembled and she had to bite down on the inside of her lip to stop a sob slipping out.

"You didn't think I would keep us where we were yesterday, did you? Baby, "he undid one wrist and began wiping the blood away with a damp antiseptic wipe. He was being so careful, so gentle but it only scared Nessie when he was being like this – she never knew when he would fly into a rage. "That was just somewhere you have to stay until home was ready for you. You didn't think I would bring my girl home to a half ready house?"

Nessie chose not to answer, goose bumps rising when he called her 'my girl'.

James dealt with the rope burns slowly and methodically, retying each appendage to the bed frame before undoing another to treat it.

"James, please, you can't keep me here. I have to go home, my parents, my family will be worried about me. They'll be afraid of where I am." Nessie looked at James, pleading with her eyes.

"Don't worry, love. They know you're with me." James closed the first aid box and Nessie watched him put it away in a drawer in a bedside table she had not seen. "I called them and told them that we decided we couldn't be together around them, so we left. It's okay, they know."

"They know? What did they say?" Nessie struggled to sit up, panic lacing her voice.

"Well, understandably they were upset that we had left them – we are young, after all. But they don't understand us Nessie. Once they see how happy we are, they'll come around." He spoke as though he was comforting her, as though she had been afraid her family would not accept him, rather than terrified that her family would not find her.

"James, listen to me. My family will be looking for me. Let me go and I promise, nothing will happen to you. I'll say that I got lost, or something. Just let me go _home, please."_

James' face darkened. "Home?" his voice was sharp. "You are _home, _Nessie. You are with me. We belong together."

"No, James, we don't. I want to go home."

He backhanded her across the face, screaming, "stop saying that! You _are _home, you're with _me!" _His hands found her throat and he began to squeeze. "You have to stay with me. You have to love me! I love you, and you're my girl. And my girl stays with me."

Nessie began to cough, choking as her lungs burned from lack of oxygen. Her head spun and black dots appeared in her vision. "James," she croaked. "James, let go."

"Say you'll stay with me!" James looked insane – there was a maniacal gleam in his eyes that scared the hell out of Nessie, who could not speak so nodded. Immediately, James let go of her throat. Nessie drew in great lungfuls of air, coughing, trying to breathe in as much air as possible, as James smoothed his hair. "You look cold; I'll make you a cup of coffee." He stood up, once again calm and smiled at her as he left the room.

The days passed on, James consistently charming in the way that made chills run down her spine. Nessie was allowed to walk around the abandoned house during the day, and into the garden as long as she held James' hand – he was never far away. At night, however, there was no way of pretending, as James had learnt his lesson from the first night. Every night, James would tie Nessie's wrists together, then attach the rope to the bed frame. He would curl his body around hers, kiss her forehead and whisper goodnight in her ear. Nessie would spend the next eight hours wrapped in the embrace of the person she was most afraid of, wishing that she could fall asleep and never wake up. But she never fell asleep at night – she could not. So she fell asleep during the day, either in the garden, or by a window so the dim sunlight would glide over her, cocooning her in warmth allowing her to shut out James and his constant presence.

After two weeks, Nessie tried again to escape. James was in the attic, trying to find something he was so sure would make Nessie happy; she had slowly been withdrawing into herself, barely eating and not talking to him - it was not how James thought it would be. She ran from her room to the stairs and down them. She had been within a foot of the door when James tackled her to the floor. She screamed, hitting and kicking against, writhing to throw him off her. He dragged her by her hair to the door that led to the basement and through her down the stairs. He heard her leg break as she fell, heard her scream that went right through him – Nessie was hurt, and it hurt him.

He flicked on the light and raced to the bottom of the stairs where Nessie lay. Her already usually pale face was white, bloodless, her lips lined with pain. She clutched at her leg, which lay at a funny angle.

"Oh, Nessie, what have you done?" James asked, concerned. He tried to cradle her but she threw him off, tears staining her colourless cheeks. "You're right. We have to get you help at once." Ignoring her struggles which only ignited more pain in her damaged limb, James picked her up and carried her up the stairs and to the bedroom. Here he pinned up her long bronze hair and put on her a short, brunette wig – she looked nothing like herself. When she was suitably disguised, James carried her to the car. He drove her to the hospital, but Nessie was in too much pain to notice the route – it took all her effort not to blackout, though she was not sure that's why she was doing it. The only thing she noticed was that the hospital James brought her to was not the one where her dad worked – Carlisle would not find her and take her home. Her heart thumped painfully in time with her leg as she realised this.

"Don't worry, baby," said James, incorrectly interpreting these fresh tears. "It'll stop hurting soon." He carried her into hospital and the doctor put a cast on her leg. When the doctor left to get the paperwork, James got a wheelchair and pushed Nessie out of the hospital. "You don't need those painkillers, baby. I'll get you something." The doctor, suspicious of the story of Nessie falling down the stairs and the whole situation, had said she would be back with the prescription Nessie would need to stop the leg from paining her too badly – without them, the first few days especially, would be excruciating as the newly set bone started to mend itself.

James got her to the car and they drove home in silence. He carried Nessie to bed, where she blacked out from the pain. When she woke up, the pain in her leg made her cry out and James hurried in holding a vial and a syringe. "Here, we go, baby, this will stop the pain." Nessie tried to push him away, but the pain and the cast on her leg meant she got nowhere before James grabbed her arm and injected whatever had been in the vial into a vein. Nessie started to feel woozy and went limp against him. James pulled back the bed clothes and then tucked her in. By this time, Nessie was completely asleep, oblivious to everything and still unaware of what it was that James had given her.


	9. Fear and Freedom

_Thank you to everyone for reviewing – much literary love coming you way. And thank you, too, to Veggie-Vampire90 for the cookies! Me love the cookies! Hint, hint, people._

_Please keep reviewing or I can't (aka won't) update!_

Chapter Nine: Fear and Freedom.

Over the next six weeks Nessie learnt to be afraid – afraid of James, afraid of never being found, afraid of being addicted to whatever he kept injecting her with, afraid of the dark, afraid of small enclosed spaces.

After her second escape landed her in hospital, James decided that Nessie needed to be locked up for her own good, so he kept her locked in the basement. The doctor said she needed lots of rest to heal, so he shut her in the dark so she would sleep, chained to the bed so she would not move. Except for bathroom breaks, Nessie was in the basement all day.

There was one small, dim light bulb, but it only lit up a small circle; the rest of the room was in shadow. Nessie would sit in the middle of her bed feeling trapped by the light, terrified of what was lurking in the dark, just out of sight, if it was James, sat there, just watching. The hair on the back of her neck and arms constant stood up right, goose bumps and shivers breaking out as the paranoia built. Within days the claustrophobia and the dark got to her, but it didn't matter how long or how hard she cried for James to let her out, he never did.

So she stopped crying.

She stopped trying to leave, or hoping that anyone would find her – it had been weeks, no one was looking for her. She slept when James told her to, ate when James told her to, allowed him to wash, dress and care for her. He chose her clothes, her makeup, her jewellery. He bought her things and she wore them for him. She would sit still for hours as he brushed her hair. James thought she was coming round, beginning to love him as he wanted her to. Nessie knew she was dying inside.

James would talk to her as he cared for her, constantly telling her the plan of how their lives would be – the marriage, the babies. Most states would allow a couple to marry when they were under eighteen if they were pregnant. After the cast came off, they could try for a baby – once Nessie was strong enough to bring a child to term. He had it all planned out her promised her as he held her at night. He could wait. He loved her enough to wait. Nessie's brain raged as the drugs pumped round her system, as she lay trapped in the arms of the devil.

She had one chance – he would have to take her to hospital to take the cast off. That was when she was going to take her chances and get away from him. Or die trying.

Across town, the Cullen family was a wreck. It had been two weeks since Nessie had gone missing. Carlisle had told the family in Italy why they would not be visiting a week after Nessie went missing. Aro and Sulpicia had taken the first plane to America and started to boss the police around the moment they set foot through the door.

"And why have you not found her, yet?" Aro demanded of the detective.

"We are trying, Mr Volturi, but there are no leads as yet." The detective moved his foot quickly when Aro brought his cane sharply down on the floor, where the police officer's foot would have been.

"That's not good enough! My grandchild has been kidnapped! By a fifteen year old boy – hardly a criminal mastermind!" Aro was irate where the rest of the family was merely numb – he was scared for his little Nessie and the money that had never failed him before was not helping bring her back.

The detective was saved from answering by a junior member of the team who rushed over, waving a piece of paper. "Detective, Mr Volturi, we have a lead. A nurse from St Augustine's hospital. She says that a young man, matching the description of James Sanders, brought in a teenage girl suffering a broken leg." On hearing this, Esme, who was had spent the last two weeks on the verge of tears, began to sob. Carlisle hugged her tight, his face drawn and white. The children were sat on the sofa and all looked to Carlisle for an answer, but he could not give one.

"Are you sure it's Sanders?" The detective demanded.

"The nurse looked at the picture of the two that we sent to every hospital – she said she wasn't sure at first because the girl had short brown hair, but it was definitely Sanders."

"How long ago?"

"She says they left about half an hour ago, sir."

"I want two officers over there, this minute. Get a full statement from the nurse, doctor, hell, even the janitor! Anyone that saw them, or saw where they went. Any information, I want it."

"Yes, sir." The officer rushed out of the room with his partner and they headed to the patrol car.

"I'm going with them," Aro said. The detective shut his eyes as though this was the last thing he had wanted to hear. "Some people don't like police, and your boys are young. The people at that hospital will tell me what happened to Nessie or there'll be hell to pay." Aro walked off after the officers, muttering in rapid Italian as he went.

"I'll go with them, see what she was treated for, make sure Aro doesn't kill anyone with that cane." There was no humour in Carlisle's voice – there had not been for some time. His tone was weary and sorrowful – there had been a number of calls over the last two weeks; calls from hospitals that turned out to be false, morgues wanting bodies identified, reporters wanting the inside scoop, pranksters thinking they were funny but having no idea how much pain they were inflicting. Then there were calls from family, friends, neighbours; these were appreciated and hated in equal measure – appreciated that those who made them where thinking of the family at this difficult time, but hated because they never had anything _useful _to say. It was always, "we're so sorry about Nessie, what can we do to help?" never "we know where she is" or even "we know she's okay".

Carlisle moved slowly after his grandfather, looking like an old man himself, spine bent, shoulders hunched with worry. Esme moved to the sofa and the three remaining Cullen children quickly moved in, all desperate for some motherly comfort, assurances that their sister would be alright, even if they knew it was not true. Sulpicia left the four Cullens holding each other and went to make lunch – no one had really eaten since Nessie disappear – no one had the appetite – but they had to keep their strength up. She made enough food and drink to feed the cops that were on the case, too – the police were grateful, even if all the family did was nibble the crusts of the sandwiches, their stomachs churning too much to face eating.

After a couple of hours, Carlisle, Aro and the two police officers returned.

"Well?" Esme asked the moment they walked through the door.

Carlisle nodded and sat heavily on the sofa, covering his face with his hand. "It was them," came his muffled voice from under his hand.

"We just missed them." Aro sat next to Carlisle, patting the hand that Carlisle had left resting on his knee. "They headed south. The police are going to focus that way, but we all know they could be anywhere by now."

"We have given Nessie and James' pictures to all the ferries and airports. If they try to get out of Alaska, we'll know about it." The detective – Detective Maguire – informed the family.

"What if James tries to drive out of state?" Emmett asked.

"To drive out he'll have to cross into Canada. All the border points have the photos, too. Trust us, son, he's not getting away." Maguire tried to be reassuring, but it was not working. Aside from a phone call made by James from a phone booth in the centre of Denali a few hours after Nessie went missing to tell them that he had taken her so they could "be together without interference", there had been no contact from her or James. Wherever he was keeping her, James was keeping Nessie well out of reach of a phone.

The seven of them – Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Edward, Emmett, Aro and Sulpicia – spent another sleepless night. They were still waiting for news long after the police went home. They continued in this way for another six weeks, sleepless nights and drawn out days with nothing to show for it.

Until a phone call in mid-May, two months and four days after Nessie had gone missing.

James had to choice but to take her to the same hospital – the doctor had been insistent as well as suspicious. If she did not turn up, James was afraid the doctor would call the police.

For the first time in six weeks, Nessie saw the outside of the basement. The sunlight, clouded over though the sky was, burned her eyes after prolonged exposure to only the weak artificial light of the lone basement light bulb. She stumbled to the car James half carrying her – after weeks of the same eight by eight feet room, her unharmed leg was no stronger than her plastered one. Her muscles had atrophied, leaving her too weak to move far.

James drove carefully to the hospital. It would not be done to be caught now. Nessie was only fourteen, so he would be done for the abduction of a minor. James had told Nessie how they were going to live in Canada, leaving straight away from the hospital. On her eighteen birthday, they were going to get married – he did not mind waiting that long, for they truly loved one another. James was ecstatic at the plan of their life and how Nessie was agreeing to it. Nessie felt nauseous and could only think of how to get James far enough away that she could have a decent chance to run.

Thankfully, the plan came together quite easily. The nurse had just got Nessie settled when Nessie asked James to get her a drink from the vending machine. As always, James was happy to comply and thrilled that Nessie was beginning to _ask _for things. Quickly, Nessie grabbed the nurse's wrist.

"I need your help," Nessie whispered. The nurse opened her mouth to speak but Nessie cut across her. "Please, I don't know how much time we have. Do you have a pen and paper?" The nurse nodded and handed them over. Nessie took them and began to scribble. "Call this number, tell them where I am. Read this to them so they'll know it's me – they'll understand. Can you, please?" Nessie pleaded the nurse, tears welling up in her eyes. "I can't go back with him, please. I can't go back to the dark." She shoved the paper and pen into the shocked nurse's hands, who had enough presence of mind to put them in her pocket straight away. She had barely smoother her scrubs and began fussing with Nessie pillow again when James arrived with a bottle of water.

Nessie smiled weakly at him and took the water with shaking hands. The nurse straightened up, taking in Nessie's still petrified face. "I'll just get the doctor for you, _like you asked."_ Nessie did not miss the emphasis and what it really meant, and she looked gratefully at the nurse who nodded behind James' back before hurrying out of the room.

At the nurses' station, Nurse Collins picked up the phone and dialled the number the terrified patient had written down. There was only one ring before a gruff voice answered, "Cullen Residence, Detective Maguire speaking."

"Detective? This is Nurse Collins from St Augustine's Hospital. I have a patient here who wanted me to call. She's got a young man with her – she's clearly petrified of him. She wrote down that her name is Vanessa Carlie Cullen."

"Yes, that's the girl were looking for. How do we know it's really her – I'm sorry but there have been a lot of pranks."

"She said to tell you 'remember the'," at this point, Nurse Collins had to squint at the single, baffling word written on the page, "'Smoads?'"

"The what? Hold on." Maguire turned to the family gathered hopefully around him. "Do any of you know what 'remember the Smoads' means?" The family began to laugh and cry and cling to each other – Maguire guessed they did. He began to talk to the nurse again. "Okay, that's her. We're sending police over now. Try and keep them there. Especially the boy."

"I'll try. Goodbye, Detective." Nurse Collins waited long enough for the farewell to be exchanged and then hung up. She rushed up to the doctor who was just entering Nessie's room and whispered to him what had just transpired. His eyes widened a little, but to give the man credit, he showed no more reaction than that and entered the room checking the chart and inquiring as to Nessie's health. The nurse followed him in.

"Right, let's get this cast off you, shall we?" the doctor asked kindly. He made short work of the cast and soon it was in two pieces on the table. The doctor felt the bone but assured both teenagers it had set well and there should not be any lasting damage, providing Nessie went through physical therapy to get the leg back up to strength.

"Will we have to do that here?" James asked, concerned. He had hoped to be out of the state within the next couple of days – anything longer would risk being found.

"Oh, no," the doctor said, playing along with James' obvious agitation. "The therapy is really just exercises designed to strength the muscles again. They can be done anywhere." James visibly relaxed in his seat.

"James, I'm hungry." Nessie said.

"Really?" James jumped up – Nessie had not been well enough to be hungry in a long time. "What would you like? What can I get you?"

"Can I have proper food – not from the vending machine?" Nessie asked, trying to keep her expression neutral and keep meeting James' eye.

"There's a cafeteria on the other side of the hospital," Nurse Collins interjected. "You could get her something to eat and be back here in fifteen minutes."

"Well," James shifted uncomfortably. His desire to please and take care of Nessie was being plagued by his doubts of her leaving him – he was not convinced she would stay. What if she still believed them? That they should not be together?

"Don't worry, I'll look after her." Nurse Collins laid a hand on Nessie's shoulder as though to keep her on the bed. "She's got some paperwork to fill out so it would be much quicker for you to get the food while she's signing them. Then you can both leave straight away."

That cinched it for James. "Okay, I'll be right back with something tasty." He kissed Nessie on the forehead.

"I'll be here, " she lied and James threw her a glowing look as he rushed from the room.

The doctor shoved the paperwork he had been holding out to Nessie under her pillow. The nurse rushed to get a wheelchair and stayed outside the door on the lookout for James while the doctor got her into it. Then he calmly wheeled Nessie from the room and took her in the opposite direction to where the nurse had directed James. He hid her in another room until it was safe to move her without any chance of James seeing them.

The nurse ducked around a corner when James came into view and as soon as he was in the room, she slammed the door shut and locked it from the outside. From the crashing and shouting coming from inside, James had realised he had been tricked and threw the food, then everything else, across the room.

As soon as the lock hit home, the doctor hurried Nessie to the nearest exit – the one at the front of the hospital where the police would show up.

Except, it was not just the police. As soon as it had been confirmed that it was Nessie, the Cullen family, including the Volturi grandparents, had piled in the family car and sped off after the police car. When they saw Nessie, Carlisle slammed on the brakes, they rushed out of the car and Nessie was pulled from the wheelchair into a family embrace. They stood there, all eight of them holding on to each other, crying in relief and joy, all desperately trying to touch Nessie to make sure that she was real, that they were all not just having the same dream they had been having for the last two months.

The police came over and advised Carlisle to get everyone back in the car – they did not think Nessie had to witness the scene that would arise when they brought James out. Carlisle agreed and bundled everyone back into the car and started the car. They were just pulling out onto the road when they heard James' hysterical screams. Nessie buried her head farther into her mother's neck; everyone holding Nessie held on tighter, Esme and Emmett from one side, Edward and Alice on the other. Carlisle was sat in the front seat having allowed Aro to drive so he could twist around in his seat to hold his daughter's hand. Every so often he would squeeze the pale fingers, and his heart would leap every time she squeezed back. She was okay, she was alive.

They got home about three in the afternoon. Carlisle, flanked by the rest of the family, carried her to bed and tucked her in, before they all settled down around her, unwilling to leave her after two months of living without her.

The last thing Nessie remembered was falling asleep, her family around her, while the sunlight streaming in from the skylight covered her from head to foot.

_Okay, the Smoads are a strange creature that I thought of when having a conversation with mellowenglishgal – it will be explained later in chapter 21. Sorry for the delay but the explanation doesn't work anywhere else._


	10. There's Safety In The Clouds

_PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW. Even if you don't like it – if you don't I can't improve it. So let me know. Good, bad, just to say hi, whatever. This takes effort guys (yes, I'm guilt tripping. Shamelessly.)._

Chapter Ten – There's Safety in the Clouds

It had been a long time since any of the Cullen children had gone to school. The three left behind had tried to return but it was too hard – they could not concentrate on their schoolwork and were constantly obsessing over what was happening at home, people would not leave them alone; the Cullens were the hottest gossip and everyone wanted to know the latest developments. James had not been overly concerned with Nessie's education while chaining her up in the basement.

Esme and Carlisle decided to yank the kids out of school. They took them to Italy where a score of private tutors caught the children up during the summer – being rich had its advantages.

"What are we going to do?" Esme asked Carlisle. They sat on a bench in the garden, watching as their children run in the Italian summer sun. The garden was huge, spotted with trees and bushes, flowerbeds everywhere that were a riot of colour. It was Nessie's favourite place – no walls, no chains, only light and colour and _freedom._ She could run for as long as she wanted and never hit a boundary.

"I don't think it would be a good idea to take Nessie back to Alaska. She hates the place now."

"I know," Esme remembered the screaming fits of the week before they had left for Italy. Everything reminded her of James – not just the kidnapping and the weeks of darkness, but the months of abuse, too. In that city, in that state, she could not escape and she could not move on. James had been taken to the local asylum. Nessie's therapist kept trying to encourage Nessie to see James to aid the healing process. The one time she had, James had screamed that he would kill her so she could never leave him. Three hours later, the Cullens were on a plane to Rome.

"We could move. Move house, move city, move state," Carlisle said.

"I think we'll have to," Esme sighed and leant against Carlisle who wrapped his arm around her and tucked her head under her chin. Her baby was hurting and Esme did not know how to stop it.

"Somewhere on the mainland. Somewhere where we can just drive if we want to," said Carlisle, remembered what Nessie had said about feeling trapped in Alaska – not part of the landmass proper, the only ways out of Alaska was in a plane or through Canada.

"Have you got anywhere in mind?" Esme asked, leaning back so she could look at her husband's face.

"I was thinking somewhere sunny, like California by the sea, or Texas – she won't feel fenced in there."

"Emmett could play football if we went to Texas," Esme said. "It's a big deal down there – he could play professionally. But ..."

Carlisle stroked her hair, "but..."

"We already lived there. Me, Edward and Nessie already lived there will Charles for a number of years and ..."

"...and the best way of getting a girl over her abusive boyfriend is _not_ by reminding her of her abusive father," Carlisle finished.

"California, though, that's a nice state – Nessie could see the whole ocean. We could buy a boat and take her on it, anytime she wants."

"California, though ..." it was Carlisle's turn to hesitate.

"What?"

"That's where Elizabeth left us. She loved the glamour – I only went there because of her. I hate big cities, I like towns; I was raised in towns."

"Me, too. So let's live in a town, somewhere by the ocean."

"Somewhere miles from the nearest city. Nessie would like that – being lost on the outskirts, away from crowds."

They talked it over with their children. Washington State was the nearest Nessie would go to Alaska, and since they wanted to keep up their relationship with Grace and the Taylor kids the Cullens did not want to move to the other side of the country. Aro and Sulpicia were all for them moving permanently to Italy, but Esme and Carlisle were against such a huge upheaval – a move was necessary for the whole family, but half the world away was a little extreme, even for Nessie.

Given how much the whole family loved the outdoors, the Cullens wanted a house in the Olympic Peninsula which gave great opportunities for mountain climbing and camping. They found a small town by the name of Forks that had beach on one side and mountains on the other. Even better, they found a house, a mansion, outside of town. Huge rooms, wide open ones filled with light. The house was surrounded by acres of lawn and trees. The house had a wraparound porch on the first story, perfect for simply sitting and _being _for a few quiet hours.

There were four stories altogether. The first was the usual rooms – kitchen, downstairs bathroom, dining rooms, living rooms. The second and third floors had a multitude of rooms with no designated purpose, though some did have en suite bathrooms; these were taken as bedrooms. Emmett and Alice ended up on the second floor, while Carlisle and Esme, and Edward had rooms on the third. Nessie had been wandering the house for a while when she found a staircase separate to the main staircase that wound from the first floor to the third. This staircase was at the end of the corridor and led up to its own passageway. At the end of this short passage was a single door. Opening it, Nessie saw a room that ran the whole width and almost half of the house, the other half being taken up the heating and water units. There were no dividing walls; the only walls in the room were the outer walls and these were divided by large bay windows. There were skylights in the roof as well – this room got more light than any other.

She walked up and down the room slowly gazing around the room, a smile forming on her face – the first in four months. The room was silent, suddenly broken by Styx's _Renegade_. She jumped and snatched her phone out of her back pocket.

"Hello?" Nessie asked.

"Nessie, where the hell are you? We've been looking for you for half an hour!" Emmett was about as anxious as he ever got and the worry rang in his voice.

"I'm in the attic – Em, I've found my room and it's perfect."

"Oh, okay," Emmett was over his concern – unlike Edward who would have sulked for the rest of the day. "Er, how to we get there?"

"Staircase at the end of the third floor corridor leads to another passage. At the end is a door, that's where I am." Nessie snapped the phone shut. She stood under one of the skylights and watched the ever present clouds move across the sky. Why was it that state lines boxed her in, but low cloud cover made her feel safe? Invisible boundaries made her want to run, but natural ceilings made her want to stay. Maybe because they reminded her of the blankets she played under as a child – soft, fluffy shields from the harsh reality of the world.

That was where she was when her family walked in. Emmett whistled at the sight of the huge room as the whole family looked around. Esme and Carlisle walked over to Nessie and put their arms around her. They looked up to see what was making the gently awed expression on Nessie's face. All they saw was precipitation. Nessie saw safety.

"So, what do you guys think?" Carlisle asked, turning to the other children.

"Definitely the nicest house," Edward observed. "There's space for a music room."

"I was thinking we could put the piano on the dais in the living room," Esme said. "There are too many rooms downstairs. I was thinking we could knock out most of the walls to give one big space. What do you all think?"

"We'll leave it to you, Mum," Alice said. "You're the expert after all."

"Nessie?" Nessie turned to her mother. "Are you sure you want this room? It very nice, but you are kind of cut off from the rest of the house."

"This is the floor furthest from the basement," Nessie said, barely any emotion at all in her voice.

No one suggested she choose differently after that.

It took a while to get everything together. They had left so quickly that their furniture was in Alaska but their clothes and personal belongings were in Italy. Aro and Sulpicia once again flew over to America to bring over the rest of their belongings – they had spent the last six months traipsing back and forth and Carlisle was beginning to worry about the toll it was taking on the elderly couple. They were in their eighties and the jetlag had always affected his grandmother particularly badly.

Esme went back to Denali to have the furniture shipped to the new house. Everyone else cleaned and stocked the house with food while waiting for the furniture to arrive. Esme got home about three hours after the furniture did. The bedrooms were sorted out but they stored the rest of the furniture in one of the outbuildings while they had builders knock down most of the walls on the first floor leaving only the powder room, kitchen, dining room and the one big room. The outer wall was removed and replaced by a single sheet of glass with a descending metal shutter.

Finally, a month after they moved in they finally finished the house.

They were enrolled in school just in time to start the school year at Forks High School – Nessie as a sophomore, Alice and Edward as juniors and Emmett as a senior.

But they were not the only new students. They were joined by the Hale twins, Rosalie Lillian and Jasper Whitlock, who were also seniors, from Texas.

_Dun dun dun DUN! More characters! Hmm...how will the Cullens respond to the Hales? Like we don't all know!_


	11. So, this is Forks High School

Chapter Eleven – So, this is Forks High School

First day of a new school year, at a new high school.

"You okay?" Edward asked Nessie quietly. He was driving everyone in the Volvo, girls in the back, guys in the front – they needed the legroom.

Nessie looked up to see her brother staring at her in the rear-view mirror. "I'll be okay."

"The people here don't really know anything."

"Alice, the entire _country _knows everything," Nessie said. She was right; the abduction of the daughter of an old-money family by her obsessed boyfriend had kept the country on tenterhooks nationwide for two months.

"Yeah, but the media never said you're name," Alice persisted.

"And how many _Cullens _are there in America?"

"The media said it was the Volturi family, didn't it?" Emmett asked from the front passenger seat. "An old-money Italian family?"

"Yes," Alice rubbed Nessie's arm, trying to give comfort that Nessie did not manage to feel. "You see, Nessie, the Cullen name wasn't even mentioned – Aro made sure of that. No one will know it was you."

Nessie looked out of the window at the tiny town flashing by. "A town like this, everyone knows everything," she said quietly.

They pulled into the school car park and headed to the administration building. They were earlier than they would normally be, wanting to get the layout of the school before they were stuck into their schedules; they wanted to be able to find each other quickly.

"Okay," Emmett grabbed the four schedules. "Right, before lunch, Nessie you're in building one, Alice building three, me and Edward both in building four. We'll meet outside the cafeteria at lunch."

Edward and Alice both nodded, but Nessie still looked unhappy. "You guys don't have to babysit me, if you want. I'll be okay."

"Nessie, the last time we made that mistake, we lost you for sixty three days," Edward said, his gaze and his tone brooking no argument. "We are not making that mistake again."

"We can't lose you, Loch," Emmett said, nudging her shoulder with his fist.

"Yeah, Monster," Alice teased. "What would I do at school? You've just caught up with us! I don't want to have to hang out with a bunch of boys again!" Popular as they were, the Cullens preferred to keep to themselves, forgoing close friendships – it made for less difficult questions.

"This is what we've always done, Ness. Why mind now?" Emmett asked – Emmett, who never cared what anyone thought of him.

"Because, it's not like Denali – that was a big high school, several hundred kids in each year. In a town this small, they'll just think we're being stand-offish."

"We are being stand-offish, Ness," Emmett grinned.

"Why are you so worried, Nessie?" Edward asked, looking at her in that way that made her feel like he was reading her mind – Edward always seemed to know more than everyone else. "You hate people. This thing with ... lately you haven't been able to leave the house you're so terrified of people, now you want us to leave you alone to deal with them? I don't get it."

"I just don't want to draw any more attention to us." Nessie dragged the sleeves of her top over her hands. She had been so grateful that they had moved to a place like Forks, where it was nearly always raining, calling for a lot of long sleeved layers; her ordeal had left her with angry red scars on her wrists. Esme still cried when she saw them.

"We're new in a small town, Nessie. We're going to be the centre of attention for a while. The best way to be left alone is to alienate them. We ignore them, they'll leave us alone," Edward promised, covering Nessie hands, still twisting her cuffs, with his larger ones. Alice added her tiny hands to the pile and so did Emmett; his were the largest cocooning the rest.

"I just want to be left alone," Nessie said softly, staring down at the hands covering hers. Tears burned her eyes at the love her siblings showed her. Emmett released their hands so Alice could hug her.

"Come on, Jasper!" A sharp, melodic voice rang across the lot to where they sat. They turned to see the classic-model type stalk to the administration building, high heels clinking on the asphalt. Behind her, a less well-groomed boy walked after her. Where her blond hair hung to the small of her back in perfect waves, his was a shock of blond that clearly said 'no, I didn't brush it before I left the house, so what?' Looking at him walking, Nessie recognised the slight fragility of someone coming off drugs – part of her therapy had been to deal with the dependency she had on the morphine James had fed over during her nightmare. The boy, Jasper, tugged at his clothes, which were baggier and decidedly less stylish than the fashionata glamour of his ... sister?

"Looks like we're not the only new ones," Edward said.

"Certainly not the most interesting," Alice observed, her eyes following the boy. Emmett was staring at the girl. While Nessie had clocked the movements of the boy and what they meant, Emmett was only interested in the way the girl's ass looked as she walked.

"I hope," Nessie said, watching as the two disappeared into the building.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Edward asked Nessie quietly. It was the time for class to begin and they were dropping Nessie of at her room.

Nessie nodded. "Mom phone ahead, I can sit at the back of all my classes, none of my teachers are going to do the 'introduce yourself thing'. It's the beginning of the school year anyway, they'll just want to get started."

"Alright. Well, we've got it all organised. One of us will always be there to walk you to your class. Don't leave until we get there," said Edward.

Nessie smiled at them all – it was small, and still nervous, but it was a _smile_, finally after months."Thanks, guys."

"You don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to," Alice said, rubbing her arm.

Nessie nodded and walked inside. She kept her head down and took her assigned seat at the back, ignoring the whispers and flurry of movement her arrival caused. She didn't talk to anyone the entire lesson, just took notes, did what the teacher asked, then left the room at the bell. Emmett was ready for her, ready to walk her from English to Chemistry.

"'Sup, lil sis," Emmett said. He was massive and everyone stared at him. He put his arm around her shoulders and steered her from the building. "How was your first class?"

"Fine," Nessie said, shrinking into his side as people got too close. "No one talked to me; I think they wanted to know though. What are you so happy about?"

"I got Government with the blonde," he said, the smile widening to Cheshire cat proportions.

"The shrill uptight from the parking lot?" Nessie asked, incredulous.

"Yep, her name's Rosalie – Rosalie Hale. Jasper is her twin brother."

"What are they doing here?" Nessie asked.

"I don't know – that's when the teacher told me to be quiet," Emmett grinned broadly. "But, they should be joining us for lunch!"

Nessie stopped dead, her eyes wide with fear.

"Ness, don't worry," Emmett rushed to comfort his sister. "You don't have to talk to them. You'll sit between two of us – they'll say hello, goodbye, and that's it. I promise, you can be invisible."

"Emmett," tears welled up in her eyes. At the back of her mind, she knew she was being ridiculous, but she could not get over the fear of people. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to remember what her therapist had said.

She felt hands on her shoulders and flinched. "It's me, Ness, it's me." Emmett's voice was soft and close to her ear. "That's it, just breath. It's all okay. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. I'm so stupid."

Nessie opened her eyes to the rare sight of Emmett frowning. "No, Em, it's okay." She took deep breath and managed to keep the rising panic at bay. "All new kids together, right?" She smile weakly, but her lip trembled and she bit it to keep from crying. "I'm sorry."

Emmett hugged her close, murmuring into her hair. "I'm sorry, Nessie. I didn't mean to make you cry. I didn't know that new people still affected you so bad. I thought you were doing okay, you've held up so well."

"I've spent the last hour wanting to run. I hate them, Emmett. I hate the classrooms, I hate it when they shut the door, locking me in." Emmett felt the front of his shirt getting wet and hugged his weeping sister closer. "I hate being at the back. I thought it would be easy, no one can see you. But they do. They see me and I can't get to the door. Emmett, why is this happening? Why can't I just get over this?" Emmett started to rub her back, trying to slow down her breathing.

"Because some fucker screwed you up six ways from Sundays. It's not your fault, Nessie. Maybe we pushed you into this too soon." The hand that was not soothing circles into her back, went stiff – Nessie could tell Emmett was desperately trying to reign in his strength.

"No," Nessie shook her head. "It's okay."

"It's only been three months, Ness. You've spent the last couple of months surrounded by family, hell, even your shrink is a family friend! Now you're being pushed into a new environment with new people. Maybe it's too much." Emmett loosened his grip and Nessie took a step back. They were definitely late to class – there was not a single person in sight, the flux of moving students having ebbed. "You want me to take you home?"

Nessie sighed in defeat, but nodded. She hated running away but it was too much. She just wanted to go home.

"Come with me, Edward has Math now and I need to get the keys." He put his arm back around her shoulders and led her to Edward's lesson. Nessie looked at the ground the whole way, her arms wrapped around her binders, trying to ignore the brewing headache.

At the classroom, Emmett knocked on the door and was allowed to enter. "Er, can I get the car keys off Edward, please?" The teacher nodded and Edward threw the keys to Emmett, frowning. Emmett caught them, nodding towards were a pale, subdued Nessie was just visible. At the sight, Edward stood up, almost knocking his chair over. The teacher looked confused at the goings-on, but settled down the fussing students.

Ignoring the protests of his teacher, Edward walked out of the classroom to talk to Emmett. "What's going on?"

"Nessie's just finding it tough. I'm taking her home."

Edward nodded, "good idea." He looked away, running a hand through his hair, almost pulling it out in his agitated state. "I told them, I _told _Mum and Dad she wasn't ready." He looked over at Nessie. "You okay?"

"Getting a headache, but, according to the therapist, that's an expected reaction to crowded environment." Nessie rubbed her forehead, massaging her temples to relieve the pressure.

"Panic attack?" Edward asked – Nessie had been prone to them since meeting James.

"No, she managed to hold it off, did real good," Emmett said, looking at Nessie and smiling proudly. Then his smile faded, "I think I set it off."

Edward looked at him sharply, "what do you mean?" His tone was harsh.

"I told her that I'd invited Rosalie and Jasper Hale to sit with us at lunch," Emmett said. "That's when she started to freak out about being in the rooms."

"It wasn't that, Emmett. It was me, I was scared. I'd spent the last hour feeling caged and knew I had to go through the same for the rest of the day. When Emmett told me that they were sitting with us ... lunch will be the only time I'm not in a closed room full of people I don't know. I guess the idea of having to keep my shields up even then just sent me over the edge. I overreacted and I'm sorry."

"Oh, Nessie," Edward hugged his sister. "It's okay. I told Mom and Dad a full day would be too much at first." Nessie nodded miserably – she hated being as dependent on her family as James had always tried to make her on him, but she could not help it. She was not enough to keep herself safe right now.

"I'm going to get her signed out and take her home – could you tell my teacher? I had Miss Glenn for Chemistry."

Edward nodded at Emmett's request. "Get Mom to call the school to get them to agree to have her in for half days for the first week or so." He let Nessie go. "You going to be okay, kid?"

Nessie nodded, "I'm just going to go to bed. I didn't sleep well last night."

"Surprising," Edward said wryly. He looked at the close door of his classroom. "I better go – teacher's probably pissed."

"You go; I'll see you at lunch," Emmett said, nodding to the closed classroom door. Edward went back in the classroom; they could hear Edward apologising to his teacher for his abrupt departure.

At the admissions building, Emmett got her signed out and they headed out to the car. On the drive home, Nessie barely spoke. Emmett tried to make conversation, to get her to talk about what she was going through like the therapist told the family to, but she was not cooperating. "Em, please, can we stop this now? I really don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, but will you talk to Mom, please? Loch, we just want to know you're okay," Emmett's voice was caring, bordering on desperate. Nessie nodded and Emmett let out the breath he did not know he had been holding.

When they got home, only Esme was there. Carlisle had started to work at the hospital the day before but Esme had found a renovating job she could do mostly from home. "Nessie, Emmett? What – what's going on?" Esme asked, bewildered as her daughter buried her face in her mother's shoulder and started to sob.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I tried, I really tried, but I couldn't! I can't go back to those classrooms, Mom. I can't breathe in there. I'm sorry," Nessie wept uncontrollably. Esme rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair and murmuring nonsense comforting words. Emmett stood looking at them, unsure of what to do now.

"Okay, everyone to the kitchen," Esme said. Emmett and Nessie sat at the breakfast bar while Esme made the tea. Nessie was still sniffing and Emmett looked drained. Esme put three mugs on the bar and took a seat. "So, what happened?"

"I freaked. Emmett was walking me from class to class. He told me about a couple of other new kids that were going to sit with us and I freaked."

"I'm sorry," Emmett rested his head on his hand. "I'm so stupid, this is all my fault."

"Emmett, it wasn't," Nessie said, resting her head on his shoulder. She wrapper her arm around his huge bicep – it was her turn to do the comforting. "I thought I could do this, but I can't. I'm not ready for all this."

"Okay, finish you tea," Esme took a hand of each child. "Emmett, you go back to school. Nessie, you go up and change, you'll be more comfortable."

"Edward wanted you to call the school," Emmett remembered.

"Yes, I thought this might come up," Esme nodded. "I hate to say it, but I think we got it wrong. Edward didn't think you were ready; we just wanted to give you a chance to get back to normal. We let you down, Nessie. I'm sorry, baby girl."

"I just want to be safe. How can I not feel safe in a room full of people in a public place?!" Nessie threw up her hands before burying them in her hair. They slid down until they covered her face. "I'm so tired of being scared."

"We'll deal with that, baby, you'll see," said Esme, an idea forming in her brain.

Emmett drained his cup. "I got to head back – I've missed a couple of lessons but I'll make the one before lunch."

Esme looked pleasantly surprised. "You don't want to ask to stay?"

Emmett shifted, "er, no. I'll head back."

"Okay," Esme said, still wondering.

"There's a girl involved," Nessie said and a look of comprehension spread across Esme's face.

Emmett blushed and headed to the door, "okay, I'm gone now."

"See you later, Emmett," Esme trilled.

"Good luck!" Nessie called after her retreating brother.

"Shut up!" Emmett's voice floated back a moment before the door slammed closed.

They laughed quietly. "Okay, kid. Time to start. You get changed while I talk to the school."

Nessie nodded and walked out of the room. She could hear her mom on the phone as she walked up stairs. Getting to her room, she stripped and walked to the en suite that had been added at one end of the room. She needed a bath – she was way too tense.


	12. Baths And Balls

Chapter Twelve – Bailing and Balls

Nessie lay in the bath, watching the sky out of the skylight. Iron grey mixed with fluffy white until she started seeing shapes in the clouds. She had lost track of the time, but at some point her mom knocked on the door, "Nessie, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, mom. It's alright." _I'm not doing anything stupid. Not this time._ She traced her fingers over the scars on her wrists. Jagged scars from two months of being tied up, either with metal handcuffs or rope both of which bit and sliced into her skin.

She knew that there could have been others, or that she may not be here at all, had she done things differently. After coming home she had been, still was to a certain degree, terrified of everyone and everything – everything was too loud, too bright, too _much_. She had only wanted to stop the pain, the fear that she lived in constantly. She wanted to make sure James would never get to her again, so the day after she was forced to see him, the first day in Volterra, she had snuck into Carlisle's study and taken a scalpel. She remembered turning over and over in her hand, watching the light glinting off the impossibly sharp blade. She does not know how long she had spent thinking about taking it to her wrists. In the end she had decided she did not want to do it, so she had put the scalpel back into Carlisle's bag and told her parents what she had done.

She had been put on suicide watch that very day.

She had been taken to the hospital, her family surrounding her. The doctors had come in, bringing with them a psychiatrist. The doctor had taken the bandages off her arms so Nessie could see the ugly, stitched up wounds James had caused, the track marks along her veins. She had burst into tears. Her mother had hugged her fiercely and Nessie wondered how much James would take from her before he left her alone.

Counselling followed counselling. On her own, in a peer group, with her family. Counsellors that specialised in suicide, phobias, abductees, abuse – physical, emotional, sexual. Nessie had maintained that James had never raped her; no one believed her until she underwent a medical exam to prove it. She refused to go to that counsellor anymore and her family agreed. After tutoring and physical therapy, she talked to the live-in psychiatrist as they walked around the gardens of Volturi Castle.

Finally, they said she could go back to school – she was no longer considered a suicide risk, even though she had not actually attempted the deed in the first place. They went back to America and enrolled in Forks High School. Nessie thought she was going to be okay but she was not – today proved that. Her therapy session was not until Saturday but she did not want to talk to a stranger anyway; she wanted her family. She wanted them to know that no matter how bad things got, she would never think about trying to kill herself again. It had been a stupid thing to do – she had felt strung out still; it was the first few days without a dose and withdrawal was hard. She had not slept since she had come home, terrified it was just another dream and she would wake up in the dark again, blind and trapped; she thought the fear would end once she was away from James, but it had not because he was still out there, still wanting her, still willing to do anything to get what he wanted.

She thought about going back to school the next day. The only thing harder than going back would be to not go back. What a load of bull – not going back was easy, you just keep running. Going back though, that meant facing what you left behind, what made you run in the first place. What made anyone think something was easier to deal with the second time around? Was there some magic elixir she had missed?

Nessie gave up thinking and ducked under the water. The eerie peace, the strange silence of being underwater, descended on her. Nessie let herself float under the surface, the fiery tendrils of her hair swirling around her. When her breath ran out, Nessie lifted herself out of the water, smoothing her hair away from her face.

There was a knocking at the door again. "Nessie?" came her mother's voice through the wood, "would you like another cup of tea?"

Nessie laughed quietly to herself. Aloud she said, "yes, please, Mom."

"Okay, honey. I'll bring it up."

"Okay." Nessie heard her mother pad away across her room and the bedroom door shutting behind her. Nessie got out of the bath, moving slowly, and towelled herself off before donning a robe from the back of the door and heading out into her room.

Esme was sat on her bed, "you okay, honey?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm really okay. And I really think we all need to get a new word because 'okay' is getting a _leetle _overused."

"I'm sorry, honey –"

"So is 'sorry'," Nessie sat, choosing the nearest bay window to the bed. "Mom, I know you guys are scared, but I swear to you, I'm not going to commit suicide. I was so out of it when I thought about it. I don't even understand why I did it anymore – I can only tell you that it made sense at the time. I may not be brave, but I'm not that dumb. I'm trying, Mom, it's just going to take me time to succeed."

"I know, honey," Esme said, "it's just – we love you so much and we weren't there to protect you and now -" Esme's voice broke and she started to sob. "Oh god, I said I wouldn't do this. It's not fair to you to do this."

Nessie walked over to her mother and hugged her tight. "It's actually good, Mom. It's nice to know I'm not just fragile and crazy. Everyone else seems to have been dealing with all this and I get stuck feeling like the whiny baby because I can't."

"Sweetheart, you went through so much," Esme leant her cheek on Nessie's head.

"I know. That's part of the problem. It went on for so long, just escalating all the time. There was so much. I'm afraid of the dark, of being tied up, of using meds in case I get addicted, of people, of places I don't know. I'm afraid of not being able to defend myself."

To her surprise, her mother smiled, "that's something I wanted to talk to you about. The psychiatrist said all this fear stemmed from the feeling of being weak, not being able to look after yourself." Nessie nodded. "What if we changed that? There are self-defence classes in Port Angeles. We can get private lessons, set up some equipment at home to work with."

"You'd do that?" Nessie asked, touched since she knew how much Esme detested violence.

"Well, that's just it. A lot of the self-defence is about control, discipline, not aggression or violence. It might give us all a new focus."

"Mom?" Nessie looked at her mother, _really _looked at her – the lines and wrinkles from the last ten years of laughing, the small scar on her lip from Charles, another one, almost invisible at her hairline. "I love you; you know that, don't you? You know that I never meant to hurt you. I just didn't want to have to deal with what happened."

"The doctors certainly didn't have great timing," Esme said.

"Having a medical examination to prove I hadn't been raped the day after seeing James was definitely crappy timing. I know the doctors and everyone wanted to help, but it felt like I had no control over what happened to me or my body. No one believed me that James didn't force himself on me because I had been so out of it for so much of the time. Having to spread my legs for some doctor did not help the feeling of empowerment they were supposed to be giving me."

"Nessie, I never would have let them if you told me, but, honey, you were catatonic by then. The first couple days were okay, when you were at home, with us. But then, the police and the doctors and everyone wanted answers. You went into withdrawal and you just shut down. We were just trying to help, to reassure you. Guess we fucked that up." Esme tone was bitter.

The swearing got through to her more than the explanation; Esme never swore. "I agreed to it – I wanted you guys to know that he hadn't done ... that. I thought it would be one less thing for everyone to get upset about, but then I was on that table, and I couldn't leave and he was poking at me. Then I had to see James and I was terrified that he would know some other man had seen me like that. He was still in my head, Mom. In my head, telling me over and over that the only way I would be free was to die. I just wanted to free myself."

"Thank god you didn't," Esme said her voice shaky.

"I did, Mom," Esme's head snapped up. "I _did _free myself. I realised he couldn't make that decision for me – I chose not to slit my wrists" – Esme winced – "and I chose to fight to live. It's a war, Mom. I haven't won many battles yet, but I'm not giving up.  
"One day, James will just be a big mistake. I'll look back and say that this last year was the worst year of my life. But I got through it," Nessie looked into her mother's soulful eyes, truth blazing in her own green orbs. "I got through it because of my family. I got through it because of _me."_

"You definitely seem calmer now."

"I'm having a ballsy moment," Esme laughed at her daughter's matter-of-fact tone. "The challenge is taking this to the outside, 'cause that's where there are people."

_Okay, short chapter, but I got to this point and realised going any further would ruin the focus. A turning point for Nessie – after spending the last few months terrified, she going to grow a pair. Metaphorically. This is not that kind of story!_


	13. Turning A Corner

Chapter Thirteen– Turning a Corner

This time, Nessie sat at the front of her classes. Luckily enough, this was high school and there was always someone willing to change a seat in the front to one in the back. Nessie was always met by an older sibling, which kept the other students at bay.

The Hale twins were easy enough to get along with; Rosalie Hale was usually too busy contemplating her own reflection to ask a lot of questions about other people. Jasper was quiet like Nessie. They had a lot in common, including the fact that they did not want to talk about the other things that made them similar. Alice sat between Nessie and Jasper, making gentle conversation with each. Occasionally, Jasper would ask Nessie a question directly, which made Nessie start in the beginning but over the weeks she became more accustom to it and was able to talk to him normally. Edward would talk mostly to his siblings but also expanded his attention to include the Hales as time went on. Emmett ignored the tension and was the main reason it slowly dissipated; he talked to everyone easily, especially Rosalie who basked in the attention – she was in the unusual position of not being adored by every man at the table; Edward made it abundantly clear he merely tolerated her vapidity because Emmett liked her, and Alice liked Jasper and did not want them to sit at another table.

Nessie also found Rosalie a little grating – she was beautiful, certainly, but she needed to be loved by everyone and resented the few people that did not. Still, Rosalie dealt with Edward's impolite disinterested by convincing herself that he was gay – given that he never paid anyone else any attention either it was easy enough for her.

Until, in mid-January, Bella Swan turned up.

The daughter of Chief of Police Charlie Swan and his flighty ex-wife, Bella had been raised in Arizona before coming to live with her dad. She was accepted easily enough by most people and was the interesting new girl drooled over by most boys within the first day; Rosalie hated her. Nessie initially thought she was rather plain, but over time that changed – Bella had the type of beauty that took time to appreciate. With a little help, she could be stunning but Bella never bothered with any make-up. It irritated Alice no end.

"Why though?" Alice grumbled, one lunchtime about a week after Bella had arrived. Edward had been off with the flu and so had not yet met the girl causing such a stir but he had daily reports from his sister. He had told Alice to leave her alone – not everyone liked being trussed up like a doll.

"Maybe she just doesn't want to," Nessie said, not lifting her eyes from her book. It was her way of dealing with being around people; being absorbed in her reading stopped people talking to her, though it did give some people an opening for conversation – the truly inspired, "so, what are you reading?" Like they could not read the front cover for themselves.

"Why not? And her clothes? Always jeans and a _T-shirt_!" Alice was not being bitchy, but Nessie could tell Alice could not wait for an opportunity for a make-over.

"Maybe she likes being comfortable," Nessie turned the page.

"Fitted clothing would not be a hardship!" Alice continued shrilly. Jasper waited until Alice opened her mouth to speak again and shoved a cake in her mouth.

"Shhh, love, give it a rest. You already have your family to dress up," he said. Alice smiled adoringly and shifted closer to him.

"Don't we know it," Nessie said darkly. She liked dark colours, though Alice did get her into bold shades when she could. In the shoe department Nessie did show a bit of backbone – she loved her biker boots, or her Doc Martins, occasionally high-heeled boots, though she had learnt these had to be concealed under her jeans. She had learned since coming to Forks that she loved her make-up – the dark barrier between her and the world. The combination made her apparently seem edgy and thus less likely to be talked to, which only made her love it more.

The bell rang and they moved off to their lessons. Only two more and Nessie was free of this place, though she had become more comfortable over the last few months. Since beginning to learn how to defend herself, Nessie had found that she had a new calm and focus, an ability to stop and think when she was feeling overwhelmed. The therapist said one of her biggest problems with crowds was that the time in the dark had led her to depend on her sense of hearing rather than her sight to determine when James was near, increasing this sense exponentially. Now, when she was in a crowded place, her hearing went haywire and she heard _everything_, a defence-mechanism to protect herself from attack. This meant, in high school, she could hear the people in the back of the room as easily as the teacher right in front of her. So, Nessie learnt to love the time when she got home and this bizarre ability subsided, and she could hear herself think again.

Gym was easy – Nessie had much more stamina and dexterity since beginning martial arts. She showered quickly and walked to Chemistry on her own – this was usually a class that Edward walked her to, but him being at home, laid up with the Man-Flu, she had convinced Emmett and Alice that she would be okay walking there alone. She needed them less and less as time went on and she became secure in her surroundings. She knew that she would not be dragged into a car here so she felt okay about being alone.

Someone jostled her and apologised. Nessie smiled it away and walked on. It felt good not to be afraid of everyone, though she still did not want to talk to any of them – inherent lack of confidence and the desire not to want them to get to know her in case they freaked over her past meant that Nessie did not think she would ever be okay with people she did not know.

Finally it was the end of the day. Glancing up, she saw Jasper waiting for her. She looked at him for a moment before he explained, "Alice needed to get something from her locker. Since I'm coming over today, she asked me if I would walk you to the car."

Nessie had a sneaking suspicion that Alice had not forgotten anything – she was not the type: a stickler for perfection with a head for details, Alice did not forget anything.

She hesitated. Nessie liked Jasper – he was not abrasive or demanding like his sister – but she still did not know him. Walking to the car would be a big step for her; going anywhere, no matter how short the distance, with someone she did not know, without people around her, was not something she had done in a long time. Jasper saw her hesitate and reached out to take her hand with a smile – Jasper had never said anything, but Nessie was sure that Alice would have shared some stuff about them since they had started dating a couple of months ago (their first official date was to the Halloween dance. Nessie had had a promise from her family that she did not have to go; she and Edward had spent the evening playing on the Play-Station. Emmett had 'accompanied' Rosalie, though no one was exactly sure what that meant in relationship terms).

She took his hand and he swung it exaggeratedly as they walked to make her laugh – it worked. Jasper was a nice guy, Nessie had found; quiet but immovable – good for Alice who was the complete opposite and responded well to a little steadying.

When they got to the Jeep – Edward refused to let Emmett drive his precious Volvo and Alice preferred not to drive when Jasper came over so they could talk in the backseat (something that caused Emmett to inject no end of increasingly unsubtle innuendos into the conversation) – Alice was in the backseat, Emmett was in the front and they had the identical, 'we're-so-proud-of-you' grins that they had inherited from Carlisle.

"So, Alice, what did you forget?" Nessie asked pointedly, clambering into the front passenger seat as Jasper vaulted into the back.

"Oh, nothing, got to my locker and found it in my bag," Alice said, sweetly innocent.

"Uh huh, imagine that," Nessie said, catching Emmett's gaze and rolling her eyes, making her brother laugh.

Emmett gunned the engine and tore out of the parking lot, narrowly missing the '57 Chevvy truck Bella Swan had just climbed into. "Jesus, Emmett!" Alice squeaked.

"Please, we would have been more hurt that that old tank – not that I would let anything happen to my baby," he said, patting the dashboard.

"Over-compensating, Em?" Jasper asked, teasingly, from the back.

"Watch it, Hale, I will throw your ass out of the car, even if you haven't nailed my sister yet."

"Emmett!" Alice protested, turning red and looking like she might kick Emmett. Jasper laughed quietly and kissed their entwined fingers. Alice stopped frowning and they spent of the journey looking into each other's eyes. It was always a bit weird to hang out with them when they did that; they were not _doing _anything, per se, but it always seemed so intense and private that Nessie preferred not to be there.

They made it home without Emmett managing to drag a small car there on the front grill, and they all jumped from the Jeep. When they got in the house, they smelled fresh baking; Emmett and Nessie made a beeline for the kitchen while Alice and Jasper settled themselves on the sofa.

"Mmm, something smells good," he said. Esme was standing next to the cooker icing a large carrot cake. Brownies, cookies and three other cakes – a lemon meringue, a chocolate cake and a Victoria sponge, where all lined up on the counter.

Nessie looked at the array and wondered if she had forgotten someone's birthday. She knew she had not so instead she asked her mother, "when's the Bake Sale?"

"Oh, there isn't one," Esme said, putting the final touches to the icing and laying down the palette knife, which Emmett swooped down on before Nessie could and ran his finger up one side to collect the leftover icing. Nessie pouted until Emmett held out the knife for her to do the same, then a large smile came across her face. "I was just in a baking mood, you know?"

Their mother did sometimes get these domestic goddess moods. Last time it had been for pastry; they had all put a few pounds on during _that_ phase.

"I love your moods," Emmett said. He put the palette knife in the dishwasher – his mom had trained him well – and reached for a brownie, but Esme picked them up and held them away from him.

"Uh uh uh, sweetheart, not until after dinner," Esme said.

"What are we having?" Emmett did not skip a beat, as much as he liked the sweet things in life – at this point he tried not to think about Rosalie Hale in case his mother or sister could tell what he was thinking – he needed proper food more.

"Roast beef and vegetables – I thought I'd make an effort since Jasper is visiting." Esme always made an effort when they had guests, and a lot of the time when they did not – she loved the whole process of cooking for her family. And so, the boys worshipped her. She could even get them to put the toilet seat down.

"That combined with the baking extravaganza should mean we don't get rid of him," Nessie said.

"You don't think I went overboard, do you?" Esme liked making the effort, but never wanted people to know in case it made them nervous.

"Mom, you did great," Nessie swiped a couple of brownies and chucked one to Emmett while her mother's back was turned.

"I've got those brownies counted, Missy," Esme informed them without turning around. Reluctantly, they put them back and Emmett reached for a cookie. "The cookies too. And don't even think about touching the cakes."

"But there's so _much," _Emmett pretended to whine. "This is cruelty to children, Mom. We could report you."

Esme turned around and raised an eyebrow at her son, an amused grin lifting half of her mouth as she tried to fight it. "Nessie, could you go upstairs? Edward feeling better today and should be joining us for dinner."

"Ah, explains the lemon meringue," Nessie said. It was his favourite. She headed up upstairs to the third floor and went to Edward's room at the bottom of the hall. She knocked and was told to enter. Coming in, she heard music playing on her brother's almighty sound-system. He was sat on the black sofa against the wall, reading a book. She padded across the soft cream carpet – almost everything in Edward's room was light; the floor and walls were cream, the linens and drapes were various shades of gold, including the hangings on the walls for the acoustics. The furniture was black – black sofa, black metal bed frame, which contrasted nicely with the rest of the room.

Nessie came to sit by her brother and read the blurb – Edward lifted the book off his crossed legs to indulge his sister's habit. "How you doing?"

"Fine. Well, I'm out of bed at least, finally." There was an annoyed edge to his voice. Edward hated being ill, in any way, shape or form, for whatever reason, for any amount of time. It had taken Carlisle and a second opinion after Edward nearly fainted in Gym, to convince Edward that he had the flu and he needed to go home to bed and _stay there._

"Why?" he had whined. "It's not like people _die _from having the flu!"

"I guess you've never heard of the Spanish Influenza Epidemic of 1918, then. Quite a few people died then – several _tens of millions,_" Carlisle said, shoving a weak, shivering and sweating Edward backing into bed. Edward had looked like he wanted to protest but as soon as his head hit the pillow he fell asleep and stayed that way for fifteen hours. He had then woken up to vomit and fallen asleep again. His life had followed that pattern for the last week and, though he was still weak and shaky, he was able to get up.

"Mom's making roast beef and vegetables for dinner – protein and vitamins, just what a person getting over the flu needs. You in?"

"Yeah, I'm starved. Though I for one am not convinced it was the flu." God, Edward could be stubborn sometimes.

"Yeah, well, you are the _only _one. Edward, you were in bed for a week. You've had a bowl by your bed because you couldn't make it to the bathroom to throw up after the second day."

"Fine, it was the flu. Happy?" Edward griped.

"The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one," Nessie said in the annoying tones of a younger sister, perfected the world over. _{A.N. we have to have _something_!}_

"You're my sister – how do I solve that one?" he threw at her.

Nessie shrugged delicately, "how to you take a cloud and pin it down?"

"Oh god," Edward said. "Not the Sound of Music – I'm not strong enough."

"Hey, that is an _awesome _film!"

"It's a musical about _Nazis!"_

"So?"

"So, that in itself is so wrong!"

"Haven't you ever heard of _the Producers_?"

"Yes, but I chose not to see that one on principle." Edward leant back into the sofa – he had lost a little of his colour, not that he had much to begin with. Nessie regretted teasing him – Edward was great for a fight, but he was not ready for this.

"Sorry, Edward. Do you want me to get you anything?"

Edward shook his head, his eyes closed. It always amazed him how different his sister was in public to how she was at home. In public she barely spoke, though at this school her wardrobe made her scary, not shy – they were divided into two camps, the Nessie-is-a-witch camp and the Nessie-is-a-Goth camp. But at home she was fine; sarcastic and witty with no hang-ups about what she said; she had even outshone Emmett on occasion, though that usually ending in her being told she was being inappropriate. She had been a ghost since her abduction, but she was getting better, teasing and laughing and playing music again, though not as loudly as before.

If they could just find a way to make her like that the rest of the time, so that she was comfortable in public and people could see the real her, Edward would give anything. But he knew he was not the right person to do that – his instinct always had been, always would be to protect his sister, and getting her personality to shine through meant letting her face the possibility of being hurt or rejected and Edward could not stand that.

"It looks like Mom just started – she's been confectionary queen all day," Nessie said.

"I know, I could smell it," that had been nice – being able to smell food without wanting to hurl.

"Yeah, well, dinner won't be for a while – Dad doesn't get home until six."

"That's cool," Edward said. "I think I may nap for a while, be well rested for dinner," he smiled.

Nessie smiled and grabbed the coverlet of the bed, draping it over her brother as his breathing became slower and heavier. "I'll come wake you," she said softly. Edward nodded without opening his eyes, and rolled over onto his side. He looked so young when he slept – all the responsibilities and burdens he put on himself just melted away and he looked like a seventeen year old should.

Nessie climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Roof insulation meant the room was always nice and warm, which was good because it would be a bitch to heat. Once you factored in the bathrooms, separate rooms as closets, and other spare rooms people had adopted for various reasons, Nessie did not have that much floor space than anyone else: it just seemed more because it was all in one place.

Esme had bought some Chinese screens and Nessie had divided up the room into abstract spaces – the space where she slept, the space where she read, wrote, listened to music, played her guitar, laid out plans for cars, did her homework (never to be done in the writing space or reading space – business and pleasure should always be distinct and separate). There was the space right next to the bathroom where she kept her clothes on the kind of rails seen backstage of a fashion show. This was one of the larger spaces (Nessie preferred small and cosy) and had a smaller, wooden-panelled screen that Nessie changed behind.

She liked this room, with its Oriental, peaceful feel and maze of screens. This was a place for quiet reflection, of serenity and calm. There was no conflict or hostility or fear in this room, reflected in the choice of decor – light coloured walls and rich wood furniture. And her favourite part was that she had positioned the screens so that every section either had a bay window or a skylight, so there was always natural light filtering in, no matter where she was.

The main space was the place where she slept. This one had a bay window either side of the canopy bed. Here, a little bit of each section had mingled in – there were CDs and sheet music and car and bike magazines, dirty clothes, notebooks and pens and most of all books. Books were everywhere in Nessie's room. She was the family library and she took pride in the position as keeper of the knowledge and beater of the spoilers of knowledge (she had once hit Emmett on the head with a shoe because he got a chocolate stain on _the Thirty-nine Steps)._

Nessie lay on her bed, the tension leaking out of her. She was home, and since it was Friday, she did not have to deal with people for two days.

Life was good.


	14. Some Like It Hot

Chapter Fourteen – Some Like It Hot

Alice, having been informed of the morning's events at lunch that day came home concerned but easily soothed. Thus, the ever easily distractible eldest Cullen girl lay on her stomach on her sister's bed, head resting on her laced fingers, stockinged feet in the air, gazing dreamily out of the window as she talked to Nessie of The One.

"I'm serious, Nessie, he sat down and I just _knew," _Alice sighed contentedly, rolling over onto her back to look at the ceiling instead. "As soon as I saw him –"

"For the second time," Nessie butted in.

Alice threw a cushion at her. "I'm not joking! It was like...a vision or something. He sat down and something said to me, this is the one you're going to marry."

"You know," Nessie said, finally looking up from the bike magazine in her hands, "you poke them with a Q-tip hard enough, those little voices will disappear."

Alice slapped at her sister's legs, making Nessie draw them up with a mock-cry. On the one hand, Alice was glad her sister's particular scathing brand of humour was coming through more often lately. On the other, however, Alice did not think Nessie fully grasped the magnitude of what had happened today.

"Nessie!" Alice whined, finally succeeding in getting her youngest sibling to put the magazine down, albeit with an eye-roll. "Listen to me, this is it! He's the One! Jasper Hale and I are meant to be!"

"So...when's your first date?" Nessie asked.

Alice frowned at little. "He hasn't asked me out yet."

"And do you think he realised that you're 'meant to be'?"

"I don't know...he didn't really talk to me that much."

"Do you even know anything about him?"

"Not per se..." Alice hedged.

Nessie made a sound that was half-laugh, half-sigh. "Well, don't you think you should figure some of this out before you push him up the aisle?"

"I won't have to push him up the aisle!" Alice said indignantly, as usual missing the point when it was not one she wanted to hear.

"Why don't you ask him out?" Nessie asked.

Alice managed to look both scandalised and ponderous – no mean feat. "No, I can't do that. He has to ask _me; _if he doesn't take the first step how is he ever going to realise we're soul mates?"

Nessie shook her head, Alice's brand of logic making her head hurt trying to understand.

"Exactly," Alice said, thinking Nessie was agreeing with her. "I'm going to have to be patient and subtle..."

At this, Nessie burst out laughing – Alice had never been patience or subtle in her life; Nessie doubted her sister even knew what they meant.

"What?" Alice asked, looking a little hurt. "You don't think it'll work?"

"I don't think you'll manage to be patience and subtle long enough for Jasper to notice," Nessie said. Because Alice looked even more hurt at this Nessie volunteered, "besides, you want him to fall in love with the real you. So, show him that from the beginning."

"Hmm," Alice tapped her lip with her finger. "Maybe that would be better. He does look like he needs more of a forceful girl. He's a bit of a mess. He's..."

"Lost," Nessie said, with more feeling than she had intended.

Alice looked at her.

_Bugger,_ Nessie thought.

"And you understand what that's like," Alice said – not a question. Easily distracted, but highly insightful, Alice often caught Nessie out when she least wanted to be.

Nessie shrugged. "I recognise the look."

"What look?" Alice asked quickly.

"Just the look, you know. The 'I haven't been off drugs long how the hell to do I deal with this?' look."

Alice gave a little gasp that she smothered quickly. "You think he was involved in drugs?"

"Unless I'm very much mistaken," Nessie said.

Rather than putting her off, this made Alice change all her plans of attack. "Well, then I have to be more supportive, show him I care, show him he can trust me, talk to me."

"Don't go overboard, okay?" Nessie told her. "If I am right, he's getting clean. So don't make a big deal about the drugs – he's trying to move on, be Jasper, not Jasper the Junkie. Just don't start all the touchy feely 'I'm here for you' crap."

"No touchy feely crap, right," Alice did the annoying penetrating stare again. "Are we talking about Jasper here? Or you?"

Nessie rolled her eyes. "Whoever you want, Alice."

"You want to talk about today? Alice said.

"No," Nessie said shortly.

"Okay," said Alice, trying not to be hurt that her sister was shutting her out again.

Nessie relented a little. "I'm okay. Just a freak out. Mom and Dad have got me on half days for the next week or so, which should be great fun," she grimaced.

"So, will Edward be running you home every lunch then coming back?" Alice gave a little grimace – that would be a lot of driving.

"No, Mom or Dad will be running by and picking me up – taking me to work with them like I'm five years old again," Nessie said moodily, picking at a loose thread on the comforter.

"Don't you want them to?" Alice asked, a little confused.

"Yes. No. I don't know." Nessie slumped back against her pillows. "I want to stop being afraid. I want to be able to sit in a fucking classroom without having a panic attack. I want this to be over!" she yelled, picking up a cushion and hurling it across the room. It smacked into one of the wooden screens, which wobbled dangerously before righting, and fell to the floor with a soft _fwump. _

Alice looked at her little sister who was trying not to cry. Her thin little face was tense with rigid control. Without a word, Alice went and folded her tiny frame around Nessie's taller one.

Holding on tight, Alice realised how thin Nessie still was. During her imprisonment she had barely eaten and had been dangerously underweight when they brought her home. Nessie had been putting weight on since then but she still was not back to her 'fighting weight' as Emmett put it. "I love you, Monster," Alice murmured into her sister's neck.

Nessie, lying with her arms wrapped up in Alice's which were curled around Nessie's body, whispered, "Love you too, Ally."

"It's all going to be okay," Alice whispered.

Nessie nodded, falling asleep in the safety of her sister's arms.

Esme found them like that a couple of hours later, both fast asleep, curled up together like puppies, the same way they had since Nessie was six and Alice was eight. Rather than wake them for dinner, Esme pulled the duvet over them, kissing both her girls on the head before leaving them to sleep.

"They're sleeping," she told Carlisle as she came down the stairs, taking her husband's outstretched hand when she reached the bottom.

Together they walked into the kitchen where Emmett and Edward were setting the table.

"Won't they get hungry?" Carlisle asked, grabbing the bread basket and the wine and setting them on the table.

"I'll make them something when they come down," Esme assured them, gesturing at everyone to take their seats while she brought over the beef stew.

The rest of the Cullen family sat down and ate, almost finishing when two blurry-eyed bed-heads stumbled into the kitchen.

"Evening, girls," Carlisle said with an amused smile as his daughters made their way slowly to the table.

"Hey, Daddy," Alice chirped, waking up enough to kiss her father's cheek before taking her seat.

"Hi, Dad," said Nessie sleepily, leaning into her father.

Carlisle wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her and kissed her cheek. "Hey there, baby girl. You okay?"

Nessie nodded and sat, half falling into her chair.

"You want food, girls?" Esme asked.

Nessie and Alice both nodded, Alice sat cross legged, Nessie pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them. Esme got up, heating up stew in the microwave before ladling it onto two more plates and setting it in front of the girls. "What about a night off?" Esme suggested. Teenage ears pricked up at the suggestion. "We haven't got to spend some real time together in a while."

"What are you thinking?" Emmett asked.

"A movie night?" Esme wondered aloud. "We got popcorn in the pantry. There are so many DVDs in this house somehow. What do you guys think?"

There was a round of nods around the table. "Okay," Esme said, getting up. "You guys choose a film, I'll get the popcorn."

The Cullen offspring hurried out of the room, already arguing about what they were going to watch but Carlisle stayed, watching his wife as she moved around the kitchen, putting plates into the dishwasher and putting the popcorn in the microwave. He got up and put his arms around her, pulling her back up against his chest.

"Hey there, beautiful," Carlisle murmured in her ear.

"Hey there, yourself handsome," she said laughing, turning her head to she could look at him without leaving the circle of his arms. "What did I do to deserve this?"

"Exist," Carlisle said simply.

"Sounds good," said Esme, closing her eyes and leaning against him, one hand on the two of his which lay on her stomach, the other coming up to thread through his hair.

"I love you so much," he said.

"Mmmm, I love you too, honey."

They stayed like that for a long moment, nine years of marriage and family holding them up. Then the moment was broken by the ding of the microwave and Emmett's, "popcorn's done!" from the living room.

Laughing, they let each other go. "Why don't I just show you later?" Carlisle said, kissing her.

"Sounds _very_ good," Esme said before deepening the kiss.

"Hey...oh ew!" came Emmett's voice, dripping with mock disgust. "Here we are, starving for popcorn and you're making out in the kitchen!" Emmett snatched the bowl of popcorn from them with an air of mock disgust. "You should be ashamed of yourselves!" With that Emmett grinned, turned on his heel and left.

Carlisle shook his head as Esme laughed softly as their eldest's antics. "That boy..." Carlisle said.

"Is exactly the way you want him to be," Esme said, taking his hand and pulling into the living room.

"Hmm," Carlisle said as though doubtful before catching Esme's eye and grinning.

"Hurry up, guys, its starting," Alice called.

Carlisle and Esme went into the living room where, somehow, they all managed to fit on the giant white sofa. Nessie was stuck in the middle of Emmett and Edward, looking sweetly delicate between her two muscled brothers, Alice having spread herself across the floor in front and being used as a footstool by the boys. Carlisle sat down and pulled Esme into his lap where she sat curled up with his arms around her and her head on his shoulders.

_Some Like It Hot_ had never been so good.

"You know," Emmett said conversationally when the film ended, "Marilyn Monroe was my first crush. Can't beat a woman with curves."

"That's creepy, Em, since she was _dead _before you were _born_," Edward said, looking over at his brother.

"Still a real woman, though," Emmett said. "Tell me you wouldn't get off to that."

"And that's everyone cue to leave," Carlisle said loudly, cutting his son off before he became, however impossibly, even more crude. "Bed, go, yes, Emmett, even you."

They sloped off, Emmett and Alice to make one last phone call to their respective Hales, Edward to wish he could call Bella and Nessie to wash her hair before all the hot water was gone again.


	15. A Day For Conversations

Chapter Fifteen – A Day for Conversations

Edward was back at school on Monday. By half nine he was bored stupid again, but at least he was not ill. The first four lessons were uneventful, and then it was lunch. He met his siblings and the Hales at their table and sat down.

"So what did I miss?" Edward asked, scanning the room.

"New girl," Jasper said nodding towards a table. Looking that way Edward saw there was indeed a new girl – slight, brunette, probably not much more than 5'4", which still made her about six inches taller than Alice.

"And what has she heard about the scary Cullens?" Edward asked with an amused smile.

"Well, dear Jessica has been filling her in on the details," Alice said.

Edward's eyes tighten – he loathed Jessica Stanley. She was the school gossip and had been spreading what little she knew about his entire family since he had made it plain he did not want to go out with her. All she knew was that they had left Alaska pretty quick after some trouble – but she was spiteful enough to throw out a few ideas.

"What does she know?"

"Not much, Angela stepped in before it got out of hand," Emmett said.

"So, what's not much?" Edward pushed.

"She knows about Carlisle not being our biological father and Esme not being Em and Alice's biological mother, but anyone with a half a brain cell could have figured that out from our birthdays," Nessie said.

"And?"

"And, honestly I don't think she's that interested. She's not like Jessica or Lauren," Alice said.

"Thank god," Edward muttered.

"Aw, what's wrong, Edward? Think you may have to field another girl asking you out?" Emmett teased.

"Shut up," Edward said. His brother laughed at him.

"She knows that you guys didn't finish the school year but were allowed to join here without repeating," Jasper put in.

"And does she make of that?"

"Why do you care?" Rosalie snapped. "She's nothing special."

"Unlike you," Edward sneered. Rosalie had that effect on him; he could be a perfect gentleman ... to everyone but her.

Rosalie tossed her hair and looked away, refusing to talk to him. Edward scoffed and continued as though Rosalie had not spoken. "So, what does Miss Swan make of that?"

"She thinks we're rich – which we are. Jessica told her that there had been some trouble and that's why we moved. Basically, we're a bunch of stand-offish, wealthy troublemakers."

"Sounds like the extent of dear Jessica's imagination."

"And you have Biology with her," Nessie said.

"How do you know?" Edward said, slightly surprised.

"I heard Mike Newton ask her if he could walk her to Biology since he had it with her. I remembered he was in your Biology class from the Test Tube Incident."

"It was not an incident," Edward maintained.

"You cut his hand open!" Jasper said while Emmett laughed at the memory.

"It was his fault – and I drove him to hospital!" Edward really did not like Mike Newton. And it had not been an entire accident that Edward's hand, the one that happened to be holding the broken test tube, slipped when he was partnering Newton, after Newton had made a comment about Nessie being ... unsociable. He had almost been written up for that, but Newton had changed his mind about telling anyone after Alice stomped on his foot. In stiletto heels.

The bell rang. They got their stuff together and made to leave. As usual, Nessie was the last to be ready, reluctantly putting everything in her bag as slowly as possible. The cafeteria was nearly empty by the time they made it out. They flowed into the stream of students jostling their way through the halls to their lesson. Nessie hated this part.

Edward made it Biology with seconds to spare – he had had a bit of a discussion with Nessie when Nessie had said that she could walk to her class alone. He could not help it! His protective instinct broke through and all he could think about was the time he left her and she disappeared for two months. But Nessie was right, she was not scared anymore, and this was not the same situation, and people were talking about why she needed to be accompanied to all of her classes.

He walked to his table and spread out his stuff, a little surprised when the new girl, Bella Swan, slid into the chair next to him. He pulled the books from her side of the table and piled them in the corner. "Sorry," he said, not really looking at her, "habit."

"It's okay, I've been doing it all last week," she had a pleasant voice, kind of shy, but not cripplingly withdrawn like Nessie – like she preferred not to be the centre of attention, rather than have the idea petrify the holy hell out of her.

He turned to smile at her, but there was the sound of a throat clearing and instead they both turned to look at...Mike Newton, who was on the other side of the table, leaning in towards Bella. Edward was a little smug as he noticed Bella pull away slightly, as though she did not like having her personal space invaded.

"Hey, Bella," he said.

_Real inspired, Newton,_ Edward thought sarcastically.

"Hey, Mike," Edward saw Bella smile nicely enough, but chose not to encourage the conversation.

Newton seemed to come unstuck at this point and Edward allowed himself a small, smug smile that Mike saw and retaliated with a glare. Edward put on a falsely innocent face that seemed to piss off Mike more. He turned slightly so that Edward was effectively blocked from his side of the conversation – like Edward was disappointed. Bella, however, stayed facing the front.

"Mr Newton, please take your seat," Mr Varner said from the front where he had just appeared.

"See you after, Bella," Newton mumbled before walking to his seat at the back.

Bella relaxed a little as soon as there was no direct attention on her. Every so often, one of them would sneak a peek at the other from the corner of their eyes during the introduction, but they always looked away quickly.

Finally, the bell rang and they were free to go. Just to piss off Newton some more – who was clearly waiting for Bella – Edward decided to introduce himself.

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen," he said, friendly smile in place, hand outstretched.

She looked slightly dazed and did not take his hand. He pulled it back slightly before she snapped back to reality and shook it. "Bella Swan."

"Ah, Isabella, the Chief's daughter."

"Just Bella...please."

Edward saw an opportunity for conversation and took it. "You don't like your full name?"

She shook her head, sending a curtain of mahogany hair shaking around her. "It's not that, I just prefer Bella. The last time I was called Isabella my mother was attempting to ground me," she smiled slightly. It was not the normal oh-my-god-aren't-my-parents-lame smile; it was more...indulgent than that. Like the smile parents get when their kids go something amusing.

"Attempting? It was not successful?"

"Well," Bella bit her lip slightly. "I don't really go anywhere anyway, so as punishments go, it was a little pointless. Besides, my mother isn't really good at remembering things."

Edward nodded, "fair enough."

"Bella, are you ready?" Newton interrupted. Bella jumped slightly at the sound like she had forgotten he was there, and the books spilled out of her arms. Honed reflexes meant Edward caught them before they hit the floor, before Mike did.

"Wow, thanks," Bella said, tucking them back into the crook of her elbow and smiling at him. Edward smiled back, his hand tingling slightly from where her fingers had brushed his when she took them back. Edward clenched and unclenched his fist, but the feeling did not dissipate – he did not think he wanted it to.

"Bella, we're going to be late to Gym," Newton interrupted _again._ Edward felt something ugly and dark unfurl inside him – he _really _wanted to hit this kid. Could he not see they were having a conversation? Or was it just that he wanted to prevent it? In that case, who the hell did he think he was? Her boyfriend? Edward's stomach clenched at thought and the urge to break the guy's nose grew stronger. With horror, Edward realised he was _jealous._

He mumbled a goodbye to Bella and rushed out of the room, his head spinning. He was pale when he reached Spanish and dropped into his seat beside Emmett.

"Whoa, dude, what's wrong? You do blood testing or something?" Emmett asked.

"No, I'm fine," Edward said. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, trying to find his calm like their defence instructor had taught them. _I am not like him,_ Edward thought. _I am not like Charles. I am not going to use violence because I am jealous. I met the girl an hour ago. I don't know her. I have no right to cause bodily harm just because I don't like him and he was rude. She's not even that pretty!_

Edward opened his eyes slowly and looked over at his brother, who was looking uncharacteristically concerned. "You sure you're okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine."

Emmett raised his eyebrows at the repetition – a sure sign Edward was _not _'fine'. "Have you ever wanted to hit a guy, just because he was interrupting your conversation with a girl?"

Emmett smiled widely. "You voluntarily spoke to a person, a _girl _no less?"

"I mostly did it to piss of Newton -"

"Who is the guy you want to hit?"

Edward nodded and continued, "- than any really desire to talk to her."

"What she like?" Emmett asked eagerly.

"Shy, not Nessie shy, but definitely the 'suffer in silence' type. Also, kind of a klutz."

Emmett guffawed – he loved klutzes, they were hilarious. "Pretty?"

Edward shrugged. "Not traditionally. No, that's wrong. Not ... obviously. You kind of have to look at her for a while, see her when she's animated to see how beautiful she is. She's also kind of graceful." Edward felt so embarrassed saying all this to his brother. It was also embarrassing how much he had noticed in his five second glances and the short conversation at the end.

Emmett looked confused. "You said she was a klutz."

"She is when she's moving. But when she's still she's kind of ... fluid." Edward shook his head – it was right, but it sounded so _stupid._

Emmett looked even more bemused. "Fluid?" He scoffed, shaking his head at his brother.

"You'll have to see her."

Finally, the Spanish teacher got their attention and they piped down to learn some new vocab.

"So, what did you say to Cullen?" Mike asked, a bounce in his step as he walked beside her.

Bella shook her head, feeling a little confused by the whole thing. "I don't know. We were just talking, then you said about leaving for Gym and he looked kind of pissed off. Then he just looked ... scared, and he hurried out."

"He's nuts. The whole family's a bunch of freaks," Mike said.

"Why?" Bella asked sharply.

Mike looked a little nervous, like he had not expected her to stick up for the Cullens, and said, hesitantly, "well, you know. I mean, they only sit with each other, they never talk to anyone – they speak to each other in Italian or something so you couldn't talk to them if you wanted to. Probably think that because they're _rich_ they're better than everyone else."

"Maybe they have their reasons for keeping to themselves," Bella said.

"Maybe, but then there's all this rumours about why they left their last home."

"Like what?" Bella asked, rolling her eyes – the small town mentality was beginning to get to her. Every little inconformity was a scandal!

"Well, like that Nessie was kicked out of school for some reason – she never finished sophomore year, you know. Or that she tried to commit suicide and that's why they left – for a fresh start away from everyone who knew."

"And why would anyone jump to that conclusion?" Bella asked. It seemed a little out there to jump straight to suicide – people moved for all kinds of reasons, did not mean something tragic happened. "Maybe they just wanted to move. Or one of her parents got a new job, or a transfer of something."

Even as she said it, Mike was shaking his head. "No, Lauren's sister is in Nessie's Gym class and saw all these scars on Nessie's wrists. As soon as Cullen saw her looking, she tugged her sleeves down."

"She may have got them any way. Maybe she doesn't like people seeing them _because they assume she tried to commit suicide."_

"It's more than that," Mike continued. "You weren't here when the first turned up. They were really weird – like not letting the youngest one go anywhere on her own weird. It's only been recently that Nessie's started walking to her classes alone."

"Maybe they're just protective," Bella said, getting a little sick of the whole conversation – she just did not get this school fascination with the Cullens, or the Hales. Sure, they were all beautiful and rich, and from old families, but _come on._ Give it a rest already!

"And then they decide to hang out with the Hales?" Mike asked incredulously. "You know they're only here because they're in exile, don't you."

"Yes, Mike, I know," Bella sighed. She had got this story from Jessica the moment they sat down to lunch on her first day. Jasper Hale was a recovering drug addict. He collapsed from an OD in school where they used to live. His father was some kind of Texan political hot shot and could not afford the scandal so he and his sister, Rosalie, were shipped off to live here with their grandmother, while their parents did damage control. Rosalie was really pissed about living her status as Queen Bee of their social circle, to come to a small town like Forks.

Personally, Bella thought the real scandal there was the way their parents had reacted. Their son nearly dies, and instead of rallying round like they should have, they send him away, in disgrace, because he's a _liability._ Bella thought of her own parents, Renee and Charlie, and was appalled that parents could act like that. How could they be so cold?

"Well, that's not really protective, letting your sister around a guy like that. I bet they only sit with them because Alice is with Jasper and Emmett's trying to get into Rosalie's pants."

"Mike, I really don't want to hear anymore, okay? They keep to themselves for unknown reasons; that's all." Bella was starting to get het up. "The reason they _don't _share their personal history is probably because of reactions like _this – _people calling them freaks and spreading rumours about them!"

Mike took a step back. "Okay, Bella. I'm sorry. I never thought you'd get so mad."

"Well, it's hard enough being the new kid without everyone talking about you behind your back." Bella thanked god she was not nearly as interesting as the Cullen/Hale group, but still sympathised – she was still the shiny new toy and she was getting tired of it. She just wanted to be invisible, but that seemed impossible here.

"I just – wait. Is it because you like Cullen?"

"Which one?" Bella asked, being deliberately obtuse because she hated the look on Mike's face – like he was a jealous boyfriend or something. She would have to talk to him about that; she already had Eric Yorkie and Tyler what's his name following her around – that was more boys than she had ever had to deal with, the whole of her life put together!

"Edward," Mike bit out.

Bella rolled her eyes, though her heart sped up – did she like Edward? "I've spoken to him for like two minutes. Not even an _uninterrupted _two minutes," she said, pointedly.

Mike had the good grace to blush and opened his mouth to speak, but they had reached the Gym and Bella ducked into the girls' changing room before Mike could say it. She heard Mike say he would met her here after class – like she had not been able to figure that out from the last week of him doing _exactly _the same thing – as the door swung shut.

Bella's head was full of the conversations she had had with Mike and Edward Cullen, as well as Edward Cullen in general, and the rest of his 'gang' (as people seemed determined to believe) as they played Volleyball. No wonder three people got injured, Bella included.


	16. Assumptions Are Dangerous Things

Chapter Sixteen – Assumptions are Dangerous Things

The next day did not go so well.

It was Biology again. Edward started to talk to Bella at the end of the lesson again. Mike tried to interrupt again, but this time gave up and went to Gym, sulking.

"Sorry about that, he can be rather ..." Bella fished for the right word.

"Petulant?" Edward supplied. Four months he had been at this high school. Newton had not been a friend but he had never been obviously hostile before. Until Miss Swan arrived.

Bella frowned. "His heart's in the right place."

"His brain isn't," Edward observed. And he thought he knew exactly where Newton's brain was.

"He's okay, he just ..."

"Doesn't like me."

"I think he finds you intimidating," Bella said. She took in the muscles and tendons shown by his rolled up shirt sleeves, the way Edward held himself like he waiting for something. Bella had no difficulty believing he could take care of himself in a fight – he exuded confidence, and the moneyed upbringing couldn't hide the faintly dangerous air about him.

"He should," Edward said, his gaze intently trained on her. Bella felt herself blush, confirmed by Edward's crooked grin. "Don't worry, I never hurt women."

"Lucky me," Bella said faintly. His look had turned her legs to jelly.

They began to walk towards the Gym. Bella's jelly legs did not help her inability to walk without falling over. When she tripped and he had to catch her for the third time, Edward kept his hand on her elbow to steady her. She could feel his hand through her blouse like it was a brand. "I'm not throwing myself at you, I swear," Bella said.

Edward laughed, and Bella marvelled at the way it changed his face – he looked younger, carefree, _happy._ It was not until she saw him like this that Bella realised that Edward always looked so serious, so cautious. "Ah, now that's a shame. I was getting my hopes up."

"Sorry to disappoint," Bella said, smiling at him. She had no idea if this counted as flirting or witty conversation or what – she had no idea _how _to flirt!

"I'll think of a way for you to make it up to me," Edward said. He hardly believed he was saying it – he sounded like Emmett! Why was he so okay with being around this girl?

Maybe because she was so different from all the others he had ever known. He looked at her – she was red from his last comment, though that was nothing special; she seemed to blush easily, and regularly. She wore no make-up, she did nothing elaborate with her hair and her clothes did not hug her curves (though he had noticed she had pretty nice ones). Sometimes her wardrobe was downright frumpy – shapeless jumpers, jeans, nothing special.

She was just ... herself. Not frivolous or done up with fripperies. Just ... Bella.

He liked just Bella.

But then things went south.

They were nearly at the Gym and Bella hated how little time they had to talk, so she said the thing that had been on her mind, something that was sure to get a reaction one way or another. "So ... you're not so scary," Bella said.

"You sure about that?" he teased.

Bella shivered. "Yes," she said, sounding neither convinced nor convincing.

"Why would I be scary?" Edward asked.

"Just, everything Jess said about you," Bella said, thinking that most of it was because of an obvious case of sour grapes.

Edward dropped his hand from her elbow and his face went carefully blank, the eyes that had been careless and twinkling now shuttered and cold. "And what it is that Jess said?" he asked, his tone frosty.

"Oh, you know, about why you left Alaska and stuff." Bella played with the corner of her folder, unsettled by the sudden change in him. This icy demeanour _was _pretty scary.

Then again, maybe Bella Swan was exactly like every other petty, gossiping little bitch he had ever met. He snorted, annoyed, "and there was me thinking that you'd be smarter than to believe all that shit."

"Edward, I –" Bella could not believe had quickly he had changed on her. He had done a complete one-eighty in half a second.

"Whatever, Bella. See you around." Edward stalked off, pushing through the crowd that was moving at a lot slower pace than his long legs were carrying him in his anger.

Bella stood there stunned for a moment. What the hell had happened? Why was Edward so mad so suddenly? If he had just let her explain – what she had been going to say was that a lot of it sounded like jealousy and reprisal to her. But he had not even given her that chance – he had just bitten her head off and strode away, seriously pissed off.

Edward pulled the Volvo into the car and slammed his door shut. His siblings did not comment – he had been in a foul mood all through Spanish according to Emmett, almost getting himself a detention because of his tone when talking to his teacher.

They trooped in the house. While Emmett, Alice and Nessie headed to the kitchen for a cookie and a pre-homework wind down, Edward stalked to his room, pulling of his shirt as he went. Irate, he yanked the rest of his clothes off as soon as his bedroom door was shut and threw them on the floor. Walking into his closet, he grabbed a pair of sweats and headed to the outbuilding they had converted into a gym a little while ago.

He grabbed a pair of sparring gloves and strapped them on. Walking to a punch bag, he took out his frustration by beating the holy shit out of it. He kicked, punched, jabbed, and hooked over and over.

He had been in there about half an hour when his mother walked in, looking concerned.

Edward loved his family, and he understood and appreciated the whole 'no secrets, we're all in this together' mentality, but sometimes, he was not sure he wanted to talk about how he felt.

His mother stood on the other side of the bag, holding it steady as he beat it. She mirrored his movements, circling the bag as he did so she did not end up getting hit, too.

"So, what happened?" Esme asked, her voice free of judgement.

She was so sweet and gentle that it was hard to be annoyed with her. Right now, Edward hated that. He shrugged. "Nothing. Why?"

"Because you've got a face like thunder – have for the past two hours if your brother is to be believed – and you're hitting the bag like it did you mortal wrong. So, what happened?"

"Bella Swan."

"The girl you talked to in Biology?" Esme asked, wondering what caused this change – Emmett had spent most of the evening teasing Edward about his crush and her 'fluidity' (Esme was not sure she wanted to know what that meant).

"You know I said she was different?"

Esme nodded. "Alice said a lack of make-up and fashion didn't make her different, it made her helpless."

"Well, Alice was right." Edward hit the bag particularly viciously and it spun out of Esme's hands. She grabbed so Edward could hit it again – he looked like he needed to. "She's not different. She is exactly the same as every other gossiping little snipe, trying to find out what happened to the frigging Cullens."

"Uh oh," Esme said. Edward hated gossip; so much had happened to his family and he hated people talking about it. He was trying to protect his family – gossip really got to Nessie, since ninety per cent of it was about her.

"I hate gossip," Edward said through gritted teeth.

"I know, honey. And I know you hate talking about our past," Esme said calmly.

"Because it's none of their _fucking business what happened to us!_" Edward yelled pushing the bag away. He turned away from his mother, walking back and forth, trying to calm down. He ran his hands through his sweat-dampened hair.

"I know, baby, but people are always going to talk," Esme said, moving away from the punch bag and folding her hands in front of her.

"Why though?" Edward gave up; he stopped pacing and looked at his mother with sad, tired eyes. "Why can't they just leave us alone? Can't they see how hard it is, just to function without all of them and their whispering?" Edward's shoulders drooped. It was the closest he had ever got to say that what happened to his sister had really affected him. He had shown it; he had almost gone to pieces, like the rest of them, when she was gone. But since she had returned to them, Edward had kept his game face on in front of everyone, even Esme (which she hated), pretending to deal.

"I know this is hard, Edward. It's been tough for all of us. But this is a new start," Esme walked over to stand in front of her son.

"Then why are they obsessed with the past?" Edward demanded. "Nessie is doing good now. She can be around other people – she's made friends with the Hales. She can be alone now; she doesn't need us to be with her anymore."

"And you hate that," Esme felt like they were finally getting to the real reason why Edward had such a problem.

Edward shrugged, and then nodded. His head was down, so his face was hidden, but Esme saw two tears splash onto the floor. "I'm so scared, Mom. I keep thinking that every time I turn around she's going to be gone."

Esme looked at her son for a second before bringing him into the circle of her arms. His arms locked around her waist as he tucked his face into her shoulder and she rubbed his back. "It's not going to happen, baby, I promise."

"But it did," Edward said into her neck. As tall as he was, it hurt his neck to put it on his mother shoulder but he needed to be held right now. "I'm her big brother, I'm meant to protect her. I couldn't save _him -" _Esme knew Edward was talking about the baby she had lost – "but I'm older now. I'm supposed to take care of her. None of it would have happened if I'd just walked her home that day. It's all my fault." He finally said what he had felt for months and sobbed into his mother's neck.

She forced him away from her so she could look him in the eye. When he refused to do that, staring at the floor instead, she gripped his chin and pushed up until he met her gaze. "You listen to me," she said, sternly, "this was _not _your fault. It was no one's fault but James's. He waited for the moment we left her alone. You did not _know, _Edward! None of us did!"

"I should have known! I shouldn't have let her go out alone, not while he was around!"

Esme sighed and pulled him close again, stroking his bronze hair. "It's our fault, your dad's and mine. We underestimated James. We thought we had dealt with it so we never informed the police, or anyone. Nessie just wanted to forget it and we thought he was gone."

"What if he finds her here? What if someone finds out and tells the media? You know what they're like Mom – they'll love it: the rich abductee rebuilding her life in a small town."

"Does sound like a made for TV movie, doesn't it?" Esme said.

Edward gave a small laugh and nodded.

He straightened up and wiped his face, trying to get rid of the tears.

"So ... what are you going to do about Bella?" Esme directed the conversation seamlessly back to the initial discussion.

Edward shrugged. "I don't know. I've never liked the girls at high school – they're all vapid or conceited or stupid."

Esme laughed, "a little harsh, don't you think? Not all girls are like that. Maybe if you gave Bella a chance you'd find she's not either."

Edward shook his head. "She is like them. She sits with Jessica Stanley and that tool, Mike Newton. She's just like them and I'm done with the lot of them."

"Okay," Esme said, knowing not to push her stubborn-minded son when he had his mind made up – he would just have to find out for himself. "If you think so."

Edward nodded and headed into the house to wash up for dinner.

The next day, Edward made it abundantly clear he did not want to talk. He nodded when Bella hesitantly greeted him, spoke in monosyllables when they had to work together and walked straight out of the classroom when the bell rang, without looking back. A small part of him knew he was being overly cruel and childish. The rest of him told that part to shut the fuck up – just because he liked her!

That had been Wednesday. On Thursday, Bella looked paler (somehow – she was practically Snow White to start with) and tired. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but refused to, maintaining his silence because a) she was just like them, and b) he did not want to confirm what he thought, which was that his attitude was why she was out of sorts.

She did not try to talk to him anymore and as time went on Edward wondered just how the hell he had managed to fuck things up quite so badly. Okay, she believed the rumours, or so he thought, but enough was enough – he felt a bit pathetic now, especially when he could Bella looking at him through the corner of his eye, looking so unhappy.

The third reason why he thought he should talk to her again and gain her forgiveness for being such a prick was annoyance personified, known to everyone else as Mike Newton. The kid had seen the tension between the two of them and leapt on it like a cat on a mouse. He spent the first few minutes of Biology until the class was called to order, talking to Bella, getting closer and closer until he was actually sat on the side of her table. Bella kept moving her chair away to maintain her personal space but the fool did not notice, moving in until Edward had to grip the table to stop himself from grabbing Newton and throwing him into the wall yelling at him to back the fuck up.

The Friday of the week after their fight, Alice and Jasper had celebrated their five month anniversary by going to Seattle for a movie and a meal in an upscale restaurant.

"Can you believe it's already been five months?" Nessie said, curling up on her end of the sofa with hot chocolate as they watched a film. Edward shook his head but did not speak – he had been much quieter than usual, not that he was a chatty Cathy before – as his and Bella's disastrous relationship ran through his brain every second of every day. He sat there, eyes on the screen but not really watching it, as he compared Alice and Jasper's relationship to his and Bella's.

Alice and Jasper had started talking the first lunch, the one where Nessie had not been there. The next day, Alice manipulated the seating so Jasper ending up with her – he had looked delighted. _Me and Bella never sit together, never_ see _each other out of Biology._

Jasper had spent the first month weighing the pros and cons of dating Alice – a big con being the fact that she would probably never say 'yes' if he did ask her out – until Alice got fed up of waiting and asked _him _out. They had been together ever since. _I'll never get to ask Bella out. She'll probably think I'm being a dick to her again. Or buggering Newton will get involved and I'll end up killing him. _Edward wondered it would be a mitigating or aggravating factor for Chief Swan, if the boys brawling were fighting over his daughter. _Aggravating, definitely aggravating,_ Edward decided.

"Edward, please stop obsessing and just apologise. Apparently Bella's very sweet, and is currently as unhappy as you are," Nessie fixed her brother with a hard look. "She'll forgive you for being a dickhead."

That broke through Edward's veneer. "I did it for you!" he half yelled.

"That's sweet, and untrue, and stupid," Nessie said. "You didn't give the girl a chance. You thought the worst of her, and hurt her trying to look after me. You also did it to keep the one girl that got to you at arms' length." Nessie took a deep breath before delivering the final, more cutting blow. "What you're doing doesn't make you any better than Charles."

Edward's eyes went wide.

"You're hurting her, Edward," Nessie said gently.

"I would never hit Bella!" The idea made him sick to his stomach.

"There's more than one way of hurting a person, Edward. Emotional pain can be harder than physical – it can't be disconnected from, it just festers. Believe me, I know." Nessie did not drop her gaze and Edward could see the old pain come to the surface for a moment.

Edward slumped into his seat and covered his eyes with his hands. "I know this isn't fair to Bella. But it's all got out of hand and now I don't know what to do."

"Apologise and take it from there," Nessie advised.

"An apology won't be enough for the way I have behaved," Edward said, defeated.

"You don't know that until you try. Why don't you let Bella be the judge, since the last time you assumed anything you completely screwed the situation up and landed yourself in this mess."

Edward heard what his sister was saying and nodded. "I'll apologise, see if we can get past this."

Nessie rolled her eyes – as much as she loved Edward, he did have a penance for the dramatics in life.

It still took him another three weeks, and Emmett's unsubtle help, before he made things up with Bella.

_Okay, please, please, please review guys! No reviews, no follow-up chapters! Sorry, but that's the way it works!_


	17. Happy Birthday, Edward!

_Excuse me if this chapter is a bit chirpier than the rest – I'm writing while watching The Sound of Music after a roast beef dinner and a piece of very good sponge cake made by my mum so overall: MUCH HAPPINESS!_

_Oh dear god, the sugar's gone to my brain._

Chapter Seventeen – Happy Birthday, Edward!

Edward inhaled deeply. It was his birthday – Alice had refused to ignore it. He got out of the car and futilely tugged at the balloons she had tied around his wing mirrors.

"Forget it, man, you're never going to get them off," Emmett said, clapping him on the back.

"Did they have to be _pink, _though," Edward whined.

Emmett snorted.

"You bastard!" Edward yelled. "It was your idea wasn't it?"

"It's Valentine's Day, Edward! We're setting a tone!" Emmett roared with laughter when Edward tried to kick him.

Alice bounded up to them. "Aren't they great?" she said, smiling with pride.

"That's it, no more birthday!" Edward said, pushing past his family and attempting to storm in the building.

There was silence behind. Edward spun around and saw his siblings standing side by side, resolutely looking anywhere but at him. "What have you planned?"

"Nothing," "not a thing," "we wouldn't _do _that!" came the replies.

"Yeah, sure," Edward caught Nessie's arm as she past him. "How long before I'll want to go home?"

"Probably about half an hour."

"Great," Edward muttered.

He made it twenty minutes before he wanted to leave.

"Hey, Edward, happy birthday," said Tracy Irwin, a girl in his first class. She swooped down and kissed him on the cheek.

"Er, thanks, Tracy," said Edward, wondering what was going on.

"Happy birthday, Edward," said another girl when _she _walked in. She, too, kissed him on the cheek.

This carried on for the rest of the day until Edward had been kissed by most of the female population of the school, and some of the male which _really _made Emmett laugh. With every kiss he got more and more confused – yes it was he's birthday and yes it was Valentine's Day, _but what the hell was going on?_

He walked into the cafeteria and nearly died. It was indeed February 14th, so the whole school was done up in pink. Valentine's cards were being given and received. Girls formed gangs and roamed the buildings, giggling. Boys tried vainly to get their chosen girl on her own before pretending to think it was all really stupid again.

At their usual spot, Alice had out done the facility; their lunch table had been decked out in blue – Alice explained that she had wanted green because of Edward's eyes, but did not want to clash with the other decorations. There were more 'happy birthday' balloons, a cake and a small pile of presents.

Alice had a camera.

She snapped a picture off as he came up to the table. As soon as he sat down, a raucous rendition of 'happy birthday to you' drowned out all other conversation; instead of trying to fight it, the rest of the cafeteria joined in. It ended with a lot of clapping and cheering. Edward nodded his thanks before trying to hide behind some balloons.

Jasper produced a lighter and lit the seventeen cakes on the cake and pushed it towards Edward. With reluctance, but beginning to enjoy himself with the prospect of cake, Edward blew them out. His family and the Hales cheered once more and then started handing him his presents.

By the end of lunch, he had several new CDs, books and a camcorder that Emmett immediately took possession of. Nessie handed him her present – a photo album she had decorated herself.

Edward slowly flipped over the pages, taking in the pictures. They covered everything from Edward as a baby, a toddler, holding Nessie on the day she was born, sat with Nessie with a very pregnant Esme sat between them reading a story. Edward stroked the baby bump in the picture, feeling a lump in his throat – his little brother would have been nine by now. There were lots more of life after they met the Cullens – birthdays, days out, Christmases, summers in Italy.

"There's room left for more," Nessie said, gently taking the book. She had left about a third of the album untouched. "Should get us to your graduation."

Edward did not know what to say – it had obviously taken Nessie hours and hours to make. Instead of trying to speak and probably embarrassing himself, Edward grabbed his sister and hugged her fiercely. "You know I love you, don't you?" he whispered in her ear when he was sure his voice wouldn't crack.

"I know," she said, squeezing him in return. "I love you, too." They broke apart and Alice hurried to past around cake. Luckily the rest of the school had returned to their own conversations and did not see the exchange, apart from Bella, who was still watching them. She turned away when Angela started to talk to her and did not look at them again.

Emmett still had the camera out – he had recorded the hug, but Rosalie and Alice were laughing too loudly next to him for the short conversation to be heard.

"Had a good Valentine's Day, Edward?" Jasper asked, him and Emmett grinning at each other.

"I'm going to kill the both of you," Edward vowed.

"Most guys would be glad for a few kisses," Rosalie said, slightly sharply.

"Not by most of their school in one day," Edward said. He blushed slightly at the remembrance of the public displays.

The others burst out laughing at his obvious discomfort.

When lunch ended, Edward went to Biology laden down with the balloons and presents – Emmett was keeping the camcorder and Edward did not want to think about what was going to happen the next time he met his big brother.

Then, it was time to face Bella Swan.

"Just get in there and get it over with, man," Emmett said, smacking him on the back, propelling him into the classroom. Edward didn't see the smile on his brother's face – one way or another, Emmett was determined for Bella to kiss Edward by the end of the school day.

Bella was already there, sitting at their table. Her head was bent so her hair created a curtain between them. He saw she was doodling on her notebook, tracing a pair of eyes, over and over again. She pretended not to notice him walking up, but Edward saw her tense as he approached.

"Um, hi, er, hello, Bella," Edward said. _Great start, Cullen, make her think you're mentally incompetent! _

"What do you want, Edward?" Bella said. Beside her, Newton smirked. Edward glared at him and he suddenly remembered his table was at the back of the room and hurried to sit down.

Uh oh, it seemed Miss Swan had a pissy side. So much for Alice's assurances that birthday cheer would get him through. "Well, I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour; it was unacceptable for me to be so rude and abrupt. I know that it was unforgivable to act in such a way, but I would like to make it up to you if I may."

She looked a little dazed. "Bella, I –"

"The lesson has begun, Mr Cullen. If you could take your seat?" Mr Banner said behind him. Clearly, it was not a request.

"Yes sir. Sorry, sir." Edward walked past Bella and sat down. Bella brushed her hair over her shoulder and looked at him as he took his seat. She smiled at him timidly, which he returned will a full grin. They looked to the front as the lesson began, but the tension that had separated them for the last three weeks was gone; they no longer sat as far away from each other as they could. On the contrary as the lesson wore on they got closer and closer to each other until their arms were touching on the desk.

At the end of the lesson, Mike came up to walk Bella to Gym again. He looked especially sullen as Edward and Bella joked as they packed away their belongings.

The bell rang but it was drowned out by Emmett throwing open the door, which slammed into the wall, and shouting, "VALENTINE!" He already had the camera out and filming as Edward tugged his hood up and buried his face in his desk.

"Go away, Emmett," came his voice, muffled by the hood and the desk.

"Oh, come on, don't be like that," Emmett said, resembling an overgrown Tigger with his boundless energy.

Edward sat up and Emmett tugged the hood off. "Ow," Edward complained when Emmett grabbed his hair while pulling off the hood.

"Oh, shh," Emmett said, training the camera on him. "Bella?" said Emmett, sweetly. Edward tensed in his seat, silently begging Emmett not to do what he knew his brother was going to.

"Yeah?" Bella asked timidly, clearly unaware of what was coming.

"Did you know it was Edward's birthday?"

"Yeah, I kind of figured it out," Bella said, still hesitant.

"She's already said happy birthday," Edward ground out.

"Has she?" Emmett said, with exaggerated delight. "Well, we have a rule today you see, Jasper's idea."

"Emmett, no," Edward said, but Emmett waved at him to be quiet.

"All those who wish Edward happy birthday must give him a kiss," Emmett said, smiling broadly at Bella, who looked a little shocked, and Edward, who looked down right mutinous.

"Oh, right," Bella said faintly.

"It's okay, you don't have to," Edward said, wishing he had a four by two to take to Emmett's head.

"No, it's fine," Bella said. Emmett whipped the camcorder out from behind his back – Edward and Bella were too busy looking at each other to notice. She stepped closer and stood one tiptoe to press her lips to Edward's cheek. "Happy birthday, Edward."

"Thanks." They looked at each other for a beat, before Emmett rolled up onto his tiptoes. "Right," he said, still grinning, "my work here is done." He snapped the camcorder shut, making the other two jump.

He walked to the door and Edward thought he was home free until Emmett spun back around, an evil smile in place. "See, Edward? All you had to do was ask." He ran down the corridor and Edward vaulted over the table after him.

"See you later, Bella," Edward said. He hit the wall trying to look at her as he said goodbye, but he managed to turn around in time to get through the doorway, tearing after his cackling brother to wreak vengeance, the balloons Alice had tied to his wrist trailing along behind him like a multicoloured cloud.

"So, you and Cullen are talking again?" Mike said, a little aggressive.

"Yes," Bella said, a warning tone in her voice, still blushing from Emmett's parting shot.

"After what he did?" Mike exclaimed.

"You don't know what he did."

That night she got a phone call – it was Edward.

"Hi, Edward," grateful he could not see her deepest blush of the day.

"Hi, I just wanted to call and apologise – Emmett can be a little much sometimes."

"I'm hardly the only girl that had to kiss you today," Bella said.

"I know," Bella could practically hear him grimace. "That's my point." Bella laughed. "I also wanted to apologise for the last couple of weeks – it wasn't fair for me to act that way. I want to explain, if I may?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Would you sit with me at lunch tomorrow? It'll be the easiest place to have this conversation."

"Sure that sounds great," Bella said. She sounded quite calm, remarkable given that she had spent the last three weeks obsessing about Edward Cullen.

"Great, thanks, Bella." From the background, Bella heard Emmett yell, "Edward, get off the phone! Mom's home with the food – you can speak to your _luuurve _tomorrow!" "I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," Edward sat. On his end, he picked up at cushion and sent it winging into the back of Emmett's head.

"See you, tomorrow." Bella hung up, the butterflies in the stomach already reaching pandemic proportions.

The next day, Edward was waiting for her at an empty table. Bella said goodbye to a giggling Angela and an annoyed Mike at the cash register and headed over.

"Thanks," Edward ran his hand through his hair, looking tired. "I was up half the night, worried you wouldn't let me explain."

Bella shrugged at she dropped into the chair opposite him, "I think I deserve an explanation after the way you treated me." Just because she liked him did not mean she would let him off easy.

Edward looked down at his hands, ashamed, before he looked up at her. "I know. I _am _sorry for my behaviour – my mom would kill me if she knew what I have done." Bella smiled slightly at the look on Edward's face at the idea of his mom being mad at him. "It's just ... when it comes to Nessie, there's nothing I wouldn't do to protect her."

"How does Nessie fit into all this?" Bella said. Edward opened his mouth but Bella held up her hands. "This is what drives me crazy; I don't understand – you make all these cryptic comments and say all this stuff but then storm off when I want you to explain."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Edward rushed. "It's better when I'm angry not to be around people. My temper can be ... explosive." He looked down at his hands again; Bella could tell he was uncomfortable with his rage. Strange, when he possessed such self-confidence in everything else.

"Can you explain, from the beginning?" Bella asked, tilting her head, trying to get him to look at her.

Edward looked up, struck by just how appealing she was. He had told Emmett that she was not pretty before, and it was true – she was beautiful; she had the clear skin women would died for, deep brown eyes and wonderfully thick mahogany hair he wanted to run his fingers through.

"Edward?" Bella asked. He shook his head to clear it.

"It's not all my story. My family is ... complicated. And our history is colourful. I prefer not to share other people's stories, but I guess I will have to give you the bare bones." Edward started playing with his keys.

"I don't want you to do something you're not comfortable with," Bella said. She thought about touching his hand, but changed her mind at the last moment and picked up her bottle of lemonade instead.

Edward laughed. "I'm an expert at being uncomfortable. But I won't do the same to you. The story isn't enjoyable, it's horrible in parts, and I guess ..."

"What?" Bella asked, gently.

Edward fixed her with a piercing gaze and Bella felt hypnotised. "I guess I'm afraid I'll scare you off. I don't want to ... and I don't know why. Normally, I'll do anything to keep people away, but with you ... I did that and I was miserable."

"You only knew me for two days," Bella said.

"I know, which is why it scared me so much. I hated what I did – I've been a nightmare to live with the last three weeks as Emmett takes every opportunity to point out. I'm not used to strong emotions and an hour after being sat next to you, I knew I had to talk to you, get you to spend some time with me some way. Does that sound stalker-ish?" he asked, smiling at her.

"No," Bella shook her head. "I felt the same way. Like I didn't know you, but I wanted to. And then you got so angry at me and I didn't know why. I thought I'd done something terrible, but I couldn't figure out what."

"I hate gossip," Edward said, frowning. "I knew you sat with Jessica, so I knew you must have heard things. But when you brought it up, I thought you believed them. I'd spent the last five minutes talking to you and I thought you were different from the other girls I've known. So, when I thought you weren't I was disappointed, and I was angry. And I took it out on you, which wasn't fair, especially without an explanation."

"I _was _going to tell you that I didn't believe her. Then," Bella smiled a little slyly, "I was going to ask when you turned her down."

Edward let out a short laugh, which made the people closest to their table stare at them – it was a pretty rare occurrence to hear Edward Cullen laugh. "So, you are smarter than them."

Bella shrugged, "not really. I just don't agree with gossip – it's all distorted half-truths."

"Would you like the truth?" Edward asked, half hoping she would say no so he would not have to tell her his past – she would run a mile when she found out.

"I would like that," said Bella.

"Will you do the same? Tell me about you?" Edward asked.

"It's not that interesting."

"It is to me. Besides, interesting is not always a virtue, sometimes it makes things ... difficult," said Edward. He took her bottle top and played with it, having abandoned his keys.

"Will you tell me?" Bella asked, for Edward had shut himself off again, refusing to look at her.

Edward took a deep breath. "Carlisle isn't my biological father – I know you know this, but I have to start at the beginning - he married a woman called Elizabeth Masen and they had two children: Emmett and Alice. In the same year as Alice was born, a couple of months before actually, my mother had me. When my mother was eighteen, she married a man named Charles Evenson. She was barely nineteen when she found out she was pregnant. Her father died when she was only a couple of months along and as soon as he wasn't there to protect her anymore, Charles started hitting her. She tried to leave, but he found her and she ended up in hospital. I was born severely premature, and I only survived because of her very talented doctor – Carlisle Cullen."

"Your dad?" Bella exclaimed.

Edward nodded, "my dad, who saved me and who named me. My mother's way of thanking him," he said with a wry smile. "My sister was born eighteen months later. When I was eight and she was six, my mother found out she was pregnant again. When my father hit me –" Bella gasped "-my mother took us away, but, like before, Charles found and the resulting argument and physical abuse put my mother in hospital. Again, my dad was her doctor, but this time, the baby died. A boy...my mom told us it had been a boy." Edward swallowed hard. "I always thought that if I had been braver, or stronger, I could have saved my baby brother. But instead I hid. My mom told me to take Nessie and hide, so that's what I did. I remember curling up in the closet with my hands over her ears so she wouldn't hear the screaming. But she did anyway." Edward's voice was hollow – monotone and emotionless.

This time, Bella did put her hand on his, "Edward, I'm so sorry. You must have been so afraid." She pictured a young Edward trying to comfort his little sister as they crouched in the darkness. The image came all too easily and she shook her head to get rid of it.

Edward shrugged, trying, and failing, to be nonchalant. "It got better. Charles got arrested because of what he did. He's not allowed to see us until we're eighteen, only if we want to – I'll never want to. As far as I'm concerned, the bastard's dead – Carlisle is my father in every true sense of the word. So, my mother divorced him and we moved in with Carlisle, playing merry hell with his nanny's nerves." Edward smiled fondly at the memories, making Bella smile, too. "Carlisle's wife had left them when Emmett and Alice were still toddlers. So, they got married and they've been together ever since."

"But you're last name's Cullen, too," Bella said, a little confused.

Edward nodded. "We changed our names, me and Nessie, the same day our mom did, the same day she married Carlisle. He said we didn't have to, but we wanted to. In the couple of short months between Mom and Carlisle meeting again and them getting married Carlisle was more of a father to us two than Charles ever was. Mom and Dad don't differentiate; there's no 'this is my kid, that's yours' they just love us all the same."

"So, that's not so bad. Why'd you get so mad when you thought I believed the gossip?"

"Because the worse is still to come," Edward warned.

The bell rang and they were startled out of their conversation. Without meaning to, they had leant closer and closer, until they were both hunching over the table. When they were brought out of their reverie, they jumped away from each other.

"We should get going," Bella said. Edward murmured his agreement and the two of them grabbed their bags and joined the other students leaving the cafeteria.

When they got to Biology, Mike was already sat at his table at the back. Next to him, Angela could Bella's eye and mouthed '_oh my _god_!'_ while pointed at Edward. Bella grinned and waved her away.

"So," Bella asked, taking her seat next to Edward. They were sat close together again, arms resting next to each other on the table top. "Will you tell me the rest tomorrow?"

Edward took in her gentle expression – there was nothing hidden about Bella's emotions, they played right out on her face and all Edward saw was honesty, and curiosity. But overall, he saw understanding. "Yes," he said, simply.

_Alrighty, I have quite a back log of chapters - about twenty-five – so I'm going to be updating much more regularly and rapidly. Maybe a couple a week, maybe more, until this has gone down. But, this only happens if you guys keep reviewing. So, I update, you review, I update and we're all happy._


	18. The Softer Side Of Rosalie

Chapter Eighteen – The Softer Side of Rosalie

The next day could not come quickly enough for Bella. She woke up early and was washed and dressed before her father, Charlie even woke up. When he came downstairs, she was at the kitchen table, having already had breakfast, going over some Calculus she was not certain about, glancing at the clock every other minute for when it would be late enough for her to leave for school.

"Morning, kid," Charlie said, walking straight over to the counter to pour himself a cup of coffee.

"Morning, Dad," Bella said, bouncing in her seat as the minute hand moved closer to the top of the clock.

"You alright, Bells?" Charlie asked. It was not like her to be so fidgety – the girl could sit and read for hours but right now she was acting as though she had taken an injection of sugar straight to the vein.

"Fine, I just want to get to school," said Bella.

Charlie raised an eyebrow – either kids had seriously changed since when _he _went to school, or there was something he did not know. "Why?"

"Just do."

"I thought you didn't want to go to school – having moved in the middle of semester and everything."

"Oh, it's cool, I've made some friends," Bella said, trying to sound offhand so Charlie would not delved deeper, but no –

"Oh, yeah? That's great, Bells. Who?" Charlie leant against the counter, watching his daughter glare at the clock.

"Oh, you know," Bella looked at Charlie and saw from the expression on his face that she was not going anywhere until he had some names. "Er, Angela – "

"Weber?"

Bella nodded. "Um, Mike –"

"Newton's kid?"

"Yeah, Dad," Bella pretended to sigh. "Are you going to comment after each one?"

Charlie laughed, "go ahead, Bella."

"Um, Jessica Stanley, Eric York, Edward Cullen, Tyler Crowley and Ben somebody all sit together at lunch." Okay, not strictly true since she had sat with all of these people, just not at the same time.

Charlie scratched his head. "You know a lot of boys."

"Jessica likes Mike and Angela likes Ben. I think Ben likes her but won't ask her out because he's about three inches shorter than her. There are other girls but they don't seem to like me much."

"Oh," Charlie was a little out of his depth here. "Why not?"

Bella shrugged, "some people just don't get on, Dad. Me and them – we're just different."

"Yeah, I bet you're a lot nicer than those girls anyway," Charlie said, slightly gruff – he was not great at the sharing emotion thing, a trait he had passed on to his daughter. "I'm glad you're settling in okay, Bella. You're mom will be really pleased."

"Yeah, she seems so in her emails." The clock showed it was eight o'clock and Bella stood. "Okay, got to go to school now. I'll see you when you get home."

"Alright, Bells, have a good day." Charlie got out of the way before Bella ran him over getting out of the kitchen.

"You too, Dad," came the reply as Bella rushed to her truck.

Charlie shook his head then thought about what she had said – she had lunch with Edward Cullen? Were they starting to mix, then? Charlie knew about their history – he was one of the very few people in town who knew it all firsthand, Carlisle having told him in case they ever needed his official help – and he had to admit, when he learnt that they had befriend the troubled Hale boy and his diva sister, Charlie had been worried as to the consequences of these friendships. Still, it had been nearly six months and nothing had happened yet.

Bella was a big girl – she could take care of herself and usually took care of the people around her. Charlie was sure she would be fine. Still, he made a mental note to call the mental hospital in Alaska for an update on James Sanders – just to make sure that he was where he was meant to be. That guy could throw a serious spanner in the works when it came to the Cullens making this place home and Charlie wanted it all to go smoothly, especially if his daughter was getting emotional involved with them.

Bella made it to school early and so got a great parking space. A couple of spaces down, she saw the Cullens get out of a Volvo while the Hales exited a flashy red Mercedes – a couple of the nicest cars she had seen in the lot since being here. Alice looked in her direction and before Bella could pretend she had not been looking, Alice waved. Bella waved back and Edward turned to see who had caught his sister's attention. When he saw it was Bella, who waved at him too, since she forgot to put her hand down because she was busy staring at him – he looked _really _good today! – Edward smiled. A real smile, that showed teeth and everything. That made the rest of them stare at Bella, too, who felt herself going red.

Rosalie saw the _thing _between Edward and Bella and stalked off, leaving Emmett to go calm her down. Nessie looked over at Bella with her typical mildly curious, detached expression, before walking to the bench where Emmett sat reasoning with Rosalie and pulling out a book, which she read resolutely, refusing to be drawn into the snappish conversation despite Emmett's best attempts. Alice rolled her eyes at the melodrama and tucked her small frame into Jasper's side. Jasper put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head before taking her over to sit with the rest of their group.

Edward on the other hand, made a beeline for Bella. "Hey, Bella," he said when he got close enough.

"Hi, Ed-whoa!" Bella had taken a step but somehow got her foot caught on the fender of the truck. She went pitching forward and fell heavily into Edward, who caught her and righted her. He kept his hands on her shoulders, though he did not quite know why since she seemed pretty stable now – as stable as Bella Swan ever got, anyway. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I really don't mind you throwing yourself at me," Edward said with a smile.

Bella glared at him, though it was not very forceful. "I'm a klutz, I throw myself at everyone." She stopped short and turned red as she realised she had kind of called herself a slut.

"Ah, and there was me thinking I was special," Edward put his hand on his heart as though wounded.

"You don't need me to throw myself at you to know that," Bella mumbled. Edward's smile got wider.

They started walking and they got to the table before Bella realised that is where they were going. Without looking up from her book, Nessie moved up the bench so they could all fit on.

Bella was initially hesitant at sitting with them all since she hadn't spoken one word to the majority of them before. It was also a little uncomfortable considering how much she knew about each of them, from Jessica and Edward, without having ever spoken to them.

Alice, as ever, took it upon herself to break the ice. "Bella, right? You're Chief Swan's daughter?"

"Er, yeah," Bella said taking the seat next to Alice as directed by the pint-sized pixie. It was not the usual greeting – in a town this small, everyone knew she was the Chief's daughter, but they never brought it up like they knew Charlie. "You know my dad?"

"Are you kidding? He's a doll!" Alice said. "Say 'hi' from us, okay?"

"Er, yeah, sure," Bella said, still not quite getting it.

"Tell Charlie I'm still clean," Jasper said. He was on the other side of Alice, a little outside of the circle, though he did not seem to mind – in fact, he seemed to prefer it.

"Okay," said Bella, even more confused. "Why?"

They laughed. "We forget," Alice said. "You only just got here. We know your dad really well."

"You do?" asked Bella, looking at Edward for confirmation. Why had he not told her?

"Yeah, you know that stuff I was going to tell you today?" Bella nodded, looking around – the air seemed colder all of a sudden and there was a tension that had not been there before.

"It's okay, guys," Nessie said. It was the first time Bella had heard Nessie speak and Bella was stunned by the quiet, melodic quality of her voice – like wind chimes in a gentle breeze. "I told Edward he could tell Bella when he asked me at the weekend."

"Why should she know?" Rosalie asked, her sharp, ugly tone at odds with her captivating face, ignoring Emmett when he gave her a warning tap on the arm. "What business is it of hers?"

"What business is it of yours?" Nessie replied. There was hardness in her eyes as she stared down the blonde. Rosalie tossed her luscious golden curls back and decided not to answer.

"Anyway," Edward said, a little louder than necessary to get back on point. "Charlie knows all of that stuff – he was a big help when we first got here."

"I spend a lot of time with Charlie," Nessie said, surprising Bella. "He's been great at making me feel safe here."

That struck Bella as an odd thing to say – why would it be up to the Chief of Police to make a fifteen year old girl feel safe? "I'm glad," Bella said, not sure of what to say.

"He's a good man, your father," Nessie said. "Like Carlisle."

"I'm sure he'll be thrilled at the comparison," Bella said. She shifted slightly in her seat.

Alice laid a hand on her arm. "It's okay, Bella, you don't have to be nervous. We know what you've heard about us and it doesn't matter. We used to it, though we would like it if you got to know us for yourself, without the hearsay."

"I'd like that, too," Bella said. "I didn't believe a lot of what Jessica had to say – she always has so _much _to say, it can be difficult."

"The truth is, Jasper is a recovering drug addict," Alice said, laying her head on his chest when he looked uncomfortable. "But he's doing so well – it hasn't been easy for him."

"It's been easier here than it was in Texas," said Jasper, looking away from the others. "Here I've got a support system, there I had no one."

"You had me!" Rosalie cried. Bella could tell that despite the animosity between them, she and Rosalie had a few things in common – like taking care of their family.

"I was the outcast, Rose, the freak. I was a liability so Mom and Dad got rid of me. You were always so busy with your socialite friends," Jasper looked tired just remembering.

"They were _your _friends, too! At least they could have been if you tried!" Rosalie was getting slightly shrill.

"I never fit in with them, Rose, and I didn't want to. Why do you think I started doing drugs? It made the fishbowl so much _easier _to live in." There were tears in Rosalie's tears at her brother's words. "I know you loved it there. I know you hate me for being the reason you got sent here, too."

"You're not," Rosalie mumbled.

"What?" Jasper strained to hear her.

"Mom and Dad didn't send me," Rosalie looked pained, like she had never wanted to go through all this, especially not in front of an audience. "I wanted to come."

Jasper was astounded. "But ... why?"

Rosalie shrugged her shoulders delicately. "Because – because I couldn't live in the fishbowl without you. I loved it, Jazz, I really, honestly, _shallowly, _did – it was perfect; the people, the dresses, the balls. But you made it worthwhile. Dad was busy providing the social-climbing lifestyle, Mom was obsessed with making me the next Miss America. But when I got home it was just you and me, I could be just Rose because I knew you would be the one person who wasn't disappointed with who that was."

Jasper looked at his sister like he had never seen her before. "Rose, I – I don't know what to say. I thought you hated me."

"I do!" Rosalie shouted. "But because you nearly killed yourself with those damn drugs, and those damn people! Not because you got us sent here. I needed to be here – I needed to look after you."

Jasper was still looking at his sister. Not knowing what else to do, Jasper fished in his bag and pulled out a rumpled pack of tissues so she could wipe away the tears streaming down her face. Rosalie laughed at the completely hopeless, utterly genuine comfort of her brother – it was Jasper all over – and took the tissue. When she saw the mascara on the tissue, she dived in her bag for a mirror and squeaked in horror at her reflection. "Oh, no! Oh, god, what am I going to do!" she looked around the lot. "And now look! People are arriving."

The others looked round and saw it was true. Alice pulled wipes out of her bag and Rosalie took off the ruined layer of make-up. Hurriedly, she reapplied it from a make-up bag that looked heavier than Emmett's school bag. "That'll have to do," she said, eyeing herself critically. Bella thought she looked stunning.

Emmett seemed to agree. "You look great, babe, as always," he said, offhand as he grabbed his gear.

"Hey, Bella!" It was Angela.

"Hey, Angela, what's up?" Bella laughed inwardly at the sweet, but nervous, wave Angela gave everyone else at the table. Alice and Jasper were busy doing nothing but being together, heads bent close, in the corner. Nessie had dismissed all from her attention as soon as the Jasper/Rosalie incident was concluded. Rosalie was busy trying to get the make-up bag back into her school bag. This left Edward and Emmett to wave back – the latter somewhat enthusiastically for someone he had never talked to.

Angela seemed somewhat startled at the friendliness of the eldest, massive Cullen, but hid it well. Edward and Bella caught each other's eyes and looked away quickly, before they could burst out laughing.

"Well, this Biology stuff. Did you get it? I tried, but my dad had to work last night and one of my little brothers is ill, so I had to look after the other one and by the time he got to sleep I was too tired to take it in." Angela said this matter-of-factly – she loved her brothers, everyone knew that, and never complained when she got to spend time with them.

"Uh, yeah, I looked at it. Mr Banner said he'll go over it in the lesson, it's just to give you a basic understanding," Bella tried to reassure Angela.

"Really? So, we don't have to have written evidence or anything do we, because I really don't get it," Angela said, looking down at the textbook in her hand.

"We can go over it with you, if you would like," Edward offered. "Mr Banner said you didn't have to write anything down, just be prepared to answer questions at the beginning of the class."

"Really?" Angela looked so relieved – she had turned a little green at the mentioning of 'questions' (she was a perfectionist and hated being asked a question if she did not have the full, correct, textbook certified answer).

"No problem," Edward said. "It's not too bad – you'll pick it up real quick."

"Oh, thank you guys so much! I'll see you at lunch!" Angela headed off to her first lesson – the bell had just rung.

"That was nice of you," Bella said, as they got their bags and headed off as well.

"Don't sound so surprised, I might get offended," Edward said, tapping Nessie on the shoulder to get her moving out of her seat. With a long-suffering sigh, Nessie put the book away and slouched off to her first lesson, the biker boots gaining her a wide berth by all those who did not wish to have bruised ankles.

"I just meant that you don't really mix with people, that's all," said Bella as they walked along the sidewalk.

"Well, Nessie doesn't really like people. But, since we won't be sitting with the others that won't be a problem."

"Nessie doesn't like people? She seemed fine with me."

"Well, you don't ask a lot of questions. And Nessie was reading, which is her equivalent of a stone wall and moat. She can be around people she doesn't know when she's with her family, as long as she doesn't have to talk to them."

"And I thought I was shy," Bella said.

"She's been through a lot," Edward said, his tone sharp.

Bella moved to calm him down. She laid her hand on his, "I know. I was just thinking about how hard it must be for her."

"She spends every day terrified because she's surrounded by people she doesn't know, and she has no idea who's going to try to hurt her next." Edward jaw was tight and a muscle twitched there. He took deep breaths but Bella could tell he was having difficulty keeping his temper under control.

"God, that must be horrible," Bella said. "Still, she's got all of you. She seems to do okay in school."

"Because everyone's afraid of her – the way she dresses, the way she _acts, _the fact that no one knows the full truth about her, it's made everyone stay away from her," Edward shook his head. "She's not like that really – she's not scary. If people only knew her, if they gave her a chance, and she gave them one, they would she that she's sweet and funny. Yeah, and fierce and tough, too, but not in the way that would make her hurt anyone." His tone was gentle, but there was a sadness there that made Bella's heart ache – Edward clearly loved his little sister so much, as was hurting because Nessie was hurting. "She's ... amazing. What she went through, when she was so young, and she can stand to be in public at all. Some people might not have been able to. What she's overcome just to be _alive._" Edward stopped. They were at the path between Building Four – Bella's building – and Five – Edward's building. "I'll see you at lunch, okay?"

"Okay," Bella squeezed his hand.

Edward walked away, his shoulders hunched against the ever present rain.

Bella stood there looking at him for a moment, before walking to her own classroom, her head once more filled with the Cullen/Hale group.

_Please please please review!_


	19. Typing And Truths

Chapter Nineteen – Typing and Truths

Bella met Angela in the lunch line and together they made their way over to the table where Edward was sat. Mike spent the hour glaring at them, under the impression that Edward was trying to take their group, one person at a time.

They spent the hour easily enough – Angela found Edward could actually be quite charming when he wanted to be. They got through the Biology quickly and spent the rest of the time talking – Angela was easier to be around than the rest of the people they knew, and far more forgiving so did not make such a deal of Edward being so pleasant after months of not socialising.

When Edward went back to his family's table to talk about getting home – Alice was going around to Jasper's and Edward had arranged to go home with Bella so they could have the talk they were not having now at lunch – Angela pulled Bella into a whispered conversation.

"Oh my god!" Angela said. "What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything!"Bella hissed back. "He's always been like this with me."

"You must have something the rest of us don't then – you should have seen his face when Jess asked him out! She's pissed at you by the way." Angela looked behind her at their usual table. Bella looked, too, and sure enough Jessica was shooting daggers at them in between batting her lashes and flicking her hair at Mike.

They giggled as they turned away.

"He hates gossip," Bella told her. "Maybe knowing Jess was talking about his family behind their backs turned him off her?"

Angela nodded, a look of comprehension on her face. "That makes sense – he looked way too disgusted for someone who just didn't want to date her."

The bell rang, and Edward came over having reluctantly turned the keys to the Volvo over to Emmett. "Ready to go?" he asked the two girls.

They nodded and stood. Bella got her foot stuck behind the chair leg, but Edward had his arm around her waist before she could fall. "Er, thanks," she said, not sure if the blushing was because of the falling, or because she was currently pulled up against his chest.

"No problem," Edward took a step back and they walked to Biology, Edward slightly behind the two girls. Angela could not stop giggling at what had occurred, making Bella blush harder.

They took their seats, Angela being pounced on by Mike who had seen the whole trip-then-hold-to-chest incident and now wanted _all _thedetails.

* * *

Today's lesson was not good for Bella – Bloody Typing.

She felt faint as soon as Mr Banner brought out the equipment.

Edward did not notice the pale green colour Bella had gone until he turned to ask her to pass one of the finger prong things. "Er, Mr Banner? I don't think Bella's feeling okay."

Mr Banner came over, "Miss Swan, are you alright?"

Edward thought this question was a little redundant given that Bella was lying with her head on her arms on the tabletop, moaning gently. "Mr Cullen, could you take her to the nurse, please?"

"Sure, Mr Banner." Edward slipped his arm around Bella's shoulders and gently, but firmly, pulled her out of her seat. "Come on, Bella."

They walked out of the room. Bella seemed to revive a bit in the cold air but Edward still made he see the nurse – "orders are orders, Bella" he said in that annoyingly superior voice he saved for such occasions, the one that made Nessie want to kick him in the shins.

"There's always one," the nurse said, getting Bella a cold compress while Edward helped Bella onto the cot.

"I really don't need that," Bella objected, hating the fuss. "I'll fine, really. Just give me a minute."

"Bella," Edward said firmly, putting the compress back on her head when she took it off. "You're green. Leave it on."

Bella sighed but let the compress on until Mike came in with another fainting student. Bella shot of the cot and handed the nurse the cloth. "Let's get out of here," she said, bolting from the room – it was the faster Edward had seen her move without tripping over.

"Bella, what's going on? What's wrong?" Edward asked as Bella collapsed on the bench in front of reception.

"I could smell the blood," Bella said, leaning her head against the wall behind her. "The rust and the salt."

"You can smell the salt in blood? What are you, a vampire?" Edward asked, sitting beside her.

"No, just very aware of blood – it makes me feel sick."

"Do you want to go home? You have Gym next, don't you?" Edward said, watching as the green returned to Bella's pale pallor at the mention of her next class. Bella nodded, clutching her stomach. "Wait here," Edward said under his breath.

He walked up to reception. He smiled at the middle-aged receptionist who became flustered in the face of a rare Edward Cullen mega-watt smile. "Yes, Ed-Edward?" she said.

"Bella fainted in Biology," Edward lied smoothly. "I was wondering if she could possibly be excused from her next lesson – it's Gym." Together, Mrs Cox and Edward looked over at Bella on the bench, who was pale and clammy. "Oh, yes, of course. Do you need to be excused to take her?"

Edward reflected on his behaviour the previous week. "Yes, please. I have Mrs Geoff for Spanish."

"Alright, well you two get out of here and I'll file the paperwork."

"Thank you very much, Mrs Cox. It's very kind of you," he smiled at her again and Mrs Cox looked a little dazed.

"Laying it on a bit thick, aren't you?" Bella hissed at him as he escorted her from the building to her truck. Angela was waiting there with their stuff, Biology having finished while they were gone.

"Hey, I'm the reason you can't take anyone out with a volley ball – I think I should get a medal for that, or at least thanks from your Gym class," he laughed and dodged the swipe Bella aimed at his arm.

Angela was staring at them – the brightly grinning Edward Cullen and Bella, who was desperately trying to frown at him. She managed to put her eyes back in by the time they reached her.

"Oh, thanks, Angela. I completely forgot about my bag," Bella said, reaching out to take hers. Edward beat her to the punch, taking both bags from Angela.

"Yes, thank you, Angela. It was very considerate of you."

"How did you know we would be here?" Bella asked.

"I thought they would let you go – Mike came back and said Ryan was going home, too – so I figured I'd wait for you."

"That's very sweet of you," Bella said.

"So, you going?" asked Angela.

"Yeah, Edward pulled some Jedi mind trick on Mrs Cox – she was falling over herself to help him," Bella rolled her eyes and Angela laughed.

"You exaggerate, Bella," said Edward, fishing car keys out of her bag and unlocking the truck.

"I do not!" Bella said. "She was practically drooling when you dazzled her."

"You dazzled her?" Angela asked, looking at Edward.

"No," he said, just as Bella said, "yes." Edward glared at Bella, who smiled sweetly back. "Get in the truck, Bella, before you cause any more trouble."

"I think he's embarrassed," Angela stage-whispered.

"Edward Cullen, _embarrassed?_ Impossible, he's far too confident," Bella trilled.

They laughed as Edward rounded on them. Bella hugged Angela goodbye as Edward glared and held her hand out for the key. "Not a chance," Edward said, opening the passenger door for her.

"It's my truck," Bella said indignant.

"_You_ just fainted, _remember?_" Edward asked pointedly.

"Fine," Bella huffed climbing into her seat. She got herself strapped in while Edward walked around the front of the truck and got in the driver seat.

* * *

"Does this thing go above forty?" Edward asked as the truck wheezed.

"Yes," Bella said, stung for her truck.

"For how long?" Edward asked, looking at the truck dubiously.

"Hey, my truck is a veteran! Show some respect!" Bella said.

Edward muttered something about earning it but Bella flicked on the radio.

"You like Avenged Sevenfold?" Edward asked, surprised at her choice.

Bella shrugged, "Phil, my mom's husband, gave me their CD - they're pretty good once you get past the screaming and the bass."

"Waking the Fallen is one of my favourite albums," Edward said.

"You have it?" Bella asked, surprised for some reason.

Edward nodded. "I have a pretty eclectic taste – comes from having so much family with so many tastes of their own, I've learnt to appreciate genres for their own aspects – but yes, I have this CD. You should hear my mom when Emmett and I had a music war. It's the only time she yells." Edward frowned, pondering. "I guess she has to."

"A music war?"

"We play our music as loud as possible. The one who drowns out the other is the winner."

"You're neighbours must love you."

"We live far enough away that the Hales can't hear us."

"You live next to the Hales?" Bella asked.

"They're our closest neighbours, but we don't really live _next _to them," Edward looked at Bella, who looked confused. "You'll see when you come over."

Bella did not miss the fact that he said 'when' not 'if'. She shivered in excitement.

"Are you cold?" Edward asked, his hand flashing to the heater.

"No, I'm fine," Bella said, shaking her head.

Edward looked sceptical, but put his hand back on the steering wheel – he had enough experience with two sisters and a mother to know that women did not appreciate being corrected, especially about their bodies.

Bella directed him to her house and Edward parked the truck in her driveway. He waved her away when she reached for her bag and grabbed both of them. He made his way round the truck to open the door for her but she had already climbed out. He settled himself for shutting it for her.

"You don't have to do that you know," Bella said.

"What?" Edward asked as they headed up the path to the front door.

"You know," Bella took the key from the top of the eaves, but Edward took it off her, unlocking the door and opening it for her. He stepped back so Bella could in ahead of him. "_That._ Opening doors and pulling out chairs and stuff. I don't need you to."

"I know, but I want to. My parents taught us manners growing up and I guess it's just habit by now." Edward shrugged like the politeness from another century was no big deal. "My great-grandfather, Aro, he was young when this was expected and he always installed it in us when we went to see them."

"Them?" Bella asked, picking up on the invitation for more information.

"Our family in Italy. Carlisle's family is huge and we spent most of the summer with them each year in their town, Volterra."

"_Their_ town?"

Edward looked a little embarrassed. "They've kind of been there for the last thousand years. They used to own it, but now it's more tradition than anything – they're the oldest family in those parts and that still means something over there. History is very important to the Italians, it's real, something to be proud of to them, not just something that's dead and gone."

"I suppose they have a lot to be proud of," Bella said, walking into the kitchen. Edward followed suit and dropped into a chair at the table while Bella leant against the counter.

"Don't start Aro on it – _Nino_ will talk for hours about the history of the Italian people. He's so proud of it. And the way he talks – like he was there, seeing all of it firsthand." Edward shook his head at his great-grandfather's antics but Bella could tell he adored the old man.

"What does it mean, '_nino'_?"

"Oh, it's the Italian for 'grandfather' – we all call him it. Takes too long to say 'great-grandfather' in any language and Aro says he doesn't want to feel that old while he's still got all his own teeth."

Bella laughed. "He sounds like quite a character."

"He is. A good man, too. Family means a lot to Aro, but he always say family doesn't start with blood and it doesn't end with it."

"He's not your biological family, is he?" Bella asked gently, not wanting Edward to think that she was being malicious in pointing it out.

Edward shook his head. "He's Dad's grandfather; he raised Dad after his parents died. Then, when my dad turned up with my mom and me and Nessie, he loved us just as much as he loved Dad and Emmett and Alice. Didn't like their mother, Elizabeth, from what we've gathered at the keyholes of doors – they never talk badly about either of our biological parents in front of us," he explained. "They don't think it's right to influence a child against their parent. But it didn't – we hated them long before we heard any of the family talking about them." Edward's voice had grown harsh and his fist was clenched on the table so tight his knuckles were white. Bella walked over and sat down, stroking his hand with hers to relax the tensed fist.

"You don't hate your father, Edward," Bella sat gently.

"After what he did to us? I fucking do," Edward spat. "He's the reason my brother died, the reason my mom can't have any more children. I hate him. I hate that he's a part of me." Edward whispered the last bit, as though ashamed of admitting to the connection.

"But he's not you, Edward," Bella tried to reason. "And you're not him. You don't have to be anything like him."

"Sometimes I think that. But then I get so _mad_ and all I want to do is hit something."

Some_thing_, Edward! That's the difference between you and your father – I bet you've never hit anyone in anger."

"But I could," Edward sounded so defeated.

"We all _could,_ Edward. You are no different from the rest of us." Bella took Edward's chin in her hand and tugged it up so he had to look her in the eye. "You are only human, Edward. This is what being human is about."

Edward sighed. His green eyes were dark with sadness. Suddenly, Bella felt very young – she would have to go through much more to understand the burden on this young man's shoulders. Bella let her hand fall and Edward dropped her gaze again.

"Do you want a drink?" Bella stood up.

"Only if you're having one." Edward sounded so tired. Looking at him, he looked it, too. There were shadows under his eyes and he kept rubbing his face with his hands as though trying to keep himself awake. But it was the way he held himself that made Bella think he was tired – the way his shoulders drooped, and he slumped in his chair as though he could not hold himself up any longer.

"Why don't you go through to the living room and I'll bring them in." Edward merely nodded and shuffled away – he was so different to the laughing, joking Edward that had come to the surface barely an hour ago.

When Bella came in, Edward had stretched out on the sofa, his head resting on his hand, his elbow on the arm of the settee. Bella put the mugs of tea down on the coffee table and sat on the other end of the couch.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

"I'm a little tired," Edward admitted. "I had the flu the first week you were here – I spent the last week in bed and I'm still a bit out of it."

"Do you want to go home?" Bella asked. "I could drive you." She hoped he said no. She had been at this school for two weeks and she had not felt as comfortable with anyone as she did with Edward right now.

"Do you want me to?" Edward asked, opening his eyes and fixing her with his brilliant green gaze.

Bella shook her head.

"Good, me neither."

Bella curled her legs up beneath her and Edward shifted so that he was facing her. They did not say anything for a while. Then he stretched out his hand towards her. Bella reached out and laid her hand in his. He played with her hand, stroking her fingers and entwining them with his before sliding out of the hold and starting again. They shifted closer over time, until their knees were touching. They still had not spoken when Charlie came in the front door.

"Bella?"

"In here, Dad," Bella called. The two teenagers pulled away from each other and moved until there was a more decent space between them.

"Hey, Bella – oh, Edward, hello." Charlie stood in the doorway, taking in the sight of his daughter and a boy sitting on his sofa. "I didn't know you would be here."

"Bella invited me over today, I hope you don't mind, Chief," Edward said, standing up to shake Charlie's hand.

"No, it's no problem. How's your family?"

"Fine, thank you. We're all doing very well."

"Alice said to say 'hi', Dad, and Jasper wants you to know he's still clean," said Bella, smiling at the slight unreal feeling she had saying it.

Charlie nodded. "Good to hear it," he said. "Hale's a good kid, he just need a firmer hand. Anyway, how's Nessie doing, Edward?"

"Very well, Charlie, she was wondering if she could see you after school on Thursday actually."

"Sure, sure, that's fine with me," Charlie said. "Look forward to it; she's a great little kid. Bella, are you alright?"

Bella looked confused. "Why is Nessie coming to see you, Dad?"

"Oh, I forgot, you don't know. She's come to see me every so often ever since they moved here. Comes down to the station, nothing special, she just likes to chat."

"About what?" asked Bella, curious.

"Um, well," Charlie began, looking at Edward for the okay.

"It's alright, Charlie. I was going to tell Bella about it today. It's why I'm here."

"Oh, okay, then. Well, I'll get out of your way so you can talk and then Bella will understand." Charlie made to leave, giving the T.V. one last look.

"You can stay here, Dad, if there's something you want to watch. Edward and I can go upstairs."

"No!" Charlie yelped. He took a breath and, trying to be calmer, said, "no, it's alright. No need for Edward to be in your room. I'll go upstairs and catch up on some ... reading. Bye, kids."

"Bye, Dad."

"Bye, Chief." Charlie waved as he left the room. They heard him going up the stairs and his bedroom door shut.

"Not subtle, but good for his first time, I guess," Bella said.

"You think that was bad, you should have heard my dad the first time Emmett wanted to take a girl upstairs – he started on about disease and how it spreads." Bella laughed. "You may find it funny, Miss Swan, but I couldn't eat for days afterwards." Bella laughed harder and Edward smiled.

"So, I finally get to hear the great tale of Nessie Cullen, huh?" Bella said, teasingly as Edward sat back down. He reached for his coffee but it had gone cold.

"Yes, I guess you do," Edward said. He looked uncertain for a moment, and then looked at Bella. "Bella, I must ask you – you can repeat anything I told you about my family yesterday, but, please, don't share this." He looked agonised at the very idea and Bella nodded fervently. "This is ... difficult to share and no one will understand. It'll be easier to everyone if you –"

Bella put her hand on Edward's and he stopped speaking. "I promise, Edward, I won't share anything you have told me, or will tell me today."

Edward nodded and began.

"Nessie was fourteen when she met a boy named James. He was her first love and I do believe that, in the beginning, she did love him. But love quickly turned to fear. He humiliated her, controlled her, abused her – we still don't know everything he did to her; she won't talk about it. Before James, Nessie was shy like you, but afterwards ... she was a ghost, terrified of doing or saying anything he might not like. Eventually, she went to our parents – she broke up with him, ended it for good.  
"But that wasn't what James wanted. A couple of weeks after she broke up this him, James found her walking home by herself – no one had seen him all week and we stupidly underestimated him. He dragged her into a car and took her away."

"Nessie was kidnapped?" Bella gasped.

Edward nodded slowly. "She was missing for two months and four days. For sixty three days she was gone. We didn't go to school, Mom and Dad didn't go to work; we just stopped functioning. She was found three weeks before the end of the school year – she got a nurse to phone us from the hospital."

"What was she doing at hospital?" Bella asked.

She regretted it when she saw Edward's face – he was terrifying, his anger almost palpable. "He broke her leg. A couple of weeks after she had been abducted she had tried to run for it; he caught her and pushed her down the stairs."

Bella sucked in her breath in horror – how could he to do that to someone like Nessie?

"He kept her locked in the basement after that, drugged and chained to the bed in complete darkness. She can't sleep in the dark anymore; she has to have a light on. When she got home, she spent the first week going through tests – she had a dependency on the drugs he'd kept her on, she was malnourished, afraid of everything. We thought she would get better but when she didn't my parents took her to a psychiatrist. She diagnosed Nessie with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." Edward put his head in his hands. "She's still afraid, though she tries not to show it."

"Is that why she doesn't like people?"

Edward nodded. "She thinks they're going to hurt her. She doesn't trust anyone."

"She trusts my dad," Bella said.

"She knows your dad," Edward corrected, "she doesn't trust him. She's been better since we started self-defence – she's tougher than she looks and she's crazy determined so she learnt quickly."

"Oh," Bella did not really know what else to say.

"I know, it's fucked up. You know, eight months ago she never would have even thought of hurting someone. It's amazing when you can do when you have to."

"I guess she's changed a lot then."

"She discovered backbone she never knew she had – she can survive anything. It's strange – like some characteristics have been heightened, while others have been wiped out. Her trust is gone, but she's got nerves of steel. She was always a people-watcher but now, it's like ... like she's analysing everyone or something; she sees everything. She's harder than she was, but you'd never know it because she doesn't talk."

"She sounds formidable," Bella said.

"She is. And I hate it. I wish she could be the kid she's supposed to be, but we can't go back. James put her through so much; she grew up so she could deal with it."

"Is she happy?" Bella asked.

"I don't know. We don't talk about it. She sees her therapist a lot but I don't know if it's helping. I don't know what else she can do, though. There are dugs that help with PTSD but since she was in rehab for an addiction already they couldn't put her on a new drug."

"Don't you talk?"

"We do, but there's things she won't talk about, not to us, anyway. She says she was kept in the dark, we know she was tied up because of the scars. She talks about people in the shadows, but won't explain it, whether its figurative, or literal or what."

"You guys seem really protective of Nessie."

"We are. We left her alone for half an hour and she got put through a nightmare. We won't do that again."

"You didn't let her down, Edward," Bella said, trying to be comforting.

"Didn't I? I'm her big brother – it's my job to protect her."

"You're not her only big brother. You didn't let her down anymore that Emmett, or Carlisle, or Alice or Esme."

"I promised I would look after her," Edward said desperately.

"Who? When?"

I promised myself, when the baby died. I promised I would never let anything like that happen to Nessie. I wouldn't lose my little sister."

"She isn't lost."

"She's hurting, she doesn't know who she is – it's the same thing."

"It's not, Edward. She needs to get past this, but she isn't lost."

"She isn't who she was."

"People change. It's natural."

"What he did to her wasn't natural," Edward spat.

"No, but her reaction was," Bella shifted closer so she could lay her hand on his arm. "She'll be okay. I know I don't really know you guys, but everyone knows how close you are. I honest believe that you won't lose Nessie to this."

Edward nodded, looking towards the other side of the room at something only he could see. "I hope so," he said, faintly.

Charlie came back into the living room. "Staying for dinner, Edward?" he said, his voice strangely loud in the tension.

"Um, yes if it isn't a problem," Edward said.

"No problem, I'll just get on it," Bella said, standing up.

Charlie waved his hands, "no need, I've ordered pizza."


	20. Seattle

_Alright, warning you now, this is a REALLY long chapter, but I didn't want to separate it into two because I thought it would ruin the flow. So, grab a cup of tea, take a seat and enjoy (I hope!)!_

_P.S. Review!_

_P.P.S. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, especially those that keep on reviewing! _

Chapter Twenty – Seattle.

"Hi."

"Hey."

It was the next day and Edward was a little uncomfortable, given how many shields he had let down around Bella the day before.

"You okay?" Bella asked, recognising the signs and not wanting to lose the closeness they had developed yesterday.

"I'm fine," Edward nodded. "You?"

"Okay. How's Nessie?"

"She's ... as she always is, I guess – hanging in there." Edward ran his nails up and down the strap of his bag, for once showing his nerves.

"Good, good. How's the rest of your family?"

"Good. Alice is ridiculously happy, has been since the 24th. It was her and Jasper's five month anniversary," he explained when Bella looked confused.

"That's lovely," said Bella, genuinely meaning it – although she had never really spoken to any of the other Cullens, Alice seemed to be the bright spark of the group; a 4'10" beacon of hope.

"Yeah, just don't tell her that – she'll talk you're ear off about it," Edward said.

"Well, I still think it's sweet," Bella maintained. "They're good together."

"How Jasper puts up with someone that small and annoying I don't know," Edward smiled.

"Like you'd change her if you got the chance."

"I don't know. I might have her remote-controlled, that way I could put her on mute every once in a while."

Bella did not take him seriously – there was too much affection in his voice.

They kept up a friendly relationship for a while. It was unusual for both of them – neither had ever really been able to relate to people their own age, both being more steady than the average teenager, yet they got along well.

Mike gave up on his designs on Bella. They were still friends, though he still liked to glower on occasion at Edward, and he kept partnering Bella in Gym which Bella thought was very chivalrous of him.

* * *

"Hey, Bella!" Alice skipped down the hall towards her – people hastened to get out of her, and her swinging handbag's way.

"Hi, Alice." In the month since Edward had told her about Nessie, Bella had gotten to know the Cullens and the Hales better – she found Jasper charismatic and as easy to get along with as his sister was hard. For some reason, Rosalie just did not like her.

"Oh, Bella," Alice skidded to a halt. "I've been trying to find you _everywhere."_ Alice was infectiously joyful and the two girls had become firm friends early on – to Edward's delight, though he did not mention it.

"What's going on, Alice?" for Alice looked a little more flushed and harried than usual.

"It's my birthday on Saturday," Alice said, gathering up her bag which had slipped off her shoulder in the flat out dash down the hall. "We're going Seattle for the weekend."

"Oh, that sounds great, Alice," said Bella.

"Yes, so you need to tell Charlie. You don't have to bring much – a shopping trip is the first thing on my list."

"Wait, who do you mean by 'we'?" asked Bella.

"You, me, Nessie, Rosalie and Mom." Alice counted them off her fingers. "Who did you think I meant?"

"I thought you meant your family."

"Oh, boys are no fun to go shopping with – last time Edward and Emmett spent most of the time complaining, until Dad took them to the arcade." Alice rolled her eyes at their hopelessness. "So, can you come?"

"Sure, I'd love to," Bella said nodding.

"Great!" Alice grinned from ear to ear and hugged Bella. "Come over Friday night – Dad's taking the boys camping – and you'll be home Sunday afternoon."

"Okay, I'll let Charlie know," said Bella, surreptitiously rubbing her back – Alice had wrenched Bella down by the neck half a foot when she hugged her.

"Great!" Alice said again. "I can't wait to get you new clothes!" She bounded away and Bella smiled, shaking her head at Alice's complete lack of tack.

"Alice told you about the plans for Saturday, then?" came a soft voice. Turning, Bella saw Nessie standing behind her.

"Yes, she did," Bella smiled encouragingly at the other girl.

"Just to warn you, Rosalie will be undiluted and for a longer period of time, so get ready for it," Nessie said. It was the first time Bella had had what could be called a conversation with Nessie – the first time Nessie had spoken twice in a row, anyway.

"Thanks for the heads up," said Bella. "Um, how are you?"

Nessie raised an eyebrow – she looked so much like Edward when she did that. "I'm fine, Bella. How are you?"

"I'm great. I have no idea what to get Alice though," Bella said ruefully.

"Alice has said she doesn't want any presents – if she sees something in Seattle that she wants she'll tell you." Nessie rubbed at her folder with her fingernail. It wasn't the first time she had talked to Bella, but if was the first extended conversation they had had on their own. Nessie felt odd, actually trying to talk to someone for a change.

"I'm sure she will," Bella smiled – Alice never kept quiet for long if there was something she really wanted. "Why are you warning me about Rosalie? Is there something I should know?"

"She hates you," Nessie said bluntly.

"Oh," said Bella, looking down at the floor. She had suspected as much, but it still hurt to hear.

"It not entirely personal – you're the only girl Edward's ever been interested in. He never looked twice at Rosalie and she resents that." Potential for conflict in three...two...one...

"I thought she liked Emmett." Bella didn't sound like she was getting mad – she sounded a little confused, but not mad.

"She does, but Rosalie adores being adores – no, Rosalie _needs _to be adored; it's her oxygen."

"You don't like her?" Bella asked, not sure of the answer.

Nessie shrugged. "I don't dislike her; we're just different. She loves an audience, I prefer solitude."

"Nothing wrong with the solitude," Bella said, at last finding some solid ground with Nessie. "I like it – people babble."

"That they do," Nessie nodded.

"See you later, Nessie," Bella sensed not to push her into more conversation.

"Later, Bella." Nessie walked off, a dark, leather jacketed figure walking down the bright school corridor.

* * *

"Dad, I'm going to Seattle this weekend, okay?" Bella said at dinner that night.

"Who with?" asked Charlie, spinning spaghetti around his fork like a pro.

"Alice, Esme and Nessie Cullen, and Rosalie Hale – it's Alice birthday on Saturday."

"Alright, as long as Esme is definitely going," Charlie said. "None of this you tell me Esme is going when she isn't. You're not going to Seattle with her."

Bella rolled her eyes, "I'm seventeen, Dad. Nessie fifteen, Alice will be seventeen and Rosalie is eighteen."

"You're not taking Nessie to a city that size without a parent. That's final, Bella." Charlie sounded surprisingly hard and unbending on this.

"Okay, fine," Bella bit out, her teenage reflexes making her pissy. Charlie was a ridiculously easy parent to live with – nothing much bothered him. "I didn't know you cared so much about her."

"Kid means a lot to me," Charlie shrugged. "Reminded me a lot of you as a kid. I'm glad you came to live with me, Bells – I really started to miss you." Charlie looked away, neither of them was great at expressing their emotions and it usually got uncomfortable.

"Thanks, Dad. I missed you, too." _But not the rain_, Bella thought.

That Friday, Bella was picked up for school by Edward, so she could go straight back to the Cullens afterwards. He came to the front door and carried Bella's huge weekend bag to the car. Charlie had already gone to work.

"Thanks," she said.

"No problem," Edward said, opening the door for her.

"Hey, Bella!" Alice called from the back. She and Nessie had the window seat, while Emmett was squashed in the middle.

"Hey, Alice, Charlie says happy birthday for this weekend."

"Ah, isn't he is sweet!" said Alice, smiling cheerfully.

Bella looked at them all in the back of the car. "Emmett, do you want to sit in the front?" Bella asked, concerned about Emmett's internal organs.

"Yes, but I can't," Emmett said, sounding a little breathless.

"Why not?"

"I'm stuck."

That would explain the rasp in his voice – his lungs were getting squashed, along with the rest of his massive frame.

"Oh," Bella said. "Sorry."

Edward snorted in the front seat. Emmett tried to hit him but he could not get his arm from between him and Alice. Edward laughed out loud and did not stop provoking him for the entire ride. As soon as the car was parked Emmett pushed Alice out of the car, leapt out of the car and grabbed Edward by the collar. Edward had tried to make a run for it but didn't manage. Emmett got him in a headlock and messed his hair up spectacularly.

Emmett, no! Stop! Get off my frigging hair!" Edward yelled.

When Emmett let go, Edward looked like he had stuck his hand into an electrical socket. The girls fell out laughing while Edward fumed. Emmett folded his arms across his massive chest and grinned smugly.

"It doesn't look that different," Bella said, trying to make him feel better. Alice and Nessie laughed harder, as did Emmett, and while Edward frantically tried to flatten his hair in the car window.

"Oh, come on, Edward! It's only your hair!" Emmett said. Edward glared at him before stalking off to his first lesson.

"He's only pouting, he'll be fine by lunch," Alice said, dismissing her brother with a wave. "Oh, that reminds me; can you sit with us today? I want to go over some details about this weekend."

"Yeah, sure," Bella said, waving goodbye to Alice as they went to their separate classes.

Bella had stayed sitting with her friends, and Edward still sat with his family and the Hales. And yet, they spent the majority of lunch looking at each other. They left lunch ten minutes early, just so they could talk to each other properly before Biology. When asked why they did not just sit together, they both just shrugged.

"Why would we?" Edward said to Emmett when he asked. "We're just friends."

Emmett rolled his eyes when Edward said this. _The boy is an idiot_, Emmett decided, _and something must be done_. It had been two months since Edward's birthday and The Kiss, and so far..._nada _– he decided to enlist Alice.

That day, Alice engineered it so that Bella ended up between her and Edward. "So, here's the itinerary," Alice said, passing a folder to Bella who took it dubiously – it looked heavier than her school folder. Across the table, Nessie waved hers, looking incredulous and almost taking out Rosalie who was sat next to her and flicking through her own copy.

"Wow, Alice, you're really ..." Bella began hesitantly.

"...anally retentive?" Edward offered.

"...overbearing?" Emmett said.

"...uncontrollable?" Nessie piped up.

"...organised," Bella finished.

Alice smiled sweetly at Bella while kicking the others under the table. The three of them winced as Alice's pointed toes connected with their shins. "Esme's calling Charlie now to let him know the basic idea of what going to happen."

"Poor guy," Jasper said. Alice turned round but Jasper kissed her before she could hurt him too.

That night, Bella was sharing a spare room with Rosalie on the second floor. She knew exactly when Rosalie snuck in and out of the room.

When she got down to breakfast the next day, Emmett's grin confirmed what she had been 99% sure of. Alice rolled her eyes. "You think they could be a little less obvious," Alice whispered to Bella when they sat down.

"I think your parents know," Bella said, nodding towards where Emmett was having clearly having an argument with Esme and Carlisle – they could not shout but the angry hissing reached the table anyway.

"It's irresponsible, Emmett!" they heard Esme say.

"Think of the example you're setting to the others," Carlisle said.

"They're old enough to make up their own minds!" Emmett hissed back.

"You're still the eldest," Carlisle said.

"Okay, let's just forget it for now, while we have guests," Esme sat. "Emmett, we will talk about this when we get back on Sunday."

"Whatever," Emmett said pushing passed them to leave the room, looking uncharacteristically sullen.

"That's going to be a fun tent," Alice said, watching her brother go.

"Morning," Jasper said, dropping into the chair beside Alice, who gladly offered him her cheek for a good morning kiss. Since Rosalie was spending the weekend with the girls, it was decided that Jasper should spent some time with the boys – Alice wanted him to get along with Carlisle.

Rosalie floated in wearing an unsuitably short teddy. Nessie rolled her eyes, grabbed her tea and asked to be excused to get ready.

"Rose," Jasper said, his tone hard. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Why?" his sister asked, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

"That's kind of why I need to talk to you," Jasper said tightly.

Rosalie huffed, "fine."

"Excuse us a minute," Jasper left, grabbing Rosalie's arm and dragging her along.

"This is going to be a great birthday," Alice said, miserably. "Everyone's mad at each other."

Bella hugged her – it hurt her to see Alice so sad when she had clearly put so much effort into making _her _birthday a good time for everyone else. "It'll be wonderful, Alice, I'll make sure of it."

"Thanks, Bells," said Alice, still a bit down. She hugged Bella back and took a deep breath. Letting it out, Alice perked up. "Could you pass me the toast, Bella? I'm starving."

Out of the porch, a less civil conversation was taking place.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Rosalie?" asked Jasper, concerned and angry.

"None of your business," Rosalie said, folding her arms.

"Like hell it isn't!" Jasper shouted. Looking back at the house, he said more quietly, "Emmett is my friend and it's not fair to treat him like this!"

"I'm your sister!" Rosalie shot back.

"Which is why I don't want you sleeping with two different guys, Rose!" Jasper looked at his sister, pleading with her. "Please, Rose, choose, choose for _yourself, _either Emmett or Royce, you can't have both."

Rosalie hugged herself.

"Who do you want, Rose?" Jasper asked gently.

"I don't know," she murmured.

"I thought you liked Emmett," Jasper said.

"I do! Being with Royce makes sense but when I'm with Emmett, it makes sense, too. Emmett is what I want. But Royce can _give _me everything I want. Think about it, Jasper! Royce is the son of a Senator – if I'm with him, everything else will be forgotten! We can go home to Texas!"

"I don't want to go back to Texas, Rosalie. I am home. And I can't believe you are saying this stuff, standing in Emmett's house, eight hours after having sex with him." Jasper shook his head. "I can't deal with this, Rose. I don't know how you live with yourself sometimes." He walked back in the house, shaking his head.

"I'm doing it for you," Rosalie whispered, standing alone, hugging herself as her brother walked away from her, tears burning her eyes.

The girls were somewhat subdued as the five women piled into Carlisle's Mercedes – Esme's Porsche was too small for them all.

"Alice? Why don't you put on a song?" Esme suggested, trying to lighten the mood.

Alice rummaged through the glove-compartment, pulling out CD after CD. Finally, she chose one and stuck it in the player. 'Can't Catch Tomorrow (Good Shoes Won't Save You This Time)' by Lost Prophets came blaring on.

By the second chorus everyone was singing along. They were even trying to do the actions on the backseat, though hitting your ankle with one hand then another like you were line dancing was never going to go well crammed in a car next to two other people.

"Ow," Nessie said, rubbing her shins – being in the middle, she had got hit from both sides.

"Sorry, Ness, are you okay?" said Bella, rubbing Nessie's shins, too.

"Few bruises from Miss Thing's stilettos," Nessie said, nudging Rosalie who nudged her right back, sending her into Bella's lap.

"Hey, stop it!" Esme laughed as a slap fight broke out in the back.

"Ow!" Rosalie said, trying not to laugh, as she rubbed her arm.

Three hours later, they climbed out of the car, stretching their legs.

"That's it, I'm going in the front on the way home," Nessie said.

"It's my birthday!" Alice said, twirling around on her toes.

"Not tomorrow it isn't," Nessie said, her knees cricking. "And you've got the shortest legs; you should be in the back."

"If that's the rule then, as the one with the longest legs, I should be in the front," said Rosalie. She put her foot on the bumper to check her heels were done up, throwing her hair over her shoulder to get it out of the way. A group of men were passing as she did so and looked utterly captivated. Esme tutted as one of them fell over trying to walk backwards so he could keep watching Rosalie. She ushered the girls into the hotel to check in. A bellboy followed with the bags, also tripping over himself to keep Rosalie in his sights. Nessie rolled her eyes and went to stand by Bella.

"I swear, just walking next to Rosalie is a hit on your self-esteem," Nessie grouched.

"I thought you didn't care," Bella said, putting her arm through Nessie's.

"You'd have to be dead not to care," Nessie said, leaning against the wall, earning her a glare from the management behind the desk. "I'm not saying I want to look like her, I just wish she didn't always look like her."

Bella laughed and wrapped her other arm around Nessie's waist to hug her. Nessie gave her a small squeeze back, which Bella thought was encouraging.

"Right, girls, let's get up starts and settled in, then we can go shopping," Esme said.

"Shopping!" Alice cried, skidding across the marble floor to hit the elevator button.

"Alice, calm down!" Esme cried after her. "For goodness sake, we're in a hotel!"

"My family is nuts," Nessie decided.

"And you love them," Bella said.

"You have, too, or you'd shoot them," Rosalie said, slinging her arm around Nessie on the other side.

They laughed and walked into the elevator to join Esme and Alice who were having a small 'discussion' about Alice dancing in the hotel.

"You might break something!"

"Only if I hit it!"

"Which you could to!"

"But I won't!"

"Your floor, ladies," the elevator attendant said.

"Thank you," said Esme graciously, tugging Alice out. The others walked out, Rosalie raising her eyebrows at their antics to the attendant, making him laugh.

"Oh, my," Bella said, turning slowly in a circle to take in the room ... rooms. The bathroom was the size of Bella's living room, and fabulously decorated in marble and gold leaf. There were two bedrooms, one with a double and a single, the other with two singles.

"Right, Bella and Rosalie, you're in the room on the left," Esme said, directing them to the room with the two single beds. "We're in here."

"I'm not sharing with Alice – she kicks!" Nessie complained.

"Because you sprawl!" Alice yelled back from the minibar.

"You'll have to fight it out amongst yourselves," Esme said, plucking the tiny bottle of tequila from Alice's hand, who pouted as it disappeared back into the small fridge which was snapped shut.

"It's one o'clock in the afternoon, Alice," Esme said disapproving.

"That's after noon!" Alice said innocently.

Esme laughed. "Go see what spa you guys want and I'll book it for when we get back," she said, nudging her daughter towards the desk where all the pamphlets were laid out.

"Ooh, massages!" Alice trilled.

Nessie looked uncomfortable, tugging at her jacket to pull it closer to her. "I think I'll look after the stuff."

"That's what the lockers are for," Rosalie said, sitting on the sofa like Cleopatra, twirling a lock of gold hair around her fingers.

"You could have a mani-pedi," Alice said, looking at the spa brochure.

"Hmm," Nessie said, thinking about taking off any article of clothing in front of a stranger – especially her gloves; Nessie always wore gloves to hide the scars on her wrists. Her therapist had encouraged the spa, saying it would be a mark of how far she had come that she would be comfortable being touched by a masseur. Nessie had nearly bolted then and there, but she was determined to stick it out.

She had not been within touching distance of anybody outside her family since James. The idea of sitting as someone made her over - contact over a long period of time. Nessie sat down, feeling vaguely nauseous.

Esme sat down close beside her and put her arm around her youngest. Nessie leant on her mother's shoulder. "It'll be okay, Nessie. We'll be there, too. Nothing will happen, I promise."

"What if they see the scars?" Nessie said, a tear running down her face.

"They won't," Esme reassured her.

"They will," she sobbed quietly.

"We'll buy you some new gloves. Lace ones that you can wear while you have a manicure. How about that?" Esme said softly, stroking Nessie's bronze curls.

Nessie nodded, wiping her eyes with the purple gloves she was wearing at the moment. Her black make up smeared across her cheek. Esme chuckled gently and Nessie gave a small laugh when she saw the make-up stain on her glove. Esme went over to her bag and took out her make-up wipes. Sitting back down next to her daughter, she pulled one from the packet and gently swiped away the smudges. Luckily, Nessie had the clear smooth skin that did not need foundation, so she did not end up with patches.

Esme stroked the alabaster skin of Nessie's cheek. "You okay?"

Nessie nodded. "Silly moment, that's all."

Esme hardly thought so and pulled her fragile child into another embrace. "I'm so proud of the way you've been today, Nessie. Joining in for your sister. I know it must be difficult for you."

Nessie shrugged, trying to pretend that acting like one of the girls had not been difficult for her. "It's Alice's birthday. And it was kind of fun."

The moment was broken by the bellboy bringing up their bags.

"Finally," Rosalie muttered from the sofa.

"I'll get it," Bella said. She was unused to being waited on and had spent the last five minutes with her hands in her pockets wondering what she should do. Rosalie, on the other hand, had been born to privilege and was enjoying it immensely.

"Hello," Bella said, holding open the door for the man who wheeled in their bags. He left them in the main bedroom and waited for a tip. Esme walked him to the door, thanking him while pressing a twenty into his hand.

"Right, ladies, are we ready?" Esme said.

"We can't go shopping looking like this!" Alice cried. Dressed for a long drive, they were mostly in jeans and T-shirts.

"We're getting dressed up to go shopping?" Nessie asked, incredulous.

"Of course," said Alice, rummaging through the suitcases for outfits.

"This truly is my own personal hell," Nessie said, being shoved in the bathroom by Alice and locked in with a skirt, long sleeve top and a pair of high heeled boots. "Where are my sodding gloves?" she yelled through the door.

"Here," Esme said, passing her a pair of delicate cloth gloves. "And watch your language, heathen child!"

"Can't I wear _my _clothes?" Nessie asked, in full younger sibling whinging mode.

"No – you'll be kick out of the boutiques," Alice said, contemplating the high heels in one hand and the boots in the other.

"Stores, Alice, they're called _stores!"_

"Not these ones, Monster." Alice grinned with delight at the groan that came from the bathroom.

"Boutiques?" Bella asked.

"Don't worry, they won't bother talking to you, Bella," Rosalie said, sweeping past her.

"Shut up, Rose," Nessie said, coming out of the bathroom wearing not a stitch of her own clothes. She was wearing a frilly long sleeved blouse under a black waistcoat. The skirt was a deep green that looked amazing with Nessie's pale skin tone and bronze hair, and fitted to make the most of her still too skinny frame. The boots were far more delicate, with stiletto heels, than she was used to. She sighed, looking at her reflection in the mirror in the sitting room of the suite. "I look ridiculous."

"You look wonderful," Esme said, coming up behind her to smooth Nessie's hair.

"I don't look like me," she said.

"That's the point," Alice said, circling her sister, tugging and smoothing the clothing here and there.

Nessie pulled the gloves up as high as they would go. "Now," Alice said, "stand there. Don't sit or you'll crinkle." Rosalie walked out of the bathroom, dressed to the nines in a red dress and black strappy heels. "Right, Bella, you're turn."

"I don't have anything -"

"Here, in you go," Alice pushed a blue skirt and top into her hands and shoved her in the room.

"You are forceful, Alice, dear," Esme said.

Alice looked at her blankly. "I have to be, or nothing would get done."

"How did the world survive for countless millennia before you?" Nessie asked drolly.

"I have no idea," Alice answered seriously.

Finally, everyone was ready, Alice and Esme having changed – Alice into a black halter dress, Esme into a caramel coloured, long sleeve dress. The skirt was cut on the bias so it swirled around her legs as she moved. She never would have worn something like this when she was married to Charles – for one thing they never would have been able to afford it, and for another, she did not have the confidence. But since being with Carlisle, Esme had gotten used to wearing beautiful clothes – a side effect of having a husband that loved to buy them for her.

The next few hours, they were in and out of shops. Alice finally told Bella to stop talking unless she had something to say other than that she did not need whatever Alice was trying to buy her.

"I haven't got the money, Alice," Bella hissed, pushing away a pair of shoes she would not have bought anyway.

"I have," Alice shrugged.

"But I don't," Bella said. "I don't like you buying me stuff."

"You hate gifts," Alice pouted.

"This is ridiculous, Alice," Bella tried not to hurt her friend's feelings, but it was getting difficult. "You don't have to buy me anything, it's _your _birthday."

Alice huffed, "you're impossible."

"Face it, Alice," said Nessie coming up to them. "You've finally met someone more stubborn about shopping than you are."

"Fine," Alice put down the shoes and twirled over to Rosalie and Esme who were looking at earrings.

"Alice doesn't know what it's like not to have all the money in the world – she doesn't understand how embarrassing it can be to explain," Nessie said to Bella.

"And you do?" Bella asked, a little sceptical.

"I wasn't born a Cullen, Bella," Nessie said, looking her in the eye. "I remember. For the first six years of my life, I remember my mother having to justify every penny spent to Charles. My father," she said, when the name did not seem to ring a bell with Bella.

"Oh, I remember."

"Alice doesn't think of money like the rest of the world does. None of us do, to be honest. It's kind of something you acquire over the years. You inherit some from your parents, you earn it, and you pass it on to your children. It's been like that for centuries for the Volturi. "

"It must be nice," Bella said, picking at the fabric of her seat.

"It is, I won't lie, not having to think about how much you're spending. Mom and Dad are ridiculously generous – I don't have to explain, you've seen it this weekend – but, to them, it's the other values, the ones that don't come with a price tag, that are important. A strong work ethic has always been important to them. Loyalty. Love."

Bella nodded.

"He likes you, you know," Nessie said out of the blue. "Edward, I mean, really likes you. He could love you very easily. It's clear to see that you could feel the same."

"Sometimes I think I do," Bella admitted softly.

"What you waiting for?" Nessie asked gently.

"For him to realise he deserves so much more. It's okay while we're friends. But if we were together – how could we get past the gap between us?"

Nessie smiled. "He said the same thing. Oh, no, not the way you meant it," she said quickly, looking at Bella's hurt expression. "He wondered if you could ever be with someone like him – different, complicated. Damaged."

"What are you guys talking about?" Rosalie said, walking up to them.

"Edward's burning desire for Bella," Nessie said, smiling sweetly. Rosalie smiled sarcastically and walked away again.

"Why do you provoke her?" Bella asked.

"Because she thinks everyone should adore her," said Nessie said. "I'm just evening out the balance."

"Ladies," Esme said, walking up to them. "Alice has several outfits for everyone to try on and she's holding the changing rooms hostage. For the sake of the management, I suggest we get over there."

"You don't have to buy anything," Nessie said in an undertone to Bella. "Just put it on and smile." Bella allowed herself to be towed to a changing room.

Finally, Alice had decided, after several hours, that it was time to go back to the hotel. Weighed down with what felt like several tonnes of clothing, the five of them wandered back to the hotel.

They dumped the bags on the table and collapsed on the giant sofa.

"Oh my god, my feet are killing me," Esme said, slipping off her shoes and rubbing the arches of her feet.

"How long until the spa thing?" Rosalie asked.

"It's twenty past five, now, sooo ... about an hour and a half until we have to head over to there," Bella said, checking her watch.

Nessie pulled the new gloves from one of the bags. Turning her bags on the others, she pulled off the satin gloves and put on the new ones – fingerless, black lace in a dense design – without looking at the scars. "What do you guys think?" she asked them, turning around.

"I like them, honey," Esme said.

"They're real sweet, Nessie," Alice confirmed.

"They're very you," Rosalie said. "I couldn't pull off something like that without looking like a hooker."

Nessie frowned. "Was that a compliment, or did you just call me a prostitute?"

Rosalie laughed, "accidentally. I just meant that you look good – very kick-ass-ish."

Nessie perked up, smiling, "thanks, Rose."

"So, what do we do while waiting for the spa?" Alice asked, practically bouncing on the sofa.

"How about ... nothing?" Esme said, ruffling Alice's spiky hair when her eldest daughter pouted.

"Yeah, Alice, we're wiped," Bella said, pretty sure she could not, and would not, move from this sofa unless someone could walk for her.

"Stick the TV on, Alice, we'll see what's on," Rosalie said, throwing Alice the remote.

"Fine," Alice harrumphed.

They spent the next hour giggling like little children at the cartoons they were watching.

"I forgot how much you liked Wacky Races," Esme said to Nessie, stroking the young girl's hair.

"It's how I started to love cars," Nessie said, from where she was curled up into Esme's side, her head on her mother's shoulder.

"We should get going," Alice said. "You're spa clothes are laid out on your beds."

"You said you were packing!" Bella said.

"I lied ... kind of."

"What did you put my bag?" Bella asked suspiciously, remembering that Alice spent a little more time in her room than the others.

"Nothing," Alice said, refusing to look at Bella.

"Alice," Bella said, warningly.

"You'll find out," Alice said, twirling a lock of hair around her finger.

"Alice!" Bella said again, this time exasperated.

"Shut up, because it's done," Alice said. "Right," she patted Rosalie, who was curled up next to her, on the leg, "time to go to the spa."

They hauled themselves off the sofa and headed to their rooms where they changed into sweats, T-shirts, and zip up hoodies.

"Welcome to the spa, ladies," trilled the woman at the spa reception, smiling so wide her cheeks must ache.

"Hello," Esme said, walking up to the desk as the girls gazed around at the spa. "Cullen party of five?"

"Come right in, ladies, changing rooms are on the left with lockers where you can store your things," the woman handed them a list of the treatments they were booked for and went through it with Esme.

"Perfect, thank you," Esme said with the sunny, genuine smile that made people light up in response.

They went to the changing rooms and changing into the towels they had to wear for their massages. Nessie tugged at her gloves and tightened the towel around her. She took a deep breath and followed the others out of the locker room.

Nessie gritted her teeth and slid onto the table. It was an interesting dance, trying to undo the towel while on your belly so that you did not flash everyone but, eventually, she was comfortable.

"You done, Ness? Or have you not wiggled enough?" Alice teased.

"Ah, shut up," Nessie said, sticking her tongue out at her sister. Alice chuckled and they rested their heads on their arms. The masseuse approached the table and Nessie tensed, trying to remember to breath. If James could see this, he would flip out. She felt the masseuse's hands on her back and nearly jumped out of her skin. Apologising, Nessie took a deep breath and rested her head on her arms again. Looking at her mother, she saw Esme frowning concernedly at her. Nessie nodded to let her mother know she was okay.

"You're very tense," the masseuse said. I wonder why, Nessie thought. "You carrying it here, in your shoulders." Slowly, almost imperceptibly, Nessie became to relax. She had not felt so relaxed since ... Nessie thought about it. Italy, the summer before she went to high school, before she ever met James. They had spent the day – her, Esme, Alice and most of the other women in the Volturi family – laying on the sunroof of the Volturi Castle as the men went to one of the races Marcus's Grand Prix team was entered into. They had done nothing but soak up the rays, sip drinks and talk and giggle about whatever came to mind.

It had been so long since she had experienced anything that was not tainted by the memory of James. She was tired thinking of him ever second, of what he would do and say and think about her actions. He had no place in her head anymore but she could not get him out of it. He had taken her over in the dark and she was scared of herself, of how easy it had been for James to replace her will with his. She was tired of him being in her head.

* * *

"That's wonderful progress, Nessie," her therapist said, the Tuesday after Alice's birthday, when Nessie told her of her weekend. "You've shown great progress since moving away from Alaska. Do you think maybe you're ready to go back there? To face it?"

Nessie shook her head. "Not yet. I want to have some time before I do anything like that. But we are going back to Denali to see the Taylors this summer."

The therapist nodded, "alright."

Emmett picked Nessie up from her therapy session and they talked about it as they drove back. When they got in that night they found their mother cooking in the kitchen. Everyone else seemed to be upstairs and Carlisle was not home yet.

They walked in and took seats at the counter so they could talk to Esme as she worked. "The therapist says she's doing really well with her new 'frame of mind'. When's dinner?" he asked his mom.

"Don't you just love Em, Mom – the way he can affirm my new state of mind and enquire about his next meal all in one minute?" said Nessie, resting her head on Emmett's arm and gazing at her brother lovingly. Emmett shook her off, but could not help smiling – something had happened this weekend to Nessie and she was ...having a good day.

Esme shook her head at her children, smiling. "Dinner's in twenty minutes, Emmett."

"Cool," Emmett starting beating out a drum beat on the breakfast bar. Looking up, he saw his mom and his sister looking at him with identical expressions – raised eyebrows all the way. "What? Oh, sorry." He stopped pounding on the table. "I'm heading into Port Angeles, tomorrow night, okay? Me and Rosalie are going to catch a movie."

"Alright," Esme said. "Just be back before curfew."

Emmett rolled his eyes, "I will, Mom."

"Will what?" Carlisle said, walking into the kitchen. He walked up to Esme and kissed her on her cheek before slipping his arms around her waist. Emmett and Nessie smiled at him in welcome.

"Be back before curfew tomorrow," Emmett said.

"I'm glad, but why is it in doubt?" Carlisle asked.

"Me and Rosalie are going to see a movie in Port Angeles."

"Which one?" Carlisle asked.

"It's under discussion – _I_ want to go see the latest Jason Stratham, but _she _wants to see some rom-com thing," Emmett said with mock disgust.

"Like you're not going to let her win," Nessie said. "It'll make her _happy,_ so you'll be _happy,"_ she said with a sly smile.

"I know," Emmett said, smiling just as slyly.

Edward slid into the kitchen followed by an irate Alice. "Give me the damn phone, Edward!" Alice yelled.

Edward laughed and chucked the phone to Emmett who said into it, "hello?"

"Emmett?" It was Jasper Hale.

"Oh, hey, Jazz," Emmett said.

"Er, hi. Can you put Alice back on?" asked Jasper. He seemed to be very confused.

"Um, she's kind of busy hitting Edward right now." It was true – Alice had leapt on Edward's back and was now trying to pummel every part of him she could reach. Carlisle was attempting to pluck her off but Edward was moving too much, trying to dislodge the tiny harpy on his back.

"Oh. Should I call back later?" Jasper offered.

"Hold on," Emmett pressed the phone against his shoulder. "Alice," he yelled over the sounds of the fight, "should Jasper call back later?"

"NO!" Alice leapt over the counter and grabbed the phone. "Jasper, hello? I'm here. No, Edward was just being a dick," she said, shooting out her foot and catching Edward in the stomach. He doubled over with a grunt.

"Alice! That language is not acceptable!" Esme said.

"Thanks, Mom," Edward panted, rubbing his belly. "Because the language is what really hurt."

"Edward, you should be grateful your mother's saying anything at all – you did start the fight," Carlisle said.

"It was a joke!"

"She was on the phone to her boyfriend and you took it off her!"

"It's not like they don't talk every day."

"Okay, enough, darlings," Esme clapped her hands. "Everyone out so I can finish cooking."

"Need some help?" Nessie asked.

Esme smiled wide, showing her pearly white teeth, "that would be lovely, baby."

They washed up and got to cooking to the sounds of Edward on the piano.

"Hmm," Esme said. "That's a new one."

"He's been working on it for a couple of days," Nessie said, grabbing a knife to cut the vegetables. Edward finished playing and the final sad note hung in the air. "Wonder what inspired it."

Esme pulled all the ingredients together and popped the casserole in the oven. "Let's go find out," she said. Together, mother and daughter headed out of the kitchen to the piano on the dais.

Edward was sat, his hands on the keys but not playing, deep in thought. Esme put her hand on his shoulder and sat next to him on the piano stool. Since the lid of the grand piano was down, Nessie jumped to sit on top of it, even though Edward hated it when she did that.

"It was wonderful, honey," Esme said.

"You think?" Edward did not sound convinced. "I don't know. It's missing something.

"What is it?" Nessie asked, thinking maybe giving it a name would help.

"It's ... a lullaby," Edward sat. He began to play again, softly this time, dreamy.

"Hmm," Nessie's brow furrowed as she thought. Esme passed Nessie her guitar from where it stood near the piano. Gratefully, Nessie took it and began to strum to the tune Edward was playing. "A lullaby. For who?"

"Bella," Edward said quietly.

"Uh huh." There was no judgement or teasing in Nessie's response – it was simply an acknowledgement. She played a little riff.

"I like that," Edward said, copying it on the piano. "But what if we did it like this –" he played a few notes – "then went into the bridge." He played on, the piece finally coming together. It ended rather more poignantly than he had thought it would. But then, he did not really believe in love without pain.

"It'll work out, Edward," Nessie said, picking up on the subliminal message of the final notes. "Somehow, it always does."

"Yeah, but how much pain will it take?" Edward asked his sister, looking at her.

Nessie looked away. It was not that she could not answer, she just did not want to. She knew how much it had to hurt to have things work out, one way or another.

Esme stroked her son's hair. "It'll be fine, sweetheart. I truly believe that."

Edward leant into his mother's caress slightly, wanting with all his heart to be able to believe it, too.


	21. La Push Beach

_Yay! Very happy because Jacob is in this chapter! Yes, the Quileutes have FINALLY arrived! They took their time, I'll tell ya that! _

_That's a lot of exclamation marks. But it's late so, I'm pleading tiredness._

_Thanks to werewolfe-cupcake for the story alert, and EsmeAliceRose, BriBri and dazzleglo for your reviews!_

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Chapter Twenty-one – La Push Beach

Five days later, it was March 20th, the anniversary of the day James had abducted her. Nessie did not sleep that night and woke up on the 20th with the feeling that something had to go wrong. Terribly wrong.

But it didn't. No one at school knew. No one who knew commented – her family took Nessie's lead and acted as though it was any other day while jumping at the smallest sounds. It was like the first day of school all over again; they walked her to all her lessons, were waiting for her when they ended, kept close tabs on her. Nessie went through the day in a haze, waiting for the non-descript boy that had changed everything.

When she went to bed that night, Nessie relished every step that separated her from the basement. She slept with the light on. The next day, March 21st, she woke up to find herself in her own bed, at home. She had survived the first night. Now she had to make it to May 24th, the day one year ago that she returned home.

Sixty four days of hell. Nessie stroked the scars on her wrists. She wanted someone who had the power to make her forget for a little while. Sighing when she accepted how little chance there was of that happening, Nessie got out of bed and prepared for school.

"So, a bunch of us are going down to La Push beach, you in?" Mike asked as they walked from Biology to Gym.

"Er, sure, sounds good," Bella said. Mike smiled broadly and Bella wondered whether he thought this constituted a date. She really needed to do something about Mike – he had backed off since Bella and Edward had started talking but it was now a month after Alice's birthday and she and Edward _still_ were not dating, so he was once again on the charm offensive.

"Hey, Dad, I'm going to the beach with some friends, okay?" Bella told him that night at dinner.

"La Push Beach?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, that okay?" Bella did not really want to ask permission to go, but since she had not been here that long she decided to at least pretend.

"Yeah, that's fine. Are the Cullens going?" Charlie liked the Cullens and had been so pleased when Bella told him that she got to know them – no one really gave them a chance which Charlie hated, though he knew they could be an intimidating bunch to get close to.

"I don't know. It's a group thing so I could invite them," Bella said thinking.

"That sounds like a nice thing to do, Bells. From what Nessie says they don't socialise with the other students much – maybe they just need the opportunity." Talking about the Cullens did lead Charlie to talk more than usual.

"Yeah, maybe. I don't think Nessie likes people, though."

"Not surprising with her past," said Charlie gently.

"Yeah, Edward told me about it. I can't believe someone would do that," Bella said, shaking her head.

"There are some bad people in the world, Bells. You should be careful."

"I lived in Phoenix, Dad," Bella reminded. "I know how people can be."

"Not firsthand, Bells – you never went through something like Nessie did."

"I know." Bella cleared off the table. "I got homework to do, Dad, I'll see you later."

"Alright, Bella. There's a game on TV I wanted to watch – okay?"

"Yeah, fine." Bella loved how easy it was to be with Charlie – unlike her mom, Charlie did not have to be babysat to be happy; he was just fine on his own.

The next day, she had lunch with Edward and the Cullens. Her group and Edward's group did not really mix well just yet, so Alice made her eat lunch with them once a week to try and 'integrate' the normies and the freaks. Besides, there were too many of them to get around one table.

"So, a bunch of us are going to the beach this Saturday. You want to come?" Bella asked Edward. He had his arm along the back of her chair but was not touching her. He was always careful about touching her.

"I don't know," Edward said, his eyes tight as he looked at Nessie.

"It'll be fun, we'll all go. Please?" Bella asked.

"What do you guys think?" Edward opened the question up to the table. "You want to go to the beach this Saturday?"

"Yeah!" Emmett said, thrilled at the thought.

"Sounds good, right, hon?" Alice asked Jasper. He just nodded and then continued reading the book in front of him.

"Ooh, a beach, what ripping good fun," Rosalie said in a mock British accent.

"People in England haven't talked like that since the 1920s, Rose," Nessie said. Rosalie pulled a face; Nessie pulled a worse, flipping Rose off at the same time.

"Nessie!" Emmett exclaimed.

"What? She can be a bitch but I can't?" Nessie said.

"What's gotten into you, Ness?" Alice asked, concerned.

"Nothing," Nessie said. In truth, everything was wrong with her – she had overheard a conversation Jasper and Rosalie had had a couple of days ago and now she knew about Rosalie and Royce. The perfect couple, it made her want to hurl. She wanted to tell someone but she couldn't; if Emmett found out he would be crushed – a blind man could see he was insanely in love with the statuesque blond – and Nessie couldn't be the one to do that to him. But he had to know, didn't he?

"Nessie?" Edward leant in close to whisper in her ear. "You okay?"

"I don't know," Nessie said honestly.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked. Nessie shook her head – if she told Edward, Edward would tell Emmett, or their parents who would talk to Emmett. Either way, Emmett found out and Emmett got hurt.

"You want to go to the beach?" Edward asked. "Get out of the house for the day? It'll be good for you."

Nessie thought about it. She had not been out since they had gone to Seattle. "I suppose it'll be fun. I don't have to talk to anyone, do I?"

Edward laughed at the expression on Nessie's face – she did not look at all happy at the idea of speaking to people. "Not if you don't want to." He ruffled her hair – it was much longer than when they had moved to Forks.

James had loved her long hair, loved using it to pull her around, so one of the first things she had done when she was free was to cut the waist length locks off in front of the bathroom mirror until the curls were as short as Alice's spikes. Sulpicia had screamed when she had walked in to find a stony-faced Nessie with a giant pair of razor sharp scissors in her hand and her sheared hair around her feet. Nessie had woken up the next day and lost it when she felt how short it was. Esme had told her she could have extensions but Nessie had just shaken her head miserably. Fortunately, Nessie's hair grew quickly; after eight months, it was now to her shoulders.

"So, I invited the Cullens and the Hales to the beach," Bella told Mike in Gym. Mike spun to look at her and ended up taking a shuttlecock to the head.

"You _did_?" Mike said, his jaw on the floor.

"Yeah, they're all coming." Bella twirled the racket in her hand, dropped it on her foot and fell over trying to pick it up. Mike grabbed her arm before she hit her face. "Thanks."

"So, are you riding with us still?" Mike asked eager to make sure Cullen hadn't decided to make a move finally.

"Yeah, the Hales are riding with the Cullens – they'll meet us there."

"Oh, okay."

"How's things going with Jess?" Bella asked. A couple of guys had asked Bella to go to the _Girl's Choice _Dance that had happened a while ago.

"Fine, yeah," Mike said. He had been the first to ask Bella, but she had said no and gone to Seattle with the Cullen women for Alice's birthday instead. So, as per Bella's suggestion, Mike had gone with Jessica.

"Is she coming?" Bella asked, trying not to make the question not too pointed.

"Yeah, so is Angela, Ben, Lauren, Tyler, Eric, everyone."

"So, we should have fun, all of us." Bella deliberately lumped in the Cullens and the Hales with the rest of them – she was tired of playing the bridge between the two groups.

So, that Saturday, Mike picked Bella up in his mom's Suburban. He had saved her a seat next to him, but she managed to get Jess sat there so she could have the window seat.

When they got to the beach, Tyler's van and Emmett's Jeep were already there. The passengers were all out and were actually conversing. Emmett looked huge next to everyone else, at least a head taller than everyone else and his polo shirt straining to contain the muscles of his arms and chest. The shorts at least were baggy enough not to have that same problem.

Trying to get out of a car was dangerous enough for Bella at the best of times. Doing it while staring at Edward Cullen, thinking how he pretty much defined 'fuck-me-gorgeous' was impossible. The seatbelt got wrapped around her foot and Bella stumbled; Jessica, expecting a far more elegant exit, bumped into her, sending them both crashing to the floor. All the boys rushed over, Edward getting to Bella first, leaving Mike to pick up Jessica who was extremely pissed off – first at ending up on the floor in front of Mike and secondly at Mike's obvious surliness at not having got to Bella before Cullen. She shook him off and stalked over to bitch about the incident to Lauren.

Edward, in the meantime, had knelt next to Bella and got her to her knees. "You okay?"

"Huh?" Bella was a little too focused on the bicep she had a hand wrapped around – or partly around because Edward's bicep was too big for Bella's fingertips to meet. Edward was not as slender as Bella had imagined when she had seen him for the first time next to Emmett; he was not as tall as Jasper, being 6'2" to Jasper's 6'4", but she had had four months of Biology to appreciate that Edward was surprisingly muscular for the quiet brooder. Now, she saw that Edward definitely worked out – biceps did not get that defined and dense by sitting on your ass.

Wrenching her gaze from the sight of his chest, which looked just as toned and rock hard as his arms, Bella saw that Edward looked really concerned. "Did you hit your head? Bella, speak to me!" There was a note of desperation in response to the glazed look in her eye.

"Yes and no." Bella finally got out.

"Yes and no, what?" he asked, a little confused.

"Yes I'm fine; no I didn't hit my head."

"Are you sure," Edward asked. "Because you look, I don't know, kind of dazzled?"

Dazzled? Huh, good word. He did dazzle her, with alarming frequency.

"She's fine, Edward. I think she's noticing you're a little more muscular than first expected." Nessie had knelt down beside them, though she had spoken so that only the two of them could hear her.

"Oh," Edward was unsure of what to say to that, so he grinned arrogantly.

"I want to get up now," Bella said, a little annoyed at being outed. Edward got her to her feet and they headed down to the beach, the Cullens having brought most of the food and drink.

"Mom went a little overboard," Emmett was telling Tyler. "She usually does – you should see Christmas." Over the course of the day, the teenage boys officially fell in love with Esme Cullen.

They were joined by the younger members of the Quileute tribe, which was good or they never would have finished everything, and Bella was reintroduced to an old friend she had forgotten.

"Bella Swan?" a boy a little younger than herself, maybe Nessie's age, spoke. He had been glancing over in their direction since she had returned from the rock pools they had visited – Edward holding her hand through the forest when she lag behind so she did not fall.

Bella was reminded of her first day of high school – in the centre of attention with everyone wanting to know her – the very last place accident prone Miss Swan ever wanted to be. "Yeah?"

"I'm Jacob. Black, Billy's son? Charlie bought your truck off my dad. We used to spend our summers together – you, me and my twin sisters."

"Oh, yeah, hi," Bella said, brightening as it came back to her. "I remember, Rachel and Rebecca, right?"

"Yeah, that's right," Jacob seemed thrilled that she remembered. Edward, on Bella's other side, did not seem so excited to meet Jacob.

"This is Edward, by the way, Edward Cullen," Bella introduced them. Jacob waved once and Edward inclined his head in return. "So, how are your sisters?"

"Rachel's at college – Washington State. Rebecca's married; she lives in Hawaii now."

"Married, really? She's like, what, a year older than me?" Bella was surprised.

"Yeah," Jacob nodded, "the Council was up in arms about it – she gave up a partial scholarship to do it – but my dad said it was her choice."

"Go Billy," Bella said, unable to imagine how many parents would truly be happy at the idea of their daughter getting married at eighteen – hers would kill her, especially Renee.

Jacob shrugged, "yeah, that's my dad – do what you want as long as you can take the consequences."

"Sounds like a good philosophy to have," Bella said.

"Honestly? I think he just wants the quiet life – give them what they want and they won't complain." Jacob's grin belied his words – he clearly got on well with his father, had a lot of respect for him.

"Billy sounds as easy to get along with as Charlie," Bella said, grinning as well – it seemed to be impossible to not smile around Jacob.

"Birds of a feather," Jacob said.

Emmett and Rosalie had come over to speak to Edward. "Hey, we're gonna take a walk down the beach, okay?" Emmett said.

"Enjoy the pier," Edward deadpanned.

"We will," Emmett said with his characteristic wicked grin. Everyone in the circle watched as the hottest couple there took off down the beach.

"Wow," said a Quileute boy.

"High maintenance," another said. Jacob snorted.

Edward sighed, "should I do something? Before Rosalie gets pregnant, I mean."

"Probably," Bella said, nudging him to make him smile.

"Emmett's going to kill me," Edward moaned. "Still," he said, getting to his feet, "at least he won't be a teenage parent. You want to come with? Take Rosalie while I take on Emmett?"

"Yeah, sure," Bella said. She waved to Jacob who waved back with a smile, and they walked down the beach.

After a few steps, Edward took her hand. Bella looked down at their joined hands and looked up at him to smile. "Bella, are you ... okay with everything that I told you?"

"Yeah, why?" Bella asked, worried about what was coming next.

"I just wondered, 'cause, you know ..."

"I know...?" Bella persisted.

"Is it just me or is there something here?" Edward stopped to face here – they were a way away from the fire circle they had left.

"I hope so," Bella said, looking down at her feet. There was a hand under her chin, gently but firmly forcing her face up to look at him.

"Me, too," he said leaning down to her. Before Bella could react, she felt his lips on hers. Her arms slid up to lock around his neck while his wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer.

The world got completely drowned out until there was a wolf whistle and a lump of wet sand it the back of Edward's head. "'Bout time little brother!" Emmett yelled, coming towards them, holding hands with a stone faced Rosalie.

They both blushed – Bella much more deeply than Edward who looked like he wanted to repay Emmett for the sand.

"Let's go for a walk," Edward muttered shaking out his T-shirt to rid it of the sand. Bella nodded, unable to stop smiling. "We'll see you guys later," Edward called to Emmett.

"Yeah, you will! Pier's that way!" Emmett yelled, practically bouncing at the sight of his brother finally with the girl he had been moping over for months. "Good together, aren't they?" he asked Rosalie.

"I suppose, if Bella Swan is the kind of girl he wants," Rosalie muttered, looking sour.

"I think she's great for him," Emmett said, refusing to let Rosalie's baffling hostility get to him. His little brother had finally stopped letting the side down!

"Whatever," Rosalie said, flicking her hair over her shoulder. Emmett rolled his eyes and tugged her back towards the campfire someone had started.

After Jacob finished watching Bella being unsubtly taken away by her boyfriend, he said watching the people around the circle. He knew most of them – some were his friends off the Rez, Embry and Quil. There was Jared and Paul, too, and the Clearwater siblings, Leah and Seth. Leah was moping, having recently broken up with her boyfriend; Sam Uley had accepted a full scholarship to Washington State and they had grown apart over the last few months until Sam had finally called it quits. There were the kids from Forks High School; he knew them quite well from them coming down to the beach whenever the weather was good. He didn't know the guy that Bella had walked off with, or the high maintenance chick and the huge guy, or the pixie girl and the tall glass of water she was snuggling up with, or the bronze haired beauty – they had all turned up together, looking kind of uncomfortable until the largest one started talking.

Jacob looked at redhead girl, as he had been doing since he and the other Quileutes had arrived, out of the corner of his eye from across the campfire. She was dressed completely in black; a loose black top that hit mid-thigh under an unzipped hoody with an old leather jacket that, from the size of it, looked like it may have belonged to the not-gigantor brother. She wore black tights, as far as Jacob could tell from the two inches between the shirt and the over the knee Jack Sparrow-esque leather pirate boots she was wearing. Her skin, in contrast to the noir outfit, was ivory and clear. The only colour about her was the burnished bronze ringlets that fell to her shoulders. The flames caught them turning her hair into a fiery halo, bringing out the various shades of red and a little blond. It was no wonder she had some company – she looked a lot like what Jacob had imagined a seraph angel who look like.

He wanted to know what colour her eyes were but they were shadowed by thick mascara and black eyeliner, and he was too far away. She was definitely different to the rest of the people here. Probably why they all gave her a wide berth. Well, nearly all of them.

She was sat, stuck, between two guys that had taken advantage of the fact that her family was otherwise occupied. She looked intensely uncomfortable, like she was about to bolt. Jacob decided to play the knight in shining armour.

"Hey," he walked up to the three of them. Expecting a look of gratitude at his rescue attempt, Jacob was shocked to see the fear in her eyes at the sight of him. The guys either side of her started sizing him up. "Your brothers wanted me to say they were taking a walk with their respective girls."

"Thanks," Nessie said, relaxing at little at the mention of her brothers. She was caught between two boys from her Physics class, both of whom were attempting seriously bad chat up lines, trying to remember how not to freak out. Her resolve was weakening – saying you were going to deal with the outside world and actually dealing with it were two very different things, and Nessie was failing to bridge the gap at this point. She wanted her safety net, but her family were all busy. She could not help but notice how close she was to the forest, how easy it would be for someone to drag her in there and disappear.

Or just watch her. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and Nessie fought the urge to keep looking behind her.

"I'm Jacob," Jacob said offering his hand.

"Nessie," she said shaking his hand with her gloved one. She saw him clock the gloves but he did not mention it.

"You hungry? We got mountains of food left and you didn't eat much," Jacob said, letting slip how much he had been noticing her over the last couple of hours.

"I didn't have much of a chance," Nessie said, glancing pointedly at the two boys who were sitting _way _too close to her. They had offered to get her some food when everyone had started eating – they alternated one of them talking to her, the other getting the stuff. It was driving her crazy.

The boys shifted uncomfortably. Their plan to get on her good side then, as soon as the other Cullens were out of the way, to move in and see which one of them she would go out with was failing miserably.

"Well, let's get some – your mom's cake is good and it's getting cleared out quick," Jacob offered her his hand again and this time when she took it, he pulled Nessie off her seat.

"Thanks for the rescue," Nessie said as Jacob towed her to the food. His hand was warm on hers, and his touch was light – he didn't grip her, bruising her pale skin. There had been a time when her wrist had been surrounded by bruises instead of scars.

"You're welcome," said Jacob, his smile firmly in place.

"Are you always this happy?" Nessie asked.

"Pretty much, I just don't get down, I guess," Jacob shrugged.

"That may be a problem," Nessie said wryly.

Jacob laughed, "you aren't happy?"

Nessie stopped; no one had asked her outright like that. "Not really."

"Why not?" Jacob seemed interested, but not prying.

"I ... a lot of stuff's happened to me. I don't like being around people." Nessie sat on the floor to watch the flames of the fire Mike had lit a little while ago while Jacob dug through the coolers and hampers.

"Stuff like this must suck for you, then," Jacob said, looking up at her from where he was crouched.

"You are amazing at stating the obvious," Nessie said, putting her hands in her pockets.

"It's a talent," Jacob shrugged.

"You have to have one, I guess." Nessie said it before thinking then panicked, thinking of James' reaction whenever she had talked back.

Jacob laughed out loud, drawing a few glances, "you don't pull punches, do you, honey?"

Nessie shook her head, "sorry. My mouth works faster than my brain. I shouldn't have said that."

Jacob sat beside her, handing her a plate with a little bit of everything, and patted her on the leg. "I got two older sisters, don't worry, I can handle females with attitude."

"But you would never say that to their faces," Nessie guessed.

"Are you kidding me? Do you think I'm stupid? Or suicidal?"

Nessie laughed, "tell me about it. I once told Alice what I really thought about the outfit she chose for me. Yeah, _that_ pinch mark lasted a week!"

"Ooh," Jacob made the appropriate face. "No telling Alice what you think of clothes, got it. Which one is Alice, so I know?"

Nessie pointed out Alice who was currently swapping saliva with Jasper. "Wow," Jacob said. "They really don't need air, do they?"

"I keep telling them to try out for the swim team, but that would cut into make out time." Nessie toyed with some of the food on her plate. She never ate much these days, a lot less than she should. It worried her parents but after everything they didn't want to make an issue about food and make it worse.

Jacob laughed again and Nessie found herself doing the same. It was weird just how normal it felt to be sat here with this boy she did not know, joking about ... anything really.

She really didn't want to lose this feeling.

"So," Jacob said, fishing for conversation as they ate so she would not leave. "How do you know Bella?"

"Edward has Biology with her and has been crushing on her since she arrived. She's kind of become a friend to all of us – Alice loves her and Emmett thinks she's a riot," Nessie said. "She a klutz which he finds funny," Nessie said when Jacob frowned, not getting it.

"I see. And do you agree or disagree with the match?"

"Agree very much. Bella's good for Edward, and good for me. She gives Edward someone else to be paranoidly overprotective about," Nessie said when Jacob looked a little confused.

"Is he that kind of big brother, then?" Jacob smiled, finding it funny – he was the youngest, his sisters would let him be protective of them if he tried, but he was a kid when they lived here.

"He's naturally protective, but everything that's happened kind of stepped it up a gear – he blames himself for every little thing that happens. But Bella doesn't let him do that. I think they could really love each other if the world gave them a chance."

"So, if it's not that bad, why do you want him to back off?" Jacob asked, looking at her intently.

"It sounds so bad when you say it like that!" Nessie said. "I don't want him to, my family's my security blanket, but I _need _him to. I need to learn to be okay again. On my own."

"You're never on your own," Jacob said, wanting to give her some kind of comfort.

"Yeah, that's kind of the problem. I _did_ ended up alone and I didn't handle it well," Nessie said, running a gloved hand through her curls.

"What happened?" Jacob asked.

"Oh, it's a long story," Nessie hedged, on edge for the first time since meeting Jacob.

"A long story, huh?" Jacob recognised a brush off when he heard one. "Let me guess, it's complicated, too, right?"

Nessie looked down at the floor, afraid she had gotten Jacob angry. "Yeah, it is. But it's not what you think."

"That's original."

"I'm sorry. It's just ..." Nessie hesitated before rushing out the explanation, tired of thinking everything through so bloody much. "I haven't been able to talk to anyone like this ... ever. I don't want to scare you away with how much of a freak I am before you've even gotten to know me."

"So, you want to get to know me?" Jacob's grin returned, an infectious kind of smirk on his face.

Relaxing, Nessie grinned, "I don't know. Are you worth the effort?"

"Definitely, I'm amazing," Jacob said seriously. They made it about a second before they both burst out laughing.

Emmett and Rosalie walked back to where they were sitting, stunned to see Nessie engaging in conversation with a stranger and ... laughing.

"Hey, guys. You alright, Nessie?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, I am," Nessie said. Emmett was struck by how lit up she looked – relaxed and happy. Emmett couldn't remember the last time he had seen her like this.

"And who is this?" Emmett said, big brother instincts honing in on the teenage boy sitting next to his little sister.

"I'm Jacob. I'm a friend of Bella's from a while back – Charlie's friends with my Dad, Billy, so we knew each other as kids," Jacob did not bother getting up to introduce himself.

"You know Charlie?" Emmett said, deciding to give the kid a chance.

"Yeah, all my life."

"Alright. I'm Emmett, Loch's brother. This is Rosalie Hale." Emmett indicated Rosalie as they sat down near Nessie and Jacob.

"Loch?" Jacob asked, a little confused, but his face lighting up, intrigued.

"Don't you dare," Nessie warned Emmett, who grinned at her.

"Yeah, Loch's my name for her. Edward calls her Ness, Alice calls her Monster," Emmett grinned.

"So, when you put it together you get Loch Ness Monster," Jacob said, grinning back. Damn it but he was fast.

"I hate you both," Nessie said, glaring.

"Whatever – smoad," Emmett said, grinning even more widely – he looked like the Cheshire Cat.

"Smoad?" Jacob repeated.

"Oh god," Nessie said, burying her face in her hands.

"What's a smoad?" Jacob asked.

"A smoad is a figment of Nessie's imagination," Emmett said, all but rubbing his hands together in glee.

"It was a dream – I had no control!" Nessie's voice was muffled by her hands. Lifting her head, she looked at Jacob. "You know what a woad is right? Like the King Arthur film?"

"Yeah, sure, Celtic warriors that painted themselves blue before they went to war," Jacob said.

"Yep and you know what a smurf is. Well, a smoad is a cross between the two – badass muscular blue guys in loincloths, with spears, that are three apples high."

"You thought of that?" Jacob asked, trying not to laugh.

"Dreamt, I _dreamt _it," Nessie pointed out.

"You freak," Jacob laughed.

"Yeah, yeah," Nessie punched him on the arm before kicking Emmett in the shins.

For the first time since meeting James, Nessie forgot about him. Completely. He was not even lurking in the back of her mind as she talked with Jacob, totally at ease with the happy-go-lucky kid who made her laugh.

Green. Her eyes were green. And they twinkled like polished emeralds when she laughed. Jacob tried to keep her laughing that evening so he could see the reflection of the campfire flames dancing in those orbs.

* * *

_Smoads are indeed a figment of my imagination. They came out when I was talking to mellowenglishgal in the back of my mum's car – we were coming back from London, it had been a long day AND I'M ME!_ _Trust me; it is not the weirdest thing I could have thought of. Is one of the more interesting, though, check out another reference to them in mellowenglishgal's Harry Potter fiction ... We are trying to start a smoad community. It could be fun ... or just really weird. Anyway, anyone that wants to write about Smoads, join in!_


	22. Lazy Sundays

_Thanks to EsmeAliceRose and dazzleglo for reviewing and estherlovesbooksaboutvampires for the favourite!_

_The updates will be quite frequent now because of the backlog of chapters I have, but please continue to review!_

Chapter Twenty-two – Lazy Sundays

"So, Bella says Jake's a nice guy," Alice said at the breakfast table the morning after the beach party. It was the one meal that they definitely all had together – some families did dinner, the Cullens did breakfast – and so _everyone_ spun to look at Nessie who became unusually interested in her cereal.

"Uh huh," Nessie said, non-committal. She was not wearing her gloves and she felt vulnerable, but her parents were determined that their youngest would not hide her scars from her family.

"Emmett said you talked with him for most of the night," Alice pressed.

"Didn't have much choice, you guys all abandoned me to make out with your crushes," Nessie said.

Esme and Carlisle looked at each other at this – would they have to give The Talk again?

"Hey, me and Rose came back!" Emmett protested.

"For five seconds to get a drink," Nessie rebutted.

It was true – Jasper and Alice had remained entwined and oblivious to the world for the entire evening, Edward and Bella had walked around talking about _everything_ and Emmett and Rosalie had indeed come back for a couple of sodas before heading off to the pier again. Nessie and Jacob had sat by the fire talking for the entire time, Nessie not even flinching when Jacob brushed against her.

"What did you guys talk about?" Alice pushed.

"Cars, music, stuff like that. Jake's building a 1987 Volkswagen Rabbit – I said I give him a hand since I've built a couple cars," Nessie shrugged.

"A couple? Nessie, you've built a fleet by this point!" Edward said.

"Nessie," Esme put in, her voice by far the gentlest in the conversation, "you're not downplaying your abilities so he won't be intimidated are you?"

"Yes, Nessie, you shouldn't have to pretend to be less than you are so a boy will like you," Carlisle added, not entirely sure he wanted a boy to be interested in his little girl.

"No, Jesus, I don't even know if I want him to like me!" Nessie said, finally looking up from her bowl. "Why are you all being like this? Why can't I have one conversation with someone _outside _of this family without you all getting frigging weird on me?" She pushed away from the table and rushed upstairs, not quite sure where all this emotion was coming from.

"Should one of us go after her?" Alice asked, Edward already half out of his seat.

Carlisle shook his head and put his hand on Edward's shoulder. "There's nothing we can do – Nessie needs to deal with this without our interference." He flicked his newspaper and carried on reading.

Edward hesitated then lowered himself back into his chair – he did not like doing nothing when it came to his family. Fix it or fuck it up, he had to do something in a situation – he could not stand the idea of looking back knowing he had not done everything he could have.

"She'll be fine, Edward," Esme said, pouring her son some more orange juice.

"She's probably just freaked 'cause she likes this Jake guy and then we all come down on her before she's figured things out for herself," Emmett said, having one of his insightful moments. "Let her figure it out before we start telling her he's good for her."

"I wish I could kill James," Edward said, his knuckles white as he gripped the edge of the table trying to reign in his anger.

"Never wish that, Edward, love," Esme said, stroking her son's hair. "No matter what they have done, don't seek to damage your soul because of someone else's actions." Even after all she had been through, Esme still believed in God and souls and the goodness of man. Edward was not so sure; he wanted to believe but everywhere he looked there were evidence to the contrary, suggestions that people could be evil, void of humanity.

"Fine, I wish I could go back and stop him from ever meeting Nessie."

"But then we never would have come here," Alice said softly. "Would you give up Bella for Nessie's illusion of coping?"

Edward wanted to say yes, but God help him he knew he would be lying; he had spent the day with Bella Swan and could safely say he was head over heels, deliriously in love with her. And that scared him. He wanted to be like Carlisle – safe, steady, loving, desiring nothing more than to give the woman he loved everything she had ever dreamt of. But Charles was still a part of him. What if nature won over nurture? He knew he was selfish – had he not just proved that to himself with his answer to Alice's question? – and dreaded being Charles' brand of selfish. Destructive and cruel, being with a woman simply because he had chosen her, thought of her as _his_.

"Edward, are you okay?" Esme's concerned voice seemed to come as though from far away. Carlisle looked up sharply from his newspaper, honed instincts, both parental and professional, on high alert. Edward did look a little paler than normal. His alabaster skin looked a little clammy and he swayed slightly before dropping into his chair. "Edward, honey!" Esme was getting a little panic – her baby was not answering her.

"Edward?" Carlisle moved quickly around the table. Alice and Emmett looked over at their brother worried – they had never seen him look like this. Edward played his cards so close to his chest there were times even his siblings did not think they knew what was going on in his head.

"I'm fine," Edward said, his voice quieter than normal, almost...unsure? "I just realised something."

"What Edward?" Carlisle asked, wondering what realisation could produce such a response.

"I'm in love with Bella," Edward said, his eyes still focused on something only he could see. "I knew I liked her – more than any other girl I've ever met. But then, just now, when Alice asked if I would give up the past for Nessie, I realised I wouldn't. I wouldn't give up Bella for Nessie. I love her. Does that make me like Charles? That I would hurt my family just to have what I want?" His eyes refocused on his mother and Esme was horrified to see the emerald orbs were glistening with unshed tears. He looked terrified – being like his natural father was Edward's single biggest fear, Esme knew, which is why he strove to hide the fierce temper inside him.

"Oh, sweetheart, no, that doesn't make you like Charles," Esme said, lowering herself into the seat next to Edward. "We all know that you love Nessie. But you don't have to feel bad about not wanting to change the past. I don't think any of us do; we're happy here. You all are much happier here than you were in Alaska. And Nessie's okay – sooner or later, someone was going to hurt her. At least she knows how strong she is now."

"Edward," Carlisle said, his voice gently but firm. "Look at me. You are nothing like Charles – you haven't been from the day you were born."

"Sometimes I feel like I am," Edward said, his eyes begging his father – his _real _father – to understand. "I get angry sometimes, I feel like I just want to hit something, or someone. Then I remember Charles and how he used to be. I think about how close I am to being like that and I feel sick to my stomach."

"Which proves that you are nothing like him," Carlisle said, putting his arms around his son's shoulders. "You _don't _hit. You want to but you _don't_, you stop yourself. Just like everyone else, Edward. You have a swift temper, and a fierce protectiveness, but I think that the day will come when you thank god for that, rather than despair. It might just save someone you love one day." Edward looked deep into his dad's eyes but saw nothing but the truth shining out of them. Carlisle would not believe the worst of his child – he would not believe the worst of anyone.

"So, you're in love, huh?" Emmett said, a huge grin on his face, trying to break the tension. "Aww, Eddie, that's so _sweet!"_

Alice laughed and Edward threw a piece of toast at Emmett before smiling weakly. Emmett caught the toast, smeared peanut butter and jam onto it and ate it with gusto. "Shut up, Em. You're whipped by Rose and you know it."

Emmett put his hands behind his head and leant back in his chair. "I do, little brother, and I know it's worth it." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and was rewarded by his parents glaring at him.

Upstairs, Nessie was pacing her room, biting the skin of her thumb, a nervous habit her mother had long ago given up trying to stop. She was in a muddle. Where were the fireworks? The sparks? Where was the sudden rush of desire and the need to jump him? She had not felt anything like that with Jake. All she had felt was ... joy. Simple, elemental joy. Nothing complicated, or scary, just a kinship with a teenage boy who liked cars. Like the sun coming out from behind a cloud and her being bathed in its warm glow, not realising how cold she had been without it.

Because she had been, Nessie realised. She had though that she had been coping, that she had been dealing with what had happened. But, really, she was merely existing, going through each day with that cloud above her head, making everything so dark and hard to deal with. School had been a nightmare, her terrified of people who were probably just as frightened of the silent girl in black as she was of them.

She had missed the easy camaraderie of talking with people, getting to know them without wondering when they would hurt her. It was impossible to think of Jacob hurting her. Nessie felt it in her bones that Jacob was just one of those honestly, no strings attached, no limitations or conditions, nice guys. The kind of guy that would spend time with a person just to be with them, not because he was getting anything in return, or because he thought he could play them, but just to get to know them.

She would stop obsessing over what may happen. Nessie decided to just get to know Jacob, see what happened.

"You won't beat me, James," Nessie muttered into the empty room. "Not all people are like you. Not all people are like Charles. Some people are like Dad, like Charlie, like Jacob. Some people are just _good._ And you won't stop me knowing them. You've ruled me for years, it's my turn now."

She spun and went to the bathroom to shower and change for the day. When she came back downstairs Alice had already headed out for the Hales' place, Edward was idling tinkling on the piano and their parents were in Carlisle's study. She knocked on the door first, knowing she should apologise for breakfast's little outburst.

"Come in," Carlisle's voice called out. Pushing open the door, Nessie saw Carlisle sat behind his desk, Esme sat on the desk next to him, his hand on her knee.

"Hey guys," Nessie shuffled into the room. She hated this awkward part.

"Hey, sweetheart, you okay now?" Esme asked. Nessie nodded.

"You know your brothers and sister are just looking for a new opening to tease you, don't you, kiddo?" Carlisle said. "It'll get worse before it gets better." His eyes twinkled.

"Yeah, I guess they've earned it – haven't really been up to being teased lately," Nessie said, looking at the floor. "I'm sorry about breakfast," she blurted out. "I know you hate that kind of language. I don't even know why I said it. It's just that Alice was saying that stuff and I just didn't know the answer – I don't know Jacob, not really. I just feel like everyone's pushing me into this because for one day I wasn't Miss Doom and Gloom."

"Honey –" Esme began.

"Please, Mom, I have to say this or I never will," Nessie said. Her mother nodded, and let her continue.

"I know you all want me to be okay. And I know I said that I would stop letting James dictate things still, but...I'm scared. He's kept people at arm's length for so long. What if I can't do it without him?" She looked up and Esme saw for the second time that day a pair of green eyes swimming with frightened tears. She got up and wrapped her arms around her daughter. Even though they were the same height now, Nessie leant into her mother, tucking her head into Esme's shoulder. Esme stroked her back, whispering nonsense words of comfort into her daughter's bronze curls. Carlisle got up and wrapped his long arms around the both of them. "What if I'm not brave on my own, Mom? What if they hurt me? I don't want to hurt anymore."

Carlisle squeezed his daughter and kissed the top of her head, his heart clenching with pain. Seeing his children hurting was like a physical blow to him – he just wanted to make them happy.

"I know it's scary, honey, but it's okay. James is gone now. There will be other people, and some of them may hurt you, but it won't be like that again. It will never be that bad."

"He was my whole world and now he's gone and it _hurts," _Nessie confessed, beginning to stop.

"Is that why you can't let him go?" Carlisle asked, gently. "Because a part of you still loves him?"

"I don't know," Nessie said, her bronze tresses hiding her face until Esme swept them aside. "I haven't loved him, not really in so long, but I need him. He hurt me but he protected me, too. He told me he loved me."

Esme understood. She knew what it was like to be so afraid of the man you loved until you could not separate the fear from the love anymore. She had wanted to leave Charles but had not wanted to at the same time – what if the outside world was worse? What if she had left the only protection she had and dragged her babies into hell? "Nessie, look at me," Esme said, echoing Carlisle words to Edward. Nessie looked at her mother, tears streaking her face. "It's okay not to be over James. It's okay not to know what you want. You're aren't even sixteen; you should have no idea where your head's at. _But you do not need him_. He did not love you and he did not protect you. We do. Just try Nessie. See this Jacob boy, even if it's only as a friend. See that there are other people out there. You will never forget James, and you may never forgive him, but you don't have to carry him around anymore, Nessie. He's deadweight – leave him in the past."

Nessie nodded and her parents both kissed her on the head again. She left the room, heading to the lounge to do her homework, not wanting to be isolated in her room all day. Emmett was there watching football – surprise, surprise. He was stretched out on the sofa but he drew his knees up so Nessie could sit on the other end to work. He gave her a big grin which Nessie returned, though not quite so enthusiastically – no one could top Emmett on enthusiasm.

Emmett's phone rang. "Hello? Yeah, I'll be right over. See you in a minute, babe." He hung up and turned to Nessie. "Can you tell Mum and Dad I've gone to Rosalie's for a while?"

"Yeah sure," Nessie said, twirling her pencil slowly in her hands, contemplating telling Emmett what she knew. He looked so damn happy at the idea of seeing Rosalie. "Emmett."

"Yeah?" Emmett looked up from tying his shoes which he had kicked off on the floor when he sat down – Esme did not mind feet on the furniture as long as though feet did not have shoes on them.

She chickened out. "Do you love Rosalie?"

"Why do you ask?" Emmett said, pausing with one elbow on his knee.

"Was curious I suppose," Nessie hedged.

"Why? Because I'm sleeping with her?" Emmett was nothing if not frank. "Nessie, there's something you need to understand: you don't have to love a person to make love to them. Sometimes it's just about ...instinct." He was going to say urges but did not think Carlisle or Esme would appreciate that. It was also kind of weird to talk to your youngest sister about ... urges, especially when you would do anything to prevent teenage boys using her to satisfy them.

"I know that," Nessie said. "I am well aware that actions do not always have a deeper feeling behind them."

"Then why do you ask?"

"I don't know." Because I want to know how badly you're going to hurt when I tell you that she's cheating on you. "It's different with you and Rosalie. I've seen you with girls before but this time...it's just different."

"Yeah, I guess it is," Emmett said.

"So...do you love her?"

"Yeah, I do." Emmett was so comfortable with himself and his own masculinity, he had not problem admitting the truth. He had known, or at least suspected, for a while that he loved Rosalie. He chuckled. "It's nice being able to say it out loud."

"I'll bet it is," Nessie said faintly. She really wished he had not said that he loved Rosalie.

"Hey, you okay, Loch?" Emmett asked, his brow furrowed in concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Nessie said, waving a hand.

"You sure?" Emmett pressed.

"Yeah. I'm happy for you, Emmett, loving someone like you do. I want you to enjoy it while it lasts, okay?"

"'Enjoy it while it lasts'." Emmett laughed. "You really are a glass half empty kind of girl, aren't you, Ness?" he said, ruffling her hair.

"Everything comes to an end, Emmett," Nessie said sorrowfully, "even the good stuff. It just takes time."

Emmett frowned but knew there was nothing to get Nessie out of her funk – like Edward, the only thing to do was let it run its course and be there to tease when they got out of it. "I'll see you later, Ness, okay?" he said slowly. "Just take care of yourself."

"Likewise, Em."

"Bye," Emmett pecked her on the forehead and walked to the door.

"Love," Nessie called after him.

"Love back," Emmett said, closing the door behind him. Nessie heard him gun the engine of his Jeep and roar off.

"Who was that leaving?" Esme asked, walking downstairs from her study.

"Emmett. He's gone to see Rosalie for a while. He told me to tell you," Nessie said.

"Okay," Esme glided to where Nessie was sat on the sofa and changed the channel to a TV program Nessie would enjoy more than football. "How are you, honey?"

"Fine. Working." Nessie indicated the notebook and textbook in front of her.

"Okay," Esme said. She was not thrilled about homework being done in front of the TV but since they got good grades she figured she wouldn't rock the boat. Not that she would be telling them that. "How about I make you something to eat? You didn't finish breakfast."

"I'm fine, Mum, thanks," Nessie said.

"Cup of tea while you work?" Esme offered.

"Okay, tea would be great. Thanks, Mum." Esme smiled and walked to the kitchen, pausing to kiss Nessie on top of her head.

When she came back, Esme was carrying a tray, not just laden with tea, but also with some crackers, fruit and yoghurt. "Here we go, sweetheart."

"Mum, you really didn't have to do all this," Nessie said, balancing her notebook on the arm of the sofa so she could take the mug her mother passed her.

"Oh, shush, it took two seconds," Esme said, waving away the idea of trouble.

"Thanks, Mum." Nessie took a gulp of tea. She leant back into the cushions. No one else was around and she did not want to be alone. "Want to watch something with me?"

Esme beamed, her smile both soft and bright. "I'd love that." She sat down and they watched some comedy show that had them both laughing. Esme had sat in the middle and Nessie managed to fidget her way across until she was resting against her mother. Esme put her arm around her daughter's shoulders and they sat that way through a Sunday afternoon film. Alice came in before the opening credits finished and sat in Nessie's vacated seat, stretching her tiny frame over the space, her legs over Nessie's lap.

Carlisle walked in as the end credits rolled up the screen and looked at his three girls on the sofa. Looking around for the camera they always kept handy, he snapped off a picture. He would have taken another but the sound and the flash caught the women's attention and they started to complain about not being ready. He disappeared upstairs to his office to put the new picture on the computer before any of them could delete it.


	23. S, is this our first date? Or our second

_Woo! Another update! Keep reviewing!_

_Thanks to EsmeAliceRose, Just4Me, dazzleglo and BriBri for your reviews!_

Chapter Twenty-three – "So, is this our first date? Or our second?"

It was Friday. The Friday. The night Edward was finally taking Bella out. He had asked her at the party at La Push, she had said yes, he had spent the last week driving everyone at home nuts.

He drove like a maniac home, having to get everyone there, get ready and be out by five to get to Bella's then Port Angeles for dinner.

"Edward, would you slow down, _please?"_ Alice asked as her brother took another bend at fifty miles an hour and her head smacked against the window. Again. "_Before _I get brain damage? Charlie's not going to shoot you for being a few minutes late."

"He might when you start sleeping with his daughter, though," Emmett said, always good at calming the situation down. Edward glared at him and stepped harder on the accelerator.

Alice growled and rubbed her head but ultimately gave up.

Nessie just closed her eyes and rested her head against the headrest, grateful the teasing had switched from her to Edward – if she had to hear Emmett make one more crack about Jacob getting under her hood she thought she was going to scream. Bloody Emmett being able to make an innuendo of anything. Even mechanics.

Edward took the bend onto their drive too fast making the car fishtail, forcing even Emmett to hold on to something. "Jesus, Edward!" he said, gripping the handle by his head.

Edward covered the three miles of drive in record time, made a handbrake turn to park in front of the house and had his seatbelt undone and his door open before the rest of them had manage to finish checking that they were in fact still alive.

Alice, the most battered of the group, got out on distinctly shaky legs and paused to give the car a pat Nessie could only assume was a thank you for staying together until they got home. Emmett bounded out of the car and up the stairs completely unfazed by how many times Edward had almost crashed. As for Nessie, she had had too many brushes with death to overly worry about a car accident.

_At least it would be quick, _Nessie thought. _God, Emmett's right; I really am the glass half empty girl. _Shaking her head at her morose musings, Nessie got out of the car, slamming the door shut and following her siblings up the stairs.

It was Friday – no therapy, no seeing Charlie, so Nessie took her stuff up to her room and dumped it, deciding to have a night off and an unbridled slob-fest. She took off the boots, the jewellery, the heavy layers of clothes, the dark makeup, feeling the weight of the shields disappearing as she removed each one. She changed into to sweats and a long sleeve top with thumbholes, tying her hair back into a ponytail so it was a fall of fiery ringlets down her back.

Nessie wandered through the maze of Chinese screens in her room, wondering what to do tonight. She gazed at her music, her art. She had loved it so. Until James had torn down her confidence. It had taken months for her to get back into it. Music came back easier – with Edward in the house there seemed to be constant music flowing, drawing her in. Her art was taking longer.

_Still, _Nessie thought picking up a pencil, _these designs will look great when I'm done._

Downstairs, Emmett had leaped over the back of the sofa to lie on the sofa. Rose was busy with some friend from Texas that was down for the weekend, which meant he had nothing to do this Friday night. TV was in order. Alice wandered through to the kitchen and gathered the ingredients for cupcakes. She had found, by trial and error, that Jasper loved cupcakes with lemon icing. And she loved making things for people, including baked treats for her boyfriend. She hummed while she worked.

In the living room, Emmett sniffed. Alice was baking again. He wondered if he would be able to snaffle a couple before she spotted him and took them off him again.

In his room, Edward was in a situation he had never been in before: he had no idea what to wear. He was standing in nothing but black boxers with his hands on his hips, glaring at his wardrobe, went Alice floated in, the smell of baking wafting after her.

"I think you need my help," she said. Edward harrumphed. Alice went through his clothes, choosing black trousers, a blue button down shirt and his favourite leather jacket. "There, Bella likes you in this shirt." Edward grabbed the clothes being shoved into his chest. "See you later."

"Thanks, Ally," he called after her as the pixie disappeared out of his wardrobe and out of his room. She waved a hand in recognition.

Ten minutes later he was speeding on his way back to Forks. Edward deliberately slowed down before he got to Bella's house, not wanting to skid to a stop in front of the Chief of Police's porch. _Good impression. Good impression. Good impression._

He got out and knocked on the door, running his hand nervously through his hair, glad he never bothered with hair gel – with his hair, product would not make that much of a difference.

Charlie opened the door.

"Hi, Chief." Edward's throat constricted – as a Cullen, Charlie liked him fine. As Bella's potential boyfriend...

"Edward." Charlie nodded and stepped back so Edward could come in. "So, you're taking Bells out tonight, huh?"

"Yes, sir," Edward walked behind Charlie into the kitchen and swallowed hard. Charlie was cleaning his rifle at the kitchen table.

"Where you taking her?" Charlie sat down, picking up a brush, oiling it and cleaning the barrel of the gun that was currently pointing at Edward's crotch. Even though it was not loaded, not even fully assembled, Edward hastened to sit down and get a rather favoured part of his anatomy out of the line of fire.

"Uh, the Roseto Giardino in Port Angeles," Edward said.

"Pretty expensive place, even for a first date," Charlie said.

Edward shrugged a little embarrassed. "It's a favourite of my parents – they say the food's really good."

Charlie hmmm'ed then stood as he heard Bella come down the stairs, Edward right behind him.

"Hi," she said shyly.

"Hey," he replied, his voice a little husky. She looked beautiful, in a blue halter neck dress and footless tights, ballet pumps and a jacket in her hand. "You look...amazing."

Charlie frowned as Bella blushed.

"Alice...she...hid it in my bag when we went to Seattle," Bella said, plucking at the hem with her fingers.

"Yeah, she's good at that," Edward said. He loved that colour on her. "So, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." Bella made it down the rest of the stairs. "Bye, Dad," she said, putting her hand on Charlie's arm.

"I'll have her back by eleven, Chief," Edward said, shaking Charlie's hand.

"Yeah, you do that," Charlie said, watching Edward take Bella's hand and lead her to his car. He opened the door for her, closing it when she was inside before jogging round to his own door. "Buckle up," Charlie called.

Bella waved goodbye and Charlie watched as the car drove away. Renee had told him Bella had never been on a date in her life. Now, barely six months in Forks, she seemed to have half the boys after her, with the one Charlie would not have chosen managing to catch her. Not that he didn't like Edward – the boy's relationship with his family alone told Charlie he was a good kid, but he was passionate and intense and Charlie did not know how he felt about a boy with that kind of nature being his daughter's first love.

_Please God don't let her get pregnant, _Charlie thought.

"You look beautiful," Edward said, glancing away from the road to look her.

Bella blushed and fiddled with the hem of her dress again. "Thanks. I don't...I never really wear dresses."

"You should," Edward said, staring at her legs.

"Uh, Edward," Bella pointed out of the windscreen. "The road?"

"I'm sure it's still there," Edward said not turning away.

"Yeah, but we're not really on it anymore," Bella told him.

Edward looked forward quickly, his eyes widening a little, then corrected his steering until they were back on course.

The conversation flowed pretty easily until they got to the restaurant. Then the greeter was a little too friendly to Edward while looking Bella up and down like she was sure they could not be together.

Bella went bright red and looked down at the floor, suddenly wishing she was anywhere else. Of course no one would think that she and Edward were on a date. Edward was gorgeous, a tall, bronze haired god. And she was...Bella. Plain. Average. Background material while Edward was quite clearly a leading man.

The greeter tried to see them to a four chair table in the middle of the restaurant.

"Do you have something a little more private?" Edward asked, quietly slipping the woman, who he actually wanted to confront for making Bella look uncomfortable, a fifty dollar bill.

She looked down at the money and snuck it into her pocket. "Right this way," she said, leading them to a booth in a gently lit corner.

"Thanks," Edward said, his attention on Bella, dismissing the greeter from his attention.

Bella saw the girl's face fall. She knew the feeling; Edward seemed to have this effect on most of the female population. She wondered why he was spending time with her. And when he would be bored with her.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked. Normally he could read people but Bella was blank. It was infuriating for him.

"Nothing," Bella said, lifting her deep brown eyes to him. "She was pretty."

"Who?" Edward asked confused.

"The greeter," Bella said.

"Was she?" Edward wondered where Bella was going with this. "Well, I can leave if you would prefer to have dinner with her." He flashed her grin.

Bella did not smile. "Edward, why are we here?"

Edward frowned. "To have dinner? We can go somewhere else if you want. I just thought you might like this." Edward started to jiggle his leg – a nervous habit that did not come out that often but they were only ten minutes into their date and Bella already wanted to leave. _Way to go, Cullen..._

"No, I mean why are you here with me?" Bella asked. "When you could have any girl you wanted?"

"Because I want you," Edward said, reaching for her hand but Bella moved her hand into her lap. Edward curled his fingers into a fist and pulled it back.

"Why me?" Bella asked again.

Edward sighed. Bella really needed to get over this lack of self-confidence. "Because I like you, Bella. You're smart and beautiful and...the only girl I've ever felt this way about."

Bella looked at him. To his horror, her eyes were a little watery. "Beautiful? Right."

Edward moved quickly around to her side of the table and slid in next to her, his arm going around her shoulders. "Bella, what...why are you crying?"

"I'm not," Bella said. "I tear up when I'm angry."

"And upset," Edward said. "Bella...why?"

"Because I'm not beautiful. I'm not. And I don't know why you would want me when every girl you pass is just waiting for you to look at her." Bella looked at him through thick lashes. "I guess I'm wondering how long I get with this fantasy before you leave for someone in your league."

"Never," Edward said, stroking her jaw with the back of his hand. "As long as you want me, I'll be here." He felt himself being drawn into those eyes. Hooks into your soul. That is what Carlisle called it when you looked into the eyes of the woman you loved ... and nothing could make you move away.

Edward bent to kiss her, almost desperate in claiming her mouth. His hand went from stroking her jaw to cupping the back of her head so she couldn't move away. Not that she wanted to. "Bella," he murmured.

There was a cough. They looked up to find the waitress standing next to them trying not to smile. "Hi, I'm your waitress. Here are your menus. I'll...give you guys some time."

Bella was so red Edward wondered if there was any blood left in the rest of her body. Completely unabashed, he took the menus with a smile and a, "thanks."

Once they were alone again, Edward steered the conversation towards Bella.

"I thought you knew all about me," Bella protested, hating the spotlight even in front of an audience of one. "Small town and all that. Besides, it's really not that interesting – not like your family."

"'Interesting' can be overrated," Edward grimaced. "It's also a matter of opinion. I've known you for a couple of months now but I still don't _know_ you. For instance, favourite book?"

"Wuthering Heights," Bella said without hesitation.

Edward pulled a face. "Well, at least you and Nessie will have something to talk about."

Bella straightened up, brightening. "Nessie likes Wuthering Heights?"

"Used to," Edward said. "Now...well, she avoids it if she can. Says she got enough psychotics boyfriends for herself she doesn't need to read about other people's."

"Oh." Bella looked down at her hands. "Yeah. I always loved that book for Heathcliff's passion but I guess, after experiencing what Nessie has, that would be a bad thing."

"Nessie always said what she loved about the book was the hope," Edward said, lacing his hands together.

"The hope?" Bella frowned. "The hope in Wuthering Heights?"

"Yeah. Like, Heathcliff and Cathy, even after everything that happens, after all the shit they put themselves and everyone else through, they still love each other. Nothing can diminish their love. She said it made her feel hopeful, that that kind of love existed," Edward shrugged.

"And now?" Bella asked.

Edward looked at her sadly. "She hasn't read the book since. I don't like to bring it up. The very thing she loved, admired, is now her greatest fear. That she'll meet someone who will love her like that again."

"Not all love is like that, though," Bella reasoned. "Not all love is destructive. I don't think Jacob would ever hurt her like that."

"Jacob, huh?" Edward grinned, the amusement making his eyes sparkle which in turn made Bella's heart stutter. "And how is Jacob in all this?"

"Well, you know. Billy hears a lot, passes it on to my dad, who sometimes tell me about it. Billy around my house a lot and I hear them talking sometimes."

"And is Jacob with them at these times?" Edward asked.

"No, I don't really see much of him, actually. Jacob hangs out with his friends in La Push," Bella said.

"Did you see a lot of him when you were younger?" Edward asked.

"Sometimes. Before my dad came to Phoenix to see me, I would spend a couple of weeks down in Forks, like I told you. My dad likes to fish so we would all go out fishing together. I would play with his sisters, Rachel and Rebecca, and he would play with his friends. Though, I do seem to remember an epic mud fight that got broken up when Rachel hurled some mud at Jacob that had a stone in it and cut his head open. Mud fights were banned after a trip to the Emergency Room – six stitches and a tetanus shot, not fun."

Edward laughed. "Yep, I remember them. Me and Emmett once split Alice's head open on the side of the swimming pool."

"What!" Bella exclaimed. "Ooh, poor Alice, why did you do that?"

"It wasn't on purpose," Edward laughed. "She had done something to annoy me and I wanted to dunk her in the water, saying I was going to drown her and Emmett was playing the hero. He was pulling her out, I was pulling her in. Lo and behold, Alice gets smacked on the head with a swimming pool. Caused a bit of a stir, that seven year old imp running through the house screaming but Dad stitched her up. Tanned our hides something fierce. He actually yelled, which rarely happens. I think that scared us more than what he was actually saying. We were in the dog house for a while after that."

"I hope you were," Bella said, trying to hide her smile. "What happened after that?"

"Alice's head healed, though she still has a scar, and we showered her with candy to earn her forgiveness." Edward shrugged. "We got it pretty quickly."

Bella giggled. "I imagine it must have been a lot of fun to have three siblings."

Edward smiled fondly. "It was. Never a dull moment. Everything was so much better once our family was together."

"Do you guys ever think about your biological parents?" Bella asked. "About their mother and your father?"

Edward looked away for a moment. "Life with Charles wasn't good. And Elizabeth never came after her children, though there was nothing stopping her, no court order like there is with Charles. It never really felt like our real family with them. Then, our mom and dad got together and it felt like this was the family we were always meant to have. So, no, short answer, we never think about them. There's no point – they weren't good parents and they weren't ever really our parents."

Bella nodded. "Even though they weren't together, Renee and Charlie were always my parents. It feels right to live with both of them, though sometimes I'm glad I moved to Forks. I got to stop being the parent in the relationship, you know? Does that sound terrible? It feels unfair to say that about my mother."

"No," Edward said, "it doesn't sound unfair, it sounds like that truth. It sounds human. With Charlie, he's the parent, you're the child. I don't mean to insult your mother, especially when I've never met her, but I imagine it must be nice not to have to look after the person who's meant to look after you."

Bella looked down at her hands, nodding. "It is. My mom was a lot of work, and, as much as I love her, it's nice not to have to worry all the time whether your mother put gas in the tank or paid the bills, or whether she going to call you up because she lost the car in the school parking lot again."

"I wouldn't know anything about that," Edward said. "My parents seem to be on top of everything. They have the answer before you have the question; at least it feels like that sometimes."

The waitress arrived. "Are you ready to order?"

"Could we have a few more minutes," Edward asked. "We haven't actually looked at the menu yet."

The waitress seemed disheartened by the news that Edward had been more involved with his date than the food but pasted a smile on her face and said, "sure, no problem. Can I get you some drinks while you decide?"

They ordered a couple of Cokes and finally looked at the menu.

"I don't know what half of this stuff is," Bella admitted, scanning the list.

"What don't you know?" Edward asked. "Spent a third of my life in Italy – I can help you."

They ended up going through the entire menu before Bella decided the mushroom ravioli seemed a safe bet. Edward signalled the waitress and they ordered their food.

"This is a really nice place," Bella said looking around. "Are you sure this is okay?"

"What do you mean?" Edward asked.

"Well, it's all ... expensive," Bella said, trying to be as delicate as possible.

"Bella, don't worry about it. I wanted to take you somewhere nice. I'm trying to woo you, remember?" he said with a grin.

"You don't have to," Bella said, reddening. "I like just being with you."

"Good," Edward said. He reached over and took her hand. "Because I like being with you, too," he said softly.

Bella smiled shyly. The butterflies in her stomach made her wonder if she would be able to eat at all.

They talked until the food arrived, then talked while they ate, then talked until the bill came. Before they knew it, they were the only ones left in the restaurant.

"Oh, holy crow, what time is it?" Bella said, jumping in her seat and looking at her watch. "It's half eleven! Oh, crap."

"Come on," Edward said, throwing down some money and taking her hand. "Let's go. I'll take the flake from Charlie if he's mad."

"What about your parents, won't they be mad?" Bella asked as they walked to the car.

Edward shrugged. "They said to call if I was going to be out later than one, so, no, I don't think so."

Bella blinked. The Cullens really did trust their kids.

"They know I won't do anything stupid," Edward said smiling, seeing the look on her face. He opened the door for Bella and closed it again behind her.

As much as they talked at dinner, they still hadn't run out of things to say. Bella found herself talking about her home in Phoenix – what she had loved, why she loved it, what she missed. Before too long they were pulling up in front of Bella's house.

Edward eyed the house. "Now, being the gentleman I was raised to be, I will of course walk you to your door."

"Very kind of you," Bella said with a laugh.

"However," a mischievous light came into his green eyes, "I was wondering what your policy on end of the night kisses what? Are they allowed after the first date, or only after the second?"

Bella smiled widely. "I don't know. What would you say if I said only after the second?"

"Then I would say it was my lucky night because _technically _this is our second date, given that I did have dinner at yours before, meeting your father in the process."

"And what if I said you missed your chance, I only kiss on the first date?" Bella said, enjoying teasing him.

"Then I would say it was my lucky night because _technically _this is our first date since I didn't ask you out before and that dinner was strictly a friend coming over after school," Edward said, leaning back in his seat looking at her.

Bella laughed. "So, either way, you get a good night kiss?"

"Do I?" Edward asked with mock surprise. "So, I do. All works out rather nicely, doesn't it?"

Bella laughed again, amused by his sheer nerve. "Kissing the Chief of Police's daughter outside his house after bringing her home late from the first official date. Well, I suppose if you have the guts to ask for a kiss after all that, you deserve it."

"I really think I do," Edward said, leaning towards her.

Bella leaned into him, letting him slip his arm around her waist and pull her close. The feel of his lips on her made her tremble and she found herself kissing him back with more feeling that she would have thought herself capable of.

By the time they broke apart, both their breathing was ragged.

"Well," Edward said, trying to get his laboured breathing back under control, "if I had known it would be like that I would have kissed you when I first wanted to."

"Which was when?" Bella asked, her forehead resting on his.

"The moment I saw," Edward said. They laughed together. "It would have caused quite a stir in the cafeteria."

"Yes, it would have," Bella said.

"It would have been worth it."

"Yes, it would."

Edward smiled at her and kissed her lightly on the lips, breaking away and getting out of the car before she could kiss him back. He walked around the car as Bella tried to stop the urge to grin from ear to ear. Edward opened the car door and took Bella's hand, helping her out and keeping her hand in his as they walked to the front door.

"You missed curfew," Charlie said, opening the door when they hadn't even made it past the porch.

"Yes, I did, I'm sorry, Dad," Bella said. The smile on her face belied that but she was genuinely sorry if she caused him undue worry.

"It was my fault, sir," Edward said, stepping up to talk to Charlie, but not letting go of Bella's hand. "I lost track of the time. It won't happen again."

"Uh huh," Charlie said. "Just as well your parents called and said they had set your curfew for one am." He checked his watch. "Still, you're only an hour and a half late. Come on in, Bells."

"Can I say goodnight first?" Bella asked, a little annoyed at her father's high handed manner right now.

"You said goodnight in his car plenty long enough," Charlie said, frowning, "now, let go and let Edward get home."

Bella returned her father's frown before stubbornly turning her back on him. "Goodnight, Edward," she said. "I had a wonderful time."

"Me, too," Edward smiled. "Call you tomorrow?"

"Definitely," Bella said, standing on tiptoe to kiss him again.

They hadn't kiss for five seconds before Charlie coughed, reminding them where they were and who was with them. Bella went red but staying looking determinedly anywhere but at her father. Edward gave her hand a final squeeze, kissed her cheek, murmuring 'goodnight' and took his leave.

Bella stayed on the porch, watching the taillights disappearing into darkness.

"Bella," Charlie said.

Bella turned around and walked with Charlie into the house. She didn't feel sleepy so went into the kitchen and put the kettle on.

"So," Charlie said. "Have a good time?"

"It was lovely, thanks."

"Seeing him again?" Charlie leant against the door frame, watching his daughter move around the kitchen.

"I hope so. I want to," Bella said, getting a cup and a sachet of camomile tea out of the cupboards.

"I was thinking, to avoid situations like this," Charlie said awkwardly, "that maybe we should move your curfew. I mean, if you're going to go out with him..and his curfew isn't until one...and I will admit, Carlisle and Esme know what they're doing, raising four kids, than I know having you live me with for three months."

"Dad?" Bella asked, turning around. "Are you moving my curfew to one in the morning?"

"Didn't I just say that?" Charlie said. "But only on weekends. It's still ten on school nights. That's not changing, no way, no how."

Bella smiled, her buoyancy making her give her dad a quick hug, which he returned surprised. They didn't often hug. But Bella was so happy tonight.

She went back to the kettle and poured water into the mug. "Okay, I'm going to bed. Night, Dad."

"Night, Bells," Charlie said, moving out of the way to let her pass. When he heard the sound of her bedroom door close, Charlie hurriedly fished his phone out of his pocket. "Renee? Renee! _Wake up! _This is important. She went on a date. Yes, with him. Yes, they kissed – on _my driveway! _Yes, she was late. An hour and a half. Oh. Ground her? Well, I – I extended her curfew. Well, I didn't know! It made sense at the time. Okay, okay, fine. Yes. Okay. Fine. Goodnight." Charlie hung up and headed up to his own bed.

Bella on a date. But she was still the eight year old he only saw twice a year, with her big brown eyes, asking what he did with the fish he caught and tearing up when he told her they were going to eat the fish. He didn't want her to grow up yet. He didn't want to share her with a _boy _when she had only just come to live with him. But he supposed he would feel this way if Bella had always lived with him – not wanting to let her date someone because it could all end in tears.

She was only an hour and a half late. He didn't understand why that bothered Renee of all people – if she was an hour and a half late she was doing well!


	24. Many Meetings

_Thanks to the reviews and the favourite!_

Chapter Twenty-four – Many Meetings

The trip to the beach had been in mid-April. By the time of Rosalie and Jasper's eighteenth birthday on the 22nd, Edward and Bella was a confirmed couple. At lunch, Nessie felt like more of a seventh wheel than ever, not because the other six were all making out in their pairs or whatever, but simply because she knew they _were_ three pairs and her as opposed to seven people. It was a little depressing at times.

It was one of those lunches when Jasper caught Nessie scratching the track mark scars in the crook of her elbow. "You okay?" he asked in an undertone. One thing Nessie liked about Jazz: the guy knew when not to be loud.

"Yeah, fine," Nessie said, despite the fact that her itching had brought blood to the surface of her skin, as she saw when she pulled her sleeve up.

"Here," Jasper said. He took some healing gel from his bag. "Still get the itch sometimes myself," he said with a friendly smile at Nessie's raised eyebrow. Jasper had absolutely no ego. Like Emmett, he would just tell the truth. Edward did, too, when he was not being cocky. Or secretive. Or protective. Or...no, actually, Edward just had his own rules when it came to the truth.

"Thanks." Nessie squeezed a small amount onto the tip of her finger, glad she had gone with the fingerless gloves today, and rubbed it into her skin. Soothing coolness seeped into her skin. She knew the itch was merely a psychological manifestation but it was still bloody annoying.

"How long you been clean?" Jasper asked, addict to addict.

"Nearly eight months. It took me time to get off the stuff or it would be over nine by now."

"Don't beat yourself up, Ness. That's great! Not everyone can quit cold turkey. You've got to find your own way."

"Did you stop cold turkey?" Nessie asked.

"Yeah," a dark look crossed Jasper's face. "My parents' solution was to lock me in rehab. I was screaming my lungs out for seventy days before they let me go and we got sent here."

"But you kept going," Nessie said. "You didn't just relapse as soon as your parents were out of the way."

"Yeah, thanks to therapy. Got to love the therapist, huh?" Jasper gave a smile that showed off his white teeth but was not exactly friendly. It was kind of frightening.

"I hate that part," Nessie said, hugging herself. "I don't want to talk about my feelings. How is talking about them with someone whose paid to be there going to help?"

Jasper nodded. "Just keep going, Ness. I've been clean for nearly eighteen months, now."

"Does it get easier?"

Jasper thought about it for a moment. "Truthfully? No. You're always holding yourself back, not putting yourself into that situation. But it's better than being dead. If I had kept going the way I was, no way would I be alive right now."

"I don't know where I would be," Nessie said softly. "Screaming trapped in my own head probably."

Under the table, Jasper brushed his hand against hers – it was not a hand hold exactly, but it was enough to give the girl comfort. "You can do this, Nessie. It's about control. Don't give your control up to something that hurts you."

"And what are you guys talking about?" Alice chirped, looking over at them.

"Nothing you would understand," Jasper said gently. He kissed Alice on the cheek so she would know not to take offense.

"Nothing important," Nessie put in. On the other side of the table, Nessie saw Edward clocking the rash mark on the inside of her elbow. Damn it but he noticed everything. She rolled her sleeves back down and shook her head, giving him a smile – _it's nothing to worry about._

Slowly, Edward looked away. He did not look happy, but he did not press the issue.

"So, our birthday celebrations," Rosalie said. "We were thinking something small, you know. Nothing fancy."

Edward and Nessie exchanged a look – Rosalie didn't want anything fancy? What had they missed?

"What Rosalie means to say it that she doesn't want a big party where I can get my hands on some drugs," Jasper said, smiling at his sister, who glared in return.

"I was trying to be discreet," Rosalie said, her voice sharp like broken glass.

"Don't," Jasper advised. "It's not your style."

Rosalie folded her arms in a huff and Emmett kissed her temple but when it did nothing he left her to it, leaving his arm across the back of her shoulders.

"So, what do you want to do?" Alice asked. They could see her practically glow, her excitement palpable.

"Nothing big," Jasper said. "Maybe dinner."

"Okay," Alice said, already planning the menu while trying to get around the 'not big' idea.

"I don't see why we're bothering," Jasper said. "It's not like Mum and Dad are even coming to see us."

"Your parents aren't coming to see you on your birthday?" Nessie asked.

Jasper shook his head. "They have some important social functions to attend to, according to their note. They couldn't possibly miss them without inciting further rumour which, they were keen to point out, our family has had enough of in recent years."

"Jesus, your parents suck," Nessie said. If it was one thing that pissed her off, other than psycho boyfriends and Miley Cyrus, it was family that were not there for each other. Especially parents that were not there for their kids.

"They're our parents. And they've got important things to do," Rosalie argued. Their parents' indifference had always stung her deeply – no matter how hard she tried to be perfect they still did not notice. Rationalising didn't really help but she made excuses for them anyway.

"More important than their children?" Nessie said, disgusted. "Their flesh and blood?"

"You wouldn't understand high society," Rosalie said with a haughty flick of her hair.

"Thank fuck for that," Nessie said emphatically. She didn't bother to correct Rose – even the Hales didn't really know what part the Volturi family played in the global social arena.

Emmett laughed at his sister. She was not being a wallflower around the Hales anymore, that was for sure.

"Okay, so low key dinner, just us, Mum, Dad, your grandmother. Who else should we invite?" Alice said. The last five minutes had gone straight over her head as she planned the menu and seating arrangement on the back of her geometry assignment.

"Who, all our friends?" Nessie said sarcastically.

"We know people," Alice said plaintively.

"Not in this state," Nessie argued.

"We got to know people at the beach," Alice pointed out.

"Hey, maybe we should invite Jacob for Nessie," Emmett teased.

"You're close enough for me to kick, you know," Nessie glowered as they rest of them laughed.

"Should I be coming?" Bella asked. "I mean if it's a family thing."

Rosalie looked like she wanted to agree which was why it was Jasper that said, "of course you should come, Bella. It wouldn't be right without you."

"Uh, couples," Nessie groaned.

"Maybe you _should_ get someone, Nessie. You don't want to be the only one without a date," Rosalie said sweetly earning a pinch from Emmett.

"I won't be. Your grandmother's single, isn't she?" Nessie asked Jasper.

"Yeah, has been since Gramps died in '95," Jasper said.

"Fine, I'll sit with her. We can swap...knitting patterns." Nessie poked her food with her fork, absolutely thrilled with the idea. Not.

"Where are we going to have this dinner?" Edward asked.

"I don't know," Alice said, nibbling the end of her pencil. Alice never chewed – it wasn't ladylike.

"It's our birthday," Jasper said. "Shouldn't it be at ours?"

"But if Mum's going to do the cooking – and you know she'll want to – it'll be easier to have it at ours," Alice said.

"Won't that leave you with the cleanup, too, though?" Jasper asked.

"No," Alice said, smiling sweetly at Emmett. "It will leave Emmett with the cleanup."

"Nice," said Emmett. "Just because I'm the only one that can't cook."

"You can cook, Em," Edward said. "You just set fire to the oven while you're at it."

"That was an accident!" Emmett said, pointing at his brother. "No one told me fat was flammable!"

"I thought it was common knowledge," Edward said.

The bell rang, saving the conversation from escalating.

Nessie walked slowly to her class. To be the seventh wheel, or to be the abused girlfriend. That, apparently, was the question.

She was still trying to figure out her own mind a couple of days later when she went to the supermarket with her mother. She wandered around the aisles, enjoying the anonymity, the space, the light of the place, as her mother loaded up for the dinner on Saturday night. They had left it until now, Friday, to buy the ingredients since Esme did proper formal dinners – something she had been able to perfect in Italy – which meant one fish course, and she always, _always_ bought the fish fresh.

"Nessie, prawn cocktail for starters, or salmon en cruet for the third course?" Esme asked.

"Prawn cocktail – keep it light," Nessie said, running her finger along the edge of the freezer, enjoying the bite of the cold.

"Prawn it is," Esme said, talking to the man behind the fish counter. He gave her enough for ten people and they headed off.

It was uneventful, normal, and completely ordinary. Perfect, as far as Nessie was concerned. Then Esme left her at the magazine rack while she got the bits and bobs Nessie never saw the point in buying – place names, ribbon, that kind of thing. Esme kept glancing back until she turned the corner – she understood the whole leave Nessie alone more frequently, prove you trust her thing that the therapist was advocating, but it was still hard.

Nessie was reaching for a car magazine in the rack when another hand reached for it, too. They got there at the same time.

"Sorry," Nessie said, taking her hand back.

"No, you take it," came a pleasant voice. "Probably shouldn't send five dollars on pictures of cars, anyway."

"Tell me about it," Nessie said, turning to look at the owner of the hand.

It was Jacob.

"Jacob. Hi," Nessie said, suddenly feeling a lot warmer than she had a few seconds ago. Damn redheads and their ability to blush – if it was an Olympic sport, she would walk away with the silver. Gold would have to go to Bella.

"Hi, Nessie. How are you?" Jacob asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, I'm good. How about you? How's it going with the Rabbit?"

"Slow," he admitted. "Getting the parts is taking time. You don't know where I could find a master cylinder, do you?" he asked, smiling.

He had a really nice smile – wide, friendly, genuine.

"Uh, haven't got one on me but I could give you the number of a guy in Seattle. He's got a restoration business but he doesn't get you to pay through the ...nose for parts." Nessie had been going to say 'ass' but automatically checked herself. She didn't know why – Esme was not around so lady-like language was not that big a deal.

"Hey, thanks, that would be great," Jacob said. "I've tried the junk yard but no joy."

"Hey, Jacob, what's taking so long? Oh, I see," came another voice. The teenagers looked around to see a man in a wheelchair, with the same long (though not as long as Jacob's) straight black hair and sparkling dark eyes as Jacob.

"Dad, this is Nessie," Jacob said. "Nessie, this is my dad."

"Hey, Mr. Black," Nessie said, shaking his hand.

"Forget the Mr. Black – makes me feel old, Billy is just fine," Billy said.

"Okay, Billy, cool." Nessie nodded.

"So, _this _is Nessie," Billy said, smiling at his son. Jacob blushed and shifted, embarrassed. "Nice to meet you. Jacob's told me a lot about you."

"Really," Nessie said, surprised. "We only met at the beach party."

"And Jacob's spent the last three weeks talking about you, haven't you, Jake?" Billy asked his son, still grinning.

"Thanks, Dad, that's great," Jacob said. He let his hair fall forward, which he was wearing loose instead of in a ponytail like last time, hiding his crimson cheeks.

Billy chuckled. "No problem, son, any time."

Nessie smiled at the teasing exchange – there was obvious affection between these two. It reminded her of her dad with her brothers.

"So, you talk about me, huh?" Nessie asked gently, joining in the gentle ribbing of the boy.

"It may have come up in conversation," Jacob said. "About the Rabbit."

"And about music. And the weather. And the environment," Billy listed.

"Okay, you need to stop talking now," Jacob said.

Nessie and Billy laughed gently. She was enjoying herself. Then Esme came over.

"Nessie?" her mother's voice was, understandably, slightly panicked at the sight of Nessie talking to two strangers.

"Hey, Mum, we done?"

"I'm Billy Black," said Billy, holding out his hand to Esme. "And this is my son, Jacob. Apparently, these two met at the beach."

"Oh, hello," Esme said, taking Billy's hand visibly calmer. "Very nice to meet you, I'm Esme Cullen and, well, I guess you already know Nessie."

"We were just talking, Mum," Nessie said.

"Oh, it's fine," Esme said. "Wait, Jacob? Is that the boy you were talking about?"

It was Nessie's turn to blush while Jacob smiled smugly.

"No," Nessie said through gritted teeth. "_Emmett and Edward and Alice _were talking about Jacob. I was leaving the room as fast as humanly possible."

"So," Jacob said, mimicking the teasing voice Nessie had used not so long ago. "You talk about me, huh?"

"Shut up, Black," Nessie said. Billy and Jacob laughed – they even had the same low, husky laugh.

"Nessie, be polite," Esme said, slightly confused by her daughter's reaction.

"Oh, it's alright. We were teasing Jacob a couple of minutes ago. Now the shoe is on the other foot," Billy explained.

"And it feels good," Jacob grinned.

"Can we go?" Nessie asked her mother.

Esme laughed. "With three siblings you should be used to this."

"That's different," Nessie mumbled.

They didn't go. Nessie and Jacob ended up poring over the magazine they both wanted while Esme and Billy talked in general. They talked about common ground – the Swans, mostly, given that Billy's best friend was Charlie Swan, whose daughter, Bella, was dating Esme's son, Edward.

"Seems hostilities have ended," Esme said, looking over with Billy at the two teenagers now sat on the floor so they could go over the magazine better. "Do you have any idea what they are on about?"

"Something about...something," Billy said. "When it comes to cars, I leave it to Jacob. Seems sensible, since I can't drive anymore."

"Yes," Esme said, not sure how to proceed.

"Don't be embarrassed, I'm not," Billy assured her. "Ask what you like."

"How did it happen?" Esme ask.

"Diabetes," Billy said. There was no sadness in his voice.

"Oh."

"Don't worry. Had diabetes my whole life – known since I was ten this may happen eventually. Not as bad as I thought it might be. I can still fish, and as long as I have that, I'm okay."

Esme laughed. "It must help having such a positive outlook on life."

Billy shrugged. "No point being miserable – got kids to raise. Of course, the girls are gone now, but I still got Jacob to give me from getting down."

"Tell me about it," said Esme. "I have another three at home and they do keep you on your toes. I thought it would be easier as they got older but you find that now you've got different things to listen for – a key in the door after curfew instead of toddlers running into tables."

"Ah, don't have too much of that at ours," Billy said. "Jacob's a good boy. And we don't have that many rules, given that it's just him and me."

"Oh, your wife..."

"Died ten years ago, car crash. Jake was tiny," Billy said. For the first time the smile slipped and there was sadness in the wise old eyes.

"I'm so sorry, I can't imagine," Esme said truthfully. She could not imagine losing the one she loved – with Carlisle she didn't want to. She had lost Charles she supposed, but then she hadn't really loved him.

"I'm glad," Billy said. "You don't want to."

Esme's phone went off. She answered it and Billy laughed at the 'yes, yes, no you can't, yes I'll get it, uh huh, uh huh, love you too' end of her conversation. "One of the other three?" he asked.

"Yes, my eldest, Emmett," Esme said, putting her phone away. "Trying to make sure I've got everything while sneaking in permission to be out past curfew tonight."

"Got to love their ability to argue a point, don't you?" Billy asked.

"Yes, or you'd throttle them," Esme said, lovingly.

"So, how old are yours?" Billy asked.

"Emmett is eighteen, Edward and Alice are both seventeen and Nessie is fifteen," Esme said.

"Sixteen in two months," Nessie pitched in from the floor.

"Four kids in three years," Billy whistled. "Impressive."

"It's more complicated than that," Esme said. "I'm surprised you don't know. Our family tree seems to be hot gossip in Forks."

"Ah, well, that explains it. We're from La Push."

"Oh, well, this is our second marriage for both me and my husband, Carlisle. We both had two children from our first marriage."

"How long have you been married?" Billy asked.

"nine years, come August third," Esme said, beaming.

"Well, congratulations," Billy said. "Good you all are so close. Do they see their biological parents?"

"Hell no," Nessie said from the floor. Jacob grinned at her forcefulness.

"That's a shame," Billy said.

"Not really," Nessie said. "One's a selfish, neglectful, absentee mother and the other is an abusive alcoholic."

"Nessie," Esme said.

"It's true," Nessie said.

"It's also not something you talk about in a supermarket," Esme chided gently.

Nessie shrugged. "Don't see why we should hide it. It's not like everyone doesn't know anyway."

"Yes, well," Esme said. "We should go – your brother is convinced he will pass out if he doesn't eat soon."

"Dear Lord, has it been an hour already?" Nessie quipped. Jacob laughed and stood up, holding out his hand. Taking it, Nessie got hauled to her feet. Interesting, since out of the two of them Nessie was the graceful one. Esme saw that Jacob had a lot of foot to grow into – Emmett had gone through the exact same thing, though his height seemed to be slowing down now. Finally. He was already 6'5".

"Come on, you," Esme said. "Let's get this home." To Billy and Jacob she said, "it was very nice meeting you. You should come around for dinner sometime."

"Look forward to it," Billy said, tipping the cowboy hat he wore. "We'll organise it through the kids, shall we?"

"Might as well," Esme said.

"Bye, Nessie, see you Sunday," Jacob said waving.

"Sunday. See you, Jacob." Nessie walked backwards to talk to him before turning in a fluid half circle to walk normally next to her mother.

"Already got a date, huh, Jacob?" Billy said.

"It's not a date," Jacob stumbled. "It's a car putting together thing. It's...ah, Dad!"

Billy just laughed.

"He's nice," Esme said, as they loaded the bags into the car.

"Uh huh," Nessie said. Conversation was not easy with a lollipop in the mouth. Not without dribbling. Nessie knew this from experience.

"So, you're going out with him this Sunday?" Esme asked.

Nessie hit her head on the trunk as she lowered it to close. "Ouch! What? No, I'm just going over to his to see if I can help with the car. I've built a Volkswagen before, I may be useful."

"Oh, okay," Esme said, in that non-committal, I'm not interested way parents use. Damn reverse psychology.

"I mean it! It's not a date!" Nessie said, once again getting het up and not knowing why.

"I know, hon. Oh, could you put the trolley back and I'll pull the car around?"

Nessie took the trolley back to the bay and ran through the rain to the car.

"Hello!" Esme trilled, opening the door and stepping aside so Rosalie, Jasper and their grandmother, Nicola. "Come on in, it's lovely to have you here!"

"Hey, Esme, it's great for you to do this," Jasper said, handing her the bunch of lilies as they kissed each other on the cheeks.

"Jasper, these are beautiful!" Esme said, accepting the flowers. "You didn't have to bring these, it's your birthday!"

Jasper, ever the Southern gentleman, shrugged nonchalantly, "I had a good day."

"Rosalie, you look lovely as ever," Esme said, kissing the older by twenty minutes twin sister.

"Thanks, I know," Rosalie said, preening as she smoothed the red halter dress that fell to her knees. The deep V-neck showed off her cleavage to a great degree but the length of the skirt made it provocative instead of slutty.

* * *

"Hello, I'm Esme Cullen," Esme said, holding out her hand to shake with their grandmother.

Nicola took Esme by the tips of the fingers – the upper class way of saying 'I'm better than you and I know it, you little commoner' or in this case 'new money'. Because clearly, old money could never be friendly. Esme raised an eyebrow but upbringing and personality forbade her from talking about it.

Esme led them through to the living room where the rest of the Cullens were waiting for them. Like Jasper, Carlisle, Emmett and Edward were all in suits. Since it was a family-esque dinner, they had all forgone ties and left their tip buttons undone. Esme was wearing an oyster coloured sequined affair, brightened by the blue of her eyes and the emeralds Carlisle had given her. Alice was in a simple black dress which was striking against her pale skin, forcing Nessie into the simple, elegantly cut emerald green dress that brought out the colour of _her_ eyes and complimented the red of her hair. She had black satin, over the elbow gloves and a thick silver bangle. Even Alice couldn't budge her on that.

They got introduced, Nessie seriously contemplated head-butting Nicola, and they turned to the presents on the piano.

"This is from Carlisle and me," Esme said, holding out a present to each of the twins. Opening them, Rosalie found a delicate silver bracelet while Jasper had a watch.

"Thank you," Rosalie said. She held it out to Esme who put it on Rosalie's wrist.

"It's traditional in my family to give a watch to a male on his eighteenth birthday," Carlisle said quietly so only Jasper could hear him.

Jasper bowed his head, tears making the watch before him swim. They dried before he looked up to thank Carlisle. They had a brief guy-hug before Jasper got out a thank you. "You know we already think of you and Rosalie as family, Jasper," Carlisle said softly.

Jasper nodded. His own father had never been that bothered about him – the only time he was not ignoring his son was when he was berating him. Rosalie thanked Carlisle and kissed him on the cheek while Jasper got a hug from Esme.

"Thanks," he said in her ear.

"I hope you like it, sweetheart," Esme said, leaning back to look Jasper in the eye.

"It's beautiful," he assured her.

"This is from me," Edward said when the Hales had turned back to the piano. He had gotten Rosalie a gilt mirror and Jasper a painting by his favourite, if unknown, artist. "Figured you wouldn't like anything more than your own face," Edward said to her. Rosalie smiled sarcastically – Edward still did not like her and she hated it.

"This is fantastic, Edward, thank you!" Jasper said, holding the picture at arm's length to look at it. It was a simple charcoal sketch, black and white with no fuss or frills. It depicted a beach with mountains rising in the background. Jasper could imagine how peaceful it must be in a place like that.

"Glad you like it," Edward said.

"Here, this is mine," Nessie said. She had gotten Rosalie a low cut, long sleeve top in her favourite attention-grabbing red.

"Thank you, Nessie," Rosalie said.

"Don't worry about it," Nessie said, less upbeat than the situation merited. She still had not decided how to deal with the Royce-Rosalie-Emmett situation she knew about.

"Did you make this yourself?" Jasper said, holding up the wristband with intricately sown words and a symbol.

"Yeah," Nessie said.

"'Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm'" Jasper read.

"It's a Chinese proverb. And that's the symbol for serenity," Nessie said. "I thought it might help you remember what you're doing this for. You know, when you get the itch," Nessie said, smiling as she thought of the conversation they had had at lunch that week.

"Thank you, Nessie," Jasper said, slipping the leather band on.

"S'okay, Jazz, you don't have to wear it. It's not big like the others but, you know, it's the thought that counts and everything."

"Yeah, thanks," Jasper gave her a quick hug, seeing how uncomfortable she was in the spotlight.

"Okay, beautiful moment over, here's mine," Emmett said. Rosalie opened a jewellery box to find a beautiful silver necklace with a teardrop shaped pendant with a diamond in the middle. Jasper had two tickets to see his favourite band. "Hey, thanks, man!" he said.

"No problem," Emmett said, walking over to put the necklace on Rosalie. He kissed her neck where he had fastened the chain. Rosalie beamed at the obvious affection and adoration Emmett showed. Everyone but Nessie and Nicola smile at the pair; Nessie glowered while Nicola looked disapproving.

"Here's mine, before we lose momentum," said Alice. Jasper took his and kissed Alice on the forehead. Rosalie took hers with a smile. Opening hers, Rosalie pulled out a wicked pair of stiletto heels.

"Nice, Alice, thank you," Rosalie said to the avid shopper.

Next to her, Jasper held a photo album. Turning over the pages slowly, he took in every picture, every hand-done decoration. Every picture was of him and Alice, or him and Alice and other people. He knew Alice took a lot of pictures – no one escaped her camera – but he did not think she did anything with them.

"There are more pages to be filled." Alice said, gently turning to the last filled page so he could see. "You said your parents never made a family album. Edward loves the album Nessie made him for his birthday – I thought you might, too." Jasper looked from the album to Alice. He grabbed her and kissed her fiercely, completely out doing Emmett's kiss. Emmett wolf-whistled while the others smiled.

"So you like it, then," Alice said, holding on to the front of Jasper's jacket.

"I love it," Jasper said. "And I love you."

"I love you, too," Alice said beaming.

"Great!" Emmett said. "Now let's eat."

"Hold on," Jasper said. "Where's Bella?"

"Couldn't make it," Edward said, looking dejected.

"What a shame," Rosalie said, not looking at all upset.

"Yeah, I can see you're all choked up," Edward said. The others filed into the dining room but Carlisle and Esme stayed to talk to Edward.

"Did she not want to come?" Carlisle asked quietly.

"Her and Rosalie don't exactly get on," Edward said. "And the whole money thing doesn't help. I told her we could go halves, meaning I would pay for it, but she wouldn't."

"It's a shame, it would have been lovely for her to be here," Esme said. "What is she doing tonight instead then?"

"I think Charlie's taken her to the Blacks for something," Edward said.

"At least she's with friends, then," Esme said.

"I think we should get to the table before we are missed," Carlisle said, leading them in to where the polished mahogany table was laid with a white table cloth, silverware and Wedgewood china.

"I'll tell Sylvia we're ready to serve," Esme said, going to the kitchen while Carlisle and Edward went to the dining room. Sylvia was a waitress in the only half-formal restaurant in Forks who was getting paid time and a half to work on her night off.

Esme went to the dining room and sat at the head of the table opposite Carlisle. "Dinner will be served momentarily," she said. Carlisle looked at his wife, the graceful way she moved. He caught her eye and winked at her. Esme blushed, but smiled and winked back. The seven year itch had not gotten to them – ten years on they were still mad about each other. 'Later' he mouthed. Esme smiled suggestively. None of their children or their guests had noticed the smouldering looks thanks to the arrival of food.

Five delicious courses later, everyone was sipping coffee, wondering if anyone would notice if they loosened their belts.

"Well, it was a lovely meal but we really should be going," Nicola Hale said.

"Grandmother, it's barely ten o'clock," Jasper said.

"I know, but we really should go," Nicola said.

They rose from the table and Jasper and Rosalie collected their presents from the living room.

"Thank you for the evening," Jasper said to Carlisle and Esme. "Sorry about the unexpected end; she does that. I am sorry if it made you uncomfortable."

"It's alright," Esme said, kissing his cheek in goodbye. "As long as you enjoyed yourselves."

They made their goodbyes and Nessie shut the door behind them with a neat snap. "So, it is just me or do you not like her?"

"Is Rosalie going to be like that when she's seventy?" Edward asked. "Because then I may not be able to be civil to her."

"Do you have to needle Rosalie?" Emmett asked the two of them.

"She deserves it," Nessie said, folding her arms over her chest. "You have no idea how much she deserves that."

"What does that mean?" Emmett asked.

"Nothing," Nessie said, trying to push past him to get to the stairs.

"Uh uh," Emmett said, grabbing her arm. "You don't say something like that and follow it up with 'nothing'."

"It doesn't matter," Nessie said. "You know I don't like her. Can I go now?"

"You said you would give her a chance," Emmett said.

"I did," Nessie said. With that cryptic remark, she walked up the stairs and went to bed.

_Review now please!_


	25. Fixing up the Rabbit

_I changed a little something ever so slightly – Jacob is older than he is in Twilight so is in the year/grade below Bella at school not two years below, born 14__th__ January 1989, not 1990. At this point he is a sophomore with Nessie, while Edward, Bella and Alice are juniors and the Hales and Emmett are seniors. Little point, not that important. Just wanted to make it clear before people started being like, 'but Jacob's TWO grades below, Bella, not one!' I know, okay? But my fiction, my rules._

_Thanks to EsmeAliceRose, BriBri, teambillyblackakaMamaWolf, dazzleglo, angietwikitten, and and (just like to say that's an awesome pen name by the way!) Some of you I really should have added to my dictionary by now! And thanks to angietwikitten and aboeglin for the favourites!_

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Chapter Twenty-five – Fixing up the Rabbit

The next day, Nessie woke up, got dressed in a top with long, tight sleeves with thumb holes and torn jeans (leaving the gloves behind since she was going to be working on the car), and headed down to breakfast.

"Morning, baby girl," Esme said, pouring coffee into two mugs and handing one to Carlisle. "What can I get you?"

"Nothing, thanks," Nessie said.

"You okay, honey?" Esme asked. "You look a little pale."

"Feel kind of nauseous, actually," Nessie said, taking a seat at the breakfast table.

Carlisle went into doctor mode and laid his hand on her forehead, asking when it had started. When she woke up, or last night? Did she have any pain anywhere? What kind of pain was it?

Nessie gently pushed his hand away, squeezing it to show she appreciated his concern. "There's nothing wrong with me, Dad, I swear. It's purely psychological."

"Worried about today?" Esme asked, brushing the hair away from Nessie's forehead. "Because you don't have to go. You can call and say you're not going if you want."

"But I do want to go," Nessie said. "And that is what is making me nauseous."

"One of us can go with you if you want," Esme offered. "Edward would probably be quite helpful."

"No," Nessie said, taking a slice of buttered toast. "I'm going. On my own. And I'll be fine. Or abducted again. Either way, I'm on my cell." She kissed each parent on the cheek and left to grab her duffel bag from the garage.

"So, whose taking me?" she asked, walking back into the house.

"Me," Emmett said, flicking his keys over his finger back and forth.

Nessie's eyes widened. "Oh god, no."

"Oh yes," Emmett said, an evil grin spreading across his face. "And I'm meeting him, too."

"You are not."

"Why not?"

"Because death by fright is not a good way to go for a sixteen year old boy."

"And getting knocked up is not a good lifestyle choice for a fifteen year old girl."

Nessie rolled her eyes. "I can't wait until I can drive legally."

* * *

They pulled up outside of a small red-painted house that looked kind of like a barn. "Okay, thanks for the ride, you can go now, I'll call you when I need you," Nessie said, unsnapping her seatbelt. But Emmett was already out of the Jeep heading to the front door. Nessie picked her bag up off the floor and hurled herself from the high car. She hurried after her brother but since a lot of his 6'5" frame was made up of powerfully muscled leg, Emmett got to the door and knocked on it before Nessie got anywhere near him.

Jacob opened the door, expecting to see Nessie, not the Incredible Hulk's less green big brother. His normal smile faded into one of surprise as his eyes travel up the heavily muscled form, not really hidden by the artfully faded jeans hugging Emmett's long legs and the long sleeve shirt that clung to the barrel-chest and huge biceps.

"Hey," Emmett said, smiling toothily, when Jacob got to his eyes. "I'm Nessie's big brother, Emmett." He extended his hand which Jacob shook. Nessie winced inwardly at the sound of Jacob's knuckles cracking. "So, Nessie will be calling me when she wants to come home." Emmett had not released Jacob's hand and used it to pull him closer until they were inches part, Emmett towering over Jacob. "She best be happy when she calls, or I'll be cracking more than your knuckles, understand?"

Jacob gulped and nodded.

"Good," Emmett said, letting Jacob go, who stumbled back a couple of paces, flexing and rubbing his knuckles. Emmett turned to Nessie, all nice and smiley again, and kissed her forehead. "Call me when you're ready."

"I'm going to die a virgin, aren't I?" Nessie said.

"Damn skippy, kid," Emmett said. He clapped a huge hand on Jacob's shoulder, making the younger man's knees buckle.

"Go now," Nessie begged. "Please. I love you but go."

Emmett smiled and strode back to the Jeep.

"So...that's Emmett when he's not wrapped up in Rosalie," Jacob said.

"Yeah," Nessie said. "He's only like that once. He's actually really easy going. Edward's the brooder – he knows how to hold a grudge."

"Wonderful," Jacob said, running his hand through his hair.

"Hey, kids," Billy said, wheeling in from the kitchen.

"Hey, Billy," Nessie said, waving. She liked Jacob's dad – like Jacob, there was something very soothing about his mere presence. It was nice to be around.

"Game's on," Billy said, explaining in two words where he would be all day. "Sodas are in the fridge. Don't be afraid to order pizza, there's money on the counter."

"Thanks, Dad."

"Thanks, Billy."

Billy waved over his shoulder as he wheeled into the living room.

"So, the garage is out here," Jacob said, leading the way to a building that was actually two sheds nailed together with their inner walls taken out.

"Your dad can't get in here, can he?" Nessie said, looking at the uneven ground.

"No, he can't," Jacob said, opening the door and snapping on the light.

"Must be nice to have one place no one else can get to," Nessie said looking around. "The grand canyon, a river of lava and a lake of boiling tar ringing a mountain on top of which you have a small place to yourself could not stop my family."

"You sound annoyed by that," Jacob said.

"Not really," Nessie said. "At least, not before they started treating me like a china doll. Before I started feeling like one. Back then, it was a nice backup."

"But now it does," Jacob surmised.

Nessie shrugged. "I'm trying to get back to the way things were. But the harder I try the more I realise there is no going back. I'm a different person now."

"Maybe you're tougher."

"Maybe I'm brittle," Nessie said, leaning against the wall. She looked at him. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Jacob asked.

"Get me to talk," she said, looking him up and down. "My family has been trying for six months."

Jacob shrugged. "Maybe it was just time for you to talk."

Nessie shook her head. "No, it's you. You're...comfortable."

"That's what every guy wants to hear," Jacob smiled.

"I didn't mean it like that," Nessie said quickly.

Jacob waved a hand. "It's okay, Nessie. Say what you like, I won't take offence."

Nessie nodded, taking a beat to look around the garage. "So, where's this car?"

Jacob walked to the middle of the garage and pulled the dust cover off the car.

"1976 Volkswagen Rabbit," Nessie said, running a hand down one side of the car, over the trunk and up the other side to stand next to Jacob. "A good car," she said, looking down at her hand on the hood.

"It'll be better when it runs," Jacob said. "Unfortunately, without parts we have come to a standstill."

"Good thing I brought this," Nessie said, grabbing her bag and unzipping it on the hood. She offered it to Jacob who took out a piece of metal.

"You brought a master cylinder with you?" Jacob asked, slightly awed.

Nessie shrugged. "My mother taught me it was rude to go to someone's house with a gift."

"Your mum is awesome!" Jacob said, turning the car part over and over in his hands.

"So, you like it?" Nessie asked.

"Yeah, I like, but there's no way I can take it!" Jacob said.

"Why not?" Nessie asked, taking the cylinder that Jacob held out.

"Because, car parts are expensive!" Jacob said.

"Not when you get it from a junkyard," Nessie said, holding out the part.

"I'll probably owe you a share in the car by the end."

"So, you sell the cars you build?" Nessie asked.

"Car," Jacob corrected. "I've only built this one so far. But I worked plenty on the truck we had before."

"So, what are you going to with it when we're done?" asked Nessie.

"Do with it?" asked Jacob, perplexed. "Well, drive it, I suppose."

"So, you're going to keep it?" Jacob nodded. "Don't worry about the share, then." She lifted the hood and peered in, getting to grips with what was under there and what was still to be done.

"Any experience with this kind of thing?" Jacob asked, leaning on the front of the car next to her.

"Stated learning when I was six. Built about a dozen cars and motorcycles in the last ten years. No idea how many I've fixed."

He gave a low whistle. "What do you do with them after?" Jacob asked.

Nessie shrugged. "Sell them to make money for the next one. Apart from one bike – that's mine. Fell in love with her when I was building her, wouldn't sell her for anything."

"What was it?" Jacob asked, curious.

"1969 Triumph Bonneville," said Nessie.

"Sweet," Jacob said appreciatively.

Nessie nodded. "It is a beautiful machine. I can't wait until I have my licence and don't have to think about when and where to ride her."

"Tell me about it," Jacob said. "I was itching to get my licence. Then Charlie bought the truck for Bella and we didn't have anything for me to drive – it'll be so much easier after the car is done."

"We should get going then," Nessie said, fishing her overalls out of the bag and putting them on over her jeans, tying the sleeves together so they stayed on her hips.

"Sweet," Jacob said again.

"Marcus, the guy that taught me about engines, my great-great uncle, gave them to me. Marcus likes everyone in his garage to match. And Mum insists on me being kept clean and oil-free."

"Billy's not all that bothered," Jacob shrugged as he laid out his tools.

"Nothing seems to bother you or your dad," Nessie said, starting to work on the car.

"I don't suppose it does," Jacob said. "Does that bother you?" he grinned.

Nessie shook her head meekly, the way James had always liked. When she realised she was leaning with her head in the hood of the car out of Jacob's sight, she spoke. "No."

"So, we are both not bothered," Jacob said. "Good."

"Jay-cob!" came a voice, drawing out the name.

"Ug," Jacob let his head fall forward onto his chest. "Brace yourself."

"Huh?" Nessie asked, but two boys were already coming through the door. One was as tall and gangly as Jacob, while the other was shorter and more muscular. Of which he seemed well aware.

"Jay-cob!" the taller one said again.

"And friend," said the other, his gaze raking Nessie up and down, openly flirtatious and admiring.

Nessie stayed by the car, folding her arms over stomach, one hand gripping a wrench. She had been too young to get looks like that from guys, then she had been with James and had been terrified of getting those looks – though skittish girls did not often get those kinds of looks no matter what James had thought and reacted badly to. Now, for the better part of a year, she had been scary, silent goth girl. She had no experience to hark back to on how to deal with what Aro termed 'amorous young suitors'. She was not Rosalie, or Alice, or even Esme whose caramel curls and sweet face still drew attention. She shifted under the interested gaze of the two boys. She should have worn makeup. Lots and lots of scary makeup.

"Nessie, this is Quil Aetera and Embry Call," Jacob said. "Guys, this is Nessie Cullen, from the bonfire, remember?"

"Oh, the one you met at the _supermarket,"_ said the burly one – Nessie knew their names now, but not who was who.

"The one you've been talking about for...how long would you say, Quil?" asked Embry, turning to his friend with mock seriousness.

"Oh, I don't know, Embry," Quil said with the same attitude. "The last month, would you say? Since he met her."

"Oh, yeah," said Embry with fake realisation.

Having crossed the space to stand next to them, Jacob now had his hands in his pockets, crimson tingeing his russet cheeks. "Nessie is helping me out with the car," Jacob said. "She brought a master cylinder with her. We just put it in."

Embry and Quil hurried over to the car to check out the girl's handiwork – Nessie slipped out of the way and looked at them as they surveyed the half-finished engine.

Quil nodded, "not bad, not bad."

"Not bad?" Nessie repeated, affronted. "Sweetheart, I've been working on engines since before you knew how to add."

Behind them, Jacob laughed at the sight of Nessie, with her hands on her hips, squaring up to two guys, the slighter of which had at least twenty pounds on her.

"Is that so?" Quil said, folding his arms over his chest, with an amused smile.

"Yeah, that is so," said Nessie. "I know a lot more about building engines than you do."

Embry laughed, looking from Quil to Nessie and back again.

"Oh ho, really?" Quil peppered her with questions. She answered every one, not getting caught out by the trick questions he threw in.

"Alright," Quil said, running out of questions. He held out his hand. "You know your stuff, girlie, I'll give you that."

"My name is Nessie," she said, shaking his hand, "not girlie. Nessie."

"Alright, _Nessie,_" Quil said. "You have an impressive knowledge of engines, Miss Cullen."

"You have intelligent questions, Mr Aetera."

"Who wants pizza?" Jacob asked, thinking it safe to bring in throwables now hostilities were over.

"Woo," Embry said, looking cheerful, "large and loaded?"

"Sure, Dad left a twenty on the kitchen counter," Jacob said.

"We'll need two for the four of us," Quil said, looking between the lot of them.

"We've only got twenty-" Embry said.

"I'll get the pizza," Nessie said.

"You don't have to," Jacob said.

"I'll make up the difference so we can get two," Nessie said. "No way is one quarter - the _smallest _quarter no doubt – of a pizza enough for me."

"My kind of girl," Embry said, nodding approvingly. "To the phone, Mr Black?"

Jacob swept his arm through the air indicating the door. "After you, Mr Call."

The four of them trooped into the kitchen so Nessie and Jacob could clean up while Quil called the pizza place.

Forty minutes, later Nessie gave the delivery guy thirty dollars and kicked the door shut with one foot.

"Plates?" Nessie asked walking back into the kitchen. Quil, Embry and Jacob looked at her like she was crazy. "Does your dad want some pizza?"

"Good point," said Jacob. "DAD?"

"YEAH?" came Billy's voice from the lounge.

"PIZZA?"

"NO THANKS!"

"He's good," Jacob said, flipping open the boxes. He took a huge bite of pizza and, seeing the smile and shake of Nessie's head, asked, with his mouth full, "what?"

"Just reminded me of my brothers and dad," Nessie said.

They ate the pizza; the boys around the table, Nessie sat on the counter, arguing the pros and cons of various makes and models of cars. When the pizza was done, Jacob threw the boxes into the recycling and they walked back into the garage. Nessie went back to working on the car with Jacob as they talked with Quil and Embry – Nessie found it easier to keep calm about being alone and making conversation with three boys when she had something else to focus on. Maybe that was the key, to put her nervous energy into something.

The conversation was punctured by the shrill ring of a mobile phone. Catching the rag Jacob threw at her, Nessie hurriedly wiped her hands and fished the phone out of her back pocket. "Hello?"

"Hey, Loch, it's Emmett. Are you ready to come home yet?"

Looking at the guys and the progress they had made, Nessie considered. "I suppose so, yeah. Why?"

"Mum and Dad want you safely home before they go out," Emmett said. "Sunday night is date night, remember."

"But they don't go out before seven," Nessie said. Esme and Carlisle went out, just the two of them, every Sunday – helped keep the spark going. At least they had...before. This was the first date they had had in months and had taken this much time to convince that they could leave their children alone for a few hours without one of them disappearing.

"It's six pm, Loch," Emmett said. She could hear the smile in his voice. "You've been over there for seven hours."

"I can't have been," Nessie said. She could only have been here two, three hours tops. But she took the phone away from her ear to check the clock on the screen and low and behold, Emmett was right – it was 5.56pm. "Oh, wow, yeah, you better come get me."

"I'm already half way to you, kid," Emmett said.

"So, why call? Why not just show up?"

"I wanted to give you time to get yourself together in case you were...doing stuff," Emmett said smirking.

"I'll see you in twenty," Nessie said over the sounds of her brother laughing.

"Or, less. Bye," Emmett said, still chortling. They said their goodbyes and hung up. Turning back to the three guys looking at her, Nessie said, "that was Emmett. He's on his way to pick me up; my parents are going out at seven and they want me home by then."

"Okay, cool," Jacob said.

Nessie untied the sleeves of her overalls and pushed them down her legs, rolling them up and stuffing them in her small duffel bag.

"Yeah, we should head out, too, now the hot girl's leaving," Quil said, tapping Embry with the back of his hand on his chest and getting up from where they were sat. Nessie gave a start but no one else seemed to pay attention to Quil's comment.

"Aren't you grounded?" Jacob asked Quil.

"Yes, which is why I should get home before curfew," Quil said, completely unabashed. But he and Embry didn't leave which meant Jacob had to ask his question in front of an audience.

"So," he began, slapping a wrench into the palm of one hand over and over until he realised it could be construed as threatening so he let it hang loosely by his side. "Um," he scratched his head, wishing his friends were gone instead of stood there, smirking at him. "You want to do it again? Work on the car, I mean?" he said quickly. Quil and Embry's grins got wider and Jacob was about to throw the wrench at them when Nessie looked at him.

"Yeah, okay. The car's got a lot of work to do but with the two of us it should only take a couple of months."

"Yeah, that sounds good. So, during the week then? Or is this strictly a weekend thing?"

"I've got to keep my grades up so I'll probably only be able to come over once a week." Nessie didn't look too happy at that, which Jacob found cheering.

"Is that like a parent thing?" Jacob asked.

"No, it's like a school thing," Nessie said, grimacing. "I maintain a 4.0 grade point average for the whole year or they kick me out."

"That's a little harsh, don't you think?" Embry asked, looking at her.

Nessie shrugged. "They didn't have to let me in. Some stuff happened to me which meant I didn't finish my freshman year. This was the agreement we all made – me, my sister, my brothers – and I'm doing okay."

"How do you keep a 4.0 grade point average?" Quil asked stunned.

"Three words: priority extra credit," Nessie said. "I live for extra credit."

"How do you have time for anything else?" Jacob asked.

"I never really do anything else anyway. It's only for this year. A few more months of this and I'm home free," Nessie said.

The rectangle of light spilling in through the open door was abruptly cut off, gaining their attention. Emmett stood there, alarmingly huge to the two Quileutes who had only seen him once from a distance. To Jacob, who had been threatened by him only that morning, he seemed huge and scary.

Frankly, Emmett was stunned. His baby sister, who had been so fucked up she barely spoke even to her family for most of a year, was freely and easily conversing with three guys she didn't really know. Even the Nessie she had been before meeting James would not be as at ease as she was now. She was toughening up, finding herself. "Hey, Loch, you ready to go?"

"Yeah, sure," Nessie said, slinging her duffel over one shoulder.

"So, next Sunday?" Jacob asked.

Nessie bit her lip. "I'm not sure if I can, I've got one of those extra credit assignments due for History. Can we play it by ear?"

"Sure, sure," Jacob said. "It's cool."

"Okay, I'll give you a call and we'll see when we can do this again," said Nessie.

"Sure."

Nessie was about to walk out when Quil pitched in, "you're going to need his number."

"Oh, right." Nessie handed Jacob her mobile so he could put in his number as they walked to Emmett's Jeep. "You got a piece of paper and a pen?" She asked her big brother. He raised an eyebrow by got in and rummaged through the glove compartment as Nessie got in the passenger seat. "Here," he said, handing her an old faded receipt and a pencil. Quickly, Nessie scrawled two numbers on the back and handed it to Jacob who was leaning against her door. "The first is my home, the second is my cell. In case you need to call me instead."

"Okay, great. Well, I'll hear from you at some point," Jacob said, stepping back so Emmett could reverse out of the drive. Jacob raised a hand in goodbye and Nessie waved.

Quil plucked the piece of paper out of Jacob's hand as his friend stood looking after the truck.

"Hey, give that back!" Jacob said, lunging after his friend.

"Aw, Jaky got a girl's number!" Quil cooed. Embry laughed and Jacob dragged the both of them into a tussle until he got the receipt back. "That's it, off my land!"

Still laughing, Quil and Embry walked away down the street as Jacob walked into his house, looking down at the neatly written numbers.

"Hey, Jake, good time?" his father asked, wheeling in from the living room.

"Yeah, it was. Quil and Embry turned up but were of no help on the car. They just ate half the pizza."

"And acted as a little competition," Billy smiled.

"There's no need for competition," Jacob said, taking the soda his father handed him and popping it open.

"I think she's a nice girl," Billy said. "You get on well together." It was as much approval as Billy needed to give and Jacob needed to hear. Jacob took a long draught of cold soda and nodded as he stared at the can he was now revolving slowly with his fingertips.

"Bella likes them, according to Charlie," Billy said. "So does he."

"Well, if the Chief of Police likes them, they must be good company," Jacob joked. Billy raised his beer in agreement.

* * *

"Giving him your phone number, huh?" Emmett said. "Most people do that _before _the first date."

"It wasn't a date," Nessie said, bored. She flicked on the radio and Emmett's favourite type of loud, energetic rock came on – he said it was good to box to.

"Don't want to talk about it, okay," said Emmett, grinning. "But I want you to know, Nessie, as your eldest brother it is my responsibility to make sure you know how to take care of yourself."

"That's what the self defence and therapy is for," Nessie said, still not interested in being a part of this conversation.

"So, will you call him?" Emmet asked.

"Yeah, to see when we're both not busy, to work on the Rabbit."

"Seriously, Nessie," Emmett said, dropping the smile for a moment. "Were you okay today? I thought it was going to be just you and Jacob. If I have known another two guys were going to show up I wouldn't have left you."

"Why not?" Nessie shrugged. "No one knew they were going to turn up; they're Jacob's friends so they just did. Like they would any other time. Truth be told, it was nice. No one made a production of it, or kept asking if I was okay. It was...normal."

"Is that why you want to go back? Because it's normal there?"

Nessie shrugged, looking out of the window. "He's building a 1976 Volkswagen Rabbit."

"You usually build them on your own – your 'alone thinky time'."

"Sometimes it's nice to share your interests."

"You could share it with one of us."

"Why is everyone but me allowed friends from _outside _the family?" Nessie demanded.

"You are allowed, Nessie," said Emmett, looking over at her. "I was just looking out for you."

"Well, I wish everyone would stop treating me like fucking glass! If I haven't broken yet I'm not going to!"

"No, but you might snap our heads off," Emmett pointed out fairly.

Nessie covered her eyes with her hand. "I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't get so touchy, but..." she bit her lip. Emmett took her other hand, running his thumb across her knuckles in comfort. "I just want this. I know things are different but no one will leave it behind. It's like no one trusts me anymore."

"Okay, more trust, we can do that," Emmett said. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure," Nessie said.

"It was really hard leaving you today."

Nessie took her hand away from her suddenly open eyes and looked at her brother. Emmett was starring at the road ahead, his jaw tense. "What do you mean?"

"I mean the last time I left you, you disappeared for two months. And I've never forgiven myself. If I had just said to James what I had said to Jacob then maybe he wouldn't have taken you."

"It wasn't your fault, Em. It wasn't anyone's fault."

"It doesn't make it any easier," Emmett said. "I know it feels like we don't trust you because we don't leave you alone, Ness. But the truth is...we don't trust ourselves. Our family couldn't survive losing anyone else. Especially you, not again."

"Of course you would survive."

"Yeah, well we don't want to." Emmett looked at her and Nessie saw something she never thought she would see in Emmett's eyes – fear. Her indestructible, immovable, incomprehensibly happy bear of a big brother was afraid. "We only hold on so tight because we can't bear to let you go, Loch."

Nessie fought back the tears that Emmett's declaration caused – he didn't say how he felt very often, but damn it when he did. Awkwardly, because of the seatbelts, Nessie leant over and hugged her brother. He wrapped an enormous arm around her comparatively tiny waist and hugged her close.

She wanted to stay like that longer, safe in the circle of her brother's arm, but Emmett had to change gear.

* * *

_Review please. Seriously. Because you guys are doing really well at that!_


	26. Getting to Friday

_Okay, so this may not flow very well from the last chapter, but I thought it evil to continue and take the focus off that moment between Nessie and Emmett._

_So, here we go again._

_Keep reviewing. Seriously._

_Thanks to BriBri, werewolfe-cupcake, dazzleglo and Just4Me, and to Katalyst00 and Anne Shirley Cullen for the favourite!_

Chapter Twenty-six – Getting to Friday

As fast as Emmett's driving was they were home in half an hour. They got back with twenty five minutes to spare. Edward and Alice were already home from seeing Bella and Jasper respectively and were now sat on the sofa. They looked up as Emmett and Nessie came through the front door, Emmett yelling loudly that they were home for their parents' benefit.

Carlisle came downstairs, his jacket over one arm, fixing his cufflink. He walked into the living room where Emmett had already sat on the sofa with Alice and Edward, his long legs stretched out in front of him. Nessie was perched on the back of the sofa, waiting, knowing her parents would want to talk about her day.

Standing up, Nessie crossed to her father and fussed over him, straightening the tie, helping him into the jacket which she then smoothed, checking to see the cufflinks were on properly.

"So, how was it? Did you have fun?" her dad asked.

"Yeah, it was nice – cars, pizza. It was good fun," she said.

"She wants us to trust her," Emmett said from the sofa without looking up from the TV. "She doesn't want to be treated like a china doll anymore."

"Thanks, Emmett," said Nessie. "Subtle as ever." Emmett gave her a mock salute.

"Oh," Carlisle looked a little surprised. "Okay then. Should we talk about this?"

"It'll wait until tomorrow," Nessie assured him.

"Okay, sweetheart," Carlisle kissed her forehead. "Everyone's homework done?" he asked the room. There was a chorus of 'yes' to which he said wryly, "I'm sure."

The sound of high heels on the wooden floor of the foyer heralded Esme's arrival.

She wore a sapphire blue dress and diamonds. There were two colours Esme never wore by choice: black (only for funerals) and beige (too bland). She preferred bright colours, a clear contrast to Nessie's noir look. Alice spent hours making sure no one clashed.

"Wow, Mum, you look great," Nessie said. The three on the sofa twisted around to admire their mother then turned back to the TV.

"You are beautiful," Carlisle said, walking over and putting his arms around her. They shared a long kiss until Nessie, rocking back and forth on her heels trying to look anywhere but at her parents, said, "you're going to be late for your dinner reservation."

They ended the kiss but kept an arm around each other. "So, we'll be home by eleven," Carlisle said.

"We're on the phones and there's dinner in the oven, okay?" Esme said.

"Bye," their kids chorused. Esme kissed Nessie on the cheek and they left. Nessie walked to the sofa, sat on the back, sliding backwards and twisted so her legs were curled under her.

"Who wants to put the dinner on?" Emmett asked.

"Nessie was last to sit," Alice said.

"It was Emmett's idea," Nessie said.

"Alice is closest," Edward said.

Alice sighed, went to the kitchen, checked the oven, flicked it on and sat back down. "It'll be thirty minutes," she said.

"Cool," Emmett said.

They had beef and vegetable stew with dumplings sat on the sofa watching 3rd Rock from the Sun reruns.

* * *

Nessie finished the History project a few days early so called Jacob to see if she could come over afterschool on Friday. He sounded delighted at the idea, but then Jacob always sounded delighted at everything. Nessie envied him his happy naivety.

When she walked from the phone in the foyer to the sofa, she saw Emmett and Rosalie, and Edward and Bella were sat on the sofa, each couple curled up together on an end of the sofa. Jasper was sat in one of the armchairs with Alice on his lap, her legs draped over one arm of the chair, propped up by a cushion against the other arm. Their hands were clasped together, their fingers intertwined, resting on Alice's belly. Every so often they should look at each other and smile.

Nessie dropped into the remaining armchair, one leg pulled up to her chest so she could rest her cheek against her knee, the other leg swinging free.

"Who was that?" Edward asked. The rest of them looked at her. She was surprised they had even noticed her come in, in their loved-up, couply bliss.

"Jacob."

"What did he want?" asked Edward.

"I called him. To see if he wanted to work the car this Friday." Glanced briefly from the television to her siblings, clocking each of them in turn.

"I thought you had that project due," Alice said.

"Finished it," Nessie said.

"Friday night with a boy, huh, Nessie?" Emmett said, grinning at her.

Nessie shrugged. "He wasn't busy. I'm tired of being stuck here alone every Friday night while you guys so go out."

"Mum and Dad are here," Edward corrected. Emmett snorted.

"Yeah, and while you guys are out there being loved up, they are _here_ being loved up. I like being around people where romance is not part of the equation."

"Jacob's a nice guy," Bella said, her head resting on Edward's shoulder. "If you're into cars, you two should get along well."

"Jacob's cool to be around. He doesn't make me talk," she said, fixing each sibling with a look.

"What do you do with him, then?" Edward asked. Emmett and Jasper grinned at his over-protectiveness.

"Yeah," Emmett chipped in. "You doing the dirty on his garage floor?"

"We fix his car, listen to music," Nessie said, blushing a furious red.

"So why are you blushing?" Rosalie asked.

"I'm a redhead," Nessie said coldly.

"Aw, Nessie – you're embarrassed!" Emmett laughed, tossing a pillow at her. Nessie caught it and whipped it back to him, catching him in the face. "Ow. What was that for?"

"What have you got to tease me for?"

"Because you're the youngest." Emmett looked at her like that should have been obvious.

"That's a sucky rule," said Nessie.

"It's the chain of command," Emmett smiled.

"I hate the chain," Nessie muttered.

"Who wants to help me in the kitchen?" Esme asked, leaning through the doorway. The others groaned and looked at Nessie – Emmett mouthed 'the chain!' Nessie rolled her eyes but was already out of her seat walking to her mother before they stopped groaning.

"Thanks, honey," Esme said as Nessie washed her hands. Esme put a bowl of potatoes and a peeler in front of Nessie.

"No problem." Nessie picked up the peeler. "Can I go out this Friday?"

"Oh," Esme was caught off guard by the request. "Where did you want to go?"

"To Jacob's, afterschool," Nessie said, taking the peeler. "I'll be back by curfew."

"What are you going to do?" Mother and daughter stood side by side at the counter pretending they were normal, having a normal conversation.

"Work on the Rabbit," Nessie said.

"How are you going to get there from school?" asked Esme.

"I thought I could come back here and take Bonnie," Nessie said, trying to gauge her mother's reaction. Esme was not too pleased with the idea of Nessie riding the Triumph Bonneville she had so fondly named 'Bonnie'.

Sure enough, Esme's eyes narrowed a little. "You haven't got your licence."

"I know how to ride."

"You aren't sixteen yet."

"It's my birthday in two months."

"It's illegal."

"Charlie won't arrest me."

"The others can drop you off on the way home."

"It's half an hour in the other direction! And I'll have to take all my stuff to school!" complained Nessie.

"Then they can take you once you've got your stuff," said Esme.

"It's pointless them making two trips when I can go alone!"

"Do you want to go or not?" Esme asked, looking at Nessie.

"Yes," Nessie said grudgingly.

"Then you can be dropped off."

"You said you were going to trust me more."

"This isn't about trust, Nessie. This is about my fifteen year old daughter wanting to ride a death machine around blind corners," Esme said, her voice rising a little at the thought.

Nessie gave a weary sigh – when it came to the welfare of her children, Esme was immovable. "Fine. Potatoes are peeled."

"Could you chop them up small, please? We're going to have them mashed tonight." Nessie did so then was told she could go if she wanted. She went upstairs rather than back to the living room and coupledom.

She closed the door and went to the cubby hole of her room that had her art stuff. She selected a playlist on the iPod resting in the iDock, put it on shuffle and turned the volume up. Then, crossing to the easel, Nessie picked up a pencil and started working on a new design. She had several designs for tattoos she was going to have – her parents would not consider it before her sixteenth birthday but said after that she could get them if she really wanted – and if they approved the design first. They knew she was not stupid – she would not get something because peers or the media deigned it 'cool'. After everything, Nessie's body was precious to her. She knew how easily it could be broken.

The one that she was working on, that had been in her brain for a while, was the proverb on the wristband she had given Jasper for his birthday. She tried to work it around various body parts sketched on the paper – her hip, her shoulder, her ribcage, her ankle. She liked the idea of it being under her shoulder blade.

Nessie didn't hear the knock at her door or the approaching footsteps. It was only when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye and leapt to her feet, her fists tensed in front of her, that Nessie realised it was her father. Carlisle smiled gently in welcome and Nessie hurried to turn the music off so they could talk.

"Dinner's ready," Carlisle said.

"Coming."

"These some more designs?" Carlisle asked, indicating the cluttered easel. Nessie nodded. "May I look?" Nessie nodded again. Carlisle gently leafed through them, moving each piece of paper aside so he could see the ones beneath.

"What do you think?" Nessie asked.

"About having the proverb tattooed on your skin?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah."

"You could remember it without having it permanently written on your skin," said Carlisle.

Nessie rolled her eyes. "Not the point, Dad."

"So, where would you have it done?" Carlisle asked.

"Under my shoulder blade."

"Won't that wrap around to the front; it's a pretty long phrase."

"I'll have it broken down into two lines," Nessie said. "I want it in a pretty compact space."

"Okay, we'll talk about it later," Carlisle said. "Dinner's ready."

"Okay, cool." Nessie put the designs back. Carlisle held out his arm and Nessie went to him. They walked down to dinner with Carlisle's arm around Nessie's shoulders, hers around her father's waist.

The nine of them sat down at the dining table, the table in the kitchen where the Cullens usually ate dinner being too small for all of them.

"Right, Nessie is going to Jacob's Friday afterschool – is he expecting you _from _school, Nessie, or later?" asked Carlisle.

"He said whenever – Jacob isn't that bothered by time," Nessie said.

"So, who can take her when?"

"It's the concert this Friday for me and Alice," Jasper said, referring to the concert Edward had gotten him tickets for as a birthday presents. "Sorry, Monster, or we would take you, but we've got to get to Seattle by six if we're going to eat."

"No problem, Jazz," Nessie assured him.

"I don't think me and Rose are doing anything special, are we, Rose?" Emmett asked, turning to the stunning blonde next to him.

Rose shook her head. "We could take you on the way to Port Angeles."

"Hold on, you took her last time, Emmett," Edward said.

"So?"

"So, I haven't gotten to put my brotherly two cents in," Edward complained.

"Oh, God," Nessie groaned quietly.

"Edward, you said you would be nice to Jacob," Bella reminded him.

Edward harrumphed.

"Why don't you like Jacob, Edward?" Esme asked. "He seemed like a very nice, together young man."

"Uh huh," Edward said, stabbing his chicken with unnecessary for, making his fork scrap across his plate with a horrible _scree._

"Edward doesn't like him because the first time he met Jacob, Jacob was talking to Bella and getting further than Edward was at that point," Emmett said. "Since Jacob has since transferred his attention to our youngest sister, Edward can still hate him."

"Oh, did you know Jacob from your summers here, Bella?" Carlisle asked, helping himself to salad.

"Apparently," Bella said, blushing as the table's attention turned to her. "I didn't remember him at first – I knew his sisters a little better than Jacob. We spent time together before my dad started coming to Arizona for our two weeks together."

"Why did he start doing that?" Alice asked.

Put on the spot, Bella looked down at her plate for a second before answering. "I put my foot down. I didn't want to spend my summers in Forks."

"So, why did you move here?" asked Alice with characteristic bluntness.

"Alice!" Esme was a little scandalised at the grilling her daughter was giving out.

"No, it's okay. Um, well, my mother remarried and her husband is a minor league baseball player so he moves around a lot. My mum stayed with me but it made her unhappy so I decided to move in with my dad."

"That was very selfless of you, Bella," Esme said, smiling warmly at the girl. She approved very much of Edward's budding relationship with the Swan girl. She was a sweet girl, the perfect foil for Edward's darkness. She was shy where he was cocky. She hated getting presents where Edward had learnt staggering generosity at Carlisle's knee – she would want for nothing while he would not be used for his wealth. Edward pushed himself to be perfect, an overachiever in every aspect of his life. Bella wanted him just as he was. Oh yes, Esme could see this relationship going very well.

Looking around the table, Esme realised all their children had found a good match. Until she got to Nessie. Her youngest baby had not found the one. She was still battling her demons. A thought came into Esme's mind and she felt cold – what if Nessie did not heal? What if James had broken something irreparable and Nessie never found the person to spend her life with?

Carlisle looked at her, concerned – they were so in tune with each other he just knew when something was wrong. Everyone else was completely oblivious to Esme's distress. Esme gave him a brave smile and Carlisle let it go. For now.

Nessie was only fifteen, Esme thought. She would be fine.

"So, what do you think of Forks, now?" Alice was still playing twenty questions with Bella, Jasper looking at her with an indulgent smile on his face.

Bella's eyes darted to Edward who grinned at her. "It's growing on me," she said. The blush that had receded came back, deeper than before, making Emmett guffaw. He loved having his brother's girlfriend around for three reasons: 1) she had forced Edward to engage in multi-gender interaction instead of glare at everyone, 2) she was clumsy, 3) she blushed _all the time. _Reason one made him like her, reasons two and three kept Emmett highly entertained.

Edward's smile was dazzling as he leant over and kissed Bella on the mouth. Emmett wolf-whistled (he found he was doing that more and more lately), bringing them both back to reality. Bella was scarlet and Edward was still grinning when they broke apart.

"Have we actually decided on whose taking Nessie to Jacob's this Friday?" Carlisle asked. "Emmett or Edward?"

"Me," both brothers said.

"Well, that's helpful," said Carlisle smirking.

"How about Rose and I drive Edward and Bella to Port Angeles after dropping off Nessie?" Emmett offered. "We're going to the same place so we might as well save the gas and this way Edward gets to assess Jacob."

"Sounds good to me," Edward said. Bella liked the idea of seeing Jacob again.

"The _both _of you?" Nessie asked, her voice a little higher than normal. "At the _same time?"_

"I only want to say hello," Edward said innocently.

"Sure you do," Nessie muttered, already fearing for Jacob's nerves.

* * *

Friday rolled around quickly enough. Bella got ready at hers while the others congregated at the Cullens. The Hales went home in Rosalie's Mercedes so Jasper could get ready for the concert before coming over. The four Cullens went home in Edward's Volvo.

Jasper and Rosalie were at the Cullens by four thirty, Jasper in head-to-toe black and boots, Rosalie managing to look stunning in loose jeans and a T-shirt with her hair pulled back.

Jasper and Alice had to leave straight away, Alice looking like the dancer/dead girl from My Chemical Romance's music video "Helena".

"Is everyone here? Can we go now? Because I told Jacob I'd be there by five and it's nearly twenty to," Nessie grumbled from her place on the stairs.

"You that urgent to get to Jacob, Nessie?" Emmett said, smirking.

Nessie rolled her eyes.

"Let's see," Emmett said, counting it off on his fingers as he spoke. "You gave him your phone number," _(one finger)_ "you're going to see him on a Friday night," _(two fingers)_ "which you're eager to get to" _(three fingers)_ "and comes only six days after you last went over there" _(four fingers)."_ Keep this up and you're going to have yourself a boyfriend."

"Emmett," Nessie said, looking up at her brother from where she sat, "did you know you sound a lot smarter when you _don't _open your mouth?"

Emmett laughed and Nessie smiled at him. He reached out and ruffled her hair. "Emmett!" she squealed, pushing his hand away and attempting to sort out the mess – it was not like her curls were not a riot on their own!

"Come on, let's go," Emmett said, holding his hand out to haul Nessie to her feet. She took it, picked up her bag, said goodbye to her mother and followed everyone out to the car.

Emmett, Rosalie, Nessie and Edward piled into the Jeep, Rosalie and Emmett in the front, Nessie and Edward in the back, Edward eyeing the legroom dubiously.

When they got to Bella's, Edward hurled himself out of the Jeep, and knocked on her front door.

Bella opened it immediately. She was wearing the blue dress Alice had snuck into her bag in Seattle. "You look beautiful," Edward told her.

"Thank you. You look...incredible as usual," Bella told him, taking in the black jeans and ivory polo shirt under the tan leather jacket. The sweatshirt clung lovingly to the body beneath making it difficult for Bella to tear her eyes away.

Edward was having similar trouble with the way her dress hugged Bella's curves. They kept smiling at each other until Emmett leant on the horn.

"Come on," Edward muttered, "before he gets out of the car."

"Bye, Dad!" Bella called over her shoulder.

Charlie came in from the living room. "Bye, Bells. Edward." Chief Swan was not overtly hostile to the young man that had gone from Nessie's older brother to, far more worryingly, Bella's first boyfriend. Still, Edward could tell the Chief would not hesitate to abuse his official position if Edward stepped out of line.

"Bye, Chief Swan."

"Hey, Bella?" Charlie eyed Edward's hand resting on the small of Bella's back.

"Yeah, Dad?" Bella said, looking back at him.

"Got your pepper spray?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, Dad," Bella flushed, eager to get out of there.

He stood on the doorstep as they crossed the drive to the monster-sized truck.

"Hey, Charlie!" Nessie said, grapping the roller bar above her and standing up to wave.

"Hi, Nessie. How's everything?" Charlie waved to Emmett and Rosalie as well.

"Cool. Can I see you Wednesday? I'll bring some more of Mum's cake." Nessie said.

"Sure thing, kid, I'd like that."

"How's the case going?"

"Hikers are still missing, kid."

"Oh. Did you think about what I said?"

"Yeah, I'm looking into it," Charlie assured her. The redhead had good instincts – Charlie thought she would make hell of a cop if she wanted to.

"Okay, cool. See you Wednesday," Nessie gave a final wave and sat back down in time for Bella and Edward to make it to the car. Bella didn't look comforted by the distance between the ground and the backseat. Charlie did not look comforted by the way Edward gripped her hips as he helped her in.

But finally, and without bloodshed or bruising, Bella and Edward were in the back, strapped in and Emmett was gunning the engine.

"Watch your speed," Charlie yelled over the roar of the powerful truck. Emmett waved in acknowledgement and the Jeep disappeared around the bend.

_Right, so my mum and I went and picked up our new puppy – a black Labradoodle by the name of Ralfie – and now I'm thinking that Emmett needs a dog. He's going to get a huge Saint Bernard. At some point. If anyone's got an idea for a name I'd like to hear them!_


	27. Age ain't nothing but a number

_Thank you to dazzleglo, teambillyblackakaMamaWolf, Just4Me, lannaislusciousredd, and BriBri for your reviews; Mrs. Szmanda for the favourite and story alert. _

_And thanks to BriBri and lannaislusciousredd for the suggestions for the name of Emmett's Saint Bernard!_

_

* * *

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Chapter Twenty-seven – Age Ain't Nothing But A Number

It was a little crowded in the car with every seat occupied but they made it Jacob's without a fight breaking out. Nessie was glad at this small achievement – what was it about a crowded car that made people ratty?

Try as she might, Nessie could not convince Edward to stay in the car. Since Bella wanted to say hi to Jacob Edward maintained he had to get out, too. Even though Bella could get out of Nessie's side of the car. It turned out to be a good thing since you had to jump out of Emmett's car and Nessie wasn't big enough to catch Bella when she fell. Instead, Bella put her hands on Edward's shoulders as he took hold of her hips again and she was half-lifted, half-jumped out of the car.

Jacob opened the door and was once again faced with a Cullen brother. This one glared. "Er, hi!"

"Jacob, this is my _other _big brother, Edward," Nessie introduced them. "You met him at the beach that time, too."

"Oh, yeah, hi." A little warily, Jacob extended his hand.

Edward shook it and for the second time, Nessie heard Jacob's knuckles crack. Surreptitiously, she snaked a hand under the hem of Edward's polo shirt and gave him a hard pinch on his side.

He glared at her but let go of Jacob's hand.

"And here's Bella!" Jacob said, quickly returning to his normal state of happy.

"Hey, Jacob!" Bella smiled and got a quick hug – which didn't stop Edward glowering. "So, where's Billy?"

"Right here," said the man in question, rolling up. "Hey, Bella, good to see you."

"Hey, Billy. You're looking good." Bella smiled at Billy, knowing how important his friendship with Charlie had been to her father, especially after Renee left taking a baby Bella with her.

"Still dancing. How's Charlie?" Billy smiled exactly the same way as his son – brightly, honestly, for the whole world to see.

"Yeah, fine," Bella nodded.

"I was going to see him tonight – watch the game on your flat screen."

"Whose going to be here with Nessie?" Edward asked.

"Jacob," Billy said.

"Who else?"

"No one – hey are you alright?" Billy eyed the other bronze haired Cullen, wondering the look on his face – the kid's ivory skin had gone, somehow, even paler.

"Can you guys give us a minute?" Edward asked, grabbing Nessie's arm and pulling her away from the trio who were left looking confusedly at each other.

"Rose, can you wait here for a sec?" Emmett asked, unbuckling his seatbelt as he surveyed Edward and Nessie apparently arguing with each other.

"Sure," Rose said, looking at him.

"What's going on, guys?" Emmett asked when he reached his brother and sister.

Edward sighed as Nessie continued to glare daggers at him, her arms folded over her chest. "Jacob's dad wants to go watch the game at Bella's with Charlie and I was just _saying _how I didn't think it was a good idea for us to leave Nessie here alone with Jacob."

"Ah," Emmett said, understanding.

"I'll be fine," Nessie said stubbornly. "You said you were going to let me do things on my own."

"And we are, Nessie," Emmett said, trying to soothe her. "But this isn't about you doing things alone. I agree with Edward. I think it's too soon, for any of us, to leave you at someone – some _boy's _– house without one of us here. We wouldn't do it anyway, and after last year..."

"You guys go over to your friend's houses without a guardian," Nessie half-shrieked in misery. It was never going to happen for her. She was never going to be normal.

"We aren't fifteen years old!" Edward retorted. "And we weren't abducted last year by a psychopath!"

"And we know what happens when a couple of teenagers are left alone together, which is another reason why I'm not so eager to leave you with him," Emmett said, eyeing this Black kid as he looked over at them confused.

"This isn't fair!" said Nessie, damn near stamping her foot. Hell yes, she was scared of the idea of being alone with Jacob – scared to death actually – but why could her brothers not understand that she _needed _to do this?

"What if Jacob came back with us and helped you work on the Buick?" Edward suggested.

"Fine," Nessie said, not looking at either of them. Streaks of angry red slashed across her cheeks and her eyebrows drew together as she glared at a point over their shoulders.

"Okay. We won't all get in the car so you and Jacob will get some time here, like you planned, while me and Rose take Bella and Edward to Port Angeles. I'll grab some take out for all of us, how about that?" Emmett asked, looking between the two mule-headed siblings.

"Fine," Nessie said, folding her arms.

"Or we could drag you home right now," Edward said.

"No, I like the first option, thank you," Nessie bit out. Her brow smoothed and she started looking them in the face again.

"Alright, let's go tell everyone," said Emmett, happy that the storm had passed and walking towards where Bella, Jacob and Billy waited for them.

"I know you probably hate me right now, Ness," Edward said.

"It's okay, Edward, you don't have to beat yourself up about it. Just let it go." Nessie tried to walk back but Edward took her elbow.

"Ness, give me a minute here, okay? You know I'm shit at apologies."

"You should practice more," Nessie said with the hint of a smile.

"Yeah, I know, I'm a cocky bastard," Edward said, running his hand through his hair. "I just didn't expect you to be interested in guys so soon."

"I'm not interested...!" Nessie began.

"I know you say that now but, Nessie, trust me, soon enough you will be," Edward said. "And they're going to be – they _are _– waiting for the day when you look at them twice. All I'm asking for is baby steps, okay? Just give me time to get used to the idea."

"There's nothing to get used to," Nessie said, drawing her coat tighter around herself.

"Alright, stop being a brat, then," Edward said with a smile. Nessie smiled back and Edward kissed her forehead. "Thank you," he whispered.

"I'm glad you found Bella, Edward," Nessie whispered back. "You're lucky you found someone that truly loves you. Real love, not obsession."

"I know," Edward gave a weak smile. "I still don't know why she chose me, but if she ever wants me to, I'll let her go. I love her enough to do that for her." _Because I don't want to do to her what James did to you._

"Makes you stronger than a lot of people."

"Or more cowardly."

"They shared a small smile and Nessie put her arm through Edward's so they could walk back together.

"So, Jacob's hip to the plan and he's cool with it," Emmett said, rubbing his hands together happily. "Billy's good to – he's going to hold off going to Charlie's so we can take him."

"Okay, then," Edward said. "I guess we'll go, and Emmett, seriously, _hip_?"

Emmett laughed, shoving his brother back towards the car. "I'm the eldest, that makes _whatever_ I say cool!" said Emmett boisterously.

"You wish, man, you _wish!"_

"I better go before they beat each other up," Bella said rolling her eyes fondly over the two brothers who were play-fighting their way to the car. "I'll see you guys later."

"Bye, Bells!" Jacob called.

"Bye, Bella," Billy waved before wheeling himself into the kitchen.

"See you later, Bella," Nessie waved them all goodbye as the car reversed out of the drive.

"You should come in," Jacob said. "Might as well if we're not going to be working on the car."

"I'm sorry about that," Nessie said, walking into Jacob's living room for the first time. Like the rest of Jacob's home, it was small and cosy, with a TV against one wall and a loveseat opposite.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Jacob said waving away the idea of being put out. "Um, you want a drink?" Jacob asked, not quite sure what he should do. He had planned on the two of them being in the garage the whole time.

"Yeah, sure, that would be nice, thank you," Nessie said, standing uncertainly in the middle of the room.

"Okay, cool."

"Do you guys mind if I watch TV?" Billy asked. "Where are you going to be?"

"We could go to my room, I guess," Jacob said hesitantly.

"Okay," Nessie nodded. She sat the kitchen table waiting for Jacob since she didn't know where his room was.

Billy wheeled out and Jacob moved around the kitchen, unusually nervous. "What do you want to drink? We've got water, milk, soda, juice," he said, looking through the fridge and the cupboard above it.

"Soda is fine," Nessie said, tracing the wood grain of the table with one fingernail.

"Here," Jacob said, handing her a cold can.

"Thanks." Nessie popped the can open and took a sip.

"My room's this way," Jacob said leading the way out of the kitchen down the tiny corridor to his room at the end. "So...this is my room," he said lamely, stepping aside so she could walk in. "Sorry about the mess – I wasn't expecting you to be in my room."

"No, it's fine. Two brothers, remember?" Nessie walked in looking around.

Jacob's room was pretty simple – single bed under the only window in the room, chest of drawers in the corner by the door. The floor in between was strewn with clothes, magazines, various bits and pieces. There was a shelf running along one wall. Taking a look Nessie saw brightly coloured rocks from the beach, some books, all of which were dog-eared paperbacks Jacob had obviously read several times over. On the end, almost as though it was tucked out of sight, above where Jacob's head would lay at night, was a photograph in a silver frame. A young, very young, Jacob was in a woman's arms, smiling at the camera. Billy stood next to her, wheelchair-free. Two identical girls stood in front of them, each with a parent's hand resting on their shoulder.

"This your mum?" Nessie asked pointing at the picture, wanting to look closer but not wanting to touch it in case that upset Jacob.

"Yeah," Jacob put his hands in his pockets.

"And your sisters?"

Jacob nodded.

"What are their names?"

"Rachel and Rebecca. My mum was Sarah."

"Pretty name," Nessie said.

"I always thought so," Jacob said, not looking at the photo.

"Where are your sisters now?"

"Rebecca got married – she lives in Hawaii with her husband, a Samoan surfer called Caleb. They got married last summer. Rachel is at Washington State getting her degree."

"Cool. How old are they?"

"Eighteen – they're a little over a year older than Bella."

"Cool," Nessie said again nodding.

"Cool?" Jacob looked at her.

"What?" Nessie asked, wondering if she had said the wrong thing.

"Nothing," Jacob shrugged. "Most people are more surprised when I tell them my eighteen year old sister is married. They're usually...I don't know...taken aback she's so young. Or they disapprove."

Nessie shrugged. "Both my parents got married for the first time when they were young. Mum married Charles right out of high school, Dad married Elizabeth when he was...twenty, I think? Emmett and Alice were both born when he was still doing his medical degree. Besides, Dad comes from a long line of people that married and had children young – that's how come his grandfather is only eighty-one."

"You have an eighty-one year old great-grandfather?" Jacob asked, sitting down on his bed.

Nessie nodded. "Yeah. Aro married Sulpicia when they were both nineteen, their daughter, Renata, got married when she was eighteen and had Carlisle on her nineteenth birthday. But I think Dad's dad was a few years older than her – I think Dad said Matthew was twenty four when Dad was born."

"Wow." Jacob nodded, looking at little stunned.

"So, married young is not so weird for me. I think it's a good thing Aro hasn't met Bella or Rosalie yet, or Jasper for that matter, or we'd all be getting fitted for dresses." Nessie smiled affectionately.

"What about you? Can you see yourself married in three years?" Jacob joked.

Nessie shook her head, sitting on top of Jacob's chest of drawers. "I can't see myself ever getting married."

"Why not?" Jacob was a little surprised – he had thought all girls wanted to get married, have the big white wedding, the pretty dress.

"I don't want to be owned," Nessie said, looking at the can in her hands.

"Owned? I thought marriage was a partnership deal," Jacob said, taken aback. That's the way it had always been with his parents.

"It can be – it's meant to be. But then there are those guys that think a woman is property."

"So, don't marry one of them," Jacob shrugged as though it was easy.

"I don't want to."

"What kind of guy do you want?" Jacob asked. What the hell was he doing? Where was he going with this?

"I want a nice guy," Nessie said quietly. "I know you're meant to want the rich, dangerous, badass, mythically strong, dominating, swoon-inducing, owner of an international company or whatever the hell romance novels are selling women these days but I don't. I want nice. I want...normal. Safe."

"There are guys like that," Jacob said. "The world's full of them."

"But they don't like me. They think I'm scary," Nessie said, smiling sadly at him.

"I don't think you're scary," Jacob said. It was true – it was the way she made him feel that he found a little terrifying.

"Then you're braver than most," Nessie said.

"Or maybe I see past the makeup," said Jacob.

"Don't say that," Nessie said, shaking her head slowly. "Don't tell me that."

"Why not?"

"Because it means my shields aren't working," Nessie told him.

"Why do you need shields?" Jacob asked.

"I don't want to get hurt again," she said quietly, looking out of the window next to Jacob.

"Who hurt you?"

"A guy."

"Why?"

Nessie shrugged. "Because I let him."

"Why?"

"At first because I thought I loved him. Then because he scared me."

"What did he do to you?"

"A lot of stuff, Jacob."

"Like what?"

"It's a long story."

"Is it related to that other long story I'm waiting to here?"

"Yes, but you won't hear them now."

"Will I ever?"

"I don't know," Nessie said honestly.

Jacob nodded. "Alright. I guess I'll have to let it go for a while."

"I've told you more than anyone else. You should be proud of that," Nessie told him, trying to soften the blow.

"Why?"

"Because it means, for reasons I can't quite fathom, maybe for no reason at all, I appear to trust you. Just a little."

"Can't argue with that I suppose."

Nessie held up her can in a silent toast and they both drank.

They sat there for a while longer, Nessie running her finger along the raised lip of the can, round and round, over and over. Jacob could see she had something she _did_ want to say but did not rush her.

They had been sat in silent for about half an hour before Nessie finally spoke again, "Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"If someone you loved, no hold on." Nessie took a breath and rushed out, "say someone you loved was seeing someone and that other person, you thought, loved them, too, but is actually sleeping with someone else, but the someone you love doesn't know that, would you tell them? Or would you keep your mouth shut because it's none of your business? Or is it your business because you love them? But you know it will hurt them? But not as much as if they found out you knew but didn't tell them, because that would be lying! Which is rule numero uno of what you _don't _do!" She looked at Jacob who looked a little stunned.

"Okay, start again from the beginning," Jacob said. "_Slowly."_

Nessie kept her eyes on her can as she spoke. "So, there's person A and they are dating person B. You really love person A and don't want to hurt them but person B is sleeping around with person C. What should you do?"

"So, Rosalie is cheating on Emmett, huh?" Jacob asked.

"How did you know?" Nessie gasped.

Jacob leant towards her and whispered conspiratorially, "I pay attention."

"So, what do I do?" Nessie asked, throwing up the hand that was not holding the soda can.

"Maybe you should talk to Rosalie, first," Jacob suggested. "You want to get your facts straight before you go break Emmett's heart."

"Oh, don't say that!" Nessie said, putting her head in her hand. "Don't tell me I'm going to break his heart, I can't bear it!"

"I'm sorry, Nessie, but in this situation, someone is always going to get hurt." Jacob hesitated before walking over to put his hand on her should – he had noticed that Nessie always flinched away from personal contact.

She looked up at him, her chin resting on her hand. "You're a smart guy, Jacob Black," she said.

Jacob chuckled. "Is it that surprising?"

Nessie smiled. "Not really. Not surprising at all." She looked down at the ground as she spoke next. "He is going to get hurt, isn't he? Emmett."

"I'm sorry, Nessie, but yeah," Jacob nodded, "I think he's going to get hurt."

Nessie sighed, raking her hair through her bronze curls. She sat back against the wall, crossing her legs. Jacob let his hand fall down by his side. "Why can't it be easy, Jacob?" Though she addressed him, it felt to Jacob like she was talking more to herself than him. "Why can't nice boy meet nice girl and that be the end of it?"

"It is like that. Some of the time," Jacob said, thinking of his sister, Rebecca and her Caleb.

Nessie reached out, tracing a finger along his jaw. "You're so young, Jacob."

"I'm older than you," he said. He was born December 1988, she was born sometime in June 1989, if they were in the same grade. She had said her birthday was a couple of months away when they had met in the supermarket.

"Maybe in years," Nessie's finger got to the other side of his jaw and she slid the back of her hand across his cheek. "But in experience? You're so naive, so unaware of what the world, what _people _can do."

"I know what people can do," Jacob said, his voice low. He broke away from her touch and looked at the photo of his family as it had been once. "I know how this world can be."

"Maybe you do," Nessie pondered quietly behind him. "But you are so unaffected. I wonder why..."

"You move on," Jacob shrugged. "Learn to cope. Convince yourself everything is okay. Convince everyone else that you're fine."

"Even when you're not."

"Especially when you're not."

"Again, I underestimate you, Jacob of the wolves," Nessie said studying his profile. "You are more than you appear. Much, much more."

Jacob leant against the chest of drawers, not looking at the girl now sat on the edge. "This is getting heavy, isn't it?"

"A lot heavier than I anticipated. I apologise. Around you it seems I am only myself, and that person is in a dark place right now," Nessie looked down, letting her hair fall like a curtain between them.

Jacob turned towards her, brushing the hair back, behind her ear, leaving his hand resting on the side of her neck, his thumb resting on her cheek. "You won't tell me why you're in this place, will you?"

Nessie shook her head.

"Will you at least tell me when you're there? So I can be there with you?"

"You don't want that," Nessie said, tears forming in her eyes.

"I want you to be happy."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You said it yourself – there's more to me than you thought." Jacob looked her in the eye, gentle, but determined. "Maybe I'm stronger than you thought."

"I'm not," Nessie said, looking at him, _begging _him to understand. "Jacob, I'm not strong. And I need to learn how to be, before I let anyone else in."

"Maybe letting someone new in is the _way _to be strong – to get past whatever it is that hurt you, to show them that they haven't won. Nessie, I like you. More than I thought possible. I know we met a month ago, and we haven't seen each other a lot in that time but I want you to know this is not something I want to give up. I'm not walking away from you."

"You say that now, but you will. When you know, when you understand, you'll run. You'll have to." Nessie tried to look away but Jacob caught her chin, forcing her to keep looking at him.

"Never," he said softly. "I won't run. I'll stay with you."

"Even the Sun can't banish all the darkness," she whispered.

"But I can keep it at bay. For as long as you need."

Nessie leant into his hand, revelling in the warmth. "Jacob?"

"Yes?"

"Can you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Can you hold me?" Nessie blushed. "I can't remember what it's like to be held."

Jacob look at her, his smile gentle and a little sad. His hands dropped away from her chin and neck to wrap around her shoulders. She leant her head on his chest and put her arms around his waist. Neither of them knew how long they stayed like that, Nessie leaning on him as Jacob slowly rubbed her back. Until Emmett came banging on the front door.

"Thank you, Jacob," Nessie said, looking up at him.

"Anytime," Jacob said, still smiling softly at her. He sat on the chest of drawers next to her. "You alright?"

"I'm...shaky," Nessie said, deciding to be honest – Jacob would know if she lied to him, after all they had said. "But I'm gonna be okay."

"Yeah, you will," Jacob said, patting her hand then holding it. Nessie looked down at them but did not break the contact. She liked it, which surprised her.

Emmett threw open the door, which smacked into the chest of drawers. He looked around the room and found them where they were sitting – as far away from the bed as it was possible to be and still be in the room. "Oh," he said. "We're here," he finished lamely.

Nessie rolled her eyes. "Honestly? We hadn't noticed."

Jacob laughed and they hopped down, Jacob not letting go of her hand, even in front of Emmett.

"There anything you need?" Emmett asked Jacob.

"Nope, I don't think so," Jacob looked at Nessie for conformation.

"I've got all the tools we need at the house. How are you with Buicks?"

"Er..."

"Don't worry, we'll go slow," Nessie patted Jacob's arm.

"Okaaay, then, I guess we'll be leaving," Emmett shook his head. Nessie was touching someone. Yeah, he had seen the hands being held. Nessie was engaging in physical, prolonged contact with a _boy. _Part of him wanted to jump for joy – she had shied away from any kind of contact, prolonged or otherwise for a long time after James and that bloody doctor's examination. Another part of him wanted to do the big brother warning thing again, telling Jacob exactly what would happen to that hand if it wandered, but he resisted the temptation – he would not ruin this for Nessie. She was finally acting human again.

"Alright," Jacob said, leading them back to the living room. "Ready, Dad?"

Billy patted the six pack in his lap. "I'm good to go."

"Sweet."

The procession made it out to the Jeep where Rosalie was waiting. Nessie tensed, wondering if their earlier conversation would affect Jacob's behaviour, but he was as happy with Rosalie as he was with anyone.

They got Billy into the front seat and his wheelchair in the open back - Rosalie had climbed into the back with Nessie and Jacob.

"Seatbelts, everyone?" Emmett was a stickler for seatbelts ever since their cousin had been killed two years ago in a car crash. He would have walked away from it – if he had belted up.

"We're all good," Nessie told him.

"I'm in," Billy nodded. A seatbelt could not have saved his wife but that did not stop him from buckling his.

"Alright, then." Emmett tore off, the huge wheels churning up mud, letting it fly.

Ten minutes later they were parked in Charlie's driveway again, Emmett dashing through the rain to help Billy into his wheelchair and up the short flight of steps to the front door.

"Hey, Emmett, Billy," Charlie had been expecting them since Billy's phone call earlier. While Billy had been a little perplexed by the Cullens' collective behaviour, Charlie had understood it perfectly.

"Give us a call when you're ready and we'll be here," Emmett said. "Or is there a time you wanted to be home?"

Billy waved a hand. "We're good here for a long as you want. Tell Jake to give me a ring when he's done and I'll be ready."

"Okay, see you guys later, then," Emmett grinned and waved.

"Thanks for the rides, Emmett," Billy called.

"No problem!" he yelled over his shoulder as he ran back to the car.

"Nice kid," Billy said to Charlie. "Huge, but then the big ones usually are nice guys."

"Not all of them," Charlie said. He had had plenty of experience with big guys that thought they were above the law. "Emmett's one of the good ones, though, you're right. Takes real good care of his siblings."

"That girl of his is a handful," Billy said, chuckling.

"Rose? Ah, she probably just needs a guy like Emmett – doesn't care what she looks like but jazzed as hell she looks like that."

"Ha, to be young, Charlie," Billy laughed. "Do you ever miss being young?"

"Hell no," Charlie said, emphatically. "Raging hormones? Growth spurts every six months? Insane hunger? No way. Couldn't make me go back for all the money in the world."

"I don't know. There's a lot of firsts in those years, Charlie, a lot of new things. When you get to our age, the world has lost its sparkle. It's not filled with endless possibilities anymore."

"You okay, Billy?" Charlie looked at his oldest friend, concerned.

"Just being old, Charlie, just being old," Billy said, watching as the Jeep's headlights disappeared around the corner.

* * *

_REVIEW PLEASE!_


	28. Learning To Laugh Again

_Thanks to EsmeAliceRose, dazzleglo and BriBri for reviewing. _

_Please, everyone review! This takes work! *puppy-eyed look*_

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Chapter Twenty-eight – Learning To Laugh Again

At the Cullens, Jacob was having a first – the first time he fixed up a Buick. He and Nessie were in the outbuilding she had claimed and turned into her workshop. Car parts were laid out on top of metal drawers that held every kind of nut, bolt and tiny car part imaginable. Tools hung on the wall. Under the sheet in the middle was a Buick Skylark.

Nessie threw off the sheet with a flourish. "Here she is...going to be some very lucky kid in Seattle's sixteenth birthday present!"

"Now do you know?" Jacob asked.

"Because that's what her dad told me when he asked me to fix her up."

"You do this as a job?" Jacob asked, impressed.

"I've gotten to know people. Usually I fix cars up, bikes, then sell them but, on occasion, people with contact me. Commission me, or whatever," Nessie said. There was no hint of conceit in her voice.

"That is...epically amazing," Jacob said.

"I enjoy it." Nessie smoothed a hand over the hood. "She's going to be beautiful when I'm done."

"And your parents are cool with you doing this?" Jacob asked. "Professionally?"

"As long as it doesn't interfere with school. Which is another reason why I don't do commissions that often – people think it means they've hired me and start putting deadlines down. But this guy, he seemed nice. His daughter's birthday isn't until September so I can work on it over the summer. He asked if he could keep her here until then – doesn't want his daughter to find her."

"And they're okay buying from a fifteen year old girl?"

"Hey, less of the _girl _bit, okay, sunshine?" Nessie said, throwing him a sassy smile. "And yeah, they're cool with it. They take the car for a check, it passes and I get paid. Everyone's happy."

"How much do you make?" Jacob asked, leaning on the car next to Nessie.

"Minus cost for the car, minus cost for parts, last car I made up got me...two thousand dollars?"

Jacob choked. "That's some serious cash."

"Yep. And since I'm doing this car and working on the Rabbit with you, it's not going towards any other fixer uppers."

"So what do you do with the money?" Jacob said, trying to imagine what someone would do with that amount of money. If Quil had that cash...well, the words 'skin' and 'rags' came to mind.

"Save it. Don't know whether I'll start a business or help pay my way through college but I got big plans for that money either way."

"Wow, having a garage. How sweet would that be?" Jacob said, thinking about it. "It would great. Running a place. Put Dowling out of business."

"Maybe you should join me," Nessie suggested.

"I haven't got the money for that," Jacob said.

Nessie shrugged. "Work on the cars with me. With two people we can fix them up twice as fast, make twice as much money, and go into business together. We could make some serious cash."

"Seriously? You would do that?" Jacob asked, his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, I would."

"Alright." Jacob held out his hand and they shook on it. He started to laugh.

"What?" Nessie asked.

"First time I've shaken a Cullen's hand and not had my knuckles cracked," said Jacob, looking down at his hand.

Nessie burst out laughing, too. "Oh, I am sorry about that."

Jacob shook his head. "Don't worry. Big brothers, I get it."

"You sure?"

"Sure, sure."

They got to work under the hood and had made some progress before Emmett came in. "Dinner's ready," he said.

"Be right there," Nessie said, careful not to hit her head on the raised hood as she stood up straight. She smoothed a lock of hair back into the messy knot she had tied her hair into, smearing grease over her forehead and into the fiery curls. "What?" she asked when Jacob took one look at her and laughed. _"What!"_

"You've got grease right here," Jacob said, pointing to the stop on his forehead. "And here." He slid his finger into his hair.

"Ah crap!" Nessie said. "Come on, I'll deal with it when we wash up." She led him to the small sink in the corner. "Mum didn't want oil in the downstairs sink," Nessie explained.

"Makes sense," Jacob said. "So, why do you wear gloves while fixing cars?" he asked, nodding to her hands covered in work gloves. "Isn't it awkward? Making your hands bulkier?"

"Yes," Nessie said. "But I don't usually wear them."

"Why now?"

"I'm usually alone when I fix up the car. You're here now and Quil and Embry and you were there Sunday."

"But why not just take them off?"

"I got reasons," Nessie said. Her tone made it clear that the conversation was over. As did her turning her back on him and walking to the door. Jacob dried his hands and took off after her, trying not to let all her secrets and half-stories get to him. It was tough.

* * *

Outside, Nessie tore off the old cotton gloves she wore around Jacob now they spent all their time fixing cars. In the coming dusk it was difficult to see the scars but Nessie knew they were there. She heard footsteps behind her and knew it was Jacob – he was gangly, a little klutzy and never tried to quieten his steps. Unlike James who was silent as a wraith, Nessie knew where Jacob was from the get go. When they got to the house they let themselves in by the backdoor to the kitchen. "You sit down," Nessie said to Jacob, shoving her hands into her pockets to hide the scars, and clamping her elbows to her sides to hide the faded track marks out of habit. "I'll be right back."

"Okay." Jacob sat down at the table where Rosalie and Carlisle were already sat. Emmett and Esme brought the food to the table, Emmett eyeing the food hungrily.

"Hello, Jacob," Esme said. "What would you like? We'll eat when Nessie gets back but we can serve up now."

"Um, I'll eat anything," Jacob said truthfully. Emmett grinned at him – non-fussy eater? Jacob just went up another notch in his estimation.

"Okay, then." Esme put lasagne, garlic bread and some salad on his plate. "I think there may be enough for seconds if you want it." She served up the others, leaving Nessie until last. Nessie walked in at the exact right moment, just as Esme put her own plate down. Like everyone else, Nessie got a bit of everything. "Well, enjoy then," Esme said simply.

They ate, clearly appreciating the meal, though none as much as Emmett.

"So, Jacob," Jacob braced himself as Carlisle spoke to him. Brothers he could handle, but fathers? "How's the car coming along? Nessie says you're building a Volkswagen Rabbit?"

Jacob swallowed his mouthful – which, for some reason, was a little harder than before – to speak. "Er, yeah, I am. Well, _we _are now, I guess. It's going well. Got all the parts, it's just a case of putting them in when I can."

"When do you think you'll be finished?" Carlisle asked.

"Not sure. I can't do much now with school and stuff but I should be able to work a lot more on it over the summer. Hopefully it will be done by then."

"Sounds like you're doing alright. Nessie, how's the Buick?" Carlisle asked, smiling at his youngest.

"It'll be ready by her birthday but there's no rush right now," Nessie said, blowing on her lasagne before eating it.

"But your school work...?" Carlisle enquired.

"Is all getting done, Dad, don't worry," Nessie assured him with a smile.

"Just checking," Carlisle said. Nessie pulled a face at him. Carlisle pulled a worse one.

Jacob shook his head – the doctor made faces at the dinner table? Hilarious! He suddenly felt a lot more relaxed.

"Hey, you two, we have guests," Esme pointed out, but she was smiling, too.

After the main course, Esme brought out homemade apple pie and ice cream. "Who wants some?"

Everyone did.

* * *

"That was good," Jacob said when they were back in the garage. Instead of working on the car, they were sat on the short cabinets, letting their dinner go down. "You and your family pretty close, huh?" Jacob said.

"Yeah, we are. Comes from being born so close, I suppose. But then, I think we would be close anyway."

"Why?"

"Dunno. 'Cause we balance each other out, I guess. Emmett's really loud and doesn't care what people think, I'm hate crowds and won't talk to people I don't know, Edward won't put up with people unless he wants to and Alice refuses to let anyone _not _have a good time. But they've all got their _others_, now."

"You don't sound so cool with that," Jacob said.

"No, I am. Or at least I'm happy for them," Nessie qualified. "I guess I'm freaking because it's never been like this before. Emmett's never been in love before, Alice has never been this deep before and Edward has never even given a girl the time of day before! It's just...a lot. At the same time. Some days it feels like I'm reeling."

"So take a moment. Stop. Breathe," Jacob said, smiling at her, giving her shoulders a shake.

"I wish I could. Sorry, Jake, I keep dumping it all on you and that's not fair," Nessie said.

"It's okay, I got broad shoulders."

"Huh?" Nessie frowned at him, confused by the nonsensical remark.

"It means I can take it," Jacob said, smiling at the look on her face. He stretched out his hand, smoothing away the frown with his fingertips. "You shouldn't frown so much."

"'Cause it will give me wrinkles?" she said impishly.

"'Cause you look better when you don't."

Nessie opened her mouth to speak, didn't know what to say so closed it again and blushed, making Jacob laugh.

They stayed there for the rest of the evening, not working on the car, just talking, when they wanted to. Some of the time they sat there, doing nothing more than being with each other.

They didn't know what time Emmett came in, but sooner than they wanted there he was. "I've got to pick up Edward and Bella so we've got to leave now. That okay with you, Jacob?"

"Sure, sure," Jacob said, jumping down from the cabinets and holding his hand out to Nessie. Nessie took it and leapt down gracefully.

"Nessie, you coming with us, or you staying here?" Emmett asked.

"Will we all get in?" Nessie asked.

"Um," Emmett began working out each leg of the trip and its passengers.

"You can stay," Jacob said. "You don't want to go all the way to Port Angeles for nothing."

"You sure?"

"Sure, sure."

"As always," Nessie smiled. "Okay. Well, I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah. Next weekend?"

Nessie bit her lip. "I've got a biology test the Monday after. Can we do homework instead of cars?"

Jacob grinned. "Yeah, we can do that." He hadn't been sure if she had wanted to spend time with him that did not involve working on the cars. Before this evening he had been thinking of ways to delay completion but couldn't find any – Nessie knew her way around cars so would know when he was lagging.

"Okay. I'll call you in the week?" Nessie said.

"Alright." They had walked to the Jeep by this time. "See you later, Nessie," Jacob said. He reached and gave her a quick hug. It caught Nessie off-guard but she returned it gladly – once she had calmed down and registered the leather-woods-and-grease smell of Jacob was not the cold, icy feel of James. Jacob got into the backseat and she waved as they drove away.

"You okay?" Esme asked when Nessie walked up the steps to the porch.

"Yeah, I'm...good." She had been going to say 'fine' but realised she was not. Fine was what she said when she was not okay, but today was a good day, she was more than okay. She was...good.

"He hugged you," Esme said.

"Yeah."

"And you hugged him back."

"Yeah. Do you mind?" Nessie asked, looking at her mother, amused.

"No, honey, I don't mind." Esme gave her a watery smile.

"Mum! What's wrong?"

"Nothing, happy tears, I promise!" Esme flicked her hair over her shoulders. "When we were having dinner for Jasper and Rosalie's birthday I had this horrible feeling – what if you never found someone to love like the others have?"

"Mum, we're teenagers!" Nessie said, laughing to try and hide how her mother's words were affecting her.

"I know," Esme sniffed, laughing at herself. "I thought of that. I realised that you are so young, you can heal. But, oh, Nessie, you have no idea how wonderful it is to see you smile again!" Esme hugged her youngest close.

Nessie hugged her mom back. "I'm sorry, Mom, I thought I did smile. I tried."

"Oh no, honey, I know," Esme pulled back to look at her daughter's face. "I know but tonight, tonight you just _looked _happy. You know, inside outside kind of happy."

Nessie smiled bemused, thinking it over. "I am," she said finally. "I haven't told Jacob everything. I haven't told him nearly _anything_, but he's says he's going to stick around. And I believe him. For the first time in a long time, I believe someone."

Esme put her arm around Nessie's shoulders and Nessie put an arm around her mother's waist. Together they walked into the house to the kitchen where they had hot chocolate and more brownies than they should, laughing over everything, talking as they had not in a long, long time. They were still laughing when the others came home near midnight, Jasper and Alice turning up just as Emmett and the others were taking their shoes off.

Traipsing into the kitchen, they found Nessie and Esme, eyes bright, trying to contain themselves long enough for a decent 'hello'. For no reason any of the others could see, they burst out laughing. "Oh, sorry, sweethearts, everyone sit down, I'll made hot chocolate," Esme said, wiping her eyes.

Nessie had been laughing so hard that she cried, making the thick mascara and eyeliner give her panda eyes.

"What's going on?" Edward asked, easing himself into a chair next to Nessie.

"Nothing. I think me and Mom have had too much sugar," Nessie said. Deep breaths were not working to calm her down and the grin wasn't going away.

"Oh, okay," said Emmett.

Her family took their seats, looking at her.

Esme put mugs down in front of them all, before disappearing upstairs to bring Carlisle down. He gave them all a smile before taking his seat at the table. Since there were too many of them to have a seat each, Alice sat on Jasper's lap. Emmett was sat next to Rosalie, their chairs pulled close, his arm around her shoulders. Edward took the last seat sans Bella since she had been dropped off home on the way.

"So, what made you guys laugh so much?" Emmett asked.

"Oh, we were just going over old times," Esme said. "The first day we were all together. Mrs Phelps."

Emmett and Edward shared identical, evil grins. They remembered Mrs Phelps. And they were pretty sure she remembered them...if she was still alive.

"I wonder whatever happened to her," Alice said from her perch.

"She lived a good long life after getting rid of you four," Carlisle said fondly.

"We weren't that bad," Edward protested.

"You were awful," Esme said. "She was so grateful when I said we wouldn't need her anymore I thought she was going to kiss my feet."

"I miss Mrs Phelps, she was great fun," Emmett said wistfully.

"People are not playthings, Emmett," Carlisle said.

"Well," Emmett grinned, nudging Rose. She elbowed him in the side.

"Alright, who's staying and who is not?" Esme asked the Hales.

"Do you mind if we both?" Jasper asked her.

"Not at all. Right, off you go to bed, we'll see you in the morning for breakfast," Esme said.

"Night, Mom, Dad." They filed out of the kitchen with hugs and kisses and the six of them trailed up the stairs. Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice all said goodnight on the second floor, Emmett and Rose disappearing into Emmett's room, Alice and Jasper continuing to Alice's room further down the corridor. Up the next flight of stairs and the last two parted ways to opposite ends of the corridor, Edward to the last door at the end, Nessie to the flight of stairs leading to her room.

"Night, Ness," Edward said.

"Night, Eddie."

"Good to see you smile again," Edward said, giving her a crooked smile.

"Good to be smiling." She still was when she climbed the stairs, walking through the path she had created to the bathroom. Looking at herself in the mirror, Nessie tutted – she looked a state, her makeup halfway down her face, her hair messy and sticking up where she had brushed it back and put her hands in it when she had been laughing.

Grabbing face wipes, Nessie cleaned the eye makeup off. For the first time, Nessie looked at her reflection – really looked. She had big green eyes framed by arched deep red brows – thanks to Alice and the tweezers of doom – a straight nose, full mouth. A smattering of freckles spread over her nose and cheeks a little. Her hair tumbled loose and how ever the hell it wanted to. She looked disordered, a little wild. A free spirit. She had felt that same spirit in Jacob. What had she called him tonight? Jacob of the wolves? And he was – the Quileutes were supposedly descended from the wolves. He was also sweet, and happy. She had never seen him mad and wondered what he would be like. Whatever he was like, Nessie was willing to bet it was not quiet. Jacob was never quiet, he was always making some kind of noise. She found it comforting, being able to hear him. She hated silence.

But then, there had been lots of silence tonight. Long periods where neither of them had felt they _had _to talk. She hadn't had that before. All her life people had been trying to get her to talk more, convinced it would make her better with people, more social. It didn't. Most of the time it pissed her off – she had craved that one person she did not _have _to speak to, because their understanding of each other went deeper than that. Had she found him?

Jacob Black.

Jacob of the wolves.

Jacob her Sun.

Jacob her kindred, silent spirit.

Nessie snapped off the bathroom light and went to her dressing area. She tugged off today's clothes, shoving them in the hamper and donning her pyjamas. Usually she wore long sleeved top and trouser sets. But she didn't want to this night. It was too hot – unusually warm for Forks, even at this time of year. Going to the chest – while everything else was on rails, her underwear and pyjamas were not – she pulled out a set Alice had gotten her a while ago, when James was 'Nessie's boyfriend' not 'Nessie's psycho abductor'. The pixie had thrown them at her with a wink and a giggle that had scared Nessie almost as much as the pyjamas themselves. The top was a tank with a deep V-neck, a line of ribbon under the bust culminating in a bow at the point of the V. The shorts were barely that – short shorts that hugged the curve of Nessie's backside. They were in a deep emerald green that flattered Nessie's skin tone and hair colour while bringing out the same shade in her eyes. She had never worn them for James. She had shoved them in that back of her wardrobe never to be looked at again, hoping he would never find them.

"I can't wear these!" Nessie had hissed at Alice later that day when it was just the two of them. "He's never going to see them anyway!"

"Have them for when you're...enjoying yourself then!" Alice had laughed at the expressions on Nessie's face – confusion until she understood, then wide-eyed surprised, culminating in something akin to martyred disgust.

"I can't-" she had spluttered.

"You'll learn." Alice was a lot like Aunt Mildred – when it came to sex, there was nothing Alice wouldn't say. Bold as brass and twice as bright, she had once put it. Nessie tried not to think about..doing that...to herself.

But now, after a year, the pyjamas that showed more than they covered, were coming out. Nessie hoped this did not mean she was feeling..._frisky._ That was the last thing she needed.

She looked in her mirror – she didn't look half bad. She had lost the curves to fill out the outfit so they were a little looser than they should be. Twirling, she stopped to look in the mirror. She smoothed a hand over the ass that was only half covered – guys liked this? She decided to trust Alice on this rather than find out for herself.

Walking through the room, she looked through all of the windows as she past – the screens were only on the side to form cubicles, like in a office, none of them were boxed in – to the acres of ground surrounding their house. She loved being about to see the trees. And from her room she could see over the treetops to the drive – she could see all the way to the turn off to the road on a good day, which did not often happen.

Nessie climbed into bed. As usual at the full moon on a clear night, the space had moonlight filtering in through the windows and skylight. Nessie didn't like curtains that banished the light – there was not a single one in her room. At first it had been a pain and she had been up with the sun but she had learnt to sleep through it. It helped that she had a double bed with a canopy. It was a classical wood design, the kind that had a wooden top that curtains would hang down from, if she had them, not a cloth top. Nessie liked her bed. The frame was solid, old carved wood. The mattress was wonderfully comfortable. The quilts were thick in winter and exchanged for blankets in the summer.

There was no taint of James in this bed. He had never seen it, touched anything when he had snuck in her room while she was out after she had broken up with him. Aro and Sulpicia had had it made for her. It had been a present when she had come to Volterra the last time, a traumatised child. It had been her haven. It still was.

Nessie closed her eyes. For once she was weary in body but not in soul. Tired but a good tired. Tired like after a hard run. Your body craves rest but there is a strange energy coursing through you. A good energy. For the first time in over a year Nessie fell into a sleep untroubled by dreams of James. Or what would happen if he found her again. Or how he would punish her. Instead, she dreamt of light. Of laughter.

She dreamt of Jacob.

Fifteen miles away in his bed in La Push, Jacob slept of the same bewitching pair of green eyes that had haunted his dreams for the past month.

_Review, please!_


	29. Two Steps Back Into a New Direction

_Thank you dazzleglo, EsmeAliceRose, BriBri, teambillyblackakaMamaWolf, lannaislusciousredd, and EricaJaney for your reviews. Thank you Jkahn1 and EricaJaney for your favourites. And thank you to Wishes R Shooting Starseirbear63 for favouriting me as an author!_

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Chapter Twenty-nine – Two Steps Back Into a New Direction

Breakfast the next day was later than normal but no one minded. No one was awake to mind. So, it was more like brunch when they finally got downstairs for scrambled eggs and French toast.

Emmett squeezed so much ketchup onto his eggs that when he mixed it all up, the eggs went pink.

"That's disgusting," Rose told him as she sipped coffee.

"It looks like brain," Nessie said, her head to one side.

"Nessie, not at the breakfast table," Carlisle said. "If anything it looks more like a tumour."

"Carlisle!" Esme said, nudging her husband with her hip as she passed him to sit down. "Enough, everyone, eat don't play."

"Jazz, can you past me the toast, please?" Nessie asked.

Jasper passed the plate, nearly dropping it when he saw her arm. She followed his eye line from his face to her arms. "Mom and Dad won't let me wear my gloves at the table," Nessie said.

"Sorry, didn't mean to stare," Jasper became flustered not knowing what to do. A year on, the scars were silvery bands, knotted and ragged, around Nessie's wrists. No longer red and angry looking, they were never the less still disturbing to see. To imagine what happened to her to create them. The track marks had long since faded as Nessie had not used morphine since she had beaten the addiction.

"Its okay, Jasper. I should have worn longer sleeves, sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Nessie put her hands in her lap. Under the table, out of sight.

"No! Nessie! It doesn't – I'm not uncomfortable." He pulled up his own sleeves to reveal brawny arms covered in scars. He had never worn short sleeves before, but being Forks it didn't stand out so she had never thought about it.

Nessie cradled his arm in one hand, stroking the scars with the other. There was something about them that differed from the scars James had given her when he had cut her. It took her a moment to figure it out. "You did this to yourself?" she asked. It was as though no one in the room existed but her and Jasper.

He smiled sadly, covering her hand with his to hold it to his marked arm, the raised scars pressing into her skin. "I wanted to get the bad out. Drugs let me forget it for a while, but it didn't get rid of what was inside me."

"What was inside you?" Nessie asked.

"The same thing that is still inside me," Jasper said, "just me. I've always been my biggest problem."

"I'm my own worst enemy," Nessie quoted softly.

Jasper nodded and took his hand of her. Nessie let go of his arm and sat back, looking at her own scars. All of a sudden, they didn't bother he quite as much as they used to. She still hated them, they were still signs of how weak she had been, had controlled by James she had been. But they weren't a symbol of her self-loathing like Jasper had to see every time he looked at his arms.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Jasper said quietly, seeing her carefully blank expression and misinterpreting it as distressed.

"I'm not upset, Jazz, I'm fine," she said, squeezing his arm reassuringly.

"There was probably a better time than the breakfast table in front of everyone," Jasper said ruefully, shaking his head.

"Timing rarely works out when you're trying to comfort someone," Nessie said, smiling at him, her bangs falling into her eyes. She brushed them away with a gentle brush of her fingers.

The rest of breakfast was a little strained with no one knowing what to say, but soon enough it was over and they dispersed to get ready for the day and when anyone bumped into each other again they were all fine again. Apart from the young redhead woman struggling with herself upstairs...

Upstairs, Nessie was sat on her bed, running a finger round and round the cuff of one glove, staring out of the window. March 20th to May 24th – the bad period. Last year, abduction. This year, more curve balls than she could face thinking about. Soon though, soon it would be over. The first anniversary would be behind her. It had to be over. She just had to keep going, keep remembering that even during the hard times there were good days. Like yesterday.

Today was not such a good day. Today she would talk to Rosalie about Royce. She had to. It had been eating her up inside for weeks and she needed to know.

She needed some Dutch courage but all she had was regular straight forward Nessie courage. Not that that was up to much. Still she had to try.

Going downstairs she found Emmett and Rosalie on the sofa. The football was on but they were too interested in each other's lips to pay attention.

"Sorry," Nessie said, chickening out when they heard her and sprang apart. "Didn't mean to interrupt, I just wanted to get a drink." Her throat _was_ dry.

"No, it's cool," Emmett said. "We can watch TV."

"Actually, I was hoping to talk to Rose. Upstairs?" Nessie said, looking at the blonde.

"Oh, okay." Rosalie slid off the sofa, looking confusedly at Emmett. "That's cool. I'll be right back." She gave Emmett a kiss and let Nessie lead the way to her room on the fourth floor.

Emmett sat smiling smugly at the TV. Nessie had had problems with Rose but he was confident that they would sort them out. A little girl talk and it would all be fine.

Upstairs, Nessie closed the door and led Rose to the sitting area. There was little furniture – a sofa, a couple of easy chairs, a pile of books in one corner. Nessie sat on one of the chairs in her standard position – protective ball with her knees drawn her to her chest with her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin resting on her knees. Rose settled herself gracefully in the middle of the sofa, still unsure of what was going on.

Not liking to be on the back foot, Rosalie opened the conversation. "So, what's up?"

Nessie did not look at her for a long while. "I know you think I don't really like you. And it's true, I don't." Rose was hurt but forced herself to remain composed. "But not for the reasons you think. When I first met you I didn't like you because I thought you were beautiful and cold. But then, I couldn't hate you because I knew you weren't cold – you wouldn't take care of Jazz the way you do if you were."

"So, why don't you like me now?" Rose asked, keeping her voice from wavering.

"Because you're cheating on Emmett with a guy named Royce."

Rose looked like Nessie had slapped her. She reared back and the blood drained from her face. "I see."

"I hear you and Jazz talking the morning we went to Seattle. I'm guessing you were talking about Royce King Junior, son of Royce King Senior, the Senator."

"Yes," Rose said quietly. She looked down at her hands.

"What are you going to do?"

She looked up, her eyes brimming. "I don't know."

"Are you going to end it?"

"Which it? The 'it' with Royce or the 'it' with Emmett?"

"Pick one."

"I don't want to," Rose said miserably.

"Why are you doing it?"

"I don't know," Rose said, throwing up her hands. "My parents introduced us last year, before we left Texas. I didn't hear from him for months, but then he turned up out of the blue, here in Forks. Said we could try it – he's new money and needed a girl from an old family. I had only just met Emmett; I didn't really know how I felt about him. My grandmother told my parents and suddenly they're calling again, telling me to go for it. I don't see him that often, he's usually in Texas, working in his father's office."

"Why you, though? If he only wants a girl, if it's not love, why make so much effort?" Nessie asked.

Rose gave a bitter laugh. "Because he's never met anyone as beautiful as me. He's says we're a very photogenic couple. The press would love us."

"The king and his stunning queen," Nessie said softly.

"Pretty much," Rose sniffed. "I don't know how it all happened. I wasn't going to. I never meant it to go this far, not with Emmett. But I can't end it."

"Why not?"

Rose shrugged – the least delicate movement Nessie had ever seen her make. "Because I realised I loved him. I came here one day intending to break up with him and I lost my virginity to him instead."

"Whoa," that surprised Nessie. "You were a virgin before you met Emmett?"

Rose nodded. "Back home, cameras are on you all the time. Any girl that puts out is instantly labelled a slut. What with Jazz's drug habit Mom and Dad couldn't take anymore bad press. It became a challenge for men. See who could get into my pants." Tears slid down Rose's cheeks.

"Why the hell would you want to go back to that?" Nessie asked. "Why would you want to go back to be putting on a pedestal like that, a plaything for everyone else to use as they needed?"

"Because I was adored," said Rose. "I'm not like you or Alice or Bella or your Mom. I like being adored. I need it. I'm not strong enough to be disliked."

"I better there are people back there that dislike you," Nessie said.

"Yes, but not to my face. Even with Jasper's cocaine and heroin addiction, I was still the Bell of the Ball, the most beautiful, the one that would make everyone forget the rest of the rumours about my family."

"And that's why you're dating Royce? For your family status?" Nessie said disdainfully.

"Nessie, you don't understand," Rose said earnestly. "My family isn't like yours – for the Hales children are commodities to be invested in then traded where they will have the most return."

"You mean your parents hold love hostage in exchange for social prestige. Which is why they won't call Jasper – he has no value for them." Nessie felt sick – no wonder Jasper used drugs.

Rose nodded. "I love Emmett, I do, but Royce can give me something Emmett can't: my family."

"It won't last forever." Nessie told her it straight. "Your parents won't stand beside you when you're unhappily married to the _wrong guy. _And what about Jasper and Alice? How are you going to deal with them? Drag him kicking and screaming back to Texas? He'll come back for her. And then what? How the hell are you two going to deal with being in-laws when Emmett is the one that got away for you? Or your biggest regret – the guy you _didn't _end up with."

"Nessie, please stop!" Rose begged. She had thought about this but it was worse having someone else say it. Every day it got harder and harder. Every day she fell more and more in love with Emmett. "I'm not good for him. He's needs someone else. Someone who will choose him over wealth and society."

"And that person isn't you?" Nessie said, finally beginning to understand.

"No," Rose said. "As much as I love Emmett, I love myself more."

"I guess there's nothing else to say." Nessie stood up and stalked to the door, Rose trailing miserably behind. Nessie flung the door open and stood next to it so Rose could leave. "Oh, and by the way, Rose?" Rose turned to look at her. "You're a crappy liar." With that Nessie slammed the door in Rose's face.

Outside, Rose leant against the wall, trying desperately not to let the tears fall. Once she felt she had it under control, she made her way shakily down the stairs to the living room. Emmett was still on the sofa watching football. "Hey, babe," he said, when he heard her.

"Em?" she said quietly. "I feel kind of ill. I'm going to go."

Emmett looked up at her. When he saw her he leapt over the back of the sofa to get to her, gently taking her face in his hands. "Babe, Rose, what's wrong? You look pale. Did Nessie –"

"No, Nessie didn't upset me. I was feeling rough so we didn't talk," Rose lied smoothly. _Nessie is wrong, _Rose thought_. I'm a great liar. To Emmett. _

"Well, come here." Emmett pulled her into an embrace. "Do you want to see Dad? Or should I take you home?"

"It's not enough to go to hospital," Rose said. "It's just a bit of a headache, I didn't sleep well last night. I'm going to go home and have a lie down. I'll see you later." She kissed his cheek but he did not let go. Instead he looked at her, confused.

"Rose, I'm driving you home," Emmett said. "What did you think I would do? Wave you off and hoped you got home okay? Come on, let's go." He took her hand and gently guided her to the car.

_Royce would have. I had a headache on our date and he put me in a taxi so he could keep drinking with those friends of his. _Rose recalled those friends. Like Royce, they were all sons of Senators and the like. With power and money they thought they were invincible. Just thinking about them still sent shivers down her spine.

"Here," Emmett took of his sweater and wrapped it around her, thinking she was cold.

"I love you," she said. She did not know how long she could say it before he didn't believe her. Before she had to break his heart. But she needed to say it. Because no matter what happened, it was Emmett she loved. He just was not the one she could choose.

Emmett smiled at her and kissed her. "I love you, too, babe."

He drove her home then walked her to her room, tucking her into bed and getting her a glass of water. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay," she nodded.

"Where's Jasper?" Emmett said, wanting someone at home with her.

"He's with Alice...somewhere." Rose couldn't remember where he had said they were headed. "I think they went for a walk."

"Okay," Emmett said. "I'm going to give him a call and tell him you're here."

Rose put her hand on his arm. "You don't have to do that. It's not a big deal."

"I'm just going to let him know," Emmett said kissing her forehead. "Where's your grandmother?"

Rose shrugged. "I don't know. She doesn't really tell where she's going – she just waltzes in and out. It is her house I suppose."

"She's supposed to be your guardian," Emmett muttered.

"It doesn't matter. Jasper and I are used to it."

"Hmmm." Emmett still was not happy about it. "Do you want me to stay?"

"No, you go. I'm just going to sleep."

"Are you sure?" Emmett asked, brushing the hair off her face.

"If you stay I _won't _sleep," she smiled at him.

"Hey," Emmett put his hands up. "I can just lie here! I have self-control enough for that."

Rose laughed. "No, it's okay. We have that assignment due and I know for a fact you were too busy staring at my legs to do it when you came over."

Emmett grinned. "So, I don't have enough self-control for _that. _I don't think anyone would blame me."

"Yale won't accept you if you don't pass your senior year," Rose said.

"Babe, they're already accepted me! I'm in!" Emmett had gained early admission but when James had kidnapped Nessie, he, like the others, had stopped going to school. Although the other three had made their deal with the school, Emmett had been forced to redo his senior year because Yale would not take him without the finals that would get Emmett his high school diploma.

"It's still important," Rose persisted.

"Alright, alright," Emmett said. He kissed her cheek and got of the bed. "You know, anyone would think you're trying to get rid of me."

Rose could not do anything by smile weakly. Emmett gave her one last grin and disappeared. When she heard the front door slam close, Rose let the tears fall.

After ten minutes she had decided she had felt sorry for herself long enough. And now her head really was pounding. She went to the bathroom, washed her face and took and aspirin for her headache. Then she went back to bed and fell asleep.

It was late when she woke up. At first she was not sure why she had woken – it was dark outside. Then she heard the knock at her door again. Opening it, she found a worried looking Jasper outside her room. "Are you okay? Emmett called me to say you were unwell."

"I'm fine. Where were you?"

"Me and Alice went for a walk in the woods by the house," Jasper said.

"A walk, huh?" Rose plucked a twig out of his leonine hair and held it up.

Jasper had the good grace to blush a little. "We went with every intention of walking," he corrected.

"Huh." They walked to her bed and sat down.

"So, what happened? You never get ill. You won't allow it," Jasper said, smiling.

"Nessie knows. About Royce. She spoke to me about it." Rose rubbed her face.

"Oh." Royce was a sore spot between them, too. Jasper loved his sister, he loved Alice and he genuinely liked Emmett. He had no idea what he was meant to do in this situation.

"Yeah." Rose sighed.

"What did you say?" Jasper asked, frowning.

"I told her I didn't know how this would end. That I wasn't going to end either relationship."

"Why not, Rose? Fuck Royce, choose Emmett!" Jasper said.

"But Mom and Dad-"

"Fuck them, too," Jasper said harshly. "Fuck them all to hell! It's what they deserve! Don't make yourself miserable for people that _don't give a shit. _In that shiny world of mirrors and cameras _no one is real, Rosalie! _They're all fakes! God, I couldn't fucking stand it! At least when I was off my head I _knew _what I was seeing wasn't real. And you! You were the worst, Rose!"

"Why?" his sister asked, deeply hurt.

"Because you're better than that! Better than them all put together but you sold yourself out to be just like them! Everyone's little darling when you're not! You tough and your smart and, yeah you're beautiful but that's not all there is to you! Rose, you be so much more! You could be happy! That big house with the garden that someone else cleans? You could have that with Emmett!" Jasper knew all his sister's dreams. "And those babies? Rose, Emmett would give you as many kids as you wanted! Just to make you smile! And he would love them, Rose! He would play with them and make them laugh and take care of them when they were sick! He wouldn't shove them out of sight with a series of nannies that he was screwing like Dad did! And you wouldn't have to pretend you didn't know he was out there banging any piece of skirt that came his way! Because Emmett's a simple guy – he wants it, he has it, he fights for it. And he wants you!"

By this time the tears were again streaming down Rose's face. "It's not that simple."

"Yes it is," Jasper knelt in front of his sister and took her hands in his. "It can be. Just leave the glitter behind, Rose. Choose the diamond. Have it all."

"What about Mom and Dad?" Rose said weakly.

Jasper sighed. "Rose, I tried, okay? I tried to be the perfect son. I pretended I was someone I wasn't. And do you know what they did? They punished me for it, everyday, until my only way out was the drugs. When I was high I didn't care that they didn't love me. And they don't. They don't love you or me. I'm the failure and you're the princess. We're pawns to them, Rose. They don't care about us. It's you and me, okay? Just like it always has been. You and me?"

"Together in the womb," Rose said, blinking the tears away.

"Together in the world," Jasper responded. They didn't remember when they came up with that – it was something they had said ever since they were too young to remember. He laid his forehead against his sister. "Whatever you do, Rose, I'm in your corner, backing you up, okay?"

Rose nodded. "I love you, Jazz. I'm glad I came to this place with you."

"'Cause I'm awesome or because you met Emmett?"

Rose laughed. "Both."

"I love you, too, Rosy."

Jasper left her with one last smile and Rose crawled back into bed.

That night she dreamt. It was the same dream twice over with one very important difference. Once she was married to Emmett, once to Royce. In her first dream, she and Emmett lived in a big white house, so much like the one he lived in now. They had children and she watched as Emmett chased them around the house, picking them up and throwing them up only to catch them in his strong arms. Their children squealed with laughter, curly hair a mess, huge dimples on their cheeks. Jasper walked through the door, towing Alice who in turned towed a young child – a little boy, the spitting image of Jasper at that age but with his mother's raven hair. Edward was sat at the piano, Bella watching as he showed a bronze haired little girl how to play. She stood next to him, too little to reach the keys, her father's arm around her waist to hold her steady. Esme and Charlie watched, smiling at their grown family. But someone was missing...until a hugely pregnant Nessie walked in. She was different – smiling, without gloves. They were all so happy. They were a family.

The next dream pulled her down into it's depths. It was cold here, and the light was wrong, as though the last dream was in Technicolor, but this was sepia. She and Royce sat at either ends of a huge table laid with crystal and silver. It was just the two of them but the table could have easily sat twenty. So much distance. A woman led in two little children, perfectly pressed and neat, their hair brushed into straight waves. They looked so sad. She wanted to hug them but she felt weighed down. The children sat goodnight to Royce, the nanny sharing a suggestive look with him. She noticed but looked at her children instead. Her pride and joy, her babies. She opened her arms and they shared a long hug until Royce cleared his throat. Chastened, they all dropped their arms and the children left for bed. "You shouldn't pander them like that, Rose."

"They're our children, Royce," Rose heard herself say.

"They must learn to behave properly."

Rose looked around at her opulent surroundings. She caught her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was swept up showing off the diamonds at her throat and ears. She looked older – thirty five, maybe – and unhappy.

She found her eyes in the mirror and felt chilled. They were like the diamonds she was wearing. Cold. Dead. Where was the life? Where was the laughter?

"I'll be late home, Rose," Royce said, getting up.

"As always," she said. She knew where he went. She knew how many women he had.

Royce did not look happy at her comment. She should not have said anything. He did not like it when she spoke out of turn. He walked towards her and she trembled. "That was unkind, Rose," he said. He put his hand on her cheek. "You should not have said it." He slapped her...

...and she woke up.

Running to the mirror she looked at her reflection. No, she was not that woman yet. She was not beaten and broken. She was not old and alone in a huge house with an unfaithful husband and children she could not even hug. She was young. She was still full of fire.

And no one was taking that from her.

It was over. Royce, her, her parents. Done.

She tore through her bag until she found her cell. She scrolled through her contacts until she found 'Home'.

As usual it went to voicemail – her calls always did. "Mom, Dad, it's Rosalie. You know, your daughter? I'm calling to tell you I'm done with it. You want a Senator? Go fuck one because I'm done with Royce. It's over. I'm with Emmett. I love Emmett and he loves me and I'm going to be with him.  
"Your son is fine by the way. Jasper? The one that nearly _died. _That you haven't call since. He's great. Wants nothing to do with you but then that's no real loss to you guys, is it? Since you never wanted anything to do with us.  
"Don't bother calling back, not that you usually do, because I'm not picking up. So, I guess that's it. This family is officially divorced."

She snapped her phone shut. She had done it. And she could not take it back.

She started to freak out.

"Jasper!" she yelled as she sunk to her knees. "Jasper!"

Jasper came running in in nothing but his boxers, his hair a complete mess, looking frantic. "Rose? What's wrong? Why are you on the floor?" He put his arms under her shoulder and pulled her off the floor.

"I did it, Jazz. I told Mom and Dad. It's done. This is it. This is our family, you and me. I did it!"

Jasper looked at her stunned for a moment then gave a yell. He picked Rose up and spun her in a circle, still whooping. "You mean it? You told them?"

"I told them that I loved Emmett and I was going to be with him," Rose beamed proudly.

"How did they take it?" Jasper asked, too happy to care.

Rose smile faltered. "I don't know, it was the answer machine," she said, looking sheepish.

Jasper looked at her incredulously before bursting out laughing. Rose joined in until they could not stand any longer and ended up collapsed on the floor again.

"So, it's really it. No more you-Royce-Emmett love triangle?" asked Jasper when they could breathe again.

"Nope."

"Do you think they'll come down here? See us to talk it through?" Jasper could hide the longing in his voice.

"I don't know. Maybe. But do we want them to?" Rose asked. "The last time you and Dad were in the same room you OD'ed afterwards."

"Yeah, that was dumb," Jasper said. "But hey, I'm clean, you're tough. Maybe they'll see us and realise they were wrong to distance themselves."

"Or maybe they'll come down because I've just thrown away the society wedding of the century and they want to tell us that we're fuck-ups and they _were _right to distance themselves."

Jasper shrugged. "Whatever. We can blame it all on them anyway."

"Says who?" asked Rose, perplexed.

"Freud."

"Can't argue with the man with facial hair and a cigar."

"No, you cannot."

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_Review please! _


	30. Girl Talk

_This chapter is dedicated to EsmeAliceRose, BriBri and dazzleglo because you guys always review and I'm so grateful! And thank you to Eveline for your reviews._

_Thank you Twilightbuster, huddy1216 for favouriting!

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Chapter Thirty – Girl Talk

Nessie slammed the drawer closed. Eating his cereal at the breakfast bar, Edward looked over at her, the spoon halfway to his mouth. "What did the drawer do you?" he asked with a grin.

"Nothing," Nessie snapped. She gripped the spoon in her hand until her knuckles turned white. The bowl, box of cereal and milk carton were all slammed down on the breakfast bar with similar force.

"Whoa, Ness, what is wrong with you? You're seriously pissed."

"Thank you for the news flash, Captain Obvious," Nessie snarled. Her conversation with Rose last night had gone round and round her head. The confusing contradiction of Rose's infidelity and her obvious care for Emmett put Nessie on edge – she didn't know where this was going and she _hated _that.

She poured milk and cereal into the bowl and took a bite. Edward could hear her teeth against the metal.

"Okay, that's it." Edward leant over and tugged the spoon out of her mouth. When she tried to get it back, he snagged the bowl too and slid them over to his other side. "What's going on with you?

"I'm annoyed."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Edward said, rolling his eyes. "Why are you annoyed?"

"I can't tell you."

That one surprised Edward. As a family they shared everything. "Why can't you tell me?"

"It's not mine to tell." She knew it was not a good enough answer and Edward's look let her know that. "Edward, please, I will tell you when I can but I can't right now, okay?"

Edward sighed and slid her cereal back towards her. He held out the spoon but when she started to take it Edward flicked it backwards him. "But you got to tell when _before _it gets worse."

Nessie nodded. "Deal." Edward flicked the spoon towards her and she took it with a smile. "Thanks, Ed. For not pushing."

Edward shrugged then nudged her with his shoulder. "Wouldn't work with you anyway. You're too frigging stubborn."

"Wonder who I have that in common with," Nessie said, nudging him back.

"Yeah, we really should talk to Emmett about it." Nessie had just taken a bite of cereal and spluttered as she laughed. Edward had to pound her on the back to dislodge the Lucky Charms in her throat.

"What's going on here?" Alice asked, waltzing into the kitchen with a vase of flowers. "Edward, why are you beating Nessie up at the breakfast table."

"Wow, you sounded like Mom just then," Edward said.

"And you didn't answer the question," Alice said, smiling as she leant on the counter in front of them.

"Nessie was choking."

"Why?"

"Because because I made her laugh."

"Why?"

"I made a witty comment."

"I see."

"Are we good now?" Edward asked. Breakfast was taking a long time this Sunday.

"Go about your business, little people," Alice said, waving a hand royally as she swept out of the kitchen.

"Who you calling little, pixie?" Nessie called after her.

Alice turned around and stuck out her tongue.

"I love how the only person _under _five foot in this family calls everyone else short," Nessie said, shaking her head as she smiled.

Edward laughed.

"You're particularly happy today. You get laid yesterday?" Nessie asked, taking a bite of cereal.

It was Edward's turn to choke this time. Nessie took great pleasure in return the thumps on the back. "No, I have not!" Edward choked. Nessie was not sure if he was red out of embarrassment or due to choking.

"So, why are you so happy?"

"Me and Bella are going hiking."

Choking at the breakfast table seemed to be the new thing today. Nessie wondered if they would make it to lunch. "Bella? You're taking _Bella _hiking? You do know she can't make it across the cafeteria without tripping, don't you? How is she meant to make it through the _woods?"_

"I'll be there."

"Holding her hand?" Nessie smiled, batting her eyelashes.

"I'll hold anything she wants me to," Edward said.

They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"You've finally realised you're a teenage boy, then," Emmett said, walking into the kitchen. He grabbed a bowl and a spoon and snagged the cereal and milk Nessie had left on the bar.

"I always knew. I just never had to overcompensate like some," Edward said.

"Says the virgin."

"Some would say you're excess of sexual partners is a way of trying to prove your masculinity. Since you're insecure about your tiny penis."

Nessie laid her head on the bar, unable to control the laughter anymore.

"Hey, I will _show _you how big I am!" Emmett said, standing up, his hands on his belt.

"Please God, no!" Nessie yelled, wiping the tears away. "I can't take it this early in the morning."

Her brothers looked at her. "Not that I've ever see one of them anyway," Nessie rushed on, looking away as she finished her cereal.

"Well, well, Miss Nessie," Emmett said, smirking at Edward, who grinned back. "What have you and Jacob be getting up to when we think you're fixing those cars?"

"Fixing the cars," Nessie said, refusing to rise to the bait.

"Testing the shock absorbers no doubt," Edward said.

"Nice one." Emmett held out his fist which Edward bumped.

"Yeah, real witty," Nessie said, putting her bowl in the dishwasher. "I will see you children later."

"Stay off the backseat," Edward called after her as she left the kitchen.

Emmett laughed. "_Another _good one!"

Nessie rolled her eyes. Her brothers really did not have very high standards.

Then the phone rang. "I'll get it," she called through the house. "Hello?"

"Nessie?" asked a familiar voice. One that could either be melodic as wind chimes or sharp as broken glass. "Hi, it's Rose."

"I'll get Emmett," Nessie said coldly.

"No, actually, I wanted to talk to you." Rose sounded nervous. "Do you think we could go out for lunch? Just you and me?"

"Why?" Curiosity broke through some of the icy veneer.

"I thought we could talk," Rose said hopefully.

"I have nothing to say to you."

"I know, but I have things to tell you."

"I found out everything I need to know last night." Nessie refused to give an inch.

"Please, Nessie," Rose sounded desperate now. Nessie had never heard her that way. _It suits her,_ Nessie thought nastily. "Please give me a second chance. I made a mistake but I've fixed it now. Please? For Emmett."

Damn it she was good. "Fine. But I retain the right to hit you." Nessie hung up before Rose could say anything further. Then she went upstairs.

On the fourth floor she hopped in the shower. It was only ten in the morning. Rose would probably be over by twelve. That gave her two hours to armour up.

Getting out of the shower, Nessie tucked a towel around her and walked to her wardrobe on rails. She took underwear and leggings from the chest of drawers. Next she pulled a short black dress and a black zip up hoody – the staples of her wardrobe.

Shoes, jewellery and make-up were the hard parts. They were the ones that let people know how she was feeling. Today she felt pissy and wanted to show Rose up. She chose the black leather biker boots covered in buckles and studs. The make-up was thick and dark as usual around her eyes but she rubbed some concealer onto her lips to make them paler, making her eyes seen even darker and more bewitching. She swept up her hair into a messy knot so that strands of curls hung down, brushing her neck. Combined with the earrings that were long spikes hanging from a delicate chain attached to the stud, the free ringlets drew attention to the length of her smooth, pale neck. So she took a long, thin silver scarf and tied it so it hung down the front like a necktie, hiding the vertical scars on the back of her neck.

She looked at herself in the floor length mirror and changed her mind about the hoody. Hanging it back up, Nessie slipped on a light cardigan that fell to mid-thigh like her dress with wide sleeves that reached her elbows. She took her over the length gloves – black, the same thin wool knit of the cardigan – and pulled them on. She slipped on a wide silver bangle onto each wrist and several rings – all silver. There was one with a celtic design, a plain thumb ring, a full finger ring with a swirl design and her fifteen birthday present – an emerald on a plain band with a smaller diamond either side; it was the most precious thing she owned and she felt like she needed that boost now.

Grabbing a small leather purse, she put her wallet, phone, keys, a small mirror and her tube of coverup to fix up her lips after lunch.

Looking at her reflection, she judged herself to be suitably scary and left her room. Walking down the stairs, she found the whole family in the kitchen.

"What are we getting for lunch?" Esme asked.

"I'm going out for lunch," Nessie told them. The rest of her family looked up when she said that and took in the outfit.

"Did Jacob piss you off?" Edward asked.

"I'm not going out with Jacob," Nessie said, taking her seat at the table.

"Then who-?"

"Rosalie."

"You're going out with Rose?" Emmett asked. He did not know whether this was good or bad but his face belied his hope.

"She called this morning and said that she wanted to take me to lunch. To talk." Nessie made it clear with her tone that she was not happy about it but she did nothing to let Emmett know _what _Rose wanted to talk about.

"And you're going?" Emmett asked.

"I'm dressed aren't I?" Nessie flicked her hair sharply.

"Thanks, Ness," Emmett said. "I really appreciate you trying with Rose."

Nessie raised her eyebrows, annoyed. "I'm only going for you."

"Why do you have such a problem with Rose, Nessie?" Carlisle asked.

"Because we don't understand each other," Nessie said. "Maybe after today we'll be better. I promise nothing," she said quickly, looking at both Emmett and Carlisle. "So don't get your hopes up."

"Thanks, anyway," Emmett said.

Nessie's cell phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Rose. I'll pick you up in half an hour if that's okay?"

"Sure, half an hour. I'm ready."

"Okay, see you then, Nessie."

"Bye." Nessie snapped the phone shut and dropped it back into her bag.

"You're not going to take it easy on her, are you?" Emmett asked after Nessie's less than enthusiastic conversation.

"Nope," Nessie said. "Not a chance."

"Why?" asked Emmett.

"Because I'm your sister and you love her but I've got to make sure she's good enough for you. Alice is too sweet." _She's got a lot of explaining to do. And I want answers. Proper answers, not the touchy-feely floundering of the night before._

"Please, Nessie. Don't ruin this for me," Emmett begged. "Like you said, I love Rose – not like, _love_."

"I won't be the one to end your relationship," Nessie said. "I could hate her like the Devil and I still wouldn't. Because you're my brother and I love you. I want you to be happy, Em, and if Rose makes you happy then what I have to say shouldn't matter. You've never cared if we liked you're girlfriends before."

"Love makes you do crazy things," Emmett said with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah, save me the proverbs," Nessie said. Emmett was still looking at her with his big brown eyes pleading. She reached across the table with her hand outstretched. Emmett put his hand in her. "I promise, Em. I'm going to give her a hard time but then...we'll see."

"Okay. I can live with that. I _have _to live with that," Emmett accepted.

"How about a cup of tea?" Esme said. "Now that we're all acknowledged that Nessie is in fact not going to drive Rose away?"

"Sounds good," Carlisle said.

Nessie was just draining her cup when the doorbell rang. Emmett went to answer it, eager to see Rose if he was not the one she would be spending the day with. He kissed her soundly, pulling her into the house. "You look gorgeous. Why am I surprise?" Emmett said with a grin.

"Thank you," Rose said, smoothing the outfit when he let her go. "Do you think it's good enough for a girly lunch date with your sister? Will it get me on her good side?"

Emmett held her arms out to the side, their fingers laced. She was wearing jeans with a black top that clung to her figure, high heels and a blue-grey jacket. Simple, not overly colourful or showy. "I think you look perfect."

"But will it get me into her good graces?" Rose pressed.

Emmett grimaced theatrically. "I don't know if she has good graces today – she's dressed for war and Nessie won't pull a punch. She's learnt not to."

"Which means I may end up on my ass," Rose said what Emmett did not want to. "Okay. I can handle that. She gets one hit – then I fight back."

Emmett grinned. "That's my girl." He pulled her in for another kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, too." It felt so great being able to say it and know they had a long as they wanted – no one was forcing her to break up with him.

Nessie had deliberately chosen to put her cup in the dishwasher and walk to the front door slowly. But now she had made it. "I'm here. Are we going?"

Rose broke away from Emmett. "Yeah. Wow, you look...great." _In a very intimidating kind of way._

"Thank you." Nessie saw Emmett in her peripherals, pointing at Rose without his girlfriend noticing. Nessie got it. "You look good too. I like your shoes."

Rose held a foot away from her. "You like? They're the shoes Alice forced me to buy on her birthday. They kill to wear."

"But they look good," Nessie said.

"That's the important thing," Rose said, nodding, enjoying the banter.

"I guess."Nessie was getting uncomfortable. She did not dress to look good or attract attention like Rose. They were just two very different people; Nessie did not quite know how this would work.

"So, shall we?" Rose asked, gesturing to the door.

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you later, Em," Nessie said. "Bye, guys!" she yelled to the kitchen. A chorus of farewells reached her and Rose, who likewise said goodbye.

Emmett kissed Rose and touched Nessie's shoulder as she past.

They climbed into Rose's Mercedes M3 and she took off – she drove as fast as any of them. "So, where do you want to go for lunch?" Rose asked.

"How about somewhere in Port Angeles? Where we won't be overheard," Nessie said.

"Okay," Rose nodded.

They did not speak for the rest of the drive. Rose parked outside a small Italian restaurant. "It's really good here," she said, getting out.

"Apparently," said Nessie. "Edward took Bella here for their first date," she explained when Rose looked at her. "Speaking of...why don't you like Bella?"

"That's between me and Bella," said Rose.

"Uh huh," Nessie said, walking ahead. "That a polite way of telling me to mind my own business?"

"I didn't mean it like that, Nessie," Rose said, using her extra three inches to keep up with the striding girl.

"Whatever," Nessie said, back to being cold.

Rose sighed. Whatever tentative progress they had made was lost and she was back to having a hostile adolescent hate her.

"How many?" the woman asked.

"Two," Rose said.

The woman led them to a booth in the corner.

"Perfect, thank you," Rose said.

"Can I get you any drinks?" she asked.

"Coke, please," Rose said, smiling at her. "Nessie?"

"Same, thank you." The welcome gave Nessie one look and blanched, recovering quickly. Nessie ignored the pang it caused – she was used to it by now.

"You're – you're waitress will bring you your drinks," the welcome said, hurrying away.

"Ignore her – she's probably a bitch," Rose said.

"I'm used to it, don't worry," said Nessie, tracing the tablecloth with her finger. "In my life I've either been ignored or inspired fear and loathing. I don't care anymore."

"I wish I was that tough," Rose said. "I've always needed people to admire me. But, I don't think you're okay with it either, not really." Rose tried to meet Nessie's eyes but the younger girl was determinedly keeping them averted.

"I don't want to be liked. I want to be left alone," Nessie said.

"You don't want Jacob to leave you alone," Rose pressed. "You like him."

"Yeah. And as soon as he finds out about what I freak I am he'll run," Nessie said. When she realised what she had let slip she looked up at Rose angrily. "What is this? Why the fuck do people keep talking to me about Jacob? We are here because you are cheating on my brother and I want to know why the hell I haven't told him yet."

"I know," Rose said, looking down at her hands on the table.

Their waitress chose that moment to turn up with their drinks. "Here we go. And here are your menus," she said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Thank you," Rose said, taking the menu.

Nessie took the menu and did not bother looking at the waitress so missed this one's double take. "Thanks."

They looked down at the menus, choosing to focus on the food while they were likely to be interrupted and leave the difficult conversation until they were properly alone.

The waitress came back after a few minutes and they ordered a Caesar salad for Rose and the seafood risotto for Nessie. The next quarter of an hour was tense as they waited for their food. Nessie chewed on some bread, looking anywhere but at Rose while Rose tried and failed to instigate inane conversation to fill the gap.

"So, you and Royce," Nessie said, spearing a prawn. "How long have you been with him?"

"My parents introduced us two weeks before we came to Forks – they were hoping he could act as a way of countering the bad press Jasper's collapse generated. But then, I got on a plane and followed Jasper here, so...I never thought twice about him. Until he turned up in Forks. It was winter vacation and he came to see me. I had just started going out with Emmett who I was feeling things for that I had not felt before.  
"That night, for the first time since we left, I got a call from my parents. They asked me if I had seen Royce and suddenly me and my mom were laughing again like we used to.  
"I got in too deep too fast. But I thought I could handle it. I was with Emmett but every so often Royce would come to see me. It was fine until sex got in the way. Me and Emmett...well, you know we got pretty heavy pretty fast. Then one day we just...went the whole way. It felt right, natural to be with him. But Royce came to see me and made it plain he had spent the effort and wanted a little reward. It was quick; that's the best I can say about it."

"So, why stay with him?" Nessie asked. "Even then you knew it wasn't right between you."

"I talked to my mother and father," said Rose, picking at her salad. "They made it clear that this alliance would wipe the slate clean of any previous...transgressions. Royce could give me everything I had ever wanted – my family back together, the life I had always dreamed of. All I had to do was give up Emmett. And I couldn't."

"So, what?" Nessie said, bitterness and sarcasm twisting her words. "You're going to marry Royce but fuck Emmett? Queen Rose with the best of both worlds – the political husband for the world and the guy that gets you off for your bed."

"No," Rose said, desperate for Nessie to listen. She grabbed Nessie's hand, making the glaring teen look at her and see the sincerity blazing in her eyes. "No, Nessie. I told my parents I wasn't doing it anymore. I called them last night and told them that Royce and I were over, that I'm with Emmett now. I'm done being used, Nessie. By my parents, by Royce. I'm sick of it. They make me feel cheap, like some whore they picked off the streets and put in a nice dress. With Emmett, I like who I am when I'm with him. And I realised that I had I was wrong – I loved Emmett more than I could love any lifestyle."

"And it doesn't matter that Emmett can give you that lifestyle anyway? Given how rich he is," Nessie said. She was not prepared to believe Rose, who knew this.

"Call Jasper, he'll tell you. I'm not going to cheat on Emmett anymore," Rose said.

"Will you tell him? About you and Royce?" Nessie asked.

"Yes," Rose said. "I don't know when. I'm trying to time it right."

"There is no right time to rip out a person's heart," Nessie said harshly. "But I'm not letting anything get in the way of him and Yale, not again. I cost him it once before, I won't stand by and let it happen again. Tell him after finals, when he's aced it and Yale has told him he is definitely in."

"Okay," Rose nodded. She did not want to cost Emmett Yale either – she knew how much it meant to him.

"And Rose," Nessie slid her hand out from under Rose's and fixed her with a stare to scare the Devil. "If you don't tell him I will. I won't let him throw his life away on you."

"Okay," Rose said. Her nod was shaky this time as Nessie's words struck deep. "Okay."

They spent the rest of the meal in silence. Rose paid and drove Nessie home.

"Thanks for lunch," Nessie said, getting out of the car.

"No problem," Rose said. They had gotten nowhere. She could not get through to the one person left between her and Emmett.

She was about to drive away when she heard Nessie say her name.

"Rose." Nessie was stood by the car door she had not closed yet. "I'm not doing this because I hate you; I'm doing it because I _love Emmett_. And because I always think the worst of people. Prove me wrong...and we'll be fine."

Rose nodded, smiling weakly. Nessie did not smiled but she did give a nod, looking at Rose for the first time that day without anger or distance in her eyes. In her own way, Nessie was trying to make this work.

* * *

_You have a week to review because I'm going to my Gran's for the week and she doesn't have internet access so I won't be able to update while I'm there. Take the opportunity to tell me what you think!_

_Thanks guys!_


	31. A Good Day

_Gah! Apologises! I've had to rearrange and renumber these chapters so many times I duplicated a chapter by mistake! THIS is the next chapter – hope you guys like it and sorry for the mix-up! _

Chapter Thirty-one – A Good Day

They were in the garage once more, working on the Rabbit. Jacob kept looking over at her.

"What is it?" Nessie asked, when she caught him looking away yet again.

"Nothing," Jacob smiled, bending over the engine next to her, wrench in hand.

"Then why do you keep looking at me?" Nessie asked, leaning her weight on one arm to look at him.

Jacob stopped working and rested on his forearms, looking up at her with that bright, easy smile firmly in place. "You keep smiling."

"What?" Nessie looked at him.

"Yeah, you do. You keep smiling to yourself. You look...happy," Jacob said.

Nessie smiled, then bit her lip trying to contain her laugh when she realised what she was doing. "I guess I do."

"Do I get to know why?" Jacob asked, standing up straight.

Nessie looked at him for a long moment until Jacob was sure this was going to be another of those long stories that were too complicated to tell him.

But not this time. "Do you ever feel like you are coming out from a dark period of your life? Like the hard part you felt would never end is finally over and you're standing in the sun again? And no one can make you go back to that darkness? Not ever, because you made it once; you can make it again."

Nessie's eyes were bright today. There was a glow that all that makeup could not hide. Jacob was taken back to that night he had first seen her – she was not the twilight Fury today. She was the seraphim angel dressed in black.

"Yeah, I think I know what you mean," he said.

"Well, that's what I feel like today," Nessie said, her voice low and warm. Far more intimate than he thought she realised. "Do you know what today is, Jacob?"

He went with the most obvious answer, the only answer he knew for sure. "May 24th?"

Nessie nodded. "May 24th. It is always a good day. And today, today is a _great _day."

"Why?" Jacob asked, laughing.

"Because today is the day I came back. One year ago, I came back from Hell. And one year on, I'm still here." She put down her spanner and pushed away from the car.

Jacob watched her walk across the garage with her arms raised. When she reached the rectangle of light made by the door she twirled around, spinning on her toes. She laughed, a light joyous sound that made Jacob laugh with her.

She stopped facing him, her breath a little faster than normal. She held out her hands to him. "Come dance with me."

Jacob laughed outright at that. He had never seen Nessie like this. He walked over to her slowly, taking her in, the way the sun came in through her hair. "There's no music," he said when he reached her, his voice low and husky. It sounded huskier than normal to him as he tried to focus. He laced his fingers with hers.

"I don't care," she said, stepping closer to put one hand on his shoulder leaving the other hand in his. "Dance with me."

So he danced with her. They spun slowly in that rectangle of light, Nessie murmuring Aerosmith's 'Don't Want To Miss A Thing' with her head resting on his chest.

The black jeans and top were well worn, hugging her body under his hands. He had thought about her body, yes, but he had never been close enough to touch anything other than her hand. Her clothes never showed any of her off. But he could feel her now. The curve of her waist under his hand. He could see her ass if he looked down. The way he held her pressed her breasts against his chest. He leant his cheek on her head, letting the smell of her hair fill him. As he did, Nessie let go of his hand, resting this one on his bicep. Not knowing what else to do, Jacob put his hand on her back, below the first one, his palm covered the small of her back, his fingers spreading to rest on the curve of her bottom a little.

"Jacob?" Nessie had stopped singing – when had she done that?

He tensed a little, wondering if he had gone too far. "Yeah?"

"I like this," she said simply.

She did not say anything else but they continue to sway round and round slowly for a while.

"I've never danced like this with anyone before," she whispered.

Jacob coughed – his throat was a little tight. "Me neither," he said.

"I don't let people this close," Nessie said.

"I'm glad you let me," he replied, holding her a little closer.

Nessie gave a small shift to get comfortable in the new embrace. "I know you won't hurt me."

"I did promise," Jacob said.

"Yes you did." Nessie gave a content sigh. "When did you grow?" she asked out of the blue.

He gave a husky laugh. "I don't know. Keeps happening."

"It suits you," Nessie said. "I like reaching for you."

_I like you reaching for me. I like you, _he thought. He could not say it so he kept them moving.

"I trust you, Jake," Nessie said. "You have no idea how hard it is for me to say. How long I've wanted to. But I trust you."

"I think you know how I feel about you," Jacob said huskily.

Nessie brought her head off his chest to look him in the face. He met her eyes but it was hard to do. She nodded. "I do know. Do you think me wicked, being here when I know I can't feel the same."

Jacob was afraid she would say that. It was hard as hell, but he shook his head. He tucked her head under his chin, resting on it. It hurt but at least she had been honest. "It's okay, Nessie. I don't think you're wicked."

"I'm sorry, Jake," she said into his chest.

"It's okay, Nessie," he said. "I get it." She was rich, he was not. She was cultured, experienced, had been places. He was still the same small town boy he had been two years ago. She could do anything, go anywhere, be anything. He knew he would never be anything special, probably would never go that far from home.

She would never give it all up to be with him. They were worlds apart and he knew that.

It did not stop it hurting.

"I'm sorry, Jacob," Nessie said. "But you deserve better than I can give you. You deserve more than a messed up, scarred addict whose afraid of everything, even of herself."

It took Jacob a moment to process it all. "What do you mean?" he asked.

She gripped his T-shirt before pushing away from him. They stood for a moment, Jacob's hands still on her hips, her hands clutching him. She looked scared and determined. Like she was making a decision.

"I have to show you what I mean." She took his hand and led him outside. It was raining but she did not care. She needed the open. She needed to breathe.

She took him to the beach and they walked, walked until they found a washed up tree bough to sit on. She settled on it and Jacob sat beside her; he did not drop her hand but cradle it in his lap, tracing the lines of her palm hidden under the glove she wore.

She had a short sleeved T-shirt on with them. "You can take them off," she told him.

Keeping her gaze, he tugged at the fingers one by one, the index finger last so he could keep hold of it and pull the glove off in one easy movement. He took her other hand and did the same before he looked down at her arms.

He took her hands in his, turning them over seeing that the scars went all the way around. He ran his fingers up, tracing the delicate blue veins under her skin to her elbow. There was something wrong. The skin on the inside of her elbows was wrong somehow. His fingers trailed back down her arm to follow the scars on her wrists. "How did it happen?" he asked in hushed tones.

"It was a boy named James," she said. She took one of his hands in her, guiding it over her skin. "This is where he tied me up," she said, their hands at her wrist. She moved them up to the crook of her elbow. "And this is where he injected me with morphine, making me an addict." She told him the whole story, from the first day of freshman year when she met James to the night they met at the bonfire.

"A morphine addict?" Jacob repeated when she was done, unable to believe, to comprehend the idea.

Nessie nodded slowly. "With PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," she said when he did not understand. She gave a hollow laugh. "A morphine addict suffering from PTSD. Aren't I a catch?"

"You were addicted to morphine?" He could not seem to move off this topic.

"Still am," she said softly. "I've been clean for eleven months. But you never really stop being an addict. You're just...an addict that's been clean for longer and longer."

Jacob nodded; whether unable or unwilling to speak he was not sure. He did not know what he had been expecting but this was not it. Dregs of old news reports started to come to him. "Your Italian grandparents, they're Volturi, aren't they?"

Nessie nodded. "How did you know?" she asked, looking down at their hands still joined.

"I remember the pieces they did on TV and in newspapers. The granddaughter of an old Italian family kidnapped by her boyfriend. They said that you were found and returned home. Happy ending," Jacob said, looking at the knotted scars and abused veins.

Nessie gave a hollow laugh. "There's always something after the happy ending. The media didn't care, though; they got their story. No one ever knew how many pieces James left me in. Not even me."

"You really tried to kill yourself?" Jacob asked. Nessie had told him about the night with the scalpel.

"I seriously thought about it," she said. They were soaked to the skin by this point but they still did not move.

"Why didn't you?" he asked. "What made you change your mind?"

"I didn't want to die," she said, looking at him. He was hunched with his head bowed. She could not see his face.

"And now?" Jacob asked, scared of the answer.

Nessie paused. "I still don't. The last two months – the first anniversary – were the hardest. I was so sure that each night I could go to sleep and wake up to find that the last year was all a dream, that I would still be in that Hell. But every day I woke up and I was here. Every day I found a reason to keep going." He was not looking at her still so she leaned closer to him. "I'm not suicidal, Jake. I'm not doing to do something that stupid again. My family's right: I'm too damn stubborn to go out that way."

"No," Jacob said, finally looking up at her. Raindrops clung to his long dark lashes. "You're not too stubborn, you're too strong. You're too tough to go out that way."

"Jake." Nessie moved closer but Jacob did not react. He was oddly static.

"I don't get this," Jacob said. "I think I'm going to need time to get this." He took his hands off hers, leaving them cold, resting on the bough next to his.

"How much..." Nessie did not need to finish.

"I don't know," Jacob said honestly, shrugging. "But I think we need some time apart."

"You're breaking up with me?" Nessie asked. She felt pathetic but they both knew they were more than normal friends.

"I don't know, Nessie," he said running his hands through his hair. "I don't know what we are, if we can break up, what the hell we're meant to do now. I just know I need some time...away from you."

"So you are breaking up with me," she said with a sad laugh.

"Yes." Jacob stood up away from her.

"I guess I should go then," Nessie said. Suddenly she felt the rain. She felt the cold and the soaked clothes stuck to her skin. She looked up at Jacob, his face impassive, his clothes similarly plastered to his skin.

She did not know when he started looking like a stranger – he was taller than when they had met, his face beginning to lose its baby fat. The smile was gone and his dark eyes were empty without their warmth. There was space between them, so much more than the few feet he had moved.

Her Sun had gone behind the clouds and she was cold again. Cold, alone, and in the dark. She shivered.

"I guess you should," Jacob said dully.

Tears burned in her eyes adding to the rain making her makeup run down her face – she could not let him see her cry. She walked quickly up the beach. When she got to Jacob's she ducked into the garage, grabbing her hoody and bag. She put the hoody on, zipping it all the way up, putting the hood up more to hide her face than to keep the rain off her since she was already drenched.

She started walking down the road, fishing her phone out of her bag. When she called home, Alice picked up. "Alice," she said, breaking into to sobs. "Can you come get me?"

"Sure, sweetie, where are you?" her sister's trill came over the phone.

"Walking back from Jake's."

"Walking? Honey, it's raining cats and dogs out there!" Alice sounded so concerned Nessie could practically hear her frown. "What happened? Nessie, what's going on?"

Nessie could not do anything but cry down the phone for a minute. "I told him, Ally, I told him everything. He broke up with me. He says he needs time to understand." Nessie sniffed. "Can you come get me?"

"Yeah, honey, I'm on my way, okay? Just stay where you are." Nessie could hear things jangle as Alice grabbed her keys and dashed to the car.

"I'm going to keep, Ally. I need to walk."

"Okay," Alice said. "Stay on the road; I'm coming to you."

"Okay. Alice please hurry. I really need my sister right now." Nessie's voice broke and she gave up all attempt to keep talking. She just nodded as Alice assured her she was coming as fast as she could. They hung up and Nessie put her phone in her bag, slinging it over her shoulder and hugging her clothes to her, shivering. She realised then that she had left her gloves on the tree bough next to Jacob. She didn't go back for them.

Nessie lost all sense of time, knowing only that she was cold and heartbroken, but soon enough Esme's Peugeot was speeding towards her. Alice slammed on the brakes, pulling up on the other side of the road. Heedless of the rain, her hair, her shoes, her clothes, her makeup, of anything other than her little sister that needed her, Alice dashed out of the car towards her.

"Ally," Nessie sobbed, reaching for her sister.

"Oh, honey," Alice grabbed her and held her close. They stood in the rain as Nessie cried on Alice's shoulder. Soon, however, Alice was shivering – Nessie was passed that. She pushed Nessie up straight. "Okay, that's it. We need to get home before we get hypothermia." She dragged Nessie to the car and strapped her in.

As per Alice's instructions, Jasper was waiting for them with towels and hot chocolate. Alice took the towels and peeled off Nessie's sweatshirt. She dried her own hair with a quick rub of the towel but Nessie was not cooperating. She stood dripping in the middle of the foyer.

"Come on, Nessie, drink this to warm up and Alice can get you warm and dry, okay?" Jasper said handing Nessie the mug.

Nessie nodded mutely, drinking deeply.

"Let's go get you cleaned up, Monster," Alice said, taking her sister by the hand and leading her up to her room and to the bathroom. Nessie peeled off layer after layer of clothing, dropping them onto the floor with wet slaps. Alice got the shower running hot and left Nessie to get in the shower while she got her sister some comfortable clothes.

Nessie let the water run over her body until she warmed up. Her skin burned as the blood flow and heat returned to her extremities. She turned the water off and grabbed a towel, tucking it around herself. Looking at the mirror she saw her makeup had not yet cleaned off her face. Grabbing a face wipe, Nessie removed the ruined cosmetics.

There was a knock at the door – Alice had heard the shower turn off. "Sweetie? Here's some clothes for you."

"Come on in, Alice, I'm decent." _And staring at the mirror wondering if that's really me. _She was pale, not ivory pale as usual, but a grey kind of pale. Her eyes and skin were sore after the makeup had itched them.

"Do you want to come downstairs with me and Jazz?" Alice asked. "We're going to watch Lord of the Rings and eat raw cookie dough."

Nessie met her sister's eyes in the mirror and smiled sadly. "Thanks, but I'm going to go to bed."

"Alright." Alice came up and kissed Nessie's cheek. "We're here if you need us."

Nessie nodded and Alice left.

Drying off, Nessie climbed into the clothes Alice had left for her – pyjamas, like she had known what Nessie was going to do all along. She padded to her bed, wishing for the first time that she had curtains. She had a headache from the unusual indulgence in crying and she wanted the room dark. Thankfully, it was still raining hard outside so there was a thick layer of iron grey cloud blotting out the whole sky. There was no place for the setting sun to break through.

Crawling under the covers, Nessie looked at the sunless sky and it hurt. It hurt in a way James had never hurt her. He had twisted and tormented her. Jacob's approach was far more direct. Punch a hole in her chest. She opened herself up completely and he rejected her, cut her to the core.

She wanted to forget them all. All those boys that thought they could take pieces of her, own her. Fuck them. Alone was safe.

But safe was lonely.

She would make herself okay then she would think about being with other people.

She fell asleep for a while and when she woke up it was to the sound of her mother's voice. Esme was stroking her hair trying to gently wake her up. Outside the sky was black. Nessie rolled over to lie facing her mom. "Mom?" she said, not quite awake.

"Hey, honey bee. I'm sorry I wasn't here today," Esme said, still stroking her hair.

Tears pricked the back of Nessie's eyes.

"Alice called me, told me she picked you up. That you had some kind of fight with Jake."

Miserably Nessie nodded. "Honey, what happened?" Esme asked, her soft voice so gentle in the darkened room.

"He broke up with me, Mom," Nessie choked. "I was honest and I told him everything and he doesn't want to know."

"Oh, Nessie, I'm sure that isn't true," Esme said serenely.

"It is. He said he needed time. I ask him how much, he said he didn't know. He said we needed time apart."

Esme did not say anything, just looked at him with that expression that said _oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're hurting. _Nessie could not take that – there was no reply for that and with no reply to focus on, Nessie broke again. Esme pulled her close and held her until the tears stopped. They did not until Nessie fell asleep again. Esme held her a little longer and then slipped off the bed, tucking the blankets around her youngest. She kissed the pale forehead and brushed away the fiery ringlets, leaving her hand there to watch her sleeping child for a long moment. Then she turned and left the room.

"How is she?" Carlisle asked. He was leaning against the wall opposite Nessie's bedroom door, waiting for Esme.

Esme sighed tiredly. It felt like they had been here too many times before. "Hurting. Jacob got to a part of her James never did."

"Of course he did. Jacob made her like him, not love him," Carlisle said. "But who she is was too much for him."

Esme nodded. She walked to him and rested her head on his chest, laying her hands on his shoulders while he put his arms around her. "So, what do we do now?"

"Wait for her to heal from this, I guess," Carlisle said softly, resting his chin on her head. "Just like the other times."

Esme gripped his shirt at the thought and Carlisle held her tighter. They were absorbed in the moment but looked up when they hurt footsteps. It was Edward and Emmett who had also been out that day, unlike Alice and Jasper.

"How is she?" Emmett asked quietly, not wanting his booming voice to carry and disturb Nessie.

"Asleep now," Esme said.

"And he just let her walk away?" Edward demanded. Emmett tapped his shoulder, reminding him to keep his voice down and Edward moderated his voice accordingly. "In the rain. Alice said that when she picked her up her lips were blue. She could have gotten ill!"

"But she hasn't," Carlisle said calmly.

"As far as we know," Edward retorted.

"As far as we know," Carlisle agreed.

"I say we go talk to Jacob," Emmett said to Edward, an evil glint in his eye.

"I agree, Emmett, I think it's an excellent plan." Edward's eyes were hard.

"No," Esme said. "You're not going to go beat this boy up because he hurt your sister. He's probably hurting, too."

"He'll definitely be hurting after we see him," Emmett said.

"Whatever you do, do not let Alice near him either – she'll destroy him," Carlisle warned. "And we will hold you all equally responsible for any harm that befalls Jacob Black."

"Best go make sure he doesn't fall under a bus then," Emmett said. "Come on, Ed." He rapped his brother on the chest and the two of them disappeared downstairs.

"There's going to be trouble," Esme predicted.

"Yep," said Carlisle. "The only question is how many will hit Jacob? Two, or all five?" No way the Hales would miss the opportunity to put someone in their place.

"And today was meant to be a good day," Esme said.

"One day, love, one day it will be." Carlisle kissed her head and they walked down to the kitchen together.

_This is where things go downhill slightly. Sorry about that._

_Review please!_


	32. I Don't Do Mondays

_Right, so, writing this chapter a wee bit pissed off – I was moving my laptop with the external hard drive connected and it fell on the floor. £170 (which thank god, including a couple of refunds) and a week later and none of the data can be recovered...at least not for another £700 and a recovery specialist...sooo, I'm re-writing everything. As in, several tens of thousands of words. I had twelve chapters for this fan fiction that I hadn't managed to upload. So, yeah, not happy. Lost everything on there, that's why I haven't updating in a while._

_Thanks to everyone whose reviewed, favourited, or added TTA to their story alerts – you're the reason I haven't said 'bugger it' to the whole lot in the last week._

Chapter Thirty-two – I Don't Do Mondays.

Jacob lay in bed that night, curled up under the covers. He had gone to bed early that night, crying a headache when he couldn't take it any longer. It was now past midnight but the tears still streamed down his face. The gulf between him and Nessie he had thought wide before was nothing to the one separating them now. The odds seemed insurmountable now. Everything he had wanted was now impossible.

Finally, Jacob fell asleep. Only to dream of green eyes, dull with hurt, with tears of their own falling over alabaster cheeks.

Nessie stayed in her room for most of the weekend, leaving for meals times but other than that not getting out of bed. No one could get her to smile, not even Emmett's ludicrously graphic plans to inflict hurt on Jacob. The idea of hurting Jacob just made her hair, and she was tired of being in pain. She had shaken her head and Emmett had given up with a sigh.

Edward had been a little more persistent, devious and subtle. But still Nessie had shaken her head. It had taken longer but Edward had followed suit and left.

Alice had stayed, switched off between Esme and Carlisle so there was always someone with her. Nessie didn't know whether it was to comfort her or to make sure she didn't do anything stupid, but she didn't care. Apathy and exhaustion goes hand in hand and she had both in spades.

But Monday morning came and it was time to go to school. Climbing out of bed and dragging herself into the shower for the first time in three days, Nessie cleaned from head to toe, washing her hair so thoroughly her scalp tingled.

Nessie had had time to think over the last two days and she think she knew what the problem was – she had pinned too much on Jacob. Not intentionally but she had. She didn't have any friends at school having kept them all at arm's length, and as much as she had liked Quil and Embry they were Jacob's friends, not hers. It was what she did; she didn't like crowds so she had maybe one good friend at a time. Inevitably they left and then she had no one. Maybe that was why she was so close with her siblings – they were the friends that couldn't leave her.

Nessie sat thinking as she dried her hair. She was tired of being Little Miss Raincloud, of thinking the worse of everyone. She had survived James, she had survived Jacob. She could survive them.

Going to the rails, Nessie pulled out clothes, not caring enough to take the usually care she did with her ensemble. Pulling on the clothes, she ended up in jeans and long sleeve top with a v-neck. It wasn't until she got downstairs and heard stunned silence that she even bothered to look down at what she was wearing. "This okay?" she asked. "I can change."

"No, you look lovely, honey," Esme said. She caught Carlisle's eye and they shared a joyful look – Nessie was dressed the way she had been before she met James; the baggy clothes of her relationship were gone, as were the head to toe black. Maybe it wasn't as bad as they had thought over the weekend.

"Okay," Nessie said, picking up her spoon. She saw the smiles of the rest of her family. "What?"

"Nothing," they all said together.

"Yeah, I can see that." She went back to eating. "Would you all stop looking at me, please? You're making me uncomfortable."

They looked away, the fist bump shared by Emmett and Edward under the table unseen by the rest of the family.

After breakfast the Cullens piled into three separate cars headed out to work or school.

"I'm sooo glad you got rid of that gothic look, Nessie," Alice said, applying lip gloss in the compact mirror she held in front of her face. "Not that black doesn't look good on you but there are so many other colours you can wear. We can thank Jacob for that at least, even if it did go badly between you two."

"Alice!" Edward said from the front.

"What?" Alice asked innocently. "Oh come on, she knew I was going to bring it up."

"It's okay, Ed," Nessie said from the back next to Alice. "I did know."

"So, you're happier now, right?" Alice said. "Since you're not rocking the mourning style."

"No," Nessie said. "I couldn't be bothered to choose what I wanted to wear. It was too much effort and I'm too tired." She sounded so dejected.

"So...you're not over Jacob?" Alice asked tentatively.

Nessie looked over her, fixing her sister with a look.

"Right, not over him, okay," Alice nodded.

Nessie settled back into her seat, closing her eyes and resting her head against the headrest.

"You okay, kid?" Emmett asked from the front seat, reaching back to put his hand on her knee.

She put her hand on top of his. "I'm fine. Alive, uninjured. That's a bonus, right?"

"Yeah, sweet, that's bonus," Emmett said sadly. Nessie squeezed his hand and let it go. Emmett took his hand and met Edward's gaze; his brother shrugged and gave him a _what can we do? _look. And he was right, there wasn't really anything they could do; she wasn't physically injured, mentally or emotionally unstable. A close friendship had ended and she was sad about it. It was the same thing everyone goes through at some point in their lives; Nessie would just have to get through it in her own time, like everyone else did.

They got to school and parked in the space next to Rose and Bella's cars.

"Hey," Edward said, getting out of the chair and putting his arm around Bella's shoulders to pull her into a kiss.

"Hey, so...I heard about what happened between Jacob and Nessie Friday night," Bella said in an undertone to him. "I didn't come over because I figured she wouldn't want the fuss."

Edward nodded. "You'd be right. She stayed in bed all weekend, crying on and off. Jacob really did a number on her. How did you find out?"

"Billy told Charlie who told me," Bella said. "Apparently Jacob's a mess."

"Good," said Edward savagely.

"Edward," Bella put her hand over his heart, "you don't mean that, love." She kissed his cheek. "It's a lot to take in. Jacob is a sixteen year old boy, he found out something he couldn't handle and he freaked. You shouldn't hate him for that, not when he hates himself so much already. Maybe if he could talk to her again."

"I won't let him near her," Edward said quickly. Bella looked unhappy; Edward kissed the tip of her nose and explained himself, "Nessie's not in a good place right now, Bells. I want her to heal a bit before we start poking at those wounds."

Bella nodded. "Okay. We'll do it your way. But please, don't hurt Jacob. You don't know how much pain he's in."

Edward rested his forehead against hers. "Only for you. If anyone else had asked I would have said no. But if I meet him, I'm telling him that the only reason he can still walk if because you're protecting him."

Bella sighed and rubbed at her temple. "This really isn't how I had hoped it would go – they made each other so happy."

Edward kissed her forehead and they joined the throng walking to class. "Which is why I want to kill him right now. Why couldn't he remember that before he let her walk away."

Bella shrugged and put her other arm around him too to tuck herself into his side. "Oh, I hate this. Maybe I should talk to Jake."

Edward grimaced. "Is that a good idea?"

"Well, I'm his friend too," said Bella. "I haven't spent that much time with him but he's the only person I knew when I came here. He's Billy's son – he's practically family to me and Charlie."

"Well, I can't stop you from being there for him then. I'd hate it if someone told me I couldn't be there for my family and I won't do that to you."

"Thank you," Bella kissed him and walked into her class. Edward sighed, running his hand through his hair as he went to his own lesson.

Nessie was sat in her own class, for once getting the normal teenage reaction of hating being in the front row. She could hear people whispering from one end of the classroom to the other about the change in her appearance. That was the problem with small towns: everyone noticed every little thing.

"Hey, Nessie," said the girl in the seat next to her. Alicia Willet. "How was your weekend?" That was the thing about Alicia – she just kept trying. Even when all she got was a monosyllabic greeting and a politely indulgent expression.

"Hi, Alicia." Alicia started unpacking her bag, the conversation having never gone past this point before. "Weekend kinda sucked. How was yours?"

Alicia stopped when she heard Nessie continue to speak. "Oh, mine was fine...my big brother's on leave from the army so he came over. I'm sorry yours sucked, what happened?"

"Oh," Nessie waved a hand, "nothing I really want to talk about. So, your brother's home from the army. That's cool, where's he stationed?"

"Just outside Washington DC usually," Alicia said, "but he's just come back from a tour of duty."

"Rough," Nessie said. "Where was he deployed.

"Iraq," Alicia said. "He was there for six months."

"It must be tough for your family," Nessie said.

Alicia nodded, looking sad. "Yeah, but you know, he's home now. It'll take some time for him to get back into being home but at least he came back, you know. Some of them didn't."

"Yeah," Nessie said. "Some of them didn't. I'm glad your brother made it though, Alicia."

Alicia smiled. "Me too." She paused like she was screwing up her courage and then asked, "so, what happened this weekend, is that why you're talking now? And look different?"

Nessie bit her lip. "Sort of. It's a by product kind of thing. Something happened that just makes everything else seem really unimportant, you know? Like, why should I bother?"

"Oh," Alicia looked at the desk and then looked back at Nessie. "That doesn't sound good. Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's nothing like having a brother home from Iraq," Nessie said. "Sort of pales into pettiness in comparison."

"Hey, we all got our own problems, doesn't make them any less important," Alicia said.

Nessie rested her cheek on her hand, "me and my best friend sort of...stopped being friends. We didn't fight exactly but I told him some stuff about me that was more than he bargained for and now...we're nothing."

"Did you tell him about how you got those scars?" Alicia asked, pointing to Nessie's wrist.

Nessie looked and found that her sleeve had slipped down to bare her scars. She tugged down the sleeve and folded her arms. "Yeah, I told him how I got them. He freaked, which I sort of figured he would do."

"So...is it true?" Alicia asked. "Did you really try to kill yourself?"

"No," Nessie said, shaking her head, giving Alicia a slight smile. "I didn't try to kill myself, so don't worry, I won't try to top myself while sitting next to you."

"So what happened?" asked Alicia.

"Uh, bad breakup is probably the easiest way to put it. My boyfriend was abusive," Nessie said when Alicia still looked confused.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," Alicia said. "I shouldn't have pried. It's...my mum says I do that when I shouldn't do that."

"It's okay," Nessie said. "It would have come out eventually. Not as bad as some of the rumours going around, is it?"

Alicia grimaced, "yeah, overall, probably better than you were part of a satanic cult and the scars are the results of your rituals."

Nessie shook her head, finding the absurdness of it a little funny really. "Hate to break it to you, but I'm actually Catholic. Lapsed Catholic."

"Class has begun, ladies," Mr Varner said.

"Sorry, Mr Varner," the two girls chorused.

The class settled down and Mr Varner began. Alicia and Nessie smiled at each other and started work.

"So, it was nice being about to have a real conversation with you," Alicia said when class ended and they were walking to their next one.

"Yeah, and it only took me eight months!" Nessie said.

"Better late than never," Alicia said. "So...I hope we can hang out some time, you know, when you're feeling better."

"Yeah," Nessie nodded, "that would be nice."

"Cool." They stopped by Nessie's seat. "I hope you and your friend work it out, Nessie."

"Thanks, Alicia," Nessie said. "I hope your brother's okay."

Alicia nodded and continued on to her own seat.

Nessie sat down in her seat, already tired and it had only been one class. It had been nice talking to Alicia, not shutting out a nice person anymore because she was scared, but it was not as easy, effortless as talking to Jacob. No one was as effortless as Jacob. She missed her sunshine.

Finally, it was lunch and Nessie got to sit with people that wouldn't keep talking to her; she had a slight headache from all the noise.

"You alright?" Edward asked her.

Nessie looked up from rubbing her temples. "I'm the same as I was this morning, Edward. I'm okay."

"Heard, through the Forks High grapevine, that you were rather talky today," Emmett said.

"I had a conversation with Alicia Willet in my first class this morning," Nessie said. "She says hello every morning, today we had an actually conversation. It's no big deal."

"Lots of changes going on with you, lil bit," Jasper said, ruffling her hair. "Sure you're not going to become a party girl on us?"

Nessie gave him a tired smile. "Definitely not going to happen."

"Good," Jasper said, pulling her in to kiss her on top of her head. "We like you the way you are."

Rose was staring at her. "What?" Nessie asked.

"I like your makeup today," Rose said.

Nessie frowned at her. "I'm not wearing any makeup today."

"Oh." Rose cocked her head. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I couldn't be bothered today."

"Oh. You look really nice today," Rose said.

"Meaning not scary?" asked Nessie, the corner of her mouth turned up in a smile.

"Yeah," said Rose, "nice in a non-scary way today."

"Thanks, Rose, it's good to hear that right now," Nessie said.

Lunch was over too soon and then it was time for the last two classes. Edward looked happy enough about this – it was _at last _the class he had with Bella. The rest of them moved off with their usual enthusiasm for their education.

At the end of the day, Bella and Edward went to Bella's, Rose and Emmett went to Rose's, and Jasper drove Alice and Nessie back to the Cullens'.

Nessie collapsed on the sofa when they got in while Jasper and Alice went up to her room. Esme wasn't home for a couple of hours and Carlisle was working a double shift to cover a doctor whose daughter had gotten ill on holiday skiing. Which meant the Cullen children, those who had girlfriends or boyfriends, had taken the opportunity for some make out time. Which left Nessie on the sofa, watching TV. She could fix the Buick but she didn't feel like working on the car – for the last few weeks, it had been how she spent time with Jacob, mechanics, and now the idea of fixing them up without him felt wrong. Felt hollow.

There was nothing on so she turned the TV off and went upstairs, flicking through book after book until she gave up and turned on her iPod, lying on her bed focusing on the sound to shut out all else.

In Alice's room, the making out was going well. Jasper's longer body covered Alice's as they lay on the sofa. His hand moved up under her shirt to cover her breast and Alice, who had been moving against him so eagerly up until now, stilled beneath him.

"What is it?" Jasper said, looking down at her, his hair falling into his eyes.

"Nothing," Alice said. "I just – it's good, Jazz, it is but...I can't stop thinking about Nessie and Jacob."

With a slight sigh, Jasper sat up and moved away so Alice could sit up to. "I'm sorry, Jazz," Alice said, reaching out to run her hand through his hair.

"It's okay, Alice," Jasper said, kissing her palm. "So, what are you thinking?"

"I don't know. That we're stupid for letting another guy hurt her," said Alice. "I mean, what kind of family are we? James hurt her so bad and we just let her jump into this thing with Jacob. We shouldn't have hoped for the getting over someone else by getting under someone else thing to have worked this time! She's my baby sister and I should have watched out for this." Alice pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. "I can't watch her go through this again, I just can't." Tears seeped out from under her tightly closed eyelids.

Jasper moved to put his arm around her shoulder, now that his jeans were loose again. "It's okay, Ally, you won't have to. Nessie's tough, and Jacob wouldn't hurt her like that."

"I'm not talking about the abduction," Alice said, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "I'm talking about how she was before that. While she was with James, after they broke up. She was so messed up. Always so sad, so lost, so...broken. Then Jacob made her happy and some of the real Nessie came out more often. Now..."

"Now she's hurting again," Jasper said, bringing Alice into the circle of his arms. "But she's not lost and she's not broken. Her past makes it seem worse, but she is just hurting from losing her friend."

Alice gave a bitter laugh. "We both know Jacob wasn't just her friend."

Jasper tucked Alice's head under her chin and held her a little closer. "I know. But there's nothing you can do, baby. He needs to get his head together – he'll be straight over here when he does."

"Fuck him," Alice said harshly, grabbing a tissue and blew her nose. "He sucks. He comes over here and I'll smack him in the face."

"Hush, love," Jasper said, stroking Alice's hair. "You don't want to hurt Jacob. It's a little bump in the road, it's not over."

Alice hiccoughed. "It's not fair," she said thickly. "He was meant to be the good guy."

"Maybe that's the problem – you guys had a lot of expectations on Jacob. Alice, he's one person, one teenage boy."

"I know," Alice said. "But she was happy! I just wanted her to be happy!" Alice cried," leaning into Jasper.

"I know, love, I know," Jasper said, comforted Alice as she hiccoughed her way through half a box of tissues.

Rose and Emmett were having a similar conversation curled up naked in Rose's bed.

"I'm still going to hit the guy," Emmett said, his chin resting on Rose's shoulder.

Rose gave a throaty chuckle. "No you're not – that would hurt Nessie and you'd never do anything that hurts your sister."

"She doesn't have to know," Emmett persisted. "People get run over by buses every day."

Rose rolled over onto her back, stroking his cheek. "You don't want to hurt Jacob; you want to stop Nessie hurting. There's a difference between them."

Emmett groaned. "Why do you have to be right all the time?" he said, his head falling onto her chest. Rose wrapped her arms around his head, running her fingers through his curls.

"Because I'm awesome," Rose said, kissing those curls.

Emmett laughed into her neck. "You're right about that." He lifted his head to look at her. "I love you."

Rose stopped stroking his hair. She stopped everything, even breathing she thought for a moment. She had thought he loved her for a while, had even wanted him to say it in her selfish moments when she didn't care about the bullshit with Royce.

"You don't have to say it back," Emmett said. "I've felt this for a long time, I think you know that. I just didn't have the guts to say it before."

The idea of Emmett – 6'5", two hundred pound Emmett – was scared broke through her shock and Rose laughed. She pulled him down for a long kiss. "I love you, too," she said when they broke apart.

"Enough for another round before we go back to mine for dinner?" Emmett asked with a lecherous grin.

Rose pushed him until she was on top. "Do you even have to ask?" she said, settling herself over him.

"I thought I'd make sure," he said. His breath caught in his thought as Rose took him deep inside her. "Oh god, I'm never letting you go, baby."

Rose stopped moving, self-loathing running through her as she thought of what would happen when Emmett found out about Royce.

"What's wrong, babe?" Emmett asked, his piercing blue eyes fixing on her.

"I don't want you to let me go," Rose said honestly. She kissed him hard before he could say anything else and he fisted her hair to keep her against him as she moved on him once more. He gripped her hip so hard she knew it would leave bruises but she loved it. Emmett was tough, everything about him was strong. She revelled in it. Right now, it was all for her, she was all he was thinking about. Right now, he was all she cared about, all she wanted.

Rose gripped his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin so hard she drew blood, as she rode him. The only thing she could say was his name...over and over again. At last, her climax rushing through her, she screamed it. Emmett thrust so hard into her as he came that he lifted them both off the bed. Rose collapsed on top of him and he put his arms around her, kissing her hair.

"I love you so much," he said, running his fingertips up and down the indentation of her spine.

"I love you, too, Emmett," Rose said sleepily. She was so relaxed right now. She could sleep. She felt safe. She felt loved. And she loved him.

She never wanted this to end.

_That's as much lemon as you're getting when I'm this annoyed with losing my stuff. I'll earn the M-rating through bad language, I promise._

_Review._

_Seriously. I need it. _


	33. Me, Myself and I

_Thank you for the reviews and favourites. For anyone that's reading Love In An Elevator, my Kim/Jared story, I am continuing it I just haven't done anything for it quite yet. It will be updating within the week (hopefully) I promise (sort of)!_

Me, Myself and I.

It had been a long time since Nessie had truly been alone. Although she felt alone every single day, she was always in a myriad of people. Uncomfortable in her own skin, she had no idea how to be herself when she was one of many.

But then, something had happened. She had lost her fear.

One boy had filled her with fear; another had released her from it. Both had done it by breaking her heart. She had cared about Jacob, more, she thought, than she had ever cared about anyone.

Something inside couldn't bring her to make her care about herself. Her mother was stronger, her sister's was brighter, her brothers were tougher and her father was a close to an angel as man could be. Nessie was...the blight. The dark cloud on the perfect horizon. That was how James had made her feel. Jacob had made her feel something else, like maybe she wasn't that cloud. He was sunshine and she was shade, his dark opposite, but necessary, to be able to see how beautiful that light was. Without her he was nice, with her he was...salvation. An escape.

You can't get escape with a prisoner.

Nessie sighed. First came the pain, then came the numb. So what came after that? She been through the pain, she was numb was what was waiting for her? The cathartic release? She hoped so. She had been healing bit by bit for a year now, but it wasn't until Jacob said he needed time that Nessie realised how far she had come.

He needed time to deal with what had happened to _her._ She wasn't weak or pathetic like James had told her; she was a person, fallible, malleable, and she had been pushed to breaking point. She had been broken and now she was made anew. She had made herself anew.

What she needed right now was herself. No friends, no family, no therapists. Just her.

"Hey, mum," Nessie said. "Is it okay if I take some time out?"

"What do you mean, _cara_?" Esme asked.

"Well, you always said that if I needed something, I could have it," Nessie said, sitting down on a chair in her mother's study, watching Esme glide back and forth across the room, making notes here and shuffling things there as she worked on her project. "What I need is time, Mum. Just me time. Not distractions, no other people, just time by myself. I haven't had that. It's been a year since James and I haven't had that time to myself to process this. I've been told where to go and what to do and who to talk to, to heal but I haven't just...sat, and thought, and been okay with what happened to me."

"I'm listening," Esme said turning around to look at her youngest.

Nessie put some papers on the table and Esme took them, looking through them. "There a place I want to go to, not so far away."

"Define not so far," Esme said, looking at the information.

"In state," Nessie said. "Dungeness Beach, the beach house we have there."

"And what are you hoping to get from this quiet?" asked Esme, leaning her hip against the desk.

"I don't know," Nessie said. "Some peace, I guess. A little serenity," she said, a sad little smile on her face.

"And you can't get that here?" Esme asked.

"There's noise here, and people, and it hurts my head," her daughter said. "I need to get away."

"You have school."

"I know."

"There's only a month left in the year and then we're going to Italy and then to Alaska. Can't you wait?" Esme asked.

"No, Mum, I tired of waiting. I'm tired of being here because people say I should be here. I'm tired of being pulled around by people who think they know what is best for me. I know what I need and I'm asking you to respect that by letting me go."

"I can't just let you go, Nessie," Esme said worriedly. "You're fifteen. You've had a terrible time in the last two years."

"I know that, Mum, and that's why I want to go," Nessie said. "I want you to let me go before I run. And I will run, Mum, I will leave if you don't let me go."

"You need this that much?" asked Esme.

"Do you remember about three years ago," Nessie asked, "when you were in hospital and the doctors didn't know what was wrong with you? Do you remember what Emmett did?"

"He got in the car he drove from Denali to Juneau," Esme said softly, her eyes seeing the events of three years ago. "He thought I was leavin' like Elizabeth, he thought, my baby thought that if he could just keep driving it would all be okay." Her southern accent became more pronounced as she reminisced. A tear gathered on her lower lashes but didn't fall.

"We were so scared, and Dad was freaking out, and you were in hospital not knowing _what _was going on." Nessie rested her chin on her fist, her elbow braced on her knee. "Mamma, I don't want to run away like he did. But sometimes you just gotta get out. I need to think. Please?"

"All your assignments are in for the year, aren't they?" Esme asked. "You got your 4.0 GPA?"

"Yes, Mamma."

"Alright," Esme said. "I can take you out of school for a week, two tops, say it's for your ongoing therapy – which isn't exactly a _lie_. But you better call us every day. Don't you think that this is unsupervised, Vanessa Carlie Cullen. You want this to do this alone, I respect that. You respect the freedom I have given you in turn. No alcohol, no drugs. Not boys."

"Mum, this isn't a _party_ for me," Nessie said with a smile. "I wouldn't do any of that stuff anyway."

"This isn't a joke, Nessie. I know you wouldn't do any of that stuff, but we can't pretend that you're the same person any more. You _are_ a recovering morphine addict."

"I know, Mamma," Nessie said gently. "That's what I'm trying to figure out. That's what I'm dealing with. But it's what _I'm _dealing with, not you. None of you are living with it inside you."

"I'll talk to your father," Esme said.

"Thank you, Mamma," Nessie said. She kissed her cheek and left the room. Esme just nodded until Nessie was gone; then she sat on the bed and covered her mouth with her hand, trying to stifle a sob.

Carlisle came in. "Esme, what is it?" he asked urgently, rushing over. He knelt in front of her, one hand on her cheek, the other stroking her hair. "Esme, _cara, _talk to me!"

Esme straightened up and took a deep breath. "Nessie wants to go here," she said, holding out the pages; her voice was steady but her hand was not.

"Okay, then we'll go," Carlisle said shaking his head, not understanding.

"No, she wants to go alone."

"Alone?" Carlisle repeated. "But she can't really –"

"She called me 'mamma', Carlisle; when she was talking she called me 'mamma'. I don't think she ever realised." Nessie calling Esme 'mamma' was more telling than anyone outside the family would realise. She only said when she was vulnerable, a tell her family didn't think she even knew she had. "She wants to go. She wants to think."

Carlisle sat on the bed next to his wife, his arm around her as he looked at the printed out sheets. "Well, she isn't the average fifteen year old," he said. "She'd never do anything stupid, or dangerous. She can look after herself now."

"It's not her I'm worried about!" Esme cried, turning to face her husband. "It's everybody else!"

"This place is less than two hours away," Carlisle said. "With Edward's driving we'd be there within the hour."

"It's not so bad when you say that," Esme sniffed. "But how do we keep an eye on her?"

"I think the point is that we don't," Carlisle said. "Remember what Emmett said, she wants us to trust her more. This will prove that to her, give her back some of her control. That's what she's really missing."

"Alright," Esme said. "But she is back within two weeks or I am driving to Dungeness Beach and dragging her home!" Esme said pointing her finger. With that she stood up and left the room – she had to figure out how to tell her three other children.

It turned out they were more on board than she had expected them to be. Edward, Emmet and Alice just nodded, expecting the plan. Nessie didn't want a ridiculous drawn out goodbye so they all left for work and school the next day and when they came home, Nessie wasn't there. There was a cheery note on the kitchen table, filled with contact details and addresses of where she was going. There was an empty space in the garage where Nessie had taken Bonnie.

Just a fifteen year old girl riding her motorbike all the way to the beach. For some reason, the Cullens weren't as afraid as they thought they would be. For one thing, they had contacts which they didn't have the last time Nessie was gone.

Nessie had gotten to Dungeness Beach with no problem. She had driven up to the beach house her parents had bought for weekends away when they had moved to Seattle. It was nice, a five bedroom wooden house painted blue with darker blue shutters. It was a short walk from the beach and there were a few shops a five minute walk away that would tide her over. There was a patio out back which overlooked the ocean, and ivy climbing the lattice work. It stood alone, away from the other houses, which suited her purposes.

Turning on her satellite phone, Nessie chose video call and recorded a short message for her family who weren't home yet. "Hey guys, so I'm here, as you can see. This is the view from the backyard and I've already called dibs on one of the bedrooms so you guys will have to fight amongst yourself for what ones you want when you come here. I love you." She paused. "And thanks for letting me do this. You don't know what it means to me. I don't know what it means to me yet, but I plan to work on it! _Ti amo, la famiglia mia."_

She ended the recording and sent it to the family email account.

What now? She could do anything and she had no idea what to do. Getting here had kind of been the point. She decided to head to the market to get some food in the house. Grabbing a bag for her purchases, Nessie pulled her leather coat back on and took a stroll.

It was unusual for a girl her age to be out and about but they seemed to think she was older than she was – tended to happen when you held yourself like she did. Experience, it seemed, added a few years so she had no problem buying stuff. The cashier seemed to think her estimation of Nessie's age correct when Nessie handed her a platinum American Express card.

Walking back with her stuff, Nessie looked over at the ocean. It was sunny today and the rays on the surface of the water where broken up by the ripple of the waves, making the ocean look like it was covered in liquid diamonds. She had a sudden urge to draw and was glad she had brought her supplies. And her guitar. Though she had no idea why she had brought it all, she had and was grateful for it – maybe her she would reclaim some of her more creative gifts.

When she got back to the house, Nessie put the stuff away in the kitchen and brought her pencils, her pad and her guitar down to the courtyard, settling herself on the swing seat. Taking out her pencil, she did a simple line drawing of the view, the cliffs on one side and the beach in front of her rolling down to the sea. The sun was high in the sky – it was early afternoon by this time.

The sun was getting low and the wind off the ocean colder when she looked up. The drawing was done; holding it up, Nessie appraised it critically. The light was different but then she had started a few hours ago. It was good, considering she hadn't drawn properly in ages. She wasn't satisfied with it but then she was never fully satisfied with her work. She would put this one up, though, thinking of the account of that had been left alone for nearly two years. She had updated frequently way back when, putting up everything she had drawn, even the stuff she didn't like because hey, it was her work and they couldn't all be masterpieces. But she had drawn less and less after becoming James' girlfriend – it was still something private, something she didn't want to share back then, and James hadn't liked that. He wanted her to be with him, thinking about him, all the time.

Nessie laid down the pad and pencil. As sometimes happened, a song had floated into her head as she drew and now she couldn't get it out. Not until she heard it. It was one she knew so she took the guitar out of the case and tuned it. She sung the Italian lullaby her nonno and nonna had sung her when had been little and afraid, alone because her parents were out on a date. She and her three siblings would climb into Emmett's gigantic bed and fall asleep to the two harmonious voices. The last time she had sung this song she had been chained in a basement, trying to comfort herself. But the Lullaby of Peace had no power there. She hadn't believed in it.

She hadn't understood it; she did now. That lullaby had been a song of hope, of knowing that the conflict of now wouldn't last forever. Someday, maybe as soon as tomorrow, things would be good again. The walls would come crumbling down and the shadows would leave.

_And inside a beautiful sun your smile will shine with mine, _Nessie sang softly in her family's tongue. And she thought of Jacob.

The words sounded better in Italian, she thought.

Her voice, gently haunting, was caught on the breeze and carried away. For a fanciful moment, Nessie imagined the words as glittering golden dust on the wind, travelling on and on until it lay in a circle around the slumbering Jacob, sending out white light before disappearing, a protective circle, invisible, unbreakable, complete and without end.

Without realising, Nessie went straight from the lullaby to Flyleaf's Believe In Dreams, in English. After that one song flowed into another; they weren't exactly up-beat, happy songs, but there was a quiet strength running through them; some were about surviving, some about meeting old friends when the trouble was over. Some were just about accepting that bad things happened: things ended, relationships broke up, and there wasn't a whole hell you could do about it but hold on until the good stuff came back around again.

One song flowed into another until the sun had long since set and Nessie's voice grew hoarse – she hadn't expected to sing so much tonight. It was late now, and colder than was comfortable to be sitting outside without a blanket. Nessie gathered up her stuff and went inside, leaving the art supplies on the dining table and the guitar standing up on a chair. She made sure the alarm was activated and when upstairs to get ready for bed. She sent her family another video saying she was alright and that she was going to sleep before changing into her pyjamas.

Her room was the corner one. It was spacious with a built-in wardrobe, like all the rooms had, and a balcony on the side facing the ocean with large double doors leading onto it. There was another window on the other outer wall overlooking the woods and Nessie stood there for a few moments thinking how much it looked like home, except the trees were closer here. The room was done in a soft yellow, making it feel as though she was waking up inside a ball of light in the mornings; the furniture – the bed, the dresser, the divan and the full length mirror in the corner – were all of polished, dark wood, classical design and giving the room a timeless feel.

It was a far cry from the white walls and steel and chrome furnishings of the sterile hospital rooms she had been in for so long after her escape from James. It was nothing like the crumbling, condemned building he had held her captive in. It didn't feel like the Cullen mansion outside Forks with it's turning corridors leading to room after room of stuff. It definitely didn't resemble Voturi Castle with the maze of corridors and rooms full of furniture covered in sheets, with marble and stone and mouldings in every room. It wasn't even like Jacob's house, small, cosy, with a lived in feel that made it so welcoming. It wasn't like any place Nessie had been before and she found that she liked that; she liked that her getaway was so different to the locations where she spent all her time. That was sort of the point after all.

But she found that she was a little lonely in the house, it being built for a family, a large one at that, and her being the only one here. Not creepy, the way it sometimes feels when no one else is in the house and the light casts shadows. But still strange; she knew she wouldn't hear Edward's polite knock on the door, Emmett's crash as he threw it open without asking, Alice's trailing laugh as she seemed to glide around the furniture. She wouldn't go down the hall and hear her father's low, soothing voice as he read aloud to her from whatever book he was reading at that point, or her mother's soft voice as she sung to herself while moving through the house. No piano gently tinkling. Not footsteps of varying degrees of volume and purpose.

She found that she even missed Rose and Jasper a little. There was something so very comforting about a 6'4" Texan who never got bothered or in a muddle about anything. The soft, drawling accent of his voice, the blue eyes twinkling with amusement, the half smile twitching at his lips; everything about Jasper seemed to inspire confidence. Odd, given that he had so rarely had it in himself during his life.

Nessie lay in bed for a while but couldn't get to sleep. She had come here to be alone and now found she couldn't get the people she had left behind off her mind. She went downstairs and brought the drawing pad and pencils up, settling herself back under the covers to draw the people she was missing. She drew Jasper first, lounging back in his seat, one arm along the back of the sofa, the other on the arm rest, miles of long leg stretched out in front of him, and all the things she had thought about before – the eyes, the smile. Blonde locks of hair fell into his face.

Next was Alice, drawn side on, her head turned to see her face almost full on, a wide smile on her lips, her eyes bright. Nessie caught the idea of movement with her sister, as though the drawing was a snapshot – Alice turning to respond to someone calling her name.

Edward was next, seated at his piano, long fingers stroking at the keys, completely relaxed, seeming to barely be concentrating, so confident as though he knew no note he played would be wrong, hair the same colour as hers haloing his head. Though he was in profile, the crooked half-grin was visible on his face, the emerald eyes warm.

Emmett was fun to draw, so massive and demanding of attention, he filled the page, curly hair falling into eyes that looked just like his father's. He was showing off, naturally, spinning a football on his finger, the pointed end just balancing on his fingertip. A cocky smile was plastered on his face, arrogance almost dripping from him. But not an unkind arrogance, an exuberant, excitable arrogance. Emmett didn't care what life threw at him – he lived it for, the chaos, the noise, the mistakes and the plunders. The wins and the fails, the heartache and the heart's desires; he wanted it all. Emmett was full of sensation and giddy triumph. Oh, how she missed him most of all when she felt out of control, drowning. Emmett would revel in the feeling of being pulled along, making the people around him see the fun and opportunity in it, while all the time holding on to her so she didn't get sucked under.

Carlisle and Esme she drew together; she couldn't draw them apart. It didn't look right, didn't look whole and the figures never looked the way she wanted them to as though they were in protest at having been separated. So she had long since given in and drawn them as the eternal pair. Her father in the corner of the sofa, a book in one hand, playing with a lock of Esme's hair with the other, one foot propped up on the other ankle on the floor. Esme, laying along the sofa, resting on her husband's torso. Sometimes she was sketching, or reading herself. This time, though, she was looking straight out of the picture like she was looking at Nessie, gentle, accepting love on her face. One hand was held out, waiting to be taken, almost saying _come home when you can, my darling, we're here waiting. _Nessie knew that as a teenager she should be acting out and messing around and generally not listening to her parents but she found that a lot of what they said made sense. They explained why they did things, which helped, and stuck to their own rules, which was good. Guidance and unwavering love. Supposedly hard to find and yet they had it in spades.

She drew Bella, a slight frown puckering her brow as she rested her head on her arm, reading the book laying flat on the table she was sat at. Her long dark hair fell over her shoulders and down her back. Curves subtly hinted at under the casual clothes. The other hand rested by the book, a finger until the page ready to turn over.

There was nothing subtle about Rose's curves – she was resting her chin on the swell of her breasts as they were pushed against her knee which was drawn up. Her other leg was out in front of her, slightly bent at the knee. It was a pretty vain idea behind the drawing, reflecting Rose's personality, but Nessie had drawn in the humour Rose had with the way her eyes were narrowed and her mouth pouting to one side as she attempted to paint her toenails.

Without even realising it, lost in her art now, Nessie continued to draw. She drew Quil and Embry in the middle of a mock fight, each trying to get the upper hand even as Quil had Embry in a headlock and Embry had one of Quil's legs, trying to overbalance him.

Charlie, in his uniform, sat the on the corner of his desk, a cup of coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other, no nonsense kindness written in all his features.

Billy in his wheelchair, ancient wisdom and majesty radiated from the seated figure, earning quiet respect he never needed to demand, a true leader of men.

Jacob. Jacob smiling with all the warmth of the sun as he stood over a car, the hood up to reveal the engine. One arm was braced on the car, the other holding a wrench. Long legs encased in worn, grease-stained jeans. Arms left uncovered by the wifebeater, the braced one tense enough to show the definition of the muscle under the skin. Crow black hair was loose, though he never would have worn it like that to fix an engine, it would have gotten in the way, spilling over his shoulders and down his back, begging to have fingers run through it. The way he looked out of the picture, amused teasing making his eyes bright, understated confidence in how he leant against the car. Yeah, he was tall and gangly, and just as likely to fall over his own feet as Bella sometimes, but when he was in his element, like he was when he was working on a car, Jacob's whole being changed, shifting slightly to have a bit more potential for wise majesty that his father had.

Finally, she was tired. Nessie didn't know what time it was, or how long she had been drawing but it didn't really matter, she didn't have to be up tomorrow – she allowed herself a slightly smug smile because of that fact. She could sleep in whereas her family had to get up for business as usual. Sighing happily, Nessie clapped the lights off and snuggled down under the covers.

_Alright, you might not get it why the Cullens let Nessie go, what with her background, but just go with me on this._

_Please review!_


	34. Mum's Stuff

_Quileute-centric chapter! This is a bit more about Jacob's side of the story because it's not him being a douchebag or anything. _

_Later than I promised, sophie, but at least it was up in the same day I promised!_

Chapter Thirty-four - Mum' Stuff.

Jacob slammed the kitchen drawer closed, making everything inside rattle.

"Easy, Jacob," Billy said. "What the drawer do you?"

"Nothing," Jacob said savagely, sitting down at the kitchen table and attacking, almost literally, his cereal.

"Jacob, what's wrong?" Billy asked, putting his newspaper down and looking over at his son with unusual concern.

"Nothing," Jacob said again.

"Is it Nessie?" Billy fished.

"Leave it alone, Dad...please," Jacob said tiredly. It had been two weeks since he had seen Nessie and it hurt as much as it had the afternoon she had told him everything. He put his head in his hand and sighed tiredly. "Yeah, it's Nessie, but what am I meant to do?"

"Talk to her?" Billy suggested, shaking out his paper again. "You'd be surprised how often that works."

"And what am I meant to say? 'Sorry I turned my back on you when you gave me what I wanted and finally told me everything?' Yeah, that conversation will go down really well."

"Apologies do more than you think they would," Billy said wisely. "You said you needed time, you've had time, go talk to her. And stop beating up my kitchen."

Jacob managed a small smile, his first in weeks.

Then there was a knock at the back door. Jacob got up and let in Seth Clearwater. "Hey, Seth."

"Hey, Jake! Hi, Billy!" Seth said, fairly bounding into the room. Seth was often said to be a smaller version of Jacob – always happy, easy going, gangly and a little uncoordinated because of it. At least he was how Jacob had used to be. "Um, my mum sent me over for that stuff."

"It's right there, Seth," said Billy pointing with his coffee mug.

Seth went over to the box on the kitchen counter that Jacob hadn't noticed before. Seth didn't manage to quite get his arms around it so Jacob went over to help in. He noticed something and brought it over to the kitchen table. "What the hell is this?" he demanded of his father, opening the box and taking out a framed photograph of a toddler Jacob in his mother's arms.

Billy closed his eyes; he had hoped it wouldn't happen like this – he had been going to tell Jacob, but his son was so volatile at the moment, quite unlike himself, and Billy didn't know how to handle him. "Jacob, Sue's putting together something for the school about drink driving."

"And you thought you sent over all Mum's stuff," said Jacob angrily. "Like she's some exhibition or something!"

"Jacob, it's not like that."

"You're giving away her stuff!" Jacob yelled. "What? Are you over her now or something? Time to get rid of it all since she's been gone ten years! Gone longer than she was ever with us?" Jacob said, angry tears burning his dark eyes.

"Jacob, listen to me," said Billy quietly. "I would never give away your mother – my _wife's _things. Sue asked me for some things to show the consequences of drunk driving. We lost your mother to someone who thought they were fine behind the wheel. Sue thought that this would stop it being just another talk and make it more real – someone who really lived and died, not an abstract set of what ifs."

Jacob looked down at the photograph of his mother, old pain welling up inside him, making him want to hit something. But he didn't – he had better control than that.

"I love your mother, Jacob," Billy said, that same pain in his voice, "she was my wife for twelve years, she gave me three beautiful children. I loved her then, I love her now. I'll love her when she's been gone ten years, fifty, a hundred. But if giving Sue this stuff for a short while can stop someone else getting into their car drunk, stops just one other family going through what we went through, then it's worth it, Jake. It is worth it. And it's what your mother would have wanted: to help someone else."

Jacob said down at the table, his head down, his hair falling either side of his face to hide him. "You're not getting over her then?"

Billy gave a sad little laugh. "You don't get over the only person you've ever loved, Jake."

"I just...when it was all packed up...I'm sorry, Dad," his voice was croaky through the lump in his throat.

"I know, Jake, I know."

"I..."

"I miss her, too, Jake."

Jacob nodded. A tear fell on the photo and he gently wiped it away with his sleeve. He put the framed photograph back into box and folded the flaps down gently, carefully, letting his hand rest there.

"Uh," Seth looked from one to the other. "So...can I take the box? Because my mum needs me home soon."

"Yeah sure, Seth, go ahead and take it," said Billy.

Seth looked at Jacob to check.

"I'll carry it over for you," Jacob said, shrugging into his coat.

"I can carry it!" said Seth with the determination of a thirteen year old who wants to be considered the teenager he finally is.

"It's alright, Seth, I'll carry it – it's pretty heavy," said Jacob.

"I can manage," Seth said mutinously.

"It's my mum's stuff," said Jacob, "I'll take it."

"Oh, okay," Seth said. "Thanks for the stuff, Billy."

"See you around, Seth," Billy said, waving at them both as they left, Jacob carrying the box of stuff.

They walked along, Seth bouncing along, Jacob weighed down by the box and his own unhappiness.

"So, what's wrong, Jacob?" Seth asked. "You've been pretty unhappy lately."

"Just...made a big mistake," said Jacob slowly.

"Oh, you mean that redhead girl," said Seth, nodding. "The hot one you were hanging out with."

"The hot one? How do you know that?" said Jacob, laughing slightly, for the first time in a long time.

Seth looked at him pityingly. "I'm thirteen, Jacob, not blind," he said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, alright, you little punk."

"And that's what Quil said when I met him in Embry's store."

"Ah, I see," Jacob said. "What else did they say?"

"Uh," Seth kicked a stone and it went clattering out into the road. Karma being what it is a car came roaring past and sent a puddle flowing over the curb and into Seth's shoes. "Ah man!" he said, shaking out his feet one at a time, sending droplets of water everywhere.

"What were they saying?" Jacob prompted while Seth's attention was more on his soaked socks.

"Just how you should go over there to talk to her, now it's been a couple of weeks. And how you've been miserable ever since you stopped talking to her. Why did you stop talking to her?" Seth asked, finally looking up from his dripping shoes.

"Um, well, we had a conversation that made me realise I was in way over my head," Jacob said. "And I didn't handle it too well."

"Yeah, Embry said you were an idiot," Seth said unperturbed.

"Thanks, Seth."

"Oh, sorry, just saying what I heard."

"Yeah, well, he's right. I was an idiot. I really miss her."

"So why don't you go talk to her?" Seth asked, kicking his way through puddles. Now that his socks were soaked his mother shouldn't mind too much – wet was wet after all.

"I'm not sure she's going to want to talk to me," said Jacob, shifting the box – after a couple of blocks it was getting heavy. "And I don't know what I would say after what happened."

"It can't be that bad," Seth said, "you wouldn't do anything mean to anyone, Jacob."

Jacob smiled gratefully – it was nice to have someone think the best of him when he was so unsure of himself. "Thanks, Seth. But I don't think Nessie would agree with you."

"She might. What did she say that made you freak?" asked Seth.

"I can't really talk about it, Seth," Jacob hedged.

"Because I'm a kid, right?" Seth said sourly.

"No, because it's personal to her and I shouldn't."

"Okay," Seth said, a little mollified.

Jacob shifted the box again.

"Do you want me to take it for a bit?" Seth offered.

"No, you're alright. How far as we from yours?" Jacob asked, panting a little. Sweat was making his T-shirt stick to his back – not exactly comfortable.

"Couple of minutes," Seth said. "We can walk faster if you like."

"I think I'm going as fast as I can, buddy," Jacob said.

"Okay. So, it is alright that we have your mum's stuff?" Seth asked; he really wanted Jacob to be alright with him.

"Yeah, it's fine, Seth. I'm sorry about the way I acted – I shouldn't have blown up in front of you like that." Jacob was ashamed of himself for losing it in front of Seth.

"It was a little scary," Seth admitted. "I mean, I've never seen you mad before, not that I was really afraid of you or anything." He straightened up a little so the height difference between them was less pronounced – he was still waiting for his growth spurt. "It's only for a little while then you get it back."

"Yeah, I know," said Jacob. "Like I said, I'm sorry I got mad. I shouldn't have."

They were finally at Seth's house. The younger boy led the way up the steps and through the unlocked door to the kitchen at the back of the house.

"Mum!" Seth called. "We're back! Jacob carried the box!"

Sue Clearwater popped her head out of the kitchen. "Oh, hi, Jacob, thanks for this. Seth, I told you not to put them out."

"He offered, Mum!" Seth protested, shrugging out of his coat as Jacob set the box on the kitchen table. "Said it was too heavy and that it was his mum's stuff so he wanted to be the one to carry it." He sat down and pulled off his drenched shoes and socks.

"Oh, I see," Sue looked at Jacob with sadly comprehending eyes.

Jacob looked anywhere but at her – he had already (sort of) cried once today and he didn't need to do it in front of his mum and dad's friend.

"Thank, Jacob, for letting us borrow this stuff for a time," Sue said. She opened the box with care, and a little reverence, and took out the photograph Jacob had held earlier – he had a wild impulse to grab it and not let anyone else touch it, but he suppressed this like he had his violent impulses; no one would do anything to his mum's photos. "She was so beautiful, your mother – Rachel and Rebecca grew up to look just like her."

"Yeah they did," Jacob agreed. He didn't mention how that the similarity sometimes made it hard for his dad to look at his daughters without missing her, or that it made Jacob jealous at times, he who only got his smile from his mother.

"You act more like her though," Sue said. "Your mum was also so happy, so smiley."

"You remember better than I do," Jacob said, a touch of anger in his voice.

"Yes, I suppose I do," Sue said. "And that isn't fair."

"No, it's not," Jacob said.

"I still think about your mum every day, Jacob," Sue said. "She was my best friend."

"So do I – she was my mum."

Sue looked away at his tone.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that...at least I shouldn't have said it," said Jacob. "It's not been a very good day."

"It's fine, Jacob, I understand," Sue said. "But are you alright? You haven't been having a very good day for a couple of weeks now."

"He stopped talking to that girl friend of his," Seth said, trying to balance his trainers on the radiator.

"She's not my girlfriend, Seth, she's a girl whose a friend," said Jacob.

"That's what I said a _girl friend,_" Seth said.

"Oh, right," Jacob said sheepishly; Sue was looking at him making him feel like he was being X-rayed. "Well, I guess I'll be going."

"You can stay for breakfast if you want," Sue offered. "Harry's not back yet so we haven't eaten."

"No thanks, it's okay," Jacob said, "I left half a bowl of cereal on the table back home."

"Oh, well, if you're sure," Sue said, not wanting Sarah's child to leave here upset.

"Yeah, I am," Jacob said. "See you later. Bye, Seth."

"Bye, Jake!" Seth said. "Thanks for carrying the box!"

"It's alright, pal, I'll see you around."

"Okay!" Seth waved energetically.

Jacob left the kitchen and was halfway to the door when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. He couldn't pretend he hadn't heard them, though he knew who they belong to and didn't really want to talk to her. "Hi, Leah."

"Hey, Jacob, how are you?" asked Leah politely.

It was a strange conversation. They were both raised to be polite but were hurting from their own private heartaches to have much want for conversation, thus it was stilted talk.

"I'm fine, Leah. How are you? You're going to college soon, aren't you?"

"Yeah," she said.

"Where?"

"Arizona. Thought I'd get some sun, since I'm not going to Washington State anymore," she said.

"Oh, right, yeah," Jacob nodded.

Leah had been planning on going to Washington State University, while Sam was at the University of Washington. She had deferred entry for a year so that only one of them was going through their first year of college at a time, thinking that it would be easier to be apart if only one of them was going through that big a change. But they had drifted apart, which was the whole point of why they _hadn't_ gone to college at the same time, and then they had broken up. Then Sam had met someone which made the chances of them getting back together less than zero – Sue had met Sam's mother at the supermarket and the awkward conversation had taken place there; to be fair to her, Sam's mother had told them so Leah could find out and be prepared, rather be surprised if and when Sam brought the new girlfriend home.

The fact that it was her cousin, who had been more like a sister to her growing up, that Sam had fallen in love with meant that this was a situation where the thought counted for exactly nothing. Leah hated them both and it hurt like hellfire.

"So, you'll be leaving in a couple of months then," Jacob said.

Leah tossed her long hair over her shoulder, "yeah, everyone will be well-shot of me soon enough."

"That's not fair, Leah," said Jacob. Normally he would have at least tried to be friendly to her and as much Jacob understood the desire to siphon some of her pain off onto other people, it was hard to be nice to her when she was being so unpleasant _all the time_.

"Right, and you know how I feel, do you, Black?" Leah demanded.

"A little bit, yeah," Jacob said. "I get you're hurt, Leah, but pushing everyone else away isn't going to make you feel better; it's just going to lose you the people that never hurt you in the first place."

He spun on his heel and left the Clearwaters' house, stomping through the streets to his own house. "Bloody Leah!" he yelled, slamming the door shut.

Billy was in the living room. "What's wrong?" he asked, slightly warily – there was more breakable stuff in here than in the kitchen.

Jacob threw himself on the sofa. "Her, not getting over herself, that's what's wrong!"

"She had a hard few months, Jake," Billy said. "Give a break, huh?"

"Giving her a break is exactly what's made her like this," Jacob said. "She thinks she can do anything because he boyfriend broke up with her – she brought up Embry's father a couple days ago."

Billy winced; Embry parentage was not a good topic. "Sam really hurt her, Jacob."

"Yeah, and she's really hurting everyone else," Jacob said.

"Just, don't be too hard on her, okay, kid? You don't know how much it hurts until it happens to you," said Billy.

"I know more than you think I do," said Jacob quietly, more to himself than to his father.

"I know you do, Jake, and I am sorry for that," Billy said.

There was a knock at the door, saving Jacob from having to answer.

"I'll get it," Jacob said. He opened the door to find Bella on his doorstep. "Loca!" he cried, happiness creeping in. He grabbed Bella and dragged her into a bear hug. "How have you been?"

"Whoa, hi, Jake!" Bella said, laughing as she was engulfed. "Easy on the ribs, hu?."

"Oops, sorry, what are you doing here? Where's Charlie? You don't usually come over on your own." Jacob set her back on her feet.

"I know," Bella said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I was hoping we could go for a walk on the beach." Jacob raised his eyebrows. "Talk some. You know, the whole walking and talking thing."

"I think I know what you want to talk about," Jacob said, suddenly less keen to see her.

"She's Edward's sister, Jake, and you're my friend. _She's_ my friend for that matter, as much as anyone can be friends with Nessie. I just want to help, Jacob," Bella said.

"Everybody wants to help," Jacob said, glaring over her shoulder.

"Hey," she moved so he was looking at her again, "look at me, Jacob. Yeah, everybody wants to help, because you don't seem to be helping yourself."

"What am I meant to do, Bella?" Jacob demanded, throwing up his hands.

"You meant to come for a walk with me so we can talk," Bella said, neatly getting her way.

"I – you – oh, you're good," Jacob said.

Bella smiled. "Yeah, well, I _did _raise my mum."

Jacob smiled slightly at that and grabbed his coat from behind the door. "Hey Dad, I'm going to the beach with Bella for a bit."

"Alright, dinner's at six, and you're sister's calling at seven," Billy called. "Hi, Bella!"

"Hey, Billy!" Bella called back. "Charlie says hi! Are you coming over for the game tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't miss it, Bells. Tell Charlie I'm bringing Harry's fish fry."

"Will do!" Bella said.

By this time Jacob had pulled on his boots and coat.

"You don't want to tie them up, Jacob?" said Bella with a smile. Jacob had pulled his boots over his socks and the end of his jeans so they wouldn't get wet.

"You don't want to act like my parent, Bella?" Jacob returned.

Bella pulled a face. Jacob stuck out his tongue.

"Come on," Bella said, "before the infernal rain starts again."

Jacob chuckled; Bella truly hated the rain. He threw an arm over her shoulders, making her squeal and she half-fell into him, "ah, but it's worth it to get to know me again!"

"You seem happier today," Bella said. "Billy said you've been pretty angry lately."

"Yeah." Jacob shoved his hands in his pockets, his hood hiding his face.

"At Nessie?"

"At myself."

"Oh, what are you mad at yourself for?"

"The same thing everyone else is mad at me for," Jacob said, kicking a stone. "For hurting her like that."

"So why did you?" Bella asked.

"Bella, you don't understand," said Jacob, leading Bella through the woods to the beach. "Nessie and I...we just...she didn't feel about me the way I did about her. I didn't know what to do, what to say – it was too much! It was more than I had thought it would be. I need time to think it through and I told her that. But I didn't mean it the way it came out! I was...numb, Bella, I didn't know what to do! I didn't mean to handle it like that."

They made it to the beach and started along the stones – Jacob could practically see himself and Nessie sitting at the washed up bough, Nessie walking away through the rain. And himself, sat there for hours wondering what the hell just happened, knowing his life had been irrevocably changed.

"Okay, but it's been two weeks, Jacob, why haven't you called her?" Bella asked.

"Bells, it was hard enough when she was this incredible – and incredibly rich – smart girl. But now...I wasn't good enough for her then, what makes you think I'm good enough for someone who's got the history Nessie does?" Jacob asked.

Bella grabbed his arm, making him stop next to her. "Is that what this is about? You don't think you're good enough for her?"

"I can't be what she needs, Bella," Jacob said, his shoulder slumping.

"Jacob, you _are _what she needs!" Bella said, wanting to smack some sense into her friend. "She misses you, Jake! You guys were happy when you were hanging out."

"I know, Bella, but what am I meant to do?" Jacob asked. "She's got an abusive ex-boyfriend who cut hr up and abused her, she was abducted, and she's a recovering morphine addict – I...I'm scared, Bella. I don't know how to deal with this and I _don't _want to hurt her, and I _can't _let her down again but I'm so scared I will. I don't want to be like James but I hurt her, just like he did." Jacob pushed his fingers into his hair, scratching his head. "I never wanted her to think I was like him."

"Jacob," Bella said gently, smoothing down his hair when he took his hand away. "You're nothing like James – I know what he did to her; you would never do anything like that. But you've got to do something, Jacob. If you don't...I don't want you to lose her, Jacob."

"I don't want to lose her either," said Jacob. "But what if something happens to her? What if she relapses, or James gets to her; I couldn't bear it if she got hurt again."

"So, you're going to definitely hurt her because you're scared of what _might _hurt her?" Bella said. "Jacob, that makes no sense."

Jacob rubbed his face. "I know. But what do I say to her?"

"Er, 'hi'?" Bella said, exasperated. "What would you normally say to her? Just talk to her. She's not going to go psycho on you, Jacob, she's still Nessie, just, Nessie with a past you know instead of Nessie with a past you don't. That is better, isn't it?"

"I don't know," Jacob said. "I honestly don't know, Bells. When I didn't know, I kept thinking how bad it could be, but that it could be a whole lot better. Now I know and...it's worse than I thought it could have been. I mean...I don't know what I was expecting but this was sort of left field."

"Yeah, I don't get that reference," Bella, the indoor-definitely-not-outdoor kind of girl.

"I didn't even see it coming," Jacob explained, "and now it's got me seeing stars."

"Well...stars are purdy," Bella said lamely.

Jacob snorted.

"Shut up," Bella said, shoving him with her shoulder. "Come on, Jacob, it shouldn't be this hard! You've had her crying over you for an entire weekend, what more do you want?"

"She cried over me?" Jacob asked. Somehow he couldn't see it. The shining tears caught on her lower lashes, sure, those he _had _seen. But full on crying? Nessie didn't strike him as the type.

"Yeah," Bella nodded. "She was really cut up about it. Edward was really worried about her – says Nessie hardly ever cries. She never cried over James."

"She cried all weekend?"

"Yeah. Edward and Emmett were about ready to kill you. Jasper wanted to as well but thought it was her brothers' right more than his."

The thought of Cullen retribution went straight over Jacob's head. "Over me?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yes, Jacob, over you. You hurt her bad, you dweeb!" Bella hit him on the arm.

"Dweeb? Is that the best you can do?" Jacob teased.

"Watch it, Black," Bella warned, almost serious, "I got connections."

"You gonna get Charlie to arrest me?"

"Might do. And he would, you know. He really likes Nessie, thinks she's great. But I meant her brothers, that includes Jasper by the way. The only reason you're still conscious is because me, Rose and their parents won't let them hurt you. If they see any signs of me weakening on that point you'll be in hospital so fast _I'll _have whiplash."

"They're really mad, huh?" Jacob asked.

"Well, you did make their sister catch a cold after breaking her heart," Bella said.

"Nessie has a cold?" Jacob demanded, worried about her.

"Sniffles for a couple of days," Bella said soothingly, rubbing his arm. "Don't worry, she's fine – lots of OJ and vitamins and she's good as new."

"Good," Jacob said nodding and Bella saw the tension leave his body.

"You're really not doing a very good job of convincing me that you wouldn't be good enough to take care of her, you know," Bella said, squinting through the rain at him.

"Bella," Jacob said, tiredly.

"Alright, alright, no more," Bella said, putting her hands up in surrender. "But you're going to want to make amends fast or not at all, Jake. Edward doesn't forgive easily and none of the Cullens stand alone – that means if you want forgiveness, you will have to get it from _all _of them. That includes Edward and Emmett. And Alice, who's pissed at you."

"Filling me with confidence here, Bells," Jacob said.

"I'm not trying to give you confidence," Bella said, "I'm trying to give you a reality check. And a kick up the ass to boot. Don't let her get away, Jacob. You'll never forgive yourself if you do. Don't let her lump you in with all the other guys that hurt her. Make her see that you two can go somewhere."

"Great, anything else?" Jacob groused, seeing the insurmountable mountain in front of him gain new heights.

"Yeah, quit growing, you're making me feel short," Bella said, nudging him again.

Jacob laughed out loud at this, and put his arm around Bella's shoulders, walking her back towards his house. It was good having her here – Bells made it better.

_Okay, I have updated! Review and let me know what you think! I hope this changes your minds about Jacob not being a good guy still. _


	35. We Are Broken

_Okay, I'm updating! I meant to but then my computer got a virus and had to been gutted so I was without it for a few weeks, during which time my muse decided to pay me a visit again. Contrary little..._

_I've just started my second year of uni and this month is Nanowrimo (it's ten o'clock on the second of November and I've done 10301 words. Do you think I'm spending too much time on it? Lol) so anyway, the point is that I will try to update but it's not going to be a thick and fast as during the summer, obviously, so be patient with me. _

_Anyway, enjoy, I hope this chapter's up to scratch._

Chapter Thirty-five – We Are Broken

Nessie gave a sigh. There was no reason for her to sigh. It was the fifth day of her stay at Dungeness Beach, she was sitting on the sand watching the waves rush in while the rest of her classmates, including her siblings, where stuck in a classroom eighty miles away, waiting desperately for the end of the school year which was now so close they could see it.

And she was here. Missing something.

She had spent her time drawing, playing her guitar, everything she had lost because of James. But she hadn't dealt with James. The words wouldn't come when she tried to write about him, or rather she wouldn't let them. She couldn't draw him even though she saw his face every time she closed her eyes, as though his likeness was seared onto the inside of her eyelids. She wanted to but it felt like she was only just holding back the flood of water; if she let even a trickle of thought through, the dam would break and it would all come rushing out, everything she hadn't spoken about, everything she wouldn't say. Everything her therapist had told her she had to tell, or it would all be for nothing. Therapy wouldn't work if she was not honest.

Screw honesty, she was just trying to keep from screaming.

Shakily, Nessie picked up a pencil and her sketch pad and drew the scene her hands had been itching to. The one that made her put the pencil down every time she felt the urge to let it out.

Slowly, over the course of the day, a series of pictures took shape. A too-thin girl lay on a dirty bed, her hands chained above her head to the bedpost. Blood as red as her hair trickled down her arms, falling onto the pillow where that crimson hair spilled. No tears fell from her green eyes, eyes that were out of focus, glazed because of the morphine. She looked like a drug-addict.

The next one, the same girl, sat on the bed this time. The glazed look was gone and the green was dull with constant fear. She was reaching for someone, the boy with straggly blond hair that fell to his shoulders, the one who looked so overjoyed that she wanted him. Of course she wanted him. He had it, the morphine that would make this all go away. Her track-marked arms were bared and waiting for sweet oblivion.

This time he held her. From a distant it looked like two lovers until the details became apparent - the glazed look was back and her hands were cuffed to the bed again. He was curled around her, his head on her shoulder. She lay there pliant; too out of it to care that her tormentor was wrapped around her like a snake.

The colours were dark, the room dank and depressing, and tension seeped out of the graphite images. Nessie had thought for a while that drawing it would be useless because nothing could get across the fear she had felt but here it was, clear as day, making her shiver.

She picked up the diary that her aunt Renate had her keep. Aunt Renate was the therapist of her family and she had started the 'healing process' when Nessie and the rest of the Cullens had gone to Volterra last year. Nessie had not often written in this journal, just on the occasion when her head had buzzed and she had to write it all down so she could look at it and make some sense of it. Flicking through the pages she noticed she hadn't written anything until October of last year and that was about how she didn't like sitting next to Jasper despite the kinship she felt with him, but Alice obviously carried a torch for him so she didn't mention it. It had been so long since she had seen Jasper as a threat that she barely remembered those couple of weeks where her heart stopped beating every time he sat down because this boy always sat next to her – James wouldn't like that. Jasper was a reflection of herself, the one person in the world that made any sense to her. Everyone else seemed so perfect as to be intimidating with their lack of vices and inexplicable understanding of the world around them.

Nessie had no idea what to write so she just started writing, letting a stream of conscious make its way through her pen onto the page.

_I'm sat on the beach. The sky is cloudy overhead and for the first time in my life...I'm lonely. My huge, loud, crazy Italian family is no more than a phone call away. But I can't talk to them, not yet._

_I've been pretending to deal, all the while scared to death of people. People aren't the problem, it's me. I'm terrified of what I'll _let _them do. I didn't fight James, didn't make him stop. Not when he hit me, not when he attacked me. Not when he touched when I didn't want him to. I just took the morphine to make it all go away. Then I wouldn't feel him in my head, on my body, a living, breathing part of me. The dominant part of me._

_It's a part of me I have to accept. I've been fighting it for so long, I didn't want to accept the part of me that he had made. The part that can shut away the heart of me, sacrifice the shell so the core survives. The part that has been tempered like steel until it is strong, sharp. I am a blade. He sought to make me weak and instead he made me a weapon._

_My name is Vanessa Carlie Cullen. I'm not Wonder Woman, not Buffy the Vampire Slayer, not one of the Charmed Ones. But I'm stronger than all of them, because I can survive something none of them can. I can survive myself._

_When I was fourteen I met a boy named James Sanders. He wasn't particularly beautiful, not especially handsome, just nice looking in an ordinary way. Except for the eyes. The way he looked at me sent shivers down my spine, like the only thing that mattered to him, existed to him at all, was me. At first I like it, but then it scared me._

_He broke me down over time. It started with him making little comments, ones that didn't seem that bad at the time but stayed with me, needling. Things about my hair, my clothes, my face, slowly wearing down my confidence. The weird thing was that the more insecure I got, the more upset he got about boys that were supposedly checking me out – I never saw them but he always said I was soliciting their attention. He made me sound like a prostitute. I told him he was being ridiculous. That was the first time he hit me. I didn't even see him move it was so fast. One moment he was in front of me, the next his fist slammed into my face, splitting open the skin on my cheek. I told my family that I slipped in the bathroom on the wet floor and hit my face on the counter. They believed me that time though Mama looked at me a little too long. _

_Then it happened again. I said no, so he slapped me, and fisted my hair _so_ he could backhand me across the face. For a while I fought but soon it became too much effort. He'd kiss me, biting my lip until it bled. I was bruised and cut in places even my family wouldn't see – he liked to swipe a penknife over the pads of my feet, knowing that the cuts would hurt me every time I walked, that I would think of him wherever I went because of that pain. _

_I told them that he didn't rape me because he didn't. I never had sex with him. Not that I can remember. I was out of it for most of those two months that he had me in the basement. When I finally started focusing again after getting out of that place I noticed scars I never remembered getting while I was with him. It seems he took his knife to me anyway but I was too stoned from the morphine to feel it. So now there's a 'J' carved into the inside of my thigh; there have been times when I thought about cutting it away but that would be pointlessly painful. So, I've decided to a tattoo to cover it up – painful but not so pointless, making it my mark instead of his. _

_It scares me what I don't know, but it scares me that I made it through at all. That's the kicker: I had accepted that I wasn't going to make it through and then I did. I had to learn how to continue to live after I had understood James would destroy me one way or another. Every day it's a day I never thought I'd have to face; sometimes I wish I didn't have to. So much effort for so little gain. But I can't put my family through that. After everything I've done to them, making them go through something like that is just too much. So, I'll keep going, plodding along in my own little way. _

_I miss Jacob. I miss him so much. I miss how easy it was to be around him. I miss how he made me forget without having to be stoned. I miss someone being happy to see me._

Nessie put the pen down, drained. Tired, she dragged herself up to bed and crawled under the cover, shutting the world out. She fell asleep quickly but she had opened up the doorways in her mind, letting through the memories she had repressed for so long that she had honestly thought she had forgotten.

She was tied to a bed, James looming over her.

"So beautiful," he crooned, running the back of his fingers slowly down her cheek. "All mine." His other hand trailed up her bare leg to her underwear.

She tried to shake him off but her ankles were tied to the foot of the bed like her wrists.

"Shh, don't worry, love, you don't have to be scared," James said, running his lips over her eyelids, nose, lips and jaw. "It's okay. We can do this because we love each other."

"I don't want to," Nessie sobbed quietly, turning her face away from him.

He placed tiny, light kisses down her throat and over her collarbone. She heard his zip come down.

"James, please, I don't want to, not like this," Nessie wept, pulling on the belts tying her down. "Just untie me, okay? Please, baby, untie me." He liked it when she called her baby, or any endearment.

James untied the belts at her ankles, covering her with his body before she could move away.

"My hands," said Nessie, tugging on the restraints. Scared she told a barefaced lie, "I want to be able to touch you. Baby, let my hands go."

His face lit up at her words and he reached over her to undo the belts around her wrists, sliding his hands down her arms to put them around his neck to kiss her. He wedged his knee between her legs to keep them apart and she stiffened underneath him. "Shh, easy, my love," he said, sounding almost soothing, moving his hands down her sides. "I'm right here." He gripped the edge of her panties to drag them down her legs.

"James, no," Nessie said, covering his hand with hers.

James took her hands and pinned them to the side with one of his, lifting his hips off her so he could push her underwear down her legs.

"James, no," Nessie said, trying to close her legs. He pressed his knees to her thighs to keep the apart. "No, I don't want to."

He threw the panties to the floor and they landed to tangle with his jeans. His own boxers quickly followed.

"James, please don't do this," she cried, trying to break his grip on her hands.

"I need you to show me you love me, Nessie," James said.

"No!" she screamed, trying to throw him off.

He slapped her hard across the face and she lay with her head to the side, tears running into her hair. "Don't you want to show me how much to love me."

Nessie squeezed her eyes shut.

"Who did you show, Nessie?" James asked, his voice dangerously low, jumping to the conclusion that he always did – that she was cheating on him. "Who are you fucking, you little whore?"

"No one, James," Nessie cried, "I'm not ready to do this."

His hands wrapped around her neck choking her. "I don't believe you! Don't lie to me!"

Nessie scratched at his hands, clawing to get free as her lungs burned for air. "James, let go," she croaked.

"You slut!" James shouted. "You slut! You belong to me, do you understand?" He let go of her neck with one hand to hit her again, splitting open her lip. He pushed her legs open wider and gripped himself. "You're mine!" he roared, shoving inside her.

"NO!" she screamed, sitting bolt upright, her hair in wild tangles around her face from where she had been writhing because of the nightmares. Her skin was covered in a layer of sweat, her heart thundering in her ears.

_It's not real, _she told herself. _Not real, he's not here, that never happened. He never went that fair. He said he would but he didn't. It never got that far._

Nessie pushed the hair back from her face and climbed out of bed onto shaking legs, walking slowly downstairs, holding onto the wall for support, to get a glass of water. Leaning against the counter, Nessie drank the glass in one slow, continuous sallow.

_I want my family, _Nessie thought. Going back upstairs to her room she fluffed up the pillows, stacking them behind her so she could sit up leaning against them. Taking her phone from the bedside table, Nessie called the house phone. Whoever answered first would be the person she talked to.

"Hello?" asked a male voice, rough with sleep but still soothing.

"Hey, Papa," Nessie said, sitting cross-legged against the pillows. "Sorry I woke you."

"Hey, _bambina, _you don't have to be sorry," Carlisle said, sitting up against the bedstead, unwittingly mirroring his daughter's position. "We've been waiting to here from you for a few days now; we really miss you."

"I miss you guys too," Nessie said quietly, unable to keep the longing out of her voice.

Her father heard it and responded to it. "Does this mean we'll get to see you soon?"

"I don't know," Nessie said truthfully. "I do miss you but I've still got some stuff to work through."

"I guessed that from you calling at three in the morning," Carlisle said gently. "What's wrong, honey? As long as I've known you, you've never volunteered to talk about what's bothering you. You spent most of your therapy sessions in silence."

"I didn't want to bother anyone," Nessie mumbled.

"You're not bothering anyone, _figlio amato,_" Carlisle assured her, not at all happy that his suspicions had been proven correct. "We're a family."

"I know," Nessie said, picking at a loose thread on the comforter. "I just thought...everyone else's problems seemed so much more important. You and Mama have jobs, Edward wants to get into medical school, Alice is trying to keep up with her dancing _and _school, and Emmett is having to redo his senior year because I cost him Yale. I never to be a burden and I ended up being exactly that."

"Oh, sweet child," Carlisle said, "it's not like that; you went through a hard time and we were there for you, just like you will be there for the rest of your family when they need you to be."

"I've just been feeling like the weak link," said Nessie. "I keep bringing everyone down all the time. Maybe that's why Jake said he 'needed time' – someone as happy as him couldn't stand being around a raincloud like me."

"I don't think that's true," said Carlisle. "If he was, he wouldn't have been by today to talk to you. He was really put out when we said you weren't here. He asked if you were okay but we couldn't tell him because we hadn't heard from you; he wasn't too happy with that answer."

"Oh." Nessie didn't have anything to say about that. "Um...what did he say exactly?"

"Well, he asked if you were here, I said no. He asked where you were and I said you had taken some personal time away. He asked if you were okay and I said I didn't know because you hadn't checked in since the first night. He called us out on letting you go alone but changed his mind when Emmett asked him if he thought him not talking to you had anything to do with your decision to leave for a few days. Jacob muttered an apology and then left with his father."

"Billy was there?" Nessie asked.

"Yeah, they were both worried about you so they came over – I think Bella had something to do with it," said Carlisle.

"Probably – she's sweet like that," Nessie said.

"I would agree. So, what happened?" Carlisle asked now Nessie had opened up a bit.

Nessie sighed. "Bad dream," she said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"What happened in this bad dream?" Carlisle asked, settling in. Next to him, Esme looked at him with concerned caramel coloured eyes. He pressed his finger to his lips and she nodded as she lay looking at him, reaching over to take his hand. He squeezed her fingers reassuringly and she tried to fall back to sleep, though it was hard, knowing that her youngest baby (they would all always be her babies) was close enough to talk to but that she wouldn't get to. Not tonight. Her ears pricked up at the words 'bad dream' but she didn't want to interrupt – it had taken this long for Nessie to talk that she didn't want to risk Nessie feeling crowded and hanging up.

"Just...stuff I thought I had dealt with," Nessie said evasively.

"Uh huh," Carlisle said, waiting for her to continue.

"James stuff," said Nessie.

"Right," Carlisle said, stiffening. Esme stroked his arm, snuggling into his side in the dark to comfort him. He put his arm around her to rest on her bare hip.

"I...I didn't tell you everything," Nessie said, tracing the 'J' on the inside of her thigh with the tip of her finger. "When you asked me if James and I had ever got...physical and I said no...I...it wasn't completely true."

The muscle in Carlisle's jaw tensed at the thought of James putting his hands on his daughter. "How do you mean?" he asked, forcing his voice to remain gentle so Nessie wouldn't think it was her he was angry at.

"James had a...masochistic side," Nessie said hesitantly. "He...cut me, sometimes, because he like the idea of the pain making me think of him."

Carlisle took deep breaths but it did nothing to calm him. Esme had never seem him look murderous before and sat up to sit tucked up under his arm so she could put her arms around his waist and hug him properly. "He cut you?" Carlisle asked, his voice tense with the effort not to let it tremble. It was Esme's turn to stiffen against Carlisle, her nails curling into his skin. He kissed her head to comfort her but it didn't do anything to help.

"Yeah."

"So what happened in this dream?" asked Carlisle.

"It started like I was in the basement again, tied to the bed. He...he tried to make me have sex with him," Nessie whispered, shame making her voice hoarse.

Carlisle felt ill. "And what happened?"

"He hit me a couple of times. I woke up when he...when he..." Nessie closed her eyes, "pushed inside of me." It was difficult to say but she had to.

Carlisle closed his eyes, putting the phone away from his mouth so his daughter wouldn't hear the shaky breath he let out. "Are you okay?" he managed to asked finally, his voice a hair's breath away from breaking.

"The pain woke me up...the pain I imagined anyway," Nessie said. "I just wanted someone to talk to. Maybe I shouldn't have...I'll hang up."

"No!" Carlisle half yelled, jostling Esme when he shot upright. He put his arm around her in apology and brought them back to lean against the pillows with Esme resting her head on his chest. "No, don't go, _bambina."_

"It's half three in the morning," said Nessie, checking her watch.

"And you're my child," Carlisle said, "I don't care what the time is, you're not going anywhere."

"Papa, you have work in about five hours," said Nessie. "You can't be tired saving people."

"I'll drink a lot of coffee," Carlisle said.

Nessie laughed and the soft sound caught Carlisle by surprise – it was disproportionate how happy it made him to hear such a small sound of happiness from one his children. "No, it's really okay, Dad, I'm alright now. Seriously. Hang up. Tell Mum everything that I've said because I know she's said right next to you, waiting for you to."

"I don't want you going sleep in a house on your own after this," Carlisle said.

"I understand. Can I talk to Mum?" asked Nessie.

"Of course. Ti amo, my love."

"I love you, too, Papa."

Carlisle handed the phone over to Esme and slid down to lay properly on the bed. Esme lay her head on his chest, the phone against her free ear. Carlisle stroked her hair soothing as she spoke to their youngest.

"Hi, baby," Esme said in her soft voice.

"Hi, Mama."

"How are you?"

"A little shaky. You?"

"Missing you," Esme said.

"I miss you too."

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know," Nessie said. "I wish I was. I'm sorry, Mama."

Esme sat up, her hair falling over her shoulders and down her back. "What for, honey?"

"For everything," Nessie said. "I want to be happy for you, I really do. I tried but it didn't work. I don't know how to be happy, Mama. I think I'm broken."

Esme lay down across Carlisle again. "Cara, you're not broken."

"Then what am I?"

"You are what you need to be," Esme said. "It'll all be okay, honey. We'll make it okay."

"I think that's the problem, Mama. _You _can't make it okay, I have to. And I don't know how to do that. Not when I'm mad at you guys." Nessie burned with shame at her words.

"Why are you mad at us honey?"

"Because you made me stay alive, Mama. I just wanted to die and you wouldn't let me," Nessie said. She wiped away her tears. "I'm sorry, Mama, but I didn't want to be saved."

"We're always going to be there to save you, baby girl," Esme said.

"I know," Nessie said. "But I didn't want you to that time. It would have been easier to let go."

"But you didn't, cara. You didn't let go."

"No. But I wanted to."

"Do you still want to die?" Esme asked, biting her lip to stop the sob, Carlisle stiffening underneath her – she heard his heart stutter then speed up double time.

"No," Nessie said. "No, I don't want to. Not anymore. Do you think you can ever be okay again? After wanting to end it?"

"I hope so," Esme said. "We'll find out together."

"Yeah, we will," Nessie said. "I'm going to let you go back to sleep, Mama. I'll call tomorrow."

"Nessie...don't...don't do anything, okay?"

"Don't worry, Mama, I'm not on that ledge anymore," Nessie soothed. "I'm sorry for what I said tonight. I hope you can forgive me."

"I'm glad you finally told me."

There was silence on the other end. Then Nessie said, "I do love you, Mama, and I will be home. I promise."

"I love you, too, baby. Do what you need to go to get back to us okay? But stay in touch."

"I will, Mama. I love you."

"I love you."

Nessie hung up and Esme listened to the dial tone for a moment before hanging up the phone. Carlisle took it from her limp hand and put it back onto the cradle. Esme buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Carlisle sat up, pulling her in between his legs to he could wrap his arms around her, silence tears streaking his own face.

God, their daughter was so broken.

_Maybe not what you were expecting but there we go. If it's morbid, I'm sorry. If it's depressing, I'm venting. So, yeah._

_Review please. Anything you want to say, now's your chance._

_Prizes to those who can name the band that sang the song that inspired the title of this chapter._


	36. Author's note

Author's note

Hi to everyone still reading this fiction, I appreciate it. However, as you may have notice, there has been a distinct lack of updating. I'm taking a break from for a little while. I don't know how long. I have a lot of family stuff going on right now and every time it feels like I've got a handle on one thing something else goes to hell. I can't get my head around other people's universes at the moment. I will continue to write, but it won't be the Twilight fan fictions I have on the go right now.  
Anyway, I thought I should write it down instead of letting it drag on and lose some people because you've all been really great to read and review and favourite as you have done.

I'll be back when I'm back, I guess.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all. If you don't celebrate Christmas then happy December!

Thank you everyone,  
Chainofcommand


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